FRUSTRATION!

Okay, just know now that this is a RANT. I'm frustrated.

Let me be brief:

1) Crazy people in the workplace are not ok. Crazy people you HAVE NO CHOICE but to deal with, well...that's just miserable. Crazy people in the workplace who get away with being crazy makes ME miserable.

2) I really think that Yuma, Arizona is just a military base disguising a bottomless pit that husbands fall into and from which they NEVER COME HOME. Or it seems like it.

3) The hell one has to go through to simply to get what they are entitled to through their insurance is criminal. I was actually told today, by a well-known pharmacy company, that I was the one who expressed urgency and I could either have my medicine by the time I needed it OR wait until they were ready to process my insurance so I would only have to pay my $9.00 co-payment (instead of the $524 full price). UMMMM NO! How about this? How about I get my medicine ON TIME at the price I am supposed to pay. PERIOD. I swear, if ONE MORE PERSON tells me how lucky I am that we get *free* health care, you may just see me on CNN as the newest woman gone plum crazy. Free, huh? Really? So, where's my husband right now as I have to do all this stuff? Where has he been for the last few months? That's right--EARNING my *free* health care. And protecting your rights while he's at it.

PLEASE, I beg you, if you are reading this and offended, STOP READING. I do NOT have the time for your little emails telling me what a whiner I am. (I thought that email did not bother me, but obviously it did, so whoever you are, Anonymous, bravo. Thanks for your two cents. Feel better now? Good. Now, get the heck off my blog.)

4) Standardized testing sucks and anyone who says that it is necessary to measure achievement needs to actually LOOK at a standardized test given to a second grader and tell me what it is measuring. What they know? NOPE. How to take a test. Why on earth is the option NH (as in "not here") given to 7 year-olds on a test? Just ask the freaking question and let them give the answer. Oh, and hey, why don't we make this fun testing last for TWO WEEKS? Then we can not just assess their knowledge, we can assess their endurance too. PLEASE.

Okay. I'm done. This was not brief after all and I could still keep going. So, I'll stop because in light of this all, my sister's lupus has flared up, she has been diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma and is being treated, and she took her daughter, my niece, to UNC's Pediatric Hospital tonight for an extended stay. What room do I have to complain?

And seriously, Anonymous, DON'T bother badgering me again. I'm not forcing you to read this and if all you have to do is read blogs and reply in a mean and negative fashion, you are such a loser.

Just catching up...

Many of you were interested in where I got the story about the moratorium in Kyrgyzstan...well, it came in an email to me from one of the agencies. Not MY agency, mind you...but one I wish I was with and is very reputable! I tried to click on the link that was attached to it and symbols that made absolutely no sense to me came up, so...if you are still interested, here it is... http://www.kenesh.kg/press/news/2009/02/03/Parlamentarii_vystupili_za_ujestochenie_mejstranovogo_usynovleniya_v_Kyrgyzstane

I have no doubt that as follow-up info comes, this wonderful agency and adoption worker will let people know. Thank goodness. My translation skills STINK.

In other news (IVF stuff, so if you don't care, no worries if you want to move on to the next blog!), I start the Lupron on Thursday. I have to say that my primary care nurse is absolutely WONDERFUL. I'm basically with the military's version of welfare medicine, aka Tricare Prime. Now, before you go firing off the emails about how lucky I am that I get *free* medical care through the military, just don't bother. My medical care is NOT *free*. It is paid for through the brave and dedicated work of every military member that has or will be. It is part of my husband's paycheck for being on call 24 hours a day to protect you and your rights. And, MY tax-dollars pay for it. So, forgive me if I expect it to be even halfway close to government-subsidized health care programs. Through Prime, I have little-to-no choice in doctor, appointment access, specialized care, you name it. The pay-off for that is the co-share cost, which is minimal. If I wanted to have more choice and access, I do have the option of going Standard, but will probably pay more in co-pays and other services. So, anyway, I'm with Prime. And, I can honestly say in 12 years of being a military spouse, I have had average to above average care about 90% of the time. Not too terrible, if you ask me. Lately, though, I have had exceptional care with my primary care staff, specifically my nurse. You see, the program we are enrolled in is through Shady Grove and is called Shared-Risk. Basically, you plunk down $20-$27K and have 6 tries (fresh) at pregnancy through IVF. If, at any time, you decide you don't want to do it, you quit and get your money back. The ONLY way they collect their fee is if you end up with a live birth. Not pregnancy, but LIVE BIRTH. If you are successful the 1st time, you've paid them a TON of money extra, but at that point, who cares? That's your risk (and your new baby!) in the contract. If you are successful the 2nd time, you have paid about what you would pay regularly for 2 IVF cycles and it's about break even for the clinic...maybe they make a small portion. Any time after that, well...they are basically losing money on you. So, their agreement to accept you into their program basically says that they are pretty confident they will be successful the 1st or 2nd time, or else, they wouldn't really take you. They lose money and they have to report all those numbers to the Society of Assisted Reproductive Technology, and they don't want to have anything but stellar statistics.

