Monday, March 8, 2010


I should start this by reminding one and all who read it that I am pumping myself up with hefty doses of estrogen and progesterone, so the melancholy is even more magnified. (Amber, I asked John. He said magniscope is not a word. I think it was completely fine. There goes the vocabulary neighborhood, huh?)

See, the hormones make me ramble as well.

I failed to mention a few things about my birthday. My amazing mother-in-law, who I couldn't love more if she was my flesh and blood, made me strawberry cupcakes with rainbow chip icing, per my request. She also has been cleaning my house, cooking for me, and making me feel horribly guilty as I've just been sitting on the sofa for several days now.

I got a lovely bouquet of flowers on my front porch when I got home from church. A very full bunch of pretty white daisies, but more special to my heart were the two very special roses also included. One was red, one was yellow. My heart melted.

Today, I got another beautiful flower arrangement...a beautiful yellow bouquet of daisies. The card read, "....I know you love red, but I am thinking of Yellow Fish too."

You know, some people just don't get it. They *think* they do and try to tell you things that DO NOT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. ("Hope Yellow Fish makes it and is a boy because then you'll be SET!") Seriously?

Some people don't get it, KNOW they don't get it and just don't say anything at all. I am so thankful for their silence in lieu of the wrong words.

Some people don't get it, KNOW they don't get it and tell you as much...while they tell you they love you and wish it was better. That love and wishing is priceless.

And then there are some people who may not get *it* but TOTALLY get YOU. I am so, so blessed I have so many of those people in my life. Both bouquets of flowers made my days.

John sort of forgot about my birthday. Well, I guess he remembered, and more sort of forgot to do anything for it, in light of the fact that he has been trying to get his aircraft out to Minnesota since January. (Good thing he makes pretty babies and cooks well, huh?)

Today, I got a FEDEX package. To save the driver the aggravation of my zealous hounds, I went outside and met him. As I signed for it, I told him that it was my birthday gift from my husband. He said, "Oh, happy birthday!" I told him it was yesterday. He said, "Oh. Oops. Funny, because it was supposed to be for Tuesday delivery...I just got it to you early."

Did I mention my husband makes pretty babies and cooks well? Oh, yeah, I did.

Anyway, he sent me a watch. (Which should make anyone in our family, or good friends of ours who read this, laugh seeing as JOHN is the one who has love affairs with watches, but I digress...) My current watch doesn't fit so well as my wrist has changed in size since my pregnancy (along with my hip size, my shoulder size, my shoe size and my rib size) and so he replaced it. Very thoughtful.

What I love, though, (and what redeems his lack of memory) is his card. It's a small, very colorful card with lots of little kids on the front. Inside it says, "The whole world is smiling." His words are what gets him out of hot water: "The more I look at greeting cards, the harder it is to find one that says the right thing. At least this card benefits children. (It benefits UNICEF, so we'll have to have a discussion on that later, but anyway....) Also, sometimes, when I feel very alone, especially now that I am away from home, but when I see how many people around the world care about you and me because of our story and your amazing ability to communicate, I feel like the whole world is crying, praying, hoping, feeling and yes, even smiling with us...." There's a bit more, but that's my favorite part.

So please, if you think of me or Matthew, lift John up as well. He misses his baby boy, he is away from home (without the pleasure of his lovely 3-ring dog circus) and it really, really means something to him (and me too) when we are lifted.

As for the disclaimer at the beginning? I cried throughout the entire writing of this. I miss that little boy of mine.


  1. Love, prayers, and hugs to you and John... I guess I should ask: Is John a hugging sort? If not, love and prayers to John; you can keep the hugs for yourself. And an extra little "mmm...mmm" squeeze for Matthew and YF.

  2. I can feel your love for Matthew. I am thinking of both you and John. xx

  3. I only know you and John thru your blog; but, John seems to be the epitome of what a real man is all about. Steadfast and honorable and completely devoted to you, and well, to the dogs, too. (which we have 3!) p.s. Such a great gift to the babies of Kyrgyzstan. It was such an honor to make a donation in Matthew's name.

  4. Oops! Happy Birthday late :) Did I mention I cook well? You can come visit MN sometime and I can make you a cheesecake. I'm sorry that some people just feel compelled to say something that just makes things worse. I think I'll just stick with, I'm praying for you and I'd hug you if I could.

  5. We can write Webster and have it added.

    Still sending you big BIG hugs.

  6. Lori,
    I am sure your Mother-In-Law feels just as blessed to be able to do those things for you! Always much love, hugs and prayers being sent to you, John and Matthew.

  7. You are blessed to have such a caring mother in-law and husband.

  8. Since I tend to be one of those who doesn't have that "filter" to stop stupid things, I'm going to stick with, "Awww, wasn't that sweet of your MIL and John?" :-)

  9. I am praying for John too. I think the daddies get overlooked so often in these situations.

    I'm glad you are being taken care of so well!!! By the way, I wanted to ask you, is there a requirement to be on some sort of bed rest during the 2ww?? I hadn't planned on taking off work more than 2 days after, but since you've been through this before I thought I'd ask you!

  10. Praying for you this morning. What beautiful birthday flowers! (Did you take pictures?)

  11. sending lots of love and prayers up for you, john, matthew and, of course, yellow fish. hugs xx

  12. happy birthday a smidgen late... a pisces eh? and we are all praying for her little fish... makes things come together even more... you and your hubby are great together -- balance makes it all go round... i hope the watch has super powers to speed up time to "the day" we are all praying for the best news possible.

  13. The flowers just melted my heart too. What a wonderful person. I agree that daddies tend to be forgotten a little bit in our losses. My husband always says it is hard on a daddy to lose his son. You guys are still in my prayers.

  14. Rich remembers occassions but often doesn't do anything about them. :) I usually get flowers when he deploys, hmm....not yet.

    Thinking and praying each day for yor WHOLE family!

    So glad your mom was there on Sunday while John was away!

    Lots of hugs!

  15. Speaking of John and Your MIL...the apple realy didn't fall far from the tree :) Your hubby obviously shares his mothers kindness. I have a wonderful MIL as well and know that its a real blessing.

    People mean well, don't they. They just say all the wrong things...

    Praying for you, as its hard when hubbys are away. My SIL is on her own a lot, as my brother is a Navy pilot and spends time in Utah. But, her support system of military "sisters" is amazing! You all are part of such a wonderful community/family of friends :)

    Much Love sweetie, hang in there and know that I am praying for you and yellow fish. And, remembering Matthew along side you.


  16. I was on my knees for you last night. Lifting you both in prayer this morning.