Monday, December 29, 2008

WARNING: May offend, aggravate, incite, etc...just so you know...

Just know you were warned.

However, I'll appologize in advance, as I feel it will probably be needed. And, for the record, this is directed to NO ONE IN PARTICULAR. FOR REAL.

Please let me start by saying that anyone and everyone who has ever said a kind or uplifting thing to me has been truly appreciated and valued, and I am thankful for the blessings of friends, family, and even *strangers* I come to know who think of me and pray for me. The thought behind the encouragement is genuine and priceless. I really, truly, totally and undeniably cannot say enough thank-yous or give enough merit to what your words deserve.

That said...I really think that the next time someone tells me that I need to just keep a stiff upper lip, I will go postal. Seriously.

I understand things like that are said to raise my spirits, and to try and help me be hopeful by saying encouraging things.

Here's the thing...How many years have to go by before SOMEBODY finally acknowledges that the record is BROKEN and maybe, just maybe, it might be okay to say so? Seriously--I need to work on my attitude or the IVF will not work? W*H*A*T?????

Explain why the two + years of stupid Basal charts, clomid, yucky ultrasounds, hopes UP, upper lips stiffed EVERY FLIPPING MONTH and smiles on my face DID NOT WORK?

Explain what it was about the next several years of MORE drugs, hospitalizations, charts, invasive procedures, inseminations, AND AN EXTREMELY HOPEFUL (and expensive, might I add) attitude that failed me?

How about this? How about all the smiles, excitement, dreams, nervous anticipation and things bought in preparation for the Walter Reed IVF program we qualified for? Why wasn't my faith and my attitude good enough for that possibility to be a reality?

Or, now my all-time favorite? What about the ROOM full of things I have upstairs? Friends, I am talking ROOM FULL of things--baby things I have spent the last nine+ years buying, compiling, dreaming about and WAITING to use? The bassinet? The mounds upon mounds of clothes for a baby girl from birth to 3 years? The HUNDREDS of books? The toys? The flipping bedding and nursery theme, for Pete's sake? How, I ask, HOW DOES THAT NOT SCREAM THAT I AM HOPEFUL? THAT I BELIEVE? THAT I STILL, after all these blippety-blipped years, I STILL think that it could happen? HOW can that not be the epitome of HOPE? Maybe not draped in flowery words and cliches, but still, HOPE--stored in a room I can't even walk into without crying...

And as for my attitude about this whole adoption? Yes, recently, it's been not so optimistic. But let's face it, folks, can we agree that optimistic and realistic are not always best friends? Actions have been speaking SO MUCH louder than words, and have I been disappointed? You betcha. That doesn't mean that even though I really believe the odds of it happening are slim to none, I would not hop on a plane yesterday if things got moving and we got a referral. Do I still hope that there is such a person as Emma Jane? Of course. But, I also hoped I would grow taller (never even broke 5 feet--4' 11)...and it never happened. I don't think accepting that possibility means that I'm a glass half-empty gal.

I go to a job (that to be truthful, is NOT what I saw myself doing in life) where daily, I have sweet, wonderful children hug me and love me and even *accidentally* call me "Mommy" and I stay upbeat for them and positive for them, and LOVE them as much as I can, while inside I cry and cry because I'd give my eye-teeth (and John's too) to just take ONE home with me!!! Talk about rubbing salt into a wound. Yet, ask anyone that works with me to describe me, and I guarantee the following would be named: always smiling, always so happy, polite, mannered, so upbeat, positive, yada yada. Heck, some people even call me Mary Sunshine (and I love that, by the way!) for Pete's sake. How's that for a positive attitude? And, folks, that's where I spend the majority of my time, so I think they'd know.

So, now with the IVF--the doctor, though nice enough, told me, "We attract to us what we think." Sorry, folks, I am pulling the BS card on that one. I have wholeheartedly, faithfully and DESPERATELY spent so many YEARS of my life thinking, "This is it!! I know it!! THIS IS IT!" that if I had a nickel for every pregnancy test I took I'd be on the coast of Italy right now. If you believe that, and it works for you, fabulous. I just know that I have believed, believed and BELIEVED and nothing. I have prayed. I have done it ALL...upside down for an hour after (you know what I am talking about), supplements, diet change, buried the saint in the ground (don't ask), exercise, read the books, gone into major debt, planned the big vacations (and then ended up taking them, because OF COURSE, I was NOT pregnant), you NAME it, I bet I've heard about it, had it suggested to me, thought about it and/or tried it. Most of the time, with a good, hopeful and expectant (pun intended) attitude. NADA, friends, NADA.

So, forgive me if I think I will literally just scream the next time someone tells me that my attitude may be the reason nothing has been successful. Pardon me as I pop them. Excuse me if I bite your head off if you, lovingly, of course, tell me that I'll never (insert and take your pick--get pregnant, adopt internationally, adopt domestically) unless I (again, insert and take your pick--pray more, have more faith, eat better, sleep better, exercise more, have more hope, think positively, keep my chin up, rub the get the message). And, God help the poor, unknowing, well-meaning person that tells me ONE MORE TIME that I will end up adopting and immediately get pregnant. I fear for his or her life...I really do. Because the reality is that for every ONE of those stories you hear about, there are NUMEROUS women that NEVER HAVE THAT (sadly) HAPPEN!!! It's sort of like air travel--it's statistically safer than driving, but all you ever hear about are the plane crashes or incidents, so everyone automatically associates plane travel as unsafe. I'm sure someone will disagree, and that's fine, but the bottom line is those lucky people who spend years trying and then finally give up and adopt and then get pregnant are statistically the exception--the happy exception that everyone wants to talk about and swap stories with you over, but still.. the exception.

Again, let me reiterate that I know these words--all of them--are meant to help give me hope, and trust me, just knowing someone cares enough about me to worry and feel the need to encourage me means the world to me. It really does.

But, please, stick a fork in me. I'm done.

Friday, December 26, 2008

The tears, they were a-comin'...., one of my (few) Christmas wishes was to go see Marley and Me on Christmas Day. We don't live in the mecca of movie theaters, and the one we felt was worth going to (although, in hindsight, NOT!) didn't start the movie until today. So, we trucked out there, spent our adoption fund (almost, even at the matinee!), and settled in to watch Owen Wilson and Jennifer Anniston live the lives of John Grogan and his wife as they lived with and loved their Yellow Lab, Marley. What was I thinking? When the book came out, I couldn't put it down--until the end--when I knew what was coming and just didn't want to finish. I KNEW the movie would end the same way, so, I guess I was asking for it. As you may know, not only am I an animal lover (dogs, in particular) and sap, I also am still in mourning of our dear, wonderful Flat-Coated Retriever, Random (we lost him nearly 3 years ago) AND the mom of Dixie the Diva...who, in my opinion, is The World's Worst Dog (Marley's title) and destroyer of much. So, this movie held lots of relative semblances to my life, and/or things I have lived with dogs.

Which, of course, made it all the more sad for me at the end. PITA (as Dixie is affectionately known) that she is, Dixie is the living, breathing proof of love that 21 six-year olds had for me, their undeserving but ever grateful teacher. She is the apple of her daddy's eye, and a barrel of laughs (and purposeful disobedience while she's at it) and I hate to think of the day something happens to her.

Raleigh, our old, distinguished, formerly abused and thankfully rescued sweet heart grows whiter by the day, and watching this movie just gave me a glimpse of the road I hate to think we will have to travel with him.

Mostly, it was a sad and all too true reminder of our last minutes with my beloved Random, as Random's end was very similar to Marley's. Three years later, and it still seems like yesterday that we watched his sweet brown eyes look up at us--not understanding what was going on with him, but trusting us and our love for him.

It's hurt like this that makes one wonder if it's all worth it--knowing that the end is certain...period. And then, one look at our goofy balls of fur, and I know that as much as it hurts to say goodbye, the time for which we have them and share their lives is priceless.

The critics didn't think the movie was all that great. If you like animals, you'll like it. If you like dogs, you'll really like it. If you love dogs, you'll love it. In any of those scenarios, though, bring tissues. And lots of them.

My beloved, sweet, wonderful, Random...the kindest dog heart in the world...

Our old man Raleigh Bear...he's enjoying the creature comforts more and more...

Dixie Belle the Diva...looking mischievous as usual...

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Thank you, Lord...

Though times are tough...thank you, Lord.

Though my heart is often heavy, I am blessed...thank you, Lord.

Though we were not worthy, you came...thank you, Lord.

And Lord, thank you for the hearts of people I have come to know this year...hearts that opened and gave to the most innocent and deserving...thank you for allowing me to be part of it and rejoice in your love shown in others...

To see what I am talking about, go HERE...

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Welcome back...or not.

Well, today we officially rejoined the world of infertile couples looking to medical technology to build our family. As things are not going as quickly as I'd like (or even at all, really) with the adoption, I just feel it irresponsible to not even look to IVF--about the only thing we have not tried.