So...that's the program we are in. This program includes mostly everything. Save pre-screening and diagnostics (which the military partially covered and we out-of-pocketed the rest-OUCH!) and medicine. Ahhhh...the MEDICINE. The drugs needed for each cycle are going to cost about $3200. Does my insurance cover any of that, you ask? Well, funny story. Between the unbelievable diligent work on the part of my primary care nurse on base and my IVF nurse at Shady Grove, they got some stuff covered. After all, Tricare Prime DOES have pharmacy benefits like any other insurance program. What didn't they get covered? Just the most expensive drugs...the gonadotropins, otherwise known as the follicle stimulation drugs. Why?

Well, Congress, in its infinite wisdom, has declared that those drugs ARE covered if you are NOT using them with assisted reproductive technology (i.e...up your chances when you do the Hokie Pokie naughty-style). If you do this, there is NO monitoring, and one could VERY easily overstimulate and be very sick (or even DIE!) as a result. These are pretty strong drugs, and they work very quickly. It is just NOT healthy or safe to be making yourself produce boatloads of more eggs than you usually do just to up your pregnancy chances and NOT be monitored while doing so. But, put yourself in a program to do the SAME thing but be safe and monitored, and Congress (who is in charge of our plan) says nothing doing. Now, let's be clear...if John had "issues", shall we say, you better believe that Vi*gra WOULD be covered. So, sleep safely knowing that drugs to help infertility, a medical condition that affects over 7.3 million women, will NOT be covered with taxpayer dollars but no man will have to suffer the humiliation of not being able to put on the party hat, so to speak, because that IS covered. Ridiculous.

Anyway, the purpose of this rant was to really proclaim how very blessed I am with the people who are in charge of my care. They have truly gone above and beyond the call of duty, even for exceptional service, and I just can't say enough about them. And to say that I am thankful for what IS covered through our pharmacy benefits, because every bit helps. AND to say that I, as a taxpayer, find Congressional policy hypocritical, ridiculous and insulting. Then again, it IS Congress of whom I'm speaking, so....

Small Business Rescue Update...

This from Jenny's site as an update for the CPSIA....

• Thank you for your continued support to Save Small Business from the CPSIA. It has been an active week. A stay of enforcement was issued by the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) on Friday, January 30th. Although it has stayed enforcement of many provisions of the law, the CPSC has made it clear that they lack authority to fully correct the CPSIA. Urge Congress to provide the CPSC with guidance that will protect toymakers, thrift resellers, publishers, and clothing manufacturers from the unintended consequences of the CPSIA. A technical amendment, the CPSIA Regulatory Relief Bill, will be introduced on the Senate floor soon. It is important that we gain Senate support for this necessary legislation. Here's what you can do:Call your Senator (switchboard: 202-224-3121). Identify yourself as a constituent and ask to speak with the Senator or the staff assistant who follows Commerce issues. Ask him/her to co-sponsor the CPSIA Regulatory Relief Legislation, and tell them if they have questions about the legislation they can contact Tom Jones in Senator DeMint’s DC office at 202-224-6121. Tom’s email address is tom_jones@commerce.senate.gov Ask them to vote for the CPSIA Regulatory Relief legislation when it comes to the Senate floor, possibly as an amendment to the stimulus package as has been rumored. Get five friends to do steps 1-4. We need to show strong support of this amendment in order to get the Senate to pass it. To read the specifics of the amendment, go to:http://demint.senate.gov/public/index.cfm?FuseAction=JimsJournal.Detail&Blog_ID=295d58b2-b6fe-c446-1432-24b6199424edWe have also made strides in our intiative at change.org. We are in the final stages of teaming with a non profit agency and going forward with our national campaign to save small businesses. There is a new petition that you can sign and send a letter to Congress. To see the petition, go to: http://www.change.org/ideas/4203/view_action/tell_congress_to_save_small_business. Our blog posts have also begun. View these at: http://www.change.org/ideas/view/save_handmade_toys_from_the_cpsia .Thank you again for your support. Our grassroots campaign would never have gotten as far as it has without the support of people like you.www.handmadetoyalliance.org

