Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Seven Weeks Have Come...

..and gone!! WOW! He's almost two months old!! Yesterday, out at lunch, someone asked how old he was and when I answered, "Two weeks today," I couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth! I just don't know he's already this old...I keep saying that, but it still amazes me.

Yesterday I should have written this, but just didn't have the time. I find that a lot these days, and that's ok...I would rather spend time tending to what he needs of me, truth be told.

That said, today, he took two really super fabulous naps and I got a LOT done! Woohoo!! Not a lot for me normally, but these days, a lot for me was some basic housekeeping, phone calls and appointment making, shower taking, and counseling. Not to mention that I was on time for the two appointments I had yesterday and today, so again, WOOHOO!

Luke is definitely growing! He was 8 lbs., 1 oz. on Friday at the pediatrician. That's 18 oz. in 14 days, which is above the 'average' of about an ounce a day, and Dr. Sheth said that he was pleased with the progress and ok with him not being on a growth chart right now because he's gaining so well. He's pretty much waking to eat on his own every 3 or so hours and that's super because at least he's got an appetite. Now...working on the every 3 hours stretching into 4 or more during the evenings! Still nursing the majority of the time, with an expressed bottle here or there, mostly when we are out running errands. John's attempt to give me a break on the weekends by feeding him bottle is sweet, but not really helpful in that I still have to pump, so until I can go through the night stretch without having to pump OR feed, breaks for me. That's ok...this is all going to be gone before I know it and I will miss, miss, miss it so I keep reminding myself of that!

He's definitely rounding out more. I love it. I think his eyes will stay the same color, John's, but more and more, each day I see me in his facial expressions. He'll make some face and I instantly flashback to some baby picture of me. I'll have to dig some up to compare.

He's showing lots of interest in things now...especially his zebra on his bouncy. Some days I think they are having a stand-off and others, are the best of friends. It's cute--he's making lots and lots of faces and smiling and giggling now too. I'm able to capture them more easily.

The pediatrician said his rash was seborrheic dermatitis...or the fancy name for cradle cap. I had to publicly announce that John was right on FB because he said that's what he thought it was, but it is NOT a typical presentation. There's no scalp involvement--his cap is just fine! It's his cheeks, chin, and eyebrows. I still think it's probably more eczema or an allergic reaction to something, but the doctor DID go to med school, so...we also have to go to a pediatric urologist. The kidney enlargement we followed in utero was followed up on Valentine's Day and it turns out there is moderate hydronephrosis of the left kidney. Now, I have to say that while we watched the ultrasound, it looked like his ureter was enlarged, and that's what the tech said. The report says that both the kidneys are about the same size, so I think hydronephrosis is not the correct diagnosis, but again...I'm not the doctor. In any event, we will see what will come of it on March 10. The pediatrician said if it was mild, he'd not even bother following up, but since the report said moderate, and to put our minds at ease, he wants us to see a specialist.


I'd write more, but it's bath time for Little Bit. He LOVES, and I repeat, LOVES baths. He loves the warm water spraying over him. He's so sweet to see.

Here are a couple of pictures...we just can't get enough of him. He's so huggable and kissable.

Thank you, thank you, thank you God for giving us this sweet little boy!

An outfit daddy wore nearly 38 years ago...

That zebra makes me smile!

So alert and active these days!

Mommy trying to sneak a nap in with him!

"Hey, have you met my friend Zebra?"

"He's a real riot!"

"Ummm...what exactly am I laying on?"


More in daddy's outfit

I favor cousin Ryan a lot...look we even have matching tongue curls!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy Study

When Matthew died, I was lost. Just lost.

I was alone, even though there were literally hundreds of people emailing and calling and sending cards and basically offering to me (and John) anything we could possibly think of needing.

I felt like it was John and me...we were the only ones in the world who knew what losing Matthew felt like.

We were.

But we weren't the only parents who had ever lost a baby. Sadly, in a few minutes of searching on the computer, I found out that there were SO MANY babies who left their parents far too soon. More specifically, there were several mothers who wrote about and shared their experiences and I can not express how grateful for that openness I was.