We went for our consultation today. Our doctor was wonderful (ha ha, OUR doctor...more like mine, let's face it...)and very reassuring. I am wondering what he meant by 'prescribing' the book "Happiness For No Reason" about 15 minutes after meeting me, but...actually, I asked him if I looked unhappy, and he unequivocally answered, "Yes. You can never give up hope. You look like you've given up hope." about this? I am about at the end of my hope strings, if you pardon the pun. I find out today that we probably wasted several years of going through needless things and should have been IVF after 2-3 years anyway--and HAD we, we may have come across the stuff found today--the ovarian cysts. Yep...apparently, I may be in the throes of ovarian failure, though right now I am just at probably ovarian dysfunction. My right ovary has cysts that are 6 cm. For reference, that's pretty big. "Do NOT start Clomid today," he tells me. "Start Birth Control today," he tells me... (how ironic and sad, to make infertile women take BIRTH CONTROL...) "We need to get those cysts under control before we can do IVF," he says. As all this goes on, I think back to the years of other doctors (good ones, mind you...or, so I thought...) who SAW these cysts--for years--and didn't do anything (save one who decided to use seeing them as a reason to do laparoscopy to "explore" and found endometriosis)--UGH. Just aggravation. Now, after a morning, this doctor has a different game plan, an aggressive game plan, and it seems as if it is almost going to be too late because I'm older....of course, that is me; he feels that, "2009 is going to be your year of the baby," but as stated...I'm tired of hoping, hoping, hoping and then being disappointed, disappointed, DISAPPOINTED. After nearly 10 years, eventually one gets to the point where she is NOT going to keep beating her head against the same useless wall. And, I am not going to apologize for hitting that proverbial wall. I realize that frame of mind makes a big difference in just about everything. I am working toward a better attitude.

So, as I sat there this morning, I was nearly in tears. I know many who are adopting or trying to adopt have infertility issues and may have been down the IVF path--so I'm sure my pain is felt. For anyone not, it is not fun. Sitting there, looking at all the hopeful faces, knowing what boat we are in, dreading the toll all this is going to take...I just teared up. Then, listening to the doctor, tears. Riding in the car, tears. I sort of mourned the little JohnandLori that never would be when we decided to adopt. This opens all that up again, and puts me in the middle of a stressful, uncertain path down the road to be a mother. AGAIN. AT THE SAME TIME.

Welcome back indeed.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

No news is...well, to be expected, I guess....

Yeah, so no report from our Friday message from our agency. No worries, though, because I got quite an in-depth report from another agency, so I at least know what is going on. Sad, huh, that I get more info from another agency (and don't even know HOW I am getting it, but am SO GLAD!) than I do my own? What's up with that?

In any event, what is going on is not what I want to be going on. I have to say, though, in the last couple of weeks, I have been coming to grips with the fact that I do not think we will end up adopting from Kyrgyzstan, or any other country for that matter. Not for lack of trying, mind you, but just what my gut is feeling. If in vitro doesn't work, then we will get on our homestudy agency's wait list for domestic and just wait. And wait. And wait.

That's just how the cookie seems to be crumbling. And, strangely, I am resigned to to be okay with that. What else is there to do?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Don't bother...

So I get an email today from the really nice and talented lady who was going to make the E * M * M * A letters for the nursery...telling me she was about to start them. Yeah, well..."Don't bother," I told her. I don't see an Emma coming to this house any time soon, if ever.

I thought I would be buying nursery furniture for Christmas. Instead, I am wondering how long it will take me to get over the money I've lost and could have gone into something more stable (though, do those programs even exist?)...wondering how to gather the courage to go through MORE fertility treatments...wondering if people I've met will EVER get their babies???? I thought I'd be painting a very full-of-little-girl's things bedroom a bright and sunny yellow. Instead, I can't even open the door, and when I do, it is very cold and drafty. Oh...what I thought...

And, what is.

Rather, what is NOT. There is NOT a reason to paint, buy furniture, have letters made, buy stockings, stock up for next year, etc...There is NOT a hope that this is the last Christmas without a child. There is NOT a lot of optimism for what is coming in the next year. There is just NOT a lot of joy right now...and I hate that because this is truly a time of year that we are reminded of the unmatchable gift we've been given and should be reveling in nothing but that wonder and amazement.

And now you probably see why this is called "Don't bother..."--it really isn't worth reading, and I hope that for my own sake, I get back to the point where I start kicking my butt to get out of this funk. These days, it's just too easy to ask, "Why bother?"

I DID finish Christmas shopping last night, though...I am happy to say that there will be 4 more dentist visits, 5 orphans celebrating birthdays, a couple of blankets for the cold, several sets of supplies for invalids, and a couple of 'runs' to the Kyrgyzstan dump--to give food and help--and all of these things are in honor of friends and family members for Christmas gifts. Hospice care, Toys for Tots, Lupus research, Susan G. Komen and Mama Lupita and her orphanage in Mexico also will be receiving gifts in honor of friends and family, and I have to say that this has been the easiest and most fulfilling Christmas shopping I've ever done. It really is the season of giving, after all...

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Rainy Days and Thursdays always get me down..., here's the latest from the state department, issued yesterday:


Adoption Alert

Bureau of Consular Affairs
Office of Children’s Issues

December 10, 2008

The U.S. Department of State does not recommend that U.S. citizens consider adoption from Kyrgyzstan at this time because of serious, ongoing problems in the country’s intercountry adoption process. A number of prospective adoptive parents have reported that their cases are not being processed. The U.S. Embassy has requested official clarification, but no formal response has been received.

According to local experts, no cases are being processed at this time. Further, the government of Kyrgyzstan appears to be making moves to strengthen its internal controls of and develop new legislation on adoptions. It has been reported that Kyrgyz citizens may have been denied the opportunity to adopt during the past year, even while some intercountry adoptions by non-citizens were being approved. At this time it is not clear what action will be taken on pending cases or if the Government of Kyrgyzstan will accept any new cases

The U.S. Embassy continues to monitor the situation and will provide clarification as soon as it is received.

I just won't comment on it right now, other than to say I am not surprised (any more) and can't wait to hear what my agency thinks of it all...I know two agencies are being very responsible in telling potential adoptive parents that Kyrgyz is not a good choice right now, and I agree. At the risk of ruffling feathers, if you are reading this blog because you are interested in adopting from Kyrgyzstan and want a young baby within the next year or so--DON'T. At least not now...I in no way, shape or form want to discourage anyone from adopting internationally, and specifically from Kyrgyzstan, BUT in my own personal, humble opinion--based on my own personal, humble experience, now is just not the time. Okay--I guess I did comment.

So, in an attempt to keep things somewhat lighthearted these days, I took the *tag* from Maria's are the directions:

List these rules on your blog. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their name as well as a link to their blog Let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. I was the first person out in the 1987 Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee. My word was germproof...which is ironic as I am a little OCD--especially about GERMS! I was scared to death--there in the front row watching me were Ronald and Nancy Reagan! my nervous haste, I started off saying, "j-no, g-e-r-m-p-r-o-o-f," but because I had already started with the 'j' sound, they rang the bell. Official rules, so it was fair and square. Taught me a valuable lesson--THINK before you speak. (Or, try to!) Also told me that being FIRST out on such an obviously easy word ROCKED because then there was NO pressure--it was NERVES I got out on, not my actual inability to spell a word correctly (ok, technically, it was, but you get the drift) and I had a great time for the rest of the week. In fact, I think that may be the time I was officially dubbed, "The perky brunette" for the first time...

2. John and I once got into a GINORMOUS fight because he flushed the toilet while I was brushing my teeth. I did not care that my civil engineer boyfriend (who was in the middle of building a waste water treatment plant for his Master's) told me that the pipes were in NO way connected or co-mingled. It was a VERY ugly fight...for the record, I realize the ridiculousness of that whole fight, and now the toilet flushing doesn't bother me. (Yes, it does, I just don't make a big deal about it!)

3. I was an obsessive, nerdy, short, frizzy haired, big teeth, hyperactive little girl in school (in hindsight, I realize not too much has changed, I'm just old enough to wear that all a little better :) )...I obsessed over one boy from 3rd grade to ninth grade. I'm talking obsessed...the same boy--who had absolutely NO interest in me whatsoever (with good reason--as I said, I was pretty nerdy and probably very annoying) and then obsessed over a different boy--checking out his middle school year books from the public library, cutting his pictures out and then returning the yearbooks (I know, I know...ROTTEN)--seriously...the best and most ironic part of all this? Twenty years later, that second boy turns out to be Yogi the Pug's dad ( and is planning on coming to visit my kids for their Christmas party next week-with Yogi and some little stuffed animals (don't tell, it's a secret!!!) to surprise them!

4. I didn't get baptized until I was 19 years old, though I became a Christian when I was 7. I was afraid of the water. I am not a strong swimmer, and don't like to be under water without having total control of the situation...umm, yeah...God finally got tired of that lame excuse and gave me the courage....12 years later.

5. Some of my biggest regrets? Not going to law school (now I am too old, tired of school and unwilling to be in any MORE debt!), not being involved in drama in school--I would LOVE to be an actress (and think I would rock at it!), not keeping up better with foreign language study (four years of Spanish and I can ask where the bathroom is??? Geesh!), being short. Okay...can't change that one, but I REALLY hate it sometimes...I am REALLY short--and while that is most of the time a cute little quirky thing about me, in honesty, I hate looking at pictures of me with other women and seeing how RIDICULOUSLY shorter than they are I am!!