Just thought I'd keep you updated...so many have emailed me about not even knowing. I didn't really either, until Jenny...

Does moratorium mean dead or just sound like it?

According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, it just sounds like it. Official definition? 1b. waiting period set by authority. 2. a suspension of activity

So, based on the following article from the Kyrgyzstan press, the moratorium on adoption is not death. Just a suspension of activity. Which, we have all been privy to already, so nothing new, right? Well...at this point, I am going to risk hearing all sorts of what-for and just say it. I so desperately want each and every parent that has a referral for their child to have their child. Period. Even if it doesn't mean that I have mine. A very wise and modest person that I was lucky enough to meet through blogging was kind enough to tell me to give them a call if I needed to have an ear. I did. And in that call, she helped me come to the conclusion that I haven't yet put in writing or even really said...I just don't think Kyrgyzstan is going to be the country from which we adopt. My gut's been telling me this for a while, and though it hasn't been easy to accept that, I think I am at peace with the situation. I would, of course, wish it to be completely different. Heck, I read all the blogging friends' sites and see the most BEAUTIFUL children can hardly breathe missing the pig tails I don't think will ever get to see.

But, I just don't think it was meant to be. I have thought for many months now that maybe God brought Kyrgyzstan (a country previously not even known to exist in my sad little geographical world) into my scope because it was a place that I could do some of God's work through others. Well, John Wright, Jengish, David and Jayne...and many others certainly have given me the opportunity to have my eyes opened. I cannot tell you how good I have felt being even a small part of such large mission projects that have happened in the last year. I even feel selfish because every time I see a post with pictures of people taking part in something we may have sponsored, I just feel FANTASTIC, and that just doesn't seem right somehow!

So...we still are sticking with Kyrgyz as far as not dropping out of the program goes...I just don't think it is going to happen. I've said from the beginning of this blog that my ultimate goal is to be a mom. I thought it was through adoption. (I still remember sitting in A & W with John and him telling me he'd rather adopt because it was a sure thing. HA HA!)

It still may be. I'm just not so sure...

• The Committee for Migration, Labor, Social Policy and Healthcare of the Kyrgyz Parliament, with support from UNICEF, organized the conference devoted to the discussion of "revision of adoption legislation and procedures" which was held from January 30 through February 2 of 2009in Issyk-Kul region. The conference was attended by the members of the Parliament, representatives of the Office of the Government, director ofthe children protection department of the state agency for physical culture and sport, youth affairs and children protection, UNICEF representatives in Kyrgyzstan and others. UNICEF international consultant Erve Boechat was invited from Switzerland to participate inthe discussion of this matter. Parliament member G. Derbisheva reported that this matter requires careful approach and efforts to improve legislation in this field. Last year, the Parliament formed a parliamentary commission to consider the issues of national and international adoption. The commission has not completed its work yet. While it continues to work on the improvement of the legislative framework, the Committee for Migration,Labor, Social Policy and Healthcare submitted to the President an initiative to announce a moratorium on the national and international adoption, reported the parliament member.At the conference, the international consultant made the following presentations:* Problems of inter-country adoption in Kyrgyzstan * International experience and tendencies and main context of international adoption in the world * Evaluation of legal regulation, procedures and practices of adoption and others.A UNICEF specialist particularly stressed the Hague Convention adopted in 1993 and effected in 1995. Today, this Convention is signed by 76countries of the world. It covers children protection and regulates cooperation in international adoption, said E. Boechat. He further informed in his presentations that in Kyrgyzstan 11 charity organizations deal with international adoption and that more than 200children have been adopted by foreigners in the last two years. This issue stirred up a stormy discussion among the parliament members.In particular, the parliament members emphasized that the state must pay top priority attention to this matter and generally to children protection. The legislators insisted that international adoption must be used as a final resort only and demanded to toughen the practice of international adoption. In the opinion of certain parliament members,the handicapped children and disabled people whose treatments is costly may be allowed to be adopted by foreigners. It is expected that this issue will be discussed again at the forthcoming Round Table.