I wasn't alone any more. There were others who shared similar experiences and were asking the same questions and feeling the same things I was. I found some of them on a wonderful website called Hannah's Prayer. This is a Christian site for infertility, but as so many of us who have suffered infertility know, pregnancy loss is often part of the road traveled. On this site, I came across Heather...and was SO grateful for her blog and her story and just her ability to share and to support. She and Julie were putting together an amazing outreach program through Grieve Out Loud, and I joined their team--looking for support and to be supportive. What a blessing that has been! I also came across, through Heather, Katy and all she does In Hannah's Honor. Again, such a blessing of resources from those women--mainly in the blogs and stories of others who I could relate to and who related to me.

And then...I became part of the Anchored By Hope Bible studies...The Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy study that was specifically designed for pregnancy loss. Each week, I'd do the study questions and scriptures and then share with several other women every Sunday night.

I can't explain how the fellowship and support of this Bible study helped me through so many, many rough days. I had to ask and answer questions I didn't necessarily want to, and I was able to hear the heartache and healing of others as we all processed the "New Normals" we were living. I got so much out of the study, I took it again right after the first one was over...I just needed to continue to be supported in my questions and thoughts, as well as the fellowship that comes from being in a group of those who TRULY get it.

I know the answers and insights and support from those women and those sessions truly were what enabled me to come to a place where I could function every day with hope...hope for reuniting with Matthew, hope for being able to smile again one day and really mean it, hope for the joy of another child...just hope. It is a very aptly named ministry. More, it reminded me that even in those very days that I felt alone....I wasn't.

I am honored to be able to lead the spring study, which will start on March 6, 2011. If you are interested, or know someone who may be, please have them go to the Anchored By Hope page and fill out the information to join. There are only a few spaces left, but there will be another study in the summer as well if this one fills up. One can participate with a phone or video through Skype. The sessions will be on Sunday evenings, from 6-8 EST.

I have to say, I am just grateful for the opportunity, and grateful for the amazing blessings this ministry provides. As ever, just grateful.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

He's Already HOW Old??????

Six weeks! I just cannot believe he was born 4 days into January and it is already halfway through February! We are (thanks Grandma!) planning for a big family vacation at CHRISTMAS time, and things are already booked! This year is flying by...I feel very overwhelmed most days, with how much time I seem NOT to have and things I seem to NOT get done.

Then I think about what I DO get done...spending an entire day with a sweet boy. Still no routine, which is soooooooo difficult for someone like me to adjust to. Right when I feel like we might have a bit of one, it changes. So, I am trying very hard to get used to the idea of just not having a schedule at all. Again, every fiber of my TYPE A-Being screams at that, but at this point, I just have to surrender or I'll drive myself crazy trying to get everything I got done before Luke was born done AND tend to him all day. My once-a-month counselor told me that I sound like I am trying to be responsible for far too much and need to just be responsible for myself and Luke right now...and the rest will fall into place.

I feel more like the rest is falling apart, ha ha! In any event, I'm allowing myself some leeway in getting things done. If I can get one or two things on a list complete, I'm super happy.

A post each week for Luke, at minimum, is on the list for today, so I'm thrilled I can get it done. Of course, as I type, I hear him cooing away on the monitor, so not sure how many details I'll get out!

He's had a few rough nights in the last week, but still, nothing like I know so many with newborns have. More just getting up more often because he was out of sorts, but not having to spend lots of time getting him back to sleep. John is pushing to get him into his bedroom because he thinks I'll sleep better when I can sleep but he forgets that I'll STILL be on hyper-aware for every sound, and him being further away will be MORE work for me!