6. I live for musicals...ever since I was little (my mom said my first musical was Camelot when I was 6 months old) I have adored them. In fact, if I could change one thing about myself, it would be my voice--I want one that can SING! I sing--just not well. Even more than being tall, I would love to have a good singing voice--one that doesn't need a choir to blend in with in order to be acceptable! Seriously, The Sound of Music is my all-time favorite...I love the King and I, West Side Story, Camelot, Cats, Beauty and the Beast--heck, put some great sparkly costumes on and throw some to-die-for voices and I am HOOKED on just about anything!

7. I am not a big fan of chocolate. I know, I know...what kind of woman am I? The kind that doesn't live for chocolate. I like it WITH Reese's (more peanut butter) or Rollos (more caramel) or chocolate chip cookies (more cookie)...but wouldn't cry if chocolate fell off the face of the earth.

So, there you have it. You are supposed to tag 7 people. Maria left that tagging opportunity up to those of us who read and feel so inclined, and I like that, so...feel free to be tagged!!!

In doing spellcheck for this post, the word germproof came up! The suggestion is for it to be two words. Hilarious.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Blessing or Curse?

Well, after checking out Maria's blog...and the ones she linked to-- Janiece and J-Momma, I'm opinionated enough on this topic to post something about it. It will probably not be too politically correct, and for that, well...stop reading now. These are my thoughts and opinions and you can take them and $1.63 (YIPPEE!!!) and buy a gallon of gas.

The post was a very honest one about adoption not necessarily being a blessing as it is more a solution to a problem that we can't really solve in this sinful in which things work out for the better, but maybe not necessarily the best. I appreciate the obvious Christian foundation behind the thoughts, and I think that makes them even more brave for her to say.

I can say, and did in her comment section, that, "Interesting points...I appreciate you noting that it is because of our sinful world that any of these points even get thought about or brought up.

I can say, and only for myself, that in all honesty, I have NEVER wanted to be part of the 'culture' to which, were circumstances different, I would be...the sperm donor, as I call him, left my mom high and dry...and in doing so, left me that way too. No worries though, because I SO got the better end of the deal when my mom met my DAD six months later and then married him a year later...nothing particular against the culture itself, but more a desire to have nothing to do with an ethnicity simply because that is the blood that runs through my veins...I don't feel slighted, I don't feel cheated. I guess to a degree, there is some curiosity, but it is fleeting, and had been for the last 25 or so years. The culture I am part of is the culture I was designed and destined to be part of. The family I was raised in is the family I was divinely given to. The circumstances that surrounded it...written before the world even existed. I guess my feelings are that if I claim to have faith in God and His plan and purposes all working for the good, then I need to be okay with the events that led up to them--whether they are life or death, birth or not..."

I don't think some people really even realize that even being born to your natural, birth, biological mother, you can be subjected to the same racism that is spoken of. My mom was as blond and blue-eyed as they came. The sperm donor, Indian. As in from the other side of the world Indian, not the Native variety. I look like...well, just about anything. I have gotten all sorts of suggestions--lots of Hispanic/Latin, a fair amount of Italian or Greek, Jewish, even African-American (like they have the run on curly hair?)--words like exotic and unusual have been used to describe my 'look.' I am constantly asked where my parents came from, what they were, what I am...I mean seriously, if it isn't obvious that I have a complex from all of this, it should be. combat that, I tell people my mother was from Etchasketchistan and my father was from Trashcanistan so I am Etchasketchatrashcanistani. Most of the time, people rude enough to ask, "What are you?" (and I am talking random people just asking that question as if I was part of a chemistry set) don't know how to respond...and my mission accomplished.

Based on that complex, to be truthful, I just want to be...left alone. I don't WANT people asking me what I am or where my parents come from. When they find out the origin of my birth, I don't want to hear about how nice Indian skin is (try telling mine, by the way...I thought puberty was OVER!) or how they love Indian food (ummm... seriously, don't think loving Indian food is a prerequisite to having Indian ethnicity) or how Indians DO have curly hair (for real?)and I DEFINITELY don't want to talk about a culture I don't have much actual knowledge on just because of the blood in my body. I like the way Maria thinks of Ellie--an American with Kyrgyz descent. I am an American--with Welsh, Scottish, English and Indian descent...I realize that others are trying to be complimentary of me when they say that I have such nice coloring or whatever...but honestly, it all just makes me uncomfortable and does nothing but remind me that there IS a difference in the way I came to be than what one would consider "should have been"--I HATE THAT. Like I said...if the world works the way it was designed to (for better, for worse and ours is not to reason why) then things that happen ARE the way they should be and that's that.

I was never legally adopted by my dad. By the time I was told about all this, I was at an age where having my name in the paper for the legal notice would have been horrifically embarrassing and I didn't see any reason to do anything that would NOT change my life. I had my dad's last name, I knew no other dad...what was the purpose of adopting (save, now, I wonder if that would have been advantageous for my parents for taxes, but anyway....) me officially? For all practical purposes, though, I am an adopted child--at least partially--and maybe the fact that I DID have my mom's heritage, family customs, quirks, etc...made it LESS needful for me to even be concerned with the sperm donor's. Not to mention, I had my DAD' was freely given to me as my own, and on no basis of anything like blood but love.

I understand blood is thicker than water to some. It is not, nor has it ever been to me. As for me, and for adoption being a blessing or a curse? If that's how I end up with my child, then there are very few things I would consider greater blessings. If it is not, then I still consider it a blessing for those children who live lives otherwise not lived and those parents and families who do the same. Curse? Sure...for the mothers (and fathers) who, for whatever reason, wish life was different and their babies would be happy, healthy and safe with them--but know it wouldn't. Heart wrenching, actually, if I think about how it must be for some birth moms and dads. But, I also know that for some birth moms (and dads)adoption is probably a blessing too...because though I can't imagine it, there are people who just don't want to have children and are thankful to not have the responsibility or obligation--thanks to adoption...sperm donor's position is definitely that. And of course, there are those birth parents who are simply selfless in their love of their child, and though pained to do so, see adoption as a blessing for the life it gives to their child that could never be with them.

I guess it all just depends on what side of the coin you are looking at...but either way, the coin definitely has two sides, nonetheless.

Monday, December 8, 2008

What can you do? some circumstance that I am going to call divine intervention (and leave it at that) lately I have been coming across things that have given me some direction, or at least I am hoping they are forms of direction for me. These are things, pieces of information, pieces of advice, what have you, that have certainly NOT just randomly come across my path and I am desperately trying to piece together to make sense of what I should be doing to build our family. In any event, something that was thrown at me today is something I feel may make a difference and hope if you have a few minutes, an envelope and stamp, you will use those things and take a step toward trying to help children find homes and people like me become parents. Whether you supported her or not, whether you support her or not, Hilary Clinton is our next Secretary of State. As such, she can be instrumental in influencing the attitude toward international adoption, specifically how other countries view adopting their children out to those of us in the United States. The following is a suggested template for a letter to Senator Clinton, encouraging her to stand up for those of us who are touched by adoption...and my guess is that if you are reading this, you ARE somehow touched by adoption.

Friends, many signs point to international adoption as becoming more and more a difficult thing to do...and this is neither good for those of us desperately trying to build families NOR those children--worldwide--who would so benefit from being part of those families we want to build. Please, if you feel so inclined, send a message. Lord knows lately I have been privileged to see the power of a few--imagine what else can be done!!!!

Hillary Clinton will be our next Secretary of State. She has been a strong advocate for children. She will be the head of the US Dept of State. The US Dept of State formulates policy on adoption. Let's make her a strong advocate for international adoption. Whether you are in the process of adopting, are an adoptive family or are considering adoption... write to her NOW. Say something along these lines, your own story, your own words...

Dear Honorable Senator Hillary Clinton,

Congratulations on your appointment to become Secretary of State. I am writing because I am touched by adoption. My family (or dear friend/family member) is (adopting or has adopted or wants to adopt or wants to adopt again)

This past year the world of adoption has become very difficult, to the detriment of orphans and families. Much change is for the good, to ensure that adoptions are done properly and legally, but the overall effect is that hundreds of orphans have been caste into limbo as bureaucracies become ensnared in red tape, multiple layers of oversight, and protracted negotiations with the US Dept of State.

The country we (or our friends/family member) (adopted from or want to adopt from or are waiting to adopt from) is currently ...

You are probably aware of the suspension of adoption in Guatemala and Vietnam, too, and the difficulties families adopting from other countries have faced. The most important consideration is the children. The children who wait for families live mostly in institutions, without adequate caregivers. Often these children could be home in loving arms rather than waiting in cold orphanages.

It will be so important to the adoption community to have your voice speak on behalf of orphaned children and to hear you take pride in the U.S. families who want to share their lives with these children. It may be hard for an "outsider" to understand how difficult and heart-wrenching it is to know that your child is waiting, for months, inside an institution without proper food or medical care, and to be informed that there is yet another bureaucratic "paperwork" delay.