Today...

So today was the mock transfer. Google this (if you don't already know what it is OR if you are my husband and you realize you have NO clue what procedure you are driving your wife to and you MIGHT want to be a little informed) and you'll see lots of different opinions about it...technique, necessity, full/not-full bladder, anticipated pain level...all sorts of stuff. In fact, when Googling, and then comparing mine to the one billion others out there, I almost worried that mine wasn't thorough enough. Almost. Shady Grove is a well-respected and successful practice. I like my doctor. I like my nurse. I'm trusting that it was just fine. Thankfully, I did NOT have to go the full-bladder route (HATE THAT FEELING!) and it was over in about 5-10 minutes--NOT like the HSGs I have had that were much longer. In fact, I talked to the doctor the whole time (my way of trying to NOT pay attention to what they are doing, in hopes of things hurting less) about how mad I was that I couldn't get our HIV status from our recent tests because only the requesting physician can print the results out...and the requesting physician was at Walter Reed--and not interested in giving us our results since we are going to Shady Grove. Can you believe that? MY doctor...JOHN'S doctor...NEITHER of them can access our result for that test unless they actually requested it and that means that WE can't either. MY blood. MY results. MY TAXES PAYING FOR IT. Let me tell you, Naval Medicine is going to hear from me about this. They say it is only releasable by the requesting physician because it is so sensitive. My syphilis results AREN'T? My OWN DOCTOR can't get the results? RIDICULOUS.

But I digress...

Anyway, the transfer went fine. He said all was normal. He didn't tell me any measurements, nor do I care. Obviously whatever catheter size he used was fine because it wasn't terrible. The cramping for me is after since my poor little insides are trying to recover from their violation. Thank goodness for Aleve!

So...we start the stuff in a couple of weeks...and, for the record, we are NOT planning on implanting 8. Can you BELIEVE that woman in California? None of us has the right to decide who gets to be a mom, who doesn't, how many children we parent, etc...But seriously...transferring EIGHT embryos? That's basically medical malpractice. And that's all I will say about that situation.

Thanks for looking into the CPSIA laws...be careful to know the difference between the adjustments that have been made for resellers (like thrift stores and Ebay)

http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml09/09086.html

AND the regulations that will still apply to many Etsy, Ebay etc. small businesses like Ella Bella Bowtique and With Sugar On Top...they are manufacturers of NEW things...and the testing that will be required for businesses that sell NEW things will likely put many out of business. And I just hate the thought of that happening as the result of a law that has, at the core, great intent. Protect our children. ABSOLUTELY. Just be careful about wording...

Last...friends, if you are one of these people, don't hate me. I just don't want to be one of those bloggers who ends up with all the acronyms on my blog that NO ONE understands...20dd8w, BFP, BFN, CP, MC, Beta, TTC, yada yada yada...okay...obviously, people understand, but I don't. I have to google them to figure them out. IF IVF works, rest assured, you'll know where I stand. But, linguistically, it will be a bit easier to understand. At least, I hope it will!

Okay, this is REALLY last...as a present to me...I used the gift card John got me for Christmas (and some hard-saved money) and bought a dress I have been LOVING since it came out at New Year's...It was a splurge, I TOTALLY admit...but I loved it, had a gift card, and will use it for my Easter dress. Unless I am showing.