He also has the nasal congestion still, and now some lung congestion and the sometimes-runny eye. We see the doctor on Friday for a growth check (his cheeks are filling out and his diapers are always full, so I am fine with his growth!) and I'll ask about this congestion, his eye and this rash he seems to get randomly. It's all over his face--well, mostly cheeks and a teeny bit behind his ears. It comes and goes--no real rhyme or reason. Sometimes, his skin looks just as clear and perfect as it ever has. Then, for no reason, it looks like he has horrible, horrible baby acne. Then, for no reason....just a little bit of a rash. It's sometimes raised and bumpy, others just red. The consensus seems to be that it's probably some sort of a heat rash; John thinks it's cradle cap (he did have a bout with some dandruff for a few days, but it's gone) and I am wondering if he may have some allergies.

Whatever it is, I have to say that it has taken everything I can possibly do to not have been to the doctor the second I saw the first bump. I am working very hard to not overreact to 'normal' newborn things, but have to's hard. Again, in talking with my counselor, she validated so much for me. The reality is that I do NOT have any idea of what a 'normal newborn' experience is.

My experience with newborns is that they die and leave me brokenhearted. stands to reason that I will worry about every little thing and that is not just to be expected, it would be very weird and detached of me if I didn't. Have I mentioned how much I love this counselor? She suffered a miscarriage nearly 40 years ago and she GETS it. She GETS how hard it is to be a 'normal' mom to a 'normal' baby when you are actually a very unusual mom to a baby that is nowhere near NORMAL simply because he LIVES! I love her and am so grateful for her constant reassurance and empathy.

As usual, I try to temper my worry with action and feel like I am doing ok with the balance. I admit, though, I'll feel better Friday after talking to the doctor and just getting the official reassurance that he's fine.

He has had a few more outings this week and done well. We've been to church twice now and he is pretty good. During the week, we call his "Hands Up" position Jazz Hands, but on Sunday, they become Praise Hands and he is so cute! He pretty much sleeps through it all and for now, I'm glad so I can have him out of the nursery for just a bit longer...cold and flu season babies get a bum deal!

I have to be 100% honest. I am a huge, huge, huge fan of breast milk.

Not so much of breast feeding. It could be that again, the Type A in me makes it more difficult than it should be--worrying about whether he's getting enough and hating that sometimes he'll eat for a few minutes and others, forever...not being able to predict that.

I think it's more that we just don't have the 'groove' for the latching...and not only is it painful sometimes, it's just frustrating--especially at 2:30 in the morning. He'll do a great latch and then pull off...and we go again. This happens maybe 8-12 times a feeding. Each side. He just never seems hungry enough to put much effort into eating, and I know I am making all my lactation consultants and La Leche Friends cringe when I say this, but seriously, pumping to bottles is looking more and more like the option for us. I realize it's more work, but honestly, it's controlled work, and I feel more like I could deal better with that.

I know that not many people want to know about this, or really care (surely Luke won't when he's older and reads this!) but I am writing about it because I have been really humbled in this whole process and feel like I ought to come clean in that confession.

I've obviously come to 'know' over the last 2 years many, many mommies--through blogs that deal with infertility, pregnancy, loss and pregnancy after loss...I've read and follow so many different women with babies and have read about their ups and downs. Most times, when reading about the frustrations of breast feeding, in my comments, I'd say, "You do what's right for YOU!" and truly, truly, truly meant it. In my head, though, I'd think, "But WE are going to make breast feeding work, NO MATTER WHAT!"

After thing I did learn when Matthew died was that I'd be a great milk-maker. And I am.

It takes two to tango, though, and as much as I like to 'control' situations, let me say now...newborns will NOT let you control them!!!!!

Like I said, I've been humbled. I don't feel like a failure, I just feel a bit guilty for not 'loving' every single thing about parenthood. Motherhood, more specifically. Don't get me wrong...I am so grateful I have the opportunity to realize that breast feeding is probably one of the most difficult things I've tried to 'master','s still hard and I'm frustrated with the decisions before me.

Give it some more time--let him have a bit to get his groove going?
Nurse and express to bottles for 'the best of both'?
Go to exclusive pumping?

I'm not ready to make any decision, so for now...I'm sort of in the middle and just hoping the right decision for us makes itself more clear.

