...at the generosity of people. SO many days I see things where I just wonder where human compassion has gone, and then, "Tada!" I see it still exists...go here and here to see what 7 days can do for over 250 children!
Thank you John, thank you Cindy and thank you to any who may have read these last few blogs and found it upon your heart to give so generously to these innocent and special children. I am truly proud to say I had even a little part in making such a big difference across the world. And all God's people said, "Amen."
As far as the adoption front...well, after some long heart to hearts with family and friends--especially ones who have been there and done that (and are kind enough to be very honest with me in their thoughts) we are still...stuck.
While I believe Kyrgyzstan may end up being a stable situation once the kinks are worked out, I am also under the belief that Kyrgyzstan may not be where our child comes from. If that is the case, well...that's the case. I am big enough (or try to be) in my faith to know that God's plans for our plans are for HIS purposes...and if Kyrgyzstan was placed on my radar for no other reason but to become aware and to help if possible with His children, well, so be it. I hate it, I won't lie. I want to bring a little Emma Jane from Kyrgyzstan home so badly I can taste it. But... I don't know if that is to be. For now, we are waiting and seeing what the meetings planned for December will bring (though I don't imagine much as it is holiday time for most everyone in some sort) and see if anything becomes clearer. The bottom line and consensus among most is this--"Be prepared to wait." And, with that being the general gist of things, while waiting, we are exploring other options. Now realize that financially, our options are slimmer as many eggs have already been placed in the Kyrgyz basket! However, my goal in all of this was to build my family, and that is still my focus. We are unsure of much right now, but know that we are probably going to pursue domestic as well through our home study agency (probably a 2 year wait as well, just financially a little easier) and IVF at some point in the next year. We are also looking at preparing a dossier through our agency for another country, but in truth, most countries these days are battling the same wait issues, so we are not sure about that.
What I AM sure of is that my heart hurts. Yet another year with a Christmas tree and no baby to keep away from the ornaments. Yet another year of stockings for me, John and the DOGS (though God knows I love my fur-babies!) Yet another year Santa won't need to visit our home and yet another year of no sweet little Christmas outfits, giggles or adorable Christmas cards. Yet another year I wonder if I was really and truly meant to have children. Just because we WANT something...just because we'd make it our WHOLE WORLD...just because we think we'd be great at it...none of that matters if it is simply not in the plan.
Lord, in this new year coming, please give me peace. I want a child, but I need peace. My heart just hurts too much without it.