Ha ha...

Friends, time is running out...

My dear, dear friend Jenny has been tirelessly campaigning for all she knows to REALLY understand the CPSIA laws that go into effect on February 10, 2009. CPSIA stands for Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act, and though on the surface, intentions may look good, these laws will change life for MANY (if not all) of you who read this and/or live in this country. Please, take a minute to go to Jenny's site and see what's going on. Also, click on the cute bear button on my page and see what another really cool mom site has to say. These laws are going to do more than we think...and we can CERTAINLY protect our children while we also keep small businesses and stay-at-home working moms with income. As we've seen with our economy, a few things that happen to some can make a HUGE difference in what happens to all...don't let it get worse because you didn't know or take a few minutes to make a difference. I sure won't. I'm looking too forward to sweet little ETSY, Ella Bella Bowtique, With Sugar on Top, Ebay, (and LOTS more stores like this) baby things , consignment sale bargains, landfills being less used, people keeping jobs, and so forth. All I ask is that you click on a few links, read, and see what you feel compelled to do.

PS--John made it home last night! Hooray! Snow day today!! Hooray!! Mock Embryo Transfer on Friday!!! Hooray!!!

Looking Good!

Okay...first, I cannot tell all 13 of you who read this blog (hee hee) how much I value the input, comments, emails, prayers, thoughts, suggestions, advice, love, consideration, and utter sincerity that you have given to me. Each and every word has been pored over; each and every heartfelt thought given to me appreciated to no end. I am a very lucky girl. Thanks, former Mr. Vice President, Al Gore. (You know, since he invented the Internet and all...)

On that note, I am 98% sure that our referral opportunity is not going to work out. Mainly because the security issue is simply too great. NOT because it can't be done; it can. However, John being a member of the military with a top secret security clearance simply adds a different dimension. We can't just sneak in under a radar--and this country just isn't fond of men like John. Soo...

That being said, I am 98% at peace with this conclusion. I think until our child, whoever he or she is, is in his or her home with us, I will never have validations for many of the decisions we are making. I just have faith that if this was meant to be, I'd feel that I should fight for it more, or that I would have more disappointment over it not working out. I just don't. In fact, I am feeling really, REALLY jubilant about IVF...

Which brings me to my appointment today. I saw my doctor today and it was great. He reviewed some of the numbers of things we've done, looked over the gyno report (every time I say gyno, I am now going to hear Super-Hero music in my head and think, "Gy...no-Maaaan" because that's what I think of that wonderful Dr. Davis I saw last week!), looked at John's stuff...and seemed very, very pleased. He said everything looked GREAT. Based on our numbers, statistically, I have a 48% chance of pregnancy and a 38% chance of live birth. That didn't sound great to me, but he said that considering nature gives about 25%, he was over the moon. Sounds good to me. Then, talking with my nurse, she said that my numbers looked fabulous and though she wasn't a doctor, she'd go out on a limb and say that she didn't even think we'd need the shared risk program!! Now, sounds GREAT to me. He told me that I will start a few things in 10 days and we should be looking for a positive pregnancy test around the beginning of March. Well, hello Sunshine!

Don't forget--my birthday is March 7. Now I don't just hope for two pink lines, I WANT two pink lines.

And, for the record, don't fire hate mail at me because I made fun of Al Gore's Internet invention remark. It is in good fun. He's working tirelessly for our planet, and he was Vice President of our country and whether I agree or disagree, like or don't, I am nothing if not respectful of anyone who purposefully and dutifully tries to serve our great country. Besides, I DO really love the Internet, and how he managed to do all he did and invent it is totally worthy of a shout-out.

Shut The Front Door!

Okay...this will be cryptic and I am sorry for that. I've always wanted to be the girl who didn't worry about what she wrote because I'm all about transparency (gotta use all these new buzz words, right?) and believe that what is meant to be is meant to be regardless of what I write. However, this is a situation I can't do that with, but I am DYING to at least share and maybe get some perspective on. An opportunity for a healthy 8 month old baby girl came up yesterday. NOT from Kyrgyz, and under VERY rigid circumstances (which we miraculously managed to meet). As stated before, I also just got confirmation of acceptance into the IVF program, being classified as a "Prime Candidate." WHAT THE HECK?