I think we are over 7 pounds...maybe even close to 7 and a half. Again, we'll know on Friday. I also think his eyes are definitely going to be daddy's color, though there are lots of times he'll make a face with his eyes and I am instantly transported to a picture of me as a baby. All in all, though, he looks SO much like daddy. For looking so much like Matthew when he was first born (and Matthew looking like me), I wonder if this would have happened with Matthew as well? Looking like me for the first few days/weeks and then daddy more and more each new day?

He's stirring...and I have forsaken a shower for this blog post! That's ok...I want him to know his mommy's thoughts...and he loves me even if I am a bit scraggly! Little Bit...mommy loves you so, so much. Here are some pictures from your sixth week!

The one time we can always count on him crying--diaper changes!

About as good as a picture by himself will get!

Ready for church on Sunday with my awesome aviator hat!

His Austin Powers face!

"A diaper change coming?????"

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Five Weeks and a Video?

The video is iffy...blogger is telling me that my video is uploading, and will appear when finished, but I have to say that I don't have the best of luck with uploading pictures and/or stated many times before. I don't have a lot of time to trouble shoot either, so...if it doesn't work, well rest assured that it's Luke and he's cute. I took it yesterday, as he was deciding to nap (or not!) and he was just being sweet.

Which is pretty much par for his course. He is so, so, so sweet. He's becoming more and more and more expressive and is awake for longer periods too. I love that! We've been having fun dancing and singing when he's awake...and taking videos and pictures and trying to play with our toys. Still not so coordinated on the toy front, but able to really get into the music and dancing! He's staring more at toys that dangle, but honestly, most of the time just seems to be having all sorts of private conversations in his head.

I know this is going to sound like bragging, and I DON'T mean it to...we are just grateful and I want to be able to remember these days on those nights when this does NOT apply...Luke is a WONDERFUL nighttime sleeper. I feed him, change him, swaddle him, hat him, paci him, cuddle him and then lay him down (on his Angel Care monitor!!!!) and turn his little frog white noise machine on. He lays there pretty alert and just looks all around--kind of like Maggie Simpson. He may make some little billy goat grunt noises, but no crying (if there is a little jag, it's about 15-30 seconds and then he stops) and he puts himself to sleep. Sometimes he'll lay there for 15-30 noise, just a few little grunts here or there as he looks around and sucks his paci, and he'll fall asleep. No rocking him to sleep. No nursing him to sleep. No special music. No driving him around the neighborhood. We just put him down, give him lots of kisses and some strokes on his cheeks and head and that's that. I told John last night that he has not had ONE SINGLE NIGHT of crying and not going to sleep at night since he's been born. One or two nights, he was up often, but once he was up, nursed and changed, he'd go right back down. He is simply amazing and such a good, good baby. We are blessed and I told John not all babies are like this...his response, "I know...everyone tells me horror stories. I count my blessings every day!"

Me too.

We are weighing him every day at about the same time to see how growth is going. The first time we weighed him on this scale, he was 6 lbs., 8 oz. Yesterday, he weighed 7 lbs., 3 oz. We first weighed him on January 29, so that basically means that he's gained 11 ounces in 9 days--which exceeds the whole "an ounce a day" parameter and makes me happy, regardless of whether or not he's on a growth curve. (He's not, ha ha!) Those growth curves actually aggravate me a bit, especially considering he was 6 lbs., 2 oz. at birth and two weeks early...there's no accounting for early birth on those charts, and honestly, Luke being that heavy almost 3 weeks earlier than Matthew was (only 4 ounces difference in their birth weights) really makes me think about what a PEANUT Matthew was...that light, that far along gestationally, THAT long (22 inches!)....Holy cow, was he little! Anyway...Luke gained almost a pound in 17 days his first month, and seems to be gaining adequately (as opposed to on average) so we are trying an experiment in Baby Food Boot Camp...our sweet cousin Donna in California is a BreastFeeding Guru by profession and has basically told me that Luke is doing fabulously, our family grows babies long and lean (both sides, save the long part on my side--all the boys on my side get it, the girls don't!) and that I need to pull back on all that I am doing so we can see what Luke will do on his own--without all the extra pumping, supplementing, etc. Sooooo....I'm pulling back on the pumping...gradually trying to get to once a day just to have a little extra to supplement if I feel we need it as well as letting Luke "lead the way" as Donna more waking him up and force feeding him--I'm going to let him wake up and feed as his body dictates and see how things go. If he continues to gain adequately, HOORAY! If not...well, we'll go back to Boot Camp and reevaluate our options. I can say that no matter what, as long as I can make breast milk, that's what he'll have. Well...not as least for a year...none of that 5 year old breastfeeding for us (no offense to those who do)...but in any event, even if I exclusively pump (Epping...who knew there was a term?) and supplement with some formula for bulk, fine with me. I just want to make sure he gets breastmilk if at all possible. So far, he is sort of waking up and wanting to eat on his own about every 4 hours or so, and before bed and in the middle of the night feeding, I am still supplementing an extra ounce or so just because I know his tendency is to sleep longer in the night and I want to make sure he's not hungry. That said, we are really only in day one of Operation Pull-Back. We'll see how the next few go...