If you would please consider us, and set a tone in your administration that advocates adoption it would be a bright light on the horizon for thousands of children.

As adoptive families (or friends/family members of), we (are or plan to be or know our friend/family member will be) loving parents and members of a world-wide community. We are "international" families. Please help us open doors for orphans who need families to come home. Your voice is very powerful and we appreciate your life-long commitment to children and families.

Senator Clinton's Washington, D.C. office address is below. If she gets a raft of letters, it will make an impression. Send a few photos, too, if appropriate for your family.
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton
United States Senate
476 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
Phone: (202) 224-4451
General Fax: (202) 228-0282

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Well, moping doesn't make it better.... I might as well try a different tactic. Before I do, though, I can't say enough to the people who commented on the last post. This is all miserable, but to know there are complete and total strangers, for all practical purposes, who have become like family to you and CARE for you is really a blessing and one I am thankful for. Thank you to all who didn't judge my rants and prayed for my heart. I felt it and it helps.

So, anyway, checked Jes's blog and then Maria's and both had this little list, so figured that was a sign...who needs to get sleep anyway? So...apparently, you copy this list, then highlight what you have done. So, here's mine:

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice (BUT I SO WANTED TO!!! Everyone else said too much $$)
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Hmmm...fairly interesting...y'all know me, though...I had a hard time withholding my commentaries on the items (okay...the Gondola one I couldn't hold back on because I SO wanted to do it!!! We were in VENICE for Pete's sake!!!) but interesting nonetheless....

As I copied from Jes and Maria, feel free to copy from me. I'm curious.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I never cease to be amazed.... the generosity of people. SO many days I see things where I just wonder where human compassion has gone, and then, "Tada!" I see it still exists...go here and here to see what 7 days can do for over 250 children!

Thank you John, thank you Cindy and thank you to any who may have read these last few blogs and found it upon your heart to give so generously to these innocent and special children. I am truly proud to say I had even a little part in making such a big difference across the world. And all God's people said, "Amen."

As far as the adoption front...well, after some long heart to hearts with family and friends--especially ones who have been there and done that (and are kind enough to be very honest with me in their thoughts) we are still...stuck.

While I believe Kyrgyzstan may end up being a stable situation once the kinks are worked out, I am also under the belief that Kyrgyzstan may not be where our child comes from. If that is the case, well...that's the case. I am big enough (or try to be) in my faith to know that God's plans for our plans are for HIS purposes...and if Kyrgyzstan was placed on my radar for no other reason but to become aware and to help if possible with His children, well, so be it. I hate it, I won't lie. I want to bring a little Emma Jane from Kyrgyzstan home so badly I can taste it. But... I don't know if that is to be. For now, we are waiting and seeing what the meetings planned for December will bring (though I don't imagine much as it is holiday time for most everyone in some sort) and see if anything becomes clearer. The bottom line and consensus among most is this--"Be prepared to wait." And, with that being the general gist of things, while waiting, we are exploring other options. Now realize that financially, our options are slimmer as many eggs have already been placed in the Kyrgyz basket! However, my goal in all of this was to build my family, and that is still my focus. We are unsure of much right now, but know that we are probably going to pursue domestic as well through our home study agency (probably a 2 year wait as well, just financially a little easier) and IVF at some point in the next year. We are also looking at preparing a dossier through our agency for another country, but in truth, most countries these days are battling the same wait issues, so we are not sure about that.

What I AM sure of is that my heart hurts. Yet another year with a Christmas tree and no baby to keep away from the ornaments. Yet another year of stockings for me, John and the DOGS (though God knows I love my fur-babies!) Yet another year Santa won't need to visit our home and yet another year of no sweet little Christmas outfits, giggles or adorable Christmas cards. Yet another year I wonder if I was really and truly meant to have children. Just because we WANT something...just because we'd make it our WHOLE WORLD...just because we think we'd be great at it...none of that matters if it is simply not in the plan.

Lord, in this new year coming, please give me peace. I want a child, but I need peace. My heart just hurts too much without it.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Challenge? What challenge?

WOW! How just a few short days, $1000 was raised to help some children in a country far, far away...go here to read what John has to say about it. More, pay attention to the fact that they are looking to sponsor a second orphanage with the same deal. With Black Friday being two days away, surely one could hold on to that $10 you know you would spend at Cinnabon or Auntie Anne's when hitting the crazy mall and send it very quickly online right here. Or, better yet, save the trip to the mall, pick some people you truly love and know will appreciate the wonder of GIVING to others and send what you would spend on them to the new challenge. Then print it out, show them the pictures John has on his site, and let them know what your gift on their behalf will do for those children. Know that your heart will be touched, but more than that, so will so many others'.

Oh, okay...I won't lie. I think the pies that are going in faces is really a fun way to help build momentum. I like to watch pie in face just as much as the next gal.

Friday, November 21, 2008

This always makes me feel better...(WARNING, VERY LONG BUT MEANINGFUL!)

Well, my favorite part of celebrating Christmas is giving gifts. Don't get me wrong, I love to get gifts as much as the next gal, but I REALLY LOVE and live for giving gifts. I love picking out things that I think people will love and I love the concept of giving to make others happy. I may have blogged about it, can't remember if I did and if I did, probably didn't label it (have to get better about that!) but in any event, several weeks ago our pastor talked about Giving Christmas..making the things we GIVE at Christmas meaningful and worth something...and I decided that was exactly what we were going to do from this point on in our gift giving. We (ha ha, like John is at ALL involved in gift giving) decided that we would get a little token something for those in our lives we would normally buy presents and then would make a donation to something worthwhile in their names. Now, don't go thinking Human Fund (soooo miss Seinfeld!) on me! In addition to the several causes in our lives that are worthy of our gifts and talents, my world has been so broadened this year and John Wright and his family have provided so many wonderful opportunities for us to give and know that our giving is meaningful. On that note, he has brought up an opportunity to really make some kids' Christmases something they wouldn't even think could exist. Cindy LaJoy has challenged her blog readers to donate to this cause, and I am doing the same for mine...all 18 of you, ha ha. For real...if you too want to do something with your money that will make a difference in someone's LIFE and not just be another THING in someone's collection, check this excerpt out from the Acts of Kindness site:

I thought you would appreciate seeing the last post from a different point of view.... Cindy over at has looked at this story from her sons perspective.... go take a look HERE then come on back and join the challenge.... if donating from the U.S. please use this link and we can give you a tax receipt.

I defy any of you to read what Cindy wrote about her sweet son asking why Santa doesn't come to Kyrgyzstan and not find that you couldn't spare even a few dollars...lots of little bits of help add up! Cindy has pledged $50 and we added $100---there's only about $850 to go!!!

For any of you with children...think of what a wonderful opportunity this could be to teach your children about helping others...being part of a world that is not just about us and being able to understand what giving really means.
The following is a speech from Mother Teresa I found several years ago and have had on my computer files for ages. While it mostly addresses abortion, I feel there is so much in her words that we can take to heart and act upon. I hope you feel as I do and will, whatever you decide to do this holiday season, remember the least of these...

This is a REALLY LONG SPEECH...I didn't want to take anything out, but I am just letting you know you...I tend to sit down "really quick" to check email or a blog and this is not the post to do that with.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Given at the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington DC Thur, 3 Feb 94.

On the last day, Jesus will say to those on His right hand, "Come, enter the Kingdom. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was sick and you visited me." Then Jesus will turn to those on His left hand and say, "Depart from me because I was hungry and you did not feed me, I was thirsty and you did not give me to drink, I was sick and you did not visit me." These will ask Him, "When did we see You hungry, or thirsty or sick and did not come to Your help?" And Jesus will answer them, "Whatever you neglected to do unto one of these least of these, you neglected to do unto Me!"
As we have gathered here to pray together, I think it will be beautiful if we begin with a prayer that expresses very well what Jesus wants us to do for the least. St. Francis of Assisi understood very well these words of Jesus and His life is very well expressed by a prayer. And this prayer, which we say every day after Holy Communion, always surprises me very much, because it is very fitting for each one of us. And I always wonder whether 800 years ago when St. Francis lived, they had the same difficulties that we have today. I think that some of you already have this prayer of peace - so we will pray it together.

Let us thank God for the opportunity He has given us today to have come here to pray together. We have come here especially to pray for peace, joy and love. We are reminded that Jesus came to bring the good news to the poor. He had told us what is that good news when He said: "My peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you." He came not to give the peace of the world which is only that we don't bother each other. He came to give the peace of heart which comes from loving - from doing good to others.

And God loved the world so much that He gave His son - it was a giving. God gave His son to the Virgin Mary, and what did she do with Him? As soon as Jesus came into Mary's life, immediately she went in haste to give that good news. And as she came into the house of her cousin, Elizabeth, Scripture tells us that the unborn child - the child in the womb of Elizabeth - leapt with joy. While still in the womb of Mary - Jesus brought peace to John the Baptist who leapt for joy in the womb of Elizabeth.

And as if that were not enough, as if it were not enough that God the Son should become one of us and bring peace and joy while still in the womb of Mary, Jesus also died on the Cross to show that greater love. He died for you and for me, and for the leper and for that man dying of hunger and that naked person lying in the street, no only of Calcutta, but of Africa, and everywhere. Our Sisters serve these poor people in 105 countries throughout the world. Jesus insisted that we love one another as He loves each one of us. Jesus gave His life to love us and He tells us that we also have to give whatever it takes to do good to one another. And in the Gospel Jesus says very clearly: "Love as I have loved you."

Jesus died on the Cross because that is what it took for Him to do good to us - to save us from our selfishness in sin. He gave up everything to do the Father's will - to show us that we too must be willing to give up everything to do God's will - to love one another as He loves each of us. If we are not willing to give whatever it takes to do good to one another, sin is still in us. That is why we too must give to each other until it hurts.

It is not enough for us to say: "I love God," but I also have to love my neighbor. St. John says that you are a liar if you say you love God and you don't love your neighbor. How can you love God whom you do not see, if you do not love your neighbor whom you see, whom you touch, with whom you live? And so it is very important for us to realize that love, to be true, has to hurt. I must be willing to give whatever it takes not to harm other people and, in fact, to do good to them. This requires that I be willing to give until it hurts. Otherwise, there is not true love in me and I bring injustice, not peace, to those around me.

It hurt Jesus to love us. We have been created in His image for greater things, to love and to be loved. We must "put on Christ" as Scripture tells us. And so, we have been created to love as He loves us. Jesus makes Himself the hungry one, the naked one, the homeless one, the unwanted one, and He says, "You did it to Me." On the last day He will say to those on His right, "whatever you did to the least of these, you did to Me, and He will also say to those on His left, whatever you neglected to do for the least of these, you neglected to do it for Me."

When He was dying on the Cross, Jesus said, "I thirst." Jesus is thirsting for our love, and this is the thirst of everyone, poor and rich alike. We all thirst for the love of others, that they go out of their way to avoid harming us and to do good to us. This is the meaning of true love, to give until it hurts.

I can never forget the experience I had in visiting a home where they kept all these old parents of sons and daughters who had just put them into an institution and forgotten them - maybe. I saw that in that home these old people had everything - good food, comfortable place, television, everything, but everyone was looking toward the door. And I did not see a single one with a smile on the face. I turned to Sister and I asked: "Why do these people who have every comfort here, why are they all looking toward the door? Why are they not smiling?"

I am so used to seeing the smiles on our people, even the dying ones smile. And Sister said: "This is the way it is nearly everyday. They are expecting, they are hoping that a son or daughter will come to visit them. They are hurt because they are forgotten." And see, this neglect to love brings spiritual poverty. Maybe in our own family we have somebody who is feeling lonely, who is feeling sick, who is feeling worried. Are we there? Are we willing to give until it hurts in order to be with our families, or do we put our own interests first? These are the questions we must ask ourselves, especially as we begin this year of the family. We must remember that love begins at home and we must also remember that 'the future of humanity passes through the family.'

I was surprised in the West to see so many young boys and girls given to drugs. And I tried to find out why. Why is it like that, when those in the West have so many more things than those in the East? And the answer was: 'Because there is no one in the family to receive them.' Our children depend on us for everything - their health, their nutrition, their security, their coming to know and love God. For all of this, they look to us with trust, hope and expectation. But often father and mother are so busy they have no time for their children, or perhaps they are not even married or have given up on their marriage. So their children go to the streets and get involved in drugs or other things. We are talking of love of the child, which is were love and peace must begin. These are the things that break peace.

But I feel that the greatest destroyer of peace today is abortion, because it is a war against the child, a direct killing of the innocent child, murder by the mother herself. And if we accept that a mother can kill even her own child, how can we tell other people not to kill one another? How do we persuade a woman not to have an abortion? As always, we must persuade her with love and we remind ourselves that love means to be willing to give until it hurts. Jesus gave even His life to love us. So, the mother who is thinking of abortion, should be helped to love, that is, to give until it hurts her plans, or her free time, to respect the life of her child. The father of that child, whoever he is, must also give until it hurts.

By abortion, the mother does not learn to love, but kills even her own child to solve her problems. And, by abortion, that father is told that he does not have to take any responsibility at all for the child he has brought into the world. The father is likely to put other women into the same trouble. So abortion just leads to more abortion. Any country that accepts abortion is not teaching its people to love, but to use any violence to get what they want. This is why the greatest destroyer of love and peace is abortion.

Many people are very, very concerned with the children of India, with the children of Africa where quite a few die of hunger, and so on. Many people are also concerned about all the violence in this great country of the United States. These concerns are very good. But often these same people are not concerned with the millions who are being killed by the deliberate decision of their own mothers. And this is what is the greatest destroyer of peace today - abortion which brings people to such blindness.

And for this I appeal in India and I appeal everywhere - "Let us bring the child back." The child is God's gift to the family. Each child is created in the special image and likeness of God for greater things - to love and to be loved. In this year of the family we must bring the child back to the center of our care and concern. This is the only way that our world can survive because our children are the only hope for the future. As older people are called to God, only their children can take their places.

But what does God say to us? He says: "Even if a mother could forget her child, I will not forget you. I have carved you in the palm of my hand." We are carved in the palm of His hand; that unborn child has been carved in the hand of God from conception and is called by God to love and to be loved, not only now in this life, but forever. God can never forget us.

I will tell you something beautiful. We are fighting abortion by adoption - by care of the mother and adoption for her baby. We have saved thousands of lives. We have sent word to the clinics, to the hospitals and police stations: "Please don't destroy the child; we will take the child." So we always have someone tell the mothers in trouble: "Come, we will take care of you, we will get a home for your child." And we have a tremendous demand from couples who cannot have a child - but I never give a child to a couple who have done something not to have a child. Jesus said, "Anyone who receives a child in my name, receives me." By adopting a child, these couples receive Jesus but, by aborting a child, a couple refuses to receive Jesus.

Please don't kill the child. I want the child. Please give me the child. I am willing to accept any child who would be aborted and to give that child to a married couple who will love the child and be loved by the child. From our children's home in Calcutta alone, we have saved over 3000 children from abortion. These children have brought such love and joy to their adopting parents and have grown up so full of love and joy.

I know that couples have to plan their family and for that there is natural family planning. The way to plan the family is natural family planning, not contraception. In destroying the power of giving life, through contraception, a husband or wife is doing something to self. This turns the attention to self and so it destroys the gifts of love in him or her. In loving, the husband and wife must turn the attention to each other as happens in natural family planning, and not to self, as happens in contraception. Once that living love is destroyed by contraception, abortion follows very easily.

I also know that there are great problems in the world - that many spouses do not love each other enough to practice natural family planning. We cannot solve all the problems in the world, but let us never bring in the worst problem of all, and that is to destroy love. And this is what happens when we tell people to practice contraception and abortion.

The poor are very great people. They can teach us so many beautiful things. Once one of them came to thank us for teaching her natural family planning and said: "You people who have practiced chastity, you are the best people to teach us natural family planning because it is nothing more than self-control out of love for each other." And what this poor person said is very true. These poor people maybe have nothing to eat, maybe they have not a home to live in, but they can still be great people when they are spiritually rich.

When I pick up a person from the street, hungry, I give him a plate of rice, a piece of bread. But a person who is shut out, who feels unwanted, unloved, terrified, the person who has been thrown out of society - that spiritual poverty is much harder to overcome. And abortion, which often follows from contraception, brings a people to be spiritually poor, and that is the worst poverty and the most difficult to overcome.

Those who are materially poor can be very wonderful people. One evening we went out and we picked up four people from the street. And one of them was in a most terrible condition. I told the Sisters: "You take care of the other three; I will take care of the one who looks worse." So I did for her all that my love can do. I put her in bed, and there was such a beautiful smile on her face. She took hold of my hand, as she said one word only: "thank you" - and she died.

I could not help but examine my conscience before her. And I asked: "What would I say if I were in her place?" And my answer was very simple. I would have tried to draw a little attention to myself. I would have said: "I am hungry, I am dying, I am cold, I am in pain," or something. But she gave me much more - she gave me her grateful love. And she died with a smile on her face. Then there was the man we picked up from the drain, half eaten by worms and, after we had brought him to the home, he only said, "I have lived like an animal in the street, but I am going to die as an angel, loved and cared for." Then, after we had removed all the worms from his body, all he said, with a big smile, was: "Sister, I am going home to God" - and he died. It was so wonderful to see the greatness of that man who could speak like that without blaming anybody, without comparing anything. Like an angel - this is the greatness of people who are spiritually rich even when they are materially poor.

We are not social workers. We may be doing social work in the eyes of some people, but we must be contemplatives in the heart of the world. For we must bring that presence of God into your family, for the family that prays together, stays together. There is so much hatred, so much misery, and we with our prayer, with our sacrifice, are beginning at home. Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do, but how much love we put into what we do.

If we are contemplatives in the heart of the world with all its problems, these problems can never discourage us. We must always remember what God tells us in Scripture: "Even if a mother could forget the child in her womb" - something impossible, but even if she could forget - "I will never forget you."

And so here I am talking with you. I want you to find the poor here, right in your own home first. And begin love there. Be that good news to your own people first. And find out about your next-door neighbors. Do you know who they are?

I had the most extraordinary experience of love of neighbor with a Hindu family. A gentleman came to our house and said: "Mother Teresa, there is a family who have not eaten for so long. Do something." So I took some rice and went there immediately. And I saw the children - their eyes shining with hunger. I don't know if you have ever seen hunger. But I have seen it very often. And the mother of the family took the rice I gave her and went out. When she came back, I asked her: "Where did you go? What did you do?" And she gave me a very simple answer: "They are hungry also." What struck me was that she knew - and who are they? A Muslim family - and she knew. I didn't bring any more rice that evening because I wanted them, Hindus and Muslims, to enjoy the joy of sharing.

But there were those children, radiating joy, sharing the joy and peace with their mother because she had the love to give until it hurts. And you see this is where love begins - at home in the family.

So, as the example of this family shows, God will never forget us and there is something you and I can always do. We can keep the joy of loving Jesus in our hearts, and share that joy with all we come in contact with. Let us make that one point - that no child will be unwanted, unloved, uncared for, or killed and thrown away. And give until it hurts - with a smile.

Because I talk so much of giving with a smile, once a professor from the United States asked me: "Are you married?" And I said: "Yes, and I find it sometimes very difficult to smile at my spouse, Jesus, because He can be very demanding - sometimes." This is really something true. And this is where love comes in - when it is demanding, and yet we can give it with joy.

One of the most demanding things for me is travelling everywhere - and with publicity. I have said to Jesus that if I don't go to heaven for anything else, I will be going to heaven for all the travelling with all the publicity, because it has purified me and sacrificed me and made me really ready to go to heaven.

If we remember that God loves us, and that we can love others as He loves us, then America can become a sign of peace for the world. From here, a sign of care for the weakest of the weak - the unborn child - must go out to the world. If you become a burning light of justice and peace in the world, then really you will be true to what the founders of this country stood for. God bless you!

source: Guide to Christian Literature

Thursday, November 20, 2008

The rut...

Well, it is probably very obvious that I am in a rut. So, this will probably be just a ramble, probably more of a rant. I'd probably push past, if I were you.

About the cold: I hate it. It makes my skin dry, it makes my face hurt and it does not invigorate me, it merely ticks me off. Spring, feel free to kick Winter out of the way and just come now. Not to mention that to stay warm, the collage of clothing articles I adorn myself in rarely match due to the need of function vice form, and that aggravates me too.

About Prison Break: Those guys are SMART. I mean, seriously? An electromagnetic field to break through concrete? Amazing. John does not agree, but heck, what does his scientific engineer mind know? I think he is just jealous of my unabashed love for Wentworth Miller.

About adopting: It stinks right now. The process, that is. And after the last week or two, right now I'm still in Kyrgyz or bust mode. I would not call what I have been feeling panic, just desolation. I'm pretty sure that I have made my purpose behind adopting clear--to build my family. All the while, I have said that to aid a child, to save a life, all that benefactorial stuff that goes along with adoption are absolutely the best cherries on top of a great desert, but I feel I have been pretty clear-cut about my reasons for pursuing an adoption--a child of my own for my family. Selfish? Some may say so. Let them. I'm human. Sue me. My concern and heartbreak over Kyrgyzstan has been two-fold. First, in going through this process, I have *met* many who have babies just sitting over there...growing, waiting, being missed and unconditionally wanted. I am just heartbroken for those parents and those babies. Second--and no surprise here...the restructuring, while I completely and totally agree is ultimately in the best interest of all involved, is simply more time-consuming than I want. Period. It all boils down, again, to my wants. And that is my yesterday. Of course NO adoption is guaranteed and all have their bumps, but truth be told, I went with this program for the (presumed) speed and relative ease I thought the Kyrgyz process would bring. And that is where my depression over the events begins--I understand I have no right to be depressed about any of this as this is another country that has no obligations to ours (or to me) at all...I just am saddened that I seem to be involved in a program that is going to be so much longer than I thought. For now, I guess I'll just have to suck it up.

Domestic Adoption Agencies/Facilitators: Dear God. The money involved is unreal. What a travesty that desires like mine lead to such an industry. Flame me all you want. That's how I feel. (I think the term is flame--when you don't agree and you say so with gusto?) Whatever.

Seinfeld: I so miss that show. The ending was so disappointing. Thank God for re-runs.

My job: I adore my children. I am simply not doing what I was born to do, though. I don't know what that is, but it is not what I am doing. The anxiety of being stuck in that dilemma is not fun.

Contact Lenses: God knows I love them, but I sure would love to have perfect vision without them. They have been driving me nuts.

Face book: I am inundated with so many requests. It overwhelms me. I love words but HATE Scramble. I can't figure out the freaking tile connection and that bugs me. Not to mention I am SO competitive. I am working on that, though.

Thursday night TV: Thank goodness for that! And on that note...I'm going to tune in right now.

Friday, November 14, 2008


I'm glad I didn't name this blog something that is specific to Kyrgyzstan.

I don't think it is going to pan out. It certainly isn't panning out the way I thought, or even THOUGHT I would think--to include the proverbial hurdles.

My agency has 12-24 months on it's site now--from submission of dossier. I don't know that they are taking into account that there is no time frame for the process from one official to another to ANOTHER and then to referral. And even if they are...

I do not want to wait TWO MORE YEARS to be a mother.


****AMENDMENT...and, for the record, I am adding this AFTER I wrote the above. Seems like I may have been psychic...*****

The following is from the state department:

November 14, 2008

The Department of State recommends adoptive parents and agencies exercise caution in pursuing an intercountry adoption from Kyrgyzstan. A number of prospective adoptive parents have reported that their cases are not being processed. The U.S. Embassy has requested official clarification, but no formal announcement has been made.

According to local experts, few if any cases are being processed at this time. Further, the government of Kyrgyzstan appears to be making moves to strengthen its internal controls of and develop new legislation on adoptions. It has been reported that Kyrgyz citizens may have been denied the opportunity to adopt during the past year, even while some intercountry adoptions by non-citizens were being approved. At this time it is not clear what action will be taken on pending cases or if the Government of Kyrgyzstan will accept any new cases

The U.S. Embassy continues to monitor the situation and will provide clarification as soon as it is received.

Saturday, November 8, 2008


WHY do I watch Adoption Story? Why do I watch Birth Day? Why do I watch A Baby Story?

Seriously, I am a glutton for punishment. I truly, truly, TRULY am happy for anyone who brings their baby home and pray each day for so many who are also waiting...and have been longer than I have. It warms my heart and makes me cry (and cry and cry some more).

Nine-plus years of desperately wanting to be a mommy turns into more every day though, and just makes heart hurt.

And, says 'The Pregnant Man'--"In this life, we get to be what we want to be. I can be a pregnant man."

Oh yeah? Well, I want to be a mom. And have wanted that for a large portion of my life.

Doesn't always work out the way we want.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Leave it to General Hospital...

Okay, not that I am a fervent watcher, but for the last 30+ years, I have been involved in the lives of everyone ranging from Bo and Hope to Clint and Viki to Luke and Laura...throw in some Reva and Josh, a little Theresa and Ethan, even a teeny bit of Greenlee and Ryan and Nick and Sharon, and yes, I guess I could call myself a soap fan. I very vividly remember watching my mom's shows--Days of Our Lives, One Life to Live and General Hospital with her growing up. (I know, I know...not the best material for a kid growing up, but I've always been mature. Ha ha) My sister and I used to play "Bo and Hope" when we were little. (I always made her be Bo because I just loved Hope) As I got older, I really got into Guiding Light and just sort of traced General Hospital. A while ago, GL just lost my interest. GH sort of picked it back up. One Life has been in and out, and Days has always been a staple, even if I have to follow it through magazines and the internet updates.

Okay, so now that the shameful and embarrassing part is over, the lead-in has led up to, on General Hospital, Emma Grace was born. Which leads me to a quandary in that our Emma is going to be Emma Jane, though I can't count how many times I have said, "I sure wish my mom's name had been Grace, because I would love an Emma Grace." And now some cheesy soap opera has done it, and in doing so, sort of tainted Emma altogether. Yes, I know I just said I was a soap fan, but more of a closet one (guess not anymore) and I TOTALLY realize the wastes of time they are and the complete and total cheese factor that goes into them. Not to mention that a lot of soap world really epitomizes so much of what is wrong in our society on TV and I WATCH IT!

So now I get to hear over and over, "Emma this," and "Baby Emma that,"... I'm watching two fake people talk to a fake Emma and being thankful for her. And I'm SO JEALOUS. How sad is that?

Good thing I already bought the EMMA letters for her nursery, huh?

On another note...
Here's praying for our new leaders...they're gonna need it.

Monday, November 3, 2008


All I have to say right now is that somewhere in this country are very dear friends of mine who are going through a very hard time. It is very intimate, yet sadly public. I want to talk to them and comfort them, but can't. I want to know details, but can't. I want confirmation, but don't have it. So, I just pray. And ask any of you who read this and pray to pray, even if very quickly, for two wonderful human beings who are like family to me. Pray for them and their family. They need it.

Also, pray for those of religious beliefs in Kyrgyzstan. Religious tolerance is getting smaller and smaller. Especially for Christians. I fear this will hold things up even more. More than that, I fear for those lives who are affected daily by their selfless acts in God's name and for His commission. Pray for the safety of those giving souls.

Pray for the hearts of those on the committees for finalizations to PLEASE just do the right thing for these babies.

And, if you have a second, pray for me too. I'm just reeling over the situation I mentioned and am heartbroken. There's nothing really more to say--it's personal and painful. It does tear through me, though, and though I am so glad my heart is one that I can call compassionate, often that compassion just truly and physically makes me hurt. This is one of those times. So, in addition to the laryngitis (still here) and the sinus infection, I seriously do have heartache.

And nope, Tums are just not cutting this one.

Friday, October 31, 2008

My annual laryngitis rounds begin...

Well, whether you knew me (or of me) or not around this time last November is not necessarily important to know ho how totally "Lori-land" my latest news is. addition to the sinus infection I am now being treated for, I have laryngitis. I had laryngitis 3 (yep, THREE) times last school year, and the first bout came up right about now--in 2007. It's a little early, this year, as my last year's round came up closer to the middle of November (had to miss my kids Thanksgiving program during the day, but made it for the evening performance) because I was in the same fix. Well, if nothing, I am consistent.

So...laryngitis, my friends, is NOT fun. First, I am a talker. No, you say? Ha ha. Second, laryngitis does not really hurt your throat, it hurts your chest. Throw in a lovely upper-respiratory infection and folks, you have GREAT sleeping conditions. NOT. Last, being out of school is really more of a pain than being there--sub plans (though wonderful subs make life so much easier), rescheduled observations, and honestly, missing some really sweet kids.

Needless to say, as frustrated and discouraged and sad as I have been about the wait times, I imagine the last few days of my negativity have been sort of colored by ill health. At least I hope so, because in looking back over the past posts and little status updates on Facebook, I am not really proud of my bad attitude. I went to John Wright's site today and he posts about these poor, poor people who had animals stolen and killed...I hope he doesn't mind, but in an email, John said, " As for the kids losing the sheep... For them, it is more then sheep, A persons place in society is determined by the # of animals that they have... Yet they have such faith, it's almost like they say ... God gave them to us, They are His to do with as He see's fit .... I guess it is a reminder to us that we have what we have , only by the grace of God.... I am sure that with their attitude, they day will come when their flocks will cover the hillside in Orlofka! "

Talk about humbling. It is by the grace of God that I have what I have, and it is because of His plans for me that I don't have what I want yet...well, as much as that sucks for me, it's my cross to bear--to patiently wait as God's plans for me and my life unroll.

And, as I've said many times before, patience is just not one of my strongest skills. in Lori-land.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Okay...granted, I have some killer sinus issues these days AND it is COLD (and I hate cold) AND John is supposed to leave soon and the projects are still not done AND I am dealing with school issues (as always...though not my kids--they are just the sweetest things EVER!) AND I could go on and on...those things said, I am just miserable. I have this awful, terrible feeling (based on the awful, terrible times so many waiting for their babies or referrals are going through) that we won't be seeing a child in this house for a good year and a half or MORE...which is certainly not what I was planning on back in March. I was hoping that August, September--we might be bringing her home. Well...based on all sorts of changes (AGAIN) and standstills in place already, it seems it may be more like we may not even be able to be APPROVED for a referral until oh, January/February MAYBE. Then, we may be able to expect a referral 10- 14 months AFTER THAT. THEN there's the time between trip 1 and trip 2 (which is going on way past several months for many now) and like I said...I bet we don't have her home for another year and a half or more, easy. And that, my friends, just makes me ill. I am in such a bad mood.

So, I won't write too much. I tried to commit myself to not stress about where our dossier is until maybe mid-January when it has been sitting there for several months, but I have to be honest. I look at the stories of others and follow their the boards and guestimate from others' agency info...and it just isn't that pretty, folks.

So...frustration. Sorry.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

One action-packed post!

Okay...let me start off with the fact that I am sitting on my sofa in my pajamas when I should be in church...and then say that my alarm clock is one of those that automatically sets time based on some satellite or something like that (remember, John's a pilot/space/weather geek) and apparently thought TODAY was Daylight Savings Time! So, it goes off, I get ready to get up and John tells me, "You know that it is actually an hour later than that, don't you?" Well, frankly, no, I didn't. And John, if YOU did, why didn't you let me know a little sooner????? Upon getting up, however, my sinuses and throat said to me, "You know, Lori...we're a little uncomfortable today. Maybe you need to sleep in a bit more?" Well, darned those little stinkers, they talked me into a little more sleep...just a little and then I'd get to church, just miss Sunday School. Hmmm. About an hour later, I smell bacon, eggs and coffee. John has figured that I have ditched church altogether and made a lovely breakfast. Which really was yummy, but again, I slept too late for church. Needless to say, I feel guilty. Twice.

And, on the subject of is THE day for Nanci and another friend of ours, Rory. We have been getting updates and I just still cannot believe the determination those marathon runners (a group of people to whom Nanci now belongs!! No more non-runner status for her!) have. In fact, as I type this post, here's the latest alert for her: NANCI WEINSTEIN, 02:02:57 (NET) @ 15K Pace 13:11 , Predicted 05:45:39.00. Powered by Marine Corp Marathon..

Here's the guilt...I had planned to be there today--after church, we were headed up there. Well, as you read already, church plans have fallen to the wayside and my sinuses still say the thought of doing much of anything outdoors today is not really going to go over well. And for this, I feel terrible, because I am SO proud of Nanci! I have been following her efforts and her perseverance. I have watched her move out of our neighborhood (sniff, sniff) and uproot her life (again, as we in the military life often do) and STILL stick with it. She and I talked about that dedication on our way back from our FABULOUS NKOTB concert and she said it was just something she was doing solely so she could say she did it. I told her that there were lots of things I'd like to be able to use that motivation for, but the truth was, I was and am TOO LAZY. There is absolutely nothing I can think of right now that I am so moved by that I would put myself through what Nanci has just to claim I did it. And so, for her effort, dedication and success...I'm honored to know her!

And while I am talking about dedication, again John Wright and his family show themselves as true definitions of Christian love and have a new website. On this site, you can see things that are needed in Kyrgyzstan and fund them. Instantly. The hearts of this man and his family are so great indeed, and if you want to do something that you know is needed and simply done out of love for our fellow humans, go here...

Also, I am continually moved by the things that Cindy LaJoy has to say. She is the moderator for they Kyrgyz yahoo group, and the proud mother of three wonderful boys. Her latest post was about her baby, Kenny and as usual, moved me to tears. (Sap, remember? I'm a sap!) She knows that she is his biggest advocate and I am so glad because there are so many parents out there who get railroaded by the school system (of which I am a part, don't forget, so I am really bucking the party line!) and their children are the ones who suffer. I love my children. I love my families. I HATE the culture of education that basically acts as if parents are a big pain in the school's butt. Hello--PARENTS PAY MY SALARY! Parents trust me every day with their precious children. As I told Cindy, PARENTS REIGN SUPREME. Or should. Now, realize there are also parents who could care less, send their kids to school and don't give a darn whether they succeed or not. Those parents, sadly, are just facts of life. All I can do is make it the best I can for the children of those parents. But by and large, parents just want what is best for their kids and trust us to provide it. And in reality, that just doesn't happen all the time. Or much of the time. Not for lack of trying, mind you. Just politics. Indifference. Party Politics. Redonkulous (my new hilarious word) if you ask me. I remember why I mentioned Cindy, other than I was touched by what she wrote. She ALSO left a comment that made my day: Celebrate the things you can, Lori!! If you don't, you go nuts :-) Patience, smatience...we want that dossier approved and a referral offered NOW!! Hahaha! Hang in there, the wait really IS worth it. Well, doesn't that just say it ALL! She's right. I DO want that dossier approved and I DO want that referral. I know I'll suck it up and wait, but she had a point in there is nothing wrong with wanting it yesterday!! So, thank you, Cindy, for putting that in perspective.

And on that note...


Friday, October 24, 2008

Spoken too soon...

Well, yesterday's 'no news' has turned into today's 'news' rather quickly.

Our dossier is in Bishkek! Hooray. Sort of. For anyone who follows any of the other blogs I follow, you probably realize that so much is going on in Kyrgyzstan and things are slow, things are confusing, things are...well, unknown. The scary part right now is that there is a process our dossier has to go through to get us to where we are officially even awaiting a referral--and as that process is rather new and unestablished, no one really knows how long it will be for our dossier to get to the referring person. I knew we'd have to wait for a referral--who knew I'd have yet another wait before that wait? I sure didn't. Worse, no real idea of what that wait is like. Ugh.

In any event, we are moving along and I just continue to pray it is quickly and know that it will all happen in the perfect timing that God provides. Patience, unfortunately, has never been one of my virtues. This is how I know God finds me funny--He knows just how to teach me lessons!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

No news is...well, no news.

And, to quote Forrest, "That's all I have to say about that."

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Dear Emma,

Okay, so another thing mommy does is offer to do things for people because she really and truly loves people and wants to help as much as she can. With this, though, comes mommy's inability to BACK AWAY from projects she gets roped into and to say, "No, I can't do that. Sorry." Long story short, mommy is helping someone with an important paper. So I go and look on the Internet for something for the paper and do a Google search. (Will Google still be big when you can read this?) Up pops the part where Google brilliantly tells you there are documents on your own saved hard drive that might match your search. One comes up and I click on it because I am curious about how it might match "Vision Statement" as it highlights a post from your Grandma's blog back in 2001! (The grandma for whom you are named, by the way) Here is that post...and I, being the sap I told you yesterday that I was, couldn't help but cry. See, mommy still misses HER mommy very much, and is very happy to have you but unhappy that she doesn't get to see you and watch you grow. You are very lucky with your Grandma Ennis because I know she loves you very much. She's already made you a blankey and will buy the crib you have sweet dreams in... I just wish you could know how much your Grandma Jane would love you too. AND, Grandma Jane knew how much I wanted you way back in 2001! I have always wanted you. For about as long as I can remember. I just didn't know the path I'd take to get you...but that's ok, because if that is what daddy and I have to get you, we are glad to do so. Anyway, the post from Grandma Jane...she sure was technological WAY before I was and quite funny too. In this post, she was missing me and your daddy at Christmas, and letting her feelings be known. (She was good at that!) But she sure knew how much I loved my nieces and nephews and kids and you, and I'm glad I found this post to remind me! Emma, it is amazing how God talks to us, but don't ever think He doesn't. In addition to this letter, there is a Bible quote that another friend waiting for her boys to come home posted and it made me think so much of is Habakkuk 2:3 and goes..."But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed." (NLT) Pumpkin, God talked to me through that verse today and told me the worries I have about getting to you are for naught...surely it will take place. Then, He talked to me again through Grandma's post...reminding me that you were wanted and loved before I knew it was you. Here's what she had to say...
No call has come in. Lori and her Marine are in Germany this morning. I'm in a pouting mood. I subtly got the message across that one does not leave their family for foreign shores at Christmas without being forced. Well, maybe I wasn't that subtle about it. On the one hand, I am angry. About 80%, I'll say. On the other, I am excited for her that she has the opportunity that I would never have even dreamed of. Still, tradition is tradition and my last words to her as they shuttled to their plane at the airport (?) were "I love you anyway. Merry Christmas." And no phone call. She said quote "I'll call you when we get to Frankfort."unquote
She's with a Marine. Why should I worry? A pilot Marine, to boot. I asked him to put in a word with the pilot -- pilot to pilot -- to be very careful. He just laughed and said, "I will." Suppose he thought I was joking.
On the good side of today's news comes a "tool bench" from this very same set of children. It's for the grandkid whom Lori works very hard to spoil. Over 100 pieces in a very large box. The little guy just doesn't know how good he's got it. She loves kids -- and wants one. Til she gets one, I think she's going to just overload her niece and nephew with love, affection, and "stuff." Bless her. She was having problems in her profession, adjusting to the notion that all children do not have an equal footing in the socio-economic world nor the intellectually-capable world but I think she's adjusting to that very well. This year, she says, her class is perfect. "I love my kids." She loved em' last year, too, but just not the burdens many of them carried.
So... with her away, it will be us. Me, Jim, Jimmy, and Heather and co. That will do. Next year, according to the flying Fraulein, "we're staying home." Muttered something about someone laying a huge guilt trip on them. Wonder who that was? Semper Fi. We love Marines at our house.

Yes, Grandma Jane was funny. Or at least thought she was! J

I love you, pumpkin!

And yes, again...crying.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Dear Emma,

Well, I guess you will know soon enough, but your mommy is a SAP! S to the A to the P in all caps (which rhymes with sap, which is what I am!!!) SAP! So many children are geting loved all over the world, and not just because they are with their families, but WAITING for their families...and it makes my heart just full. Mommy watched Adoption Story this morning and just cried and cried. She listened to Butterfly Kisses on her way to work yesterday and nearly had to pull over because I was tearing up thinking of your daddy loving you so much. And trust me, when you see how much he loves your PITA doggie Dixie Belle, you will KNOW he will love you in a way he can't even begin to imagine yet. Here I sit watching tv (Daddy's flying on a Saturday, so I can be a couch potato!) and a commercial for poor puppies and kitties has come on and I am just heartbroken over the sadness that I can see on their little faces. Emma, my boys in girls in my class know that they need to have tissues on hand at any given moment because I will cry at the slightest thing...happy? Sniff, sniff. Sad? Sniff, sniff. Laughing? Yep, you guessed it, I laugh until I cry. So, baby girl...I'm just warning you now. Mommy is a bleeding heart with overactive tear ducts. Just you wait until I actually see you. Talk about stock going up...those who have invested in Kleenex will have a field day.
I love you pumpkin!

And yes...I'm tearing up now because I know one day...ONE DAY you WILL read this. And I hope you know how much you are loved before I even know it is you...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Perhaps some miscommunication???


In my haste and excitement, perhaps I was a little (accidentally) misleading in my post about Being Off. I need to clarify.

Our PAPERWORK is off to Kyrgyzstan. NOT US. I'm guessing NOT US for a while. And I am sorry about the confusion! I'm really very appreciative of the support, but to coin one of my mom's old sayings, (well, she said it all the time--I'm sure it wasn't hers!) " 'Taint Me." Rather, " 'Taint US." Yet.

Again, sorry for eliciting best wishes under false (though wishful!) pretenses!! When WE are really off--trust me--it will be WELL KNOWN!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


Okay, anyone feel free to my excitement about the latest breakthrough, I wanted to add the newest to my timeline to Emma..and it is GONE! I tried to cutesie my stupid blog (trying to keep up with the Joneses, darnit!) and LOST MY TIMELINE!

I DID save the template before I changed it...according to some websites directions...anyone know if I can get it back and HOW? I hate to think I lost that timeline!!!


Sorry for the title.

**UPDATE** Umm, yeah...that timeline is GONE. I restored the old template, but when I 'lost' widgets, restoring them does NOT restore the 'configurations' that went with them. AKA the data for the only hope is that I uploaded to blurb and it is there enough for me to reconstruct. Otherwise...I have to go back and manually reconstruct by reading all the past posts. Oh well...maybe it is time to do a complete and thorough grammar check anyway....

God love the ellipsis. It's punctuation like those little buggers that get me through a time like this.

We're OFF! the risk of...well, I don't know--sharing something I can't see any reason not to share, but with times being as they are...we are officially off to Emma's country! Not sure of what's next, but know we are at least moving along and someone in the Kyrgyz embassy was ok enough with us to send us on to their fair country. I HAVE learned that information I get and share needs to be more confidential--for what reasons I can only fathom and am not really fond of--so I don't know how much more will be posted or not, but I have to say that from the very beginning of ALL of this, I have had faith that all would work the way it should--and worries about baby swapping or agencies stealing info and such would not even be blips on my radar. I still think that is the way it should be, but going through the process has shown me that it just isn' I will be more careful of what info I broadcast. I want to share it all, though, so I'll do my best.

So...on that we just need to find someone to rent (or buy, ha ha!) our first Maryland house. Emma's mommy needs to stay home next year and play patty-cake with her!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Go this!

Please, go to this site and read about the proposals that will affect pre-adoptive parents already in process of adopting children. (Though this affects those adopting from Hague countries, and Kyrgyzstan is not, children waiting are children waiting--regardless of where it is they wait!) As any one who has read my trials and tribulations with adoption paperwork knows, there are SOOO many hoops we have to jump through (many RIDICULOUS AND REDUNDANT) simply to parent our child. And, all things considered and based on others' experiences, we had it EASY! Well, one of those hoops is getting permission to adopt an orphan (we get this permission from our country)--and the process changed after we had already gotten approval. This change, at the time, was supposed to grandfather in those already in the process, and prevent them from having to go through the whole darned thing again should their approval run out and they simply need an extension (as is SO often the case, and sadly, I think will be the case for us as well)of their approval status. Apparently, that grandfather clause is about to become non-existent, and the move to keep that clause needs to be supported!! Forcing parents to START OVER instead of allowing them to extend (and folks, I'm not unreasonable...I'm not saying that extension should be forever--but at least as long as it takes--look at the lengths of wait times for some of these countries!) is just another money-making waste of tax-dollar resources. And pretty much a nice slap in the face to those poor people who have been AND STILL HAVE TO wait--just to bring their child home. PLEASE...go to the site, read up if you want, and voice your support to do something that for ONCE doesn't penalize poor parents-to-be just to make some flipping money.

Folks, the dow made record gains today. SURELY we don't need to keep nickeling and diming adoptive parents (any more than they already are) to keep our heads above the water.

I'm now stepping off my soapbox.