The catch? This baby is in a country that A)is VERY unstable and unsafe for Americans;

B)will require pre-authorization for John (as a member of the military with top secret security clearance) to even THINK about going to--much less staying for the 2-4 weeks that will be required; and

C) has SEVERAL state department warnings that not only advise Americans to NOT travel, but basically say if you are dumb enough to do so, you are doing so on your own because there are VERY limited things the American government can do in case of emergency.

Not encouraging AT all. In truth, I'm scared. But not so scared I wouldn't do it. However, I can't do it alone and if you are married to the military, you are sort of OWNED by the military. And that's just about the deal-breaker.

Seriously???

Letters and phone calls...

So, one of my favorite things is reading letters from kids to different people, theories, entities, etc...In light of the Obama-Rama we are experiencing, bookmakers are no different in looking for ways to get theirs. So, of course, Kids' Letters to President Obama is now a new book. I found a few excerpts, and as a teacher, many looked familiar. Here's one of my faves, though, with my comments detailing why:

Dear President Obama,

Here is a list of the first ten things you should do as president:

1. Fly to the White House in a helicopter. (Oh, friend, he will SURELY do that. And, at the risk of sounding biased, it will be a WONDERFUL Marine who pilots that helicopter!)
2. Walk in. (Loving this girl. Very specific in her directions. She'll make a great wife.)
3. Wipe feet.(Of COURSE! Can't have mud in the oval office, can we???)
4. Walk to the Oval Office. (Honestly, walking is overrated. You're the president...I say go for the hover-craft.)
5. Sit down in a chair (Here's what I love...little Chandler is giving him options. Doesn't want to sound TOO bossy, so she gives him chair choice. I'd say sit in the one behind the big desk, but that's just me.)
6. Put hand sanitizer on hands. (This girl ROCKS! I mean, seriously. Do you KNOW how dirty those helicopters are? NOT TO MENTION that as President, you are stuck shaking a lot of hands. It is cold and flu season, baby. SANITIZE!!)
7. Enjoy moment. (Ohhhhh....SO my kind of girl! Structured enjoyment. Digging it...digging it!)
8. Get up. (Enjoyment's up, pal. Worlds to save and all...)
9. Get in car. (That would be the mack-daddy car you now are going to be driven around in 24-7. No more driving for you!)
10. Go to the dog pound. (And buddy, make good on that promise! In fact, I am fostering the sweetest, most gentle, kind and loving Golden Retriever...he'd make the BEST First Dog. Seriously.)

Sincerely,Chandler Browne, age 12, Chicago



Now, as the kid's name is Chandler, the possibility exists that this is a boy and not a girl. But come on! Wipe feet? Sanitize hands? Give step by step directions that even a man (yes, even the male president) cannot possibly foul up? That REEKS of the Double X chromosomes, my friend...REEKS.

Another letter came in the form of one from my agency. Apparently, Kyrgyz is moving, but slowly. We may want to think about a different country if we are uncomfortable with the wait.
REALLY? I had no idea.

What the heck? Luckily, there is another agency with a wonderful handle on the situation and I have been fortunate enough to be included with emails from said agency. THEREFORE, the email today was sort of insult to injury. What other country? What other country would be faster than waiting for Kyrgyz? I mean, I'm feeling like Kyrgyz will be another YEAR or more anyway, so really...the wait is going to be everywhere. In any event, I thankfully am about 27 steps ahead of my agency, but I thanks anyway. I know, sarcastic, but really....come on.

And as for phone calls? Well, Dr. K's nurse called today and told me that I needed to schedule a follow-up with him for Tuesday. Why? Well, odds are he is signing off on the IVF acceptance and we need to meet to discuss the next steps. Well, okay then! Looks like we'll start in February. My birthday is March 7. Wouldn't two pink lines be a great birthday gift???