Bless his little heart...he is a Peanut, but he has SUCH LONG LEGS...long SKINNY legs...which do not work so well with the sweet little newborn sized cloth diapers of which I have a stash. His rise is just so long, comparatively, he seems to leak and soak his clothes every time. I ended up moving into our one-size diapers yesterday--definitely bigger and bulkier on his little body, BUT...they allow for his long rise, and he's not leaked a diaper in almost 24 hours! Hooray! Guess I'll be putting those newborn diapers on eBay! Other than that, cloth diapering is not terrible at all and I think John likes it too. I think secretly, we are both just thrilled to not have the extra expense of disposable diapers, and I do all the 'hard' work of rinsing for John, but we are both pretty glad we went cloth. Plus, Luke just looks so darned cute in them!

Hard to believe today he has been born for 35 days. I still sort of feel like I am in withdrawal from all the 'spotlight' so to speak of being pregnant and all the appointments and focus on getting him here safely. I'm starting to get restless, but in a "I wish I could feel more accomplished" way... I apologize to so, so, so many friends that I need to call/email/catch up with---one sweet one said, "It's're busy!!!"

I told her that if my house was cleaner, and my taxes were done and my thank you notes were finished and all my shoes were back to organized by color and style, MAYBE I'd feel like I was busy...but they aren't! I don't feel busy, and yet, I just don't have ANY time....this last 15 minutes here to write this seems almost like an eternity!

I wouldn't have it any other way, new perfume is spit-up, my hair is crunchy from it! My time is spent in the cycle of feed Luke, change, cuddle, laundry, eat something quickly and repeat and I am just fine with that. These days are already going by so quickly...I don't want to wish a single second away.

Here's hoping the video works...Blogger is swearing to me it will. We'll see!

Monday, February 7, 2011

The Winner And Pictures Too!

As stated before, I am not great at giveaway etiquette. I spent about 40 minutes (priceless, priceless minutes since The Peanut is not very sleepy today!) trying to figure out what the best way to pick the random number out was....finally, I googled "How to pick a winner for a blog giveaway" and it took me to Random.Org. You'd think I'd be able to have figured something like that site out a bit sooner, but nooooooo....sleep deprivation is a powerful, powerful thing! (So not his fault, only because mommy has to wake him and feed him!)

Here's what I ended up with:
True Random Number Generator 28Powered by RANDOM.ORG

Looks like my Hannah's Prayer friend TINA is the winner!! Tina had sweet baby Grant in November...and we've been HP friends for nearly a year now! (Hard to believe, isn't it?) Tina, I know I have your address SOMEWHERE in FB, but if you email me, it'd be a lot easier for me to get the details for your bag! Congratulations! I had fun doing a giveaway...I might try and come up with more!

I have to say that after writing about all the love we've been shown in the last year or so, I realized that there were so many more things I could have added to the list...meals and visits and phone calls and letters and ornaments and pictures and coffee dates and hugs at the right time and simple opportunities given to me just to talk about Matthew and cry...again, I must say, we have been so, so loved and if ever I wonder why God might feel so far away sometimes, I close my eyes and a million ways He's shown us He's here exist in every kind deed and gesture and word given to us through so many wonderful people. I am grateful.

Here's a couple of pictures of Sweet Boy...he's getting more and more animated and more and more awake!!! He can make quite the expressions now. We didn't stay awake for Glee last night, but watched it together today and he loved, loved, loved singing and dancing together. Okay....maybe he didn't love me singing, but he loved dancing!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Love, Love and Love honored am I to be part of a wonderful idea that sweet Mattie had for the month of have a group of bloggers write posts about what love really means?
Really honored.

I have been trying to think about what to write. Love is such an ambiguous and defining concept at the same time. It kind of reminds me of how one's heart can be full and broken at the same time.

How it can rain even when the sun shines.

How hope lives even when it seems like there's no reason for it to do so.

I had no idea of how I'd be able to express what love means to me.

The other night as I was trying to fall asleep (and it was hard because my Little Billy Goat was grunting away and I wondered if he was about to get up or not!), it hit me...I knew what I wanted to write about.

I wanted to write about what love has meant to me in the last year, two months, one week and 3 and a half hours.

When one's child dies...or any great loss occurs, I guess...I think it's natural to question God. Goodness knows I sure did. And honestly, still do. I don't necessarily question "Why?" because I have come to realize that there is just no answer that will satisfy me on this earth. I question more along the lines of "How?"

How am I supposed to go on without a piece of my heart? How do I celebrate everything I have to celebrate while I mourn all that I have lost? How am I supposed to sit in the pediatrician's office, hear "Matthew" called, and not tear up? How am I supposed to function like the world expects me to? Now that Luke is here, it seems as if I'm expected to stop being Matthew's mom because I am Luke's mom. How do I keep the game face going?

These are the questions I ask God on a regular basis.

He answers in Love. One of the foundations of Sunday School is that God is Love, right?

Let me be frank. When Matthew died, God did not feel like love. In fact, God did not feel like love for a long time. I've always said it's time that gives perspective, not necessarily healing. Time allows one to see where God works and how He's worked when one can't actually see it in the moment.

And there is no doubt that every second of my life, I have been in the heart of God's love. As the nurses were begging Matthew's little heart to beat, I was loved. Doctors and nurses and techs were holding my hand...praying with me and for me...covering me and our family with scripture. When Matthew died, as John and I cried together on the phones, there was love. Mom and my neighbor Connie and my sweet nurse Jade held me and Matthew was ushered into Heaven with his daddy on earth gently and achingly letting him go.

A dear and sweet Texas friend cried to me about how she just wanted to "Love us like Jesus" did...I hadn't even heard that song, and I remember her telling me, "Oh,'s for you...I just want you to know so many people just want to love you like Jesus." Several months later, after having the strength to listen to the words, I know that our family most certainly has been loved with a love that mirrors the unselfish and unconditional love that God is.

From a church full of people I don't even know gathered to share their condolences at the loss of my people randomly visiting Matthew's grave and sending me emails and messages from all over the world to let me know how much 'our story' has touched them, we have felt love. Every weekly phone call to let me cry and work things out...every 28th with flowers delivered remembering my boy...every card and gift and amazingly thoughtful package that has been sent for Matthew and for Luke...every person who has found me on FB or on the blog and has just let me know they pray for us and will continue to do so...every word of encouragement, every understanding hug and hand-holding...

We have known love.

John and I are so often just amazed at the kindness and generosity of so many...many that would be considered 'strangers' if for no reason other than we've never even 'met,' and yet...treat us like family!

This is love. Every dark minute I screamed at God, "WHERE ARE YOU?" He'd show himself in a perfectly worded email, or phone call or song on the radio or simple little butterfly on my front porch.

His love may not have been blatant--as blatant as perhaps we desperately look for when we are hurting--but so, so, so abundant nonetheless.

His love has been gracious and generous in the work of His people...those who have loved us and cared for us and continue to shower us with thoughts and prayers on a regular basis.

And has meant the world to us.

I doubt this is going to even come close to what I wanted to express when I started writing this. Mainly because as usual, I cried as I wrote it and so in the name of guarding my heart, I sometimes withdraw. In any event, for my sweet little Luke--whose life is such a blessing and has already been so blessed by so many--love means the world to means we will see our Matthew again and no matter what happens to us on this earth, we are not alone.


To celebrate LOVE, I am doing a giveaway! I have never done one before, so honestly, not sure of what the parameters should be, but I'll just ask that you post a comment. Anything you want to say is fine...but if you'd like to share something special, I'd be honored to read it too. I'll keep the giveaway open until Sunday evening...and hope you like Thirty One! I have had FOUR friends tell me in the last week and a half that they've become consultants and I don't blame them because the products are SO amazing!!! I figured since it was so cold and gloomy for most of the country, something warm and anticipatory of the beach and summer weather would be appropriate!!! This is the link to my sweet friend Shannon, who is donating Beach Utility Tote with the flip flop name tag...and can be embroidered if you like. Cute, cute, cute...and so needed, I think, to push us toward the warmth in the middle of this winter!!! My thanks to Shannon and happy entering!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Four Weeks and A First Cold?

...I think. It may not be a cold, and just some nasal congestion but considering I saw the doctor yesterday and she told me that I had a cold (thought I'd been fighting one, had that confirmed!), it stands to reason that Luke's congestion could be the beginning of, if not middle of one. Just in time for his 4 week birthday!

He is still so good. Even when he's trying to eat and his nose is all gurgly, he's so sweet. Last night, he had a hard time sleeping (so did I!) so we were up about every hour and a half or so...trying to nurse, but more he just couldn't sleep and I think wanted to be comforted some.

John went to Amarillo on Sunday for work. He was supposed to fly out there, pick up an Osprey, deliver it to New River (NC) and then drive home--by today at the latest. Instead, he flew out there, picked up one that was to go to Miramar, thankfully was able to make it to El Paso last night and then Miramar today, but as we are basically in the middle of the "biggest snow storm this country may have ever seen", he will more than likely be 'stranded' in San Diego until the airlines are back in business.

I'm guessing tomorrow at best, more likely Thursday. Grandma came out on Sunday afternoon so that I didn't have to take Luke to the doctor with me yesterday and she is hoping to get back tomorrow as well.

I hate winter. I have never been a fan and still am not. I like one nice snow where everyone (by everyone, I mean John) is tucked home and we can have a family movie day with some cute snow pictures for posterity.

Other than that, I have no use for winter.

I don't know where four weeks have gone. We are still working on feeding. I weigh him before and after feedings, and he seems to be taking in a good amount each time but his overall weight doesn't seem to be picking up too much. He is slowly gaining, has lots of good and poopy/wet diapers and again, I don't know what I'd do much differently if the doctor isn't happy on Friday. We gave him a bottle (with breastmilk) on Friday because we have a dinner that we'll be going to next week and the lactation lady said to introduce about a week before so Grandma will be able to give him a bottle that night. John gave it to him and he had no issue at all. In fact, he sort of seemed surprised that this 'paci' had milk in it! His eyes got big and round and he didn't even blink an eye over me being right there.

The baby bird dropper to supplement feedings got old. Fast. He just doesn't want to keep eating after about 5 or so, getting him to take the extra feeding in the dropper was not working for us anymore and I now give him about 5 extra ounces (about 2 feedings!) over the course of the day in the bottle. I am feeding him every 3 hours, pumping 8-10 times a him his supplements...good grief, we are in the throes of Baby Food Boot Camp! Hoping our appointment on Friday says we've done a good job and we are able to let up a bit.

I also have to say thank GOD for nipple shields.

I have pictures from last week...I take at least one a day (if not hundreds!) but Krissy just did Luke's blog and I figured she's WAY better than our pics so here's the link...we are so blessed by her work and generosity and seriously, will plaster the walls with her work!!

That girl is some kind of talented, let me tell you!