Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I never cease to be amazed.... the generosity of people. SO many days I see things where I just wonder where human compassion has gone, and then, "Tada!" I see it still exists...go here and here to see what 7 days can do for over 250 children!

Thank you John, thank you Cindy and thank you to any who may have read these last few blogs and found it upon your heart to give so generously to these innocent and special children. I am truly proud to say I had even a little part in making such a big difference across the world. And all God's people said, "Amen."

As far as the adoption front...well, after some long heart to hearts with family and friends--especially ones who have been there and done that (and are kind enough to be very honest with me in their thoughts) we are still...stuck.

While I believe Kyrgyzstan may end up being a stable situation once the kinks are worked out, I am also under the belief that Kyrgyzstan may not be where our child comes from. If that is the case, well...that's the case. I am big enough (or try to be) in my faith to know that God's plans for our plans are for HIS purposes...and if Kyrgyzstan was placed on my radar for no other reason but to become aware and to help if possible with His children, well, so be it. I hate it, I won't lie. I want to bring a little Emma Jane from Kyrgyzstan home so badly I can taste it. But... I don't know if that is to be. For now, we are waiting and seeing what the meetings planned for December will bring (though I don't imagine much as it is holiday time for most everyone in some sort) and see if anything becomes clearer. The bottom line and consensus among most is this--"Be prepared to wait." And, with that being the general gist of things, while waiting, we are exploring other options. Now realize that financially, our options are slimmer as many eggs have already been placed in the Kyrgyz basket! However, my goal in all of this was to build my family, and that is still my focus. We are unsure of much right now, but know that we are probably going to pursue domestic as well through our home study agency (probably a 2 year wait as well, just financially a little easier) and IVF at some point in the next year. We are also looking at preparing a dossier through our agency for another country, but in truth, most countries these days are battling the same wait issues, so we are not sure about that.

What I AM sure of is that my heart hurts. Yet another year with a Christmas tree and no baby to keep away from the ornaments. Yet another year of stockings for me, John and the DOGS (though God knows I love my fur-babies!) Yet another year Santa won't need to visit our home and yet another year of no sweet little Christmas outfits, giggles or adorable Christmas cards. Yet another year I wonder if I was really and truly meant to have children. Just because we WANT something...just because we'd make it our WHOLE WORLD...just because we think we'd be great at it...none of that matters if it is simply not in the plan.

Lord, in this new year coming, please give me peace. I want a child, but I need peace. My heart just hurts too much without it.


  1. Lori,
    I am praying for you as you deal with many decisions right now. You are meant to have a child. I feel in my heart that is true. Your baby is out there waiting for you. You just need to keep the faith that it will happen for you. Keeping you in my prayers.

  2. Lori,I can feel your pain and your hurt and pray you can feel that peace that can come from putting our trust in the one who knows what is best for us.It is such a difficult thing to do I know for I have experienced that ache that is so painful. I think one reason it is so hard is because God has given us something called "a mothers love" that is just so deep.Our children are out there and God WILL lead you to Emma whether she is in Kyrg or not.We just need to continue to trust and have faith.Hang in there and know I am praying that we will all be lead to our children! Hugs

  3. Lori,
    Just catching up on your has been a few weeks since I have read it. I will follow suit with a donation, what a great way to give to those little ones. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to be a blessing to little ones.

    I have to admit that after reading your most recent entry I cried and cried. I want this so much for you and John. Trusting in God is so difficult when it feels like He is not hearing us, but I know that He does and that all of the anguish is part of some wonderful plan that only He knows.

    I have been meaning to give you the information regarding the domestic adoption agency that my very good friend's sister used. I will forward that to you.

    I will be praying for you and the peace only He can provide for you. I love you my friend.

  4. Time and time again, I have found myself standing in a place of complete desperation and dispare over things that are totaly out of my control.... In the Chui valley where our appartment is in Kyrgyzstan, every direction I look, I can see the towering mountains... then I remember that even they must obay ... If I could have the faith to tell them to be moved , they would be moved..... Lori, We will hold you up in our prayers, that this mountain you and so many others are now facing would be moved....and though at times my faith may not be strong enough, I know a lot of kids that exist on faith.... I will share with them and ask them to begin praying as well....I was just telling one of our workers there....You pray through your day, and I will pray through mine, and together we can sleep knowing that we are bathed in prayer ....

  5. Lori, all I can say is that my heart hurts for you. Lately I have been pondering over so many things in life that don't seem fair, don't make sense. Why God allows certain things to happen. Sometimes the answer becomes obvious, sometimes we just need to wait until we see Him and ask, "What were you thinking?" Though, at that point, I doubt we'll care!

    Lots of prayers, whatever path you may travel. We're trying to figure out our next step right now too.

  6. I am so not trying to be "in your business" and I so don't know all your situation, but... with that having been said, have you considered embryo adoption? Very, very reasonable as far as costs (compared to international adoption anyway), you get to experience birth (not that THAT'S all it's cracked up to be, but whatever *smile*), and it's saving a life that already is here as well. Just a thought. If you want more info, I know that Bethany Christian is doing quite of bit of it these days. HUGS, my friend. God WILL lead you where your child is -- no matter what route it leads you through.

  7. Lori,

    I remember the hurt of my heart and and arms aching for a baby, especially at Christmas. I will pray for God's direction for your family. He already knows, the story's been written. Before the beginning of time He already knew where your children would come from. I'll pray that soon you will know as well.

  8. Hang in there Lori. My heart is hurting to, but we have to have faith that this is all for good reason. Believe me, I have my share of days where I am pissed at the world for what is going on. What kind of profound lesson am I trying to learn here??'s so frustrating!


  9. So many of us are in your shoes, Lori. Feeling the heartache of no children...wondering why that desire is in our hearts. I'm convinced that God puts the desire in our hearts for a reason. He does indeed have a plan and I hope that the plan will be realized for us all soon.

    I'm praying for you. And, please know that there are a lot of people working behind the scenes, both here and abroad, to ensure the children in Kyrgyzstan have families.


  10. Lori,

    I am waiting too. Since March. Your post made me so sad. I wish I knew you and could give you a hug. I continue to light candles every Sunday for all the children of Kryg, waiting families, and people who can re-start the adoption process.

    Best wishes,