Catch-up! (Boys, again beware...)

Well, friends....it's been quite the few last days for me. The aforementioned fever was one heckuva fever and lasted for a few days. I was bummed a bit about the JCICS statement, so I failed to mention the fun I had earlier in the day. By fun, I'm being facetious. More like the opposite of fun. I had to have the ultrasound to see whether the cysts had gone away.

Keep in mind that I had to go to our local hospital to do this--which worried me in the fact that I usually have the woo-woo ultrasounds (woo-woo being technical for vaginal, of course...aren't you glad you are reading this NOW?) done by someone who does them professionally, often and for me. By FOR me, I mean that they um...well, they place the apparatus where it's supposed to go. Not this time. Nope. Apparently since it is just your run-of-the mill tech manning the machines, they give you the *magic wand* and tell you to get it there. Excuse me? Umm...how do I get THAT to happen?

So, without making you totally throw up, once the deed has been done, I of course looked as hard as I could to find out whether or not it looked the same as it did a few weeks ago. It was different, and as the tech told me, she couldn't tell me anything because she was just the tech and I'd find out when I met with the doctor, I didn't really learn anything. She DID take several measurements of something on the one ovary, and nothing on the other, so my gut said that there was something there. Honestly, I'm thinking that here's this woman wanding me up and she can't tell me if there are cysts there or not and I was pretty perturbed. I was thinking that we were more intimate than that. In any event, she DID tell me that I was running a fever, 102.3 to be precise, and told me that she hoped I brought a picture of the baby by when it was all said and done. Which eased my perturbed-ness a bit, since that seemed to be her non-committal way of telling me that the cysts weren't a big deal.

And, apparently, she was right. I saw my new super-hero, OB-GYN Man, Dr. Davis. He said that there still was a cyst, but no longer 3 or more. He said the one existing cyst was minuscule, and that there was nothing gynecologically speaking, based on my tests/reports/pictures/history/etc. that should prevent IVF from being successful and he would definitely sign me off. So...now it will be up to Dr. K at Shady Grove to decide whether we qualify for the shared risk program. Dr. Davis sees no reason for us not to. We'll know in a few days.

Dr. Davis was very forthright and a great listener. He said that I am on a mission; it'll be hard-core and there's no choices but success or not. A little pregnant will not work, live birth is the gold medal and I am at the Olympics. He also said that it was very obvious that my humor was my defense mechanism, and it had obviously served me well over the last 9+ years. (Did I mention that he was very intelligent also? Well, he was!) I asked him realistically whether or not he thought there was a magic number of cycles I should attempt before deciding it would not be successful and he told me that if he was teaching me to swim, he'd keep throwing me in until I learned. Period. So, if I have 6 options, then 6 is how many times I'm going to try. Again, period. So...I liked him. He's a lot like me. It is what it is, and you do what you have to do. It's alright to get discouraged, but suck it up, buttercup because there isn't a lot of time for dwelling. I'm all about that.

And, for the record, when the ultrasound tech tells you that there's so much gel on the wand, there will be no worries about it going in...well, she's right. One does not need to worry about it going in. One should worry about WHERE it goes in. And that's all I have to say about that.

Funny is as funny feels...

...and folks, not feeling so funny today. This from the JCICS:


Country Status
Kyrgyz Republic is currently processing adoptions on a LIMITED basis.
For a list of Joint Council agencies working in Kyrgyz Republic, please consult our Country Programs page.
January 14, 2009 - In consultation with the Joint Council Kyrgyzstan Task Force, it is our assessment that prospective adoptive parents should not initiate new adoption cases in Kyrgyzstan. Additionally, we recommend that Adoption Services Providers not accept new applications. If a family is in the process of adopting from Kyrgyzstan but does not yet have a referral they may want to discuss other adoption options with their adoption service provider. No intercountry adoption cases are being processed in Kyrgyzstan at this time and there is no indication of when processing will be reinitiated.
Further we ask that adoption service providers with programs in Kyrgyzstan send rebeccah@jcics.org the following information:
- Prospective Adoptive Parents' names;- Email addresses of prospective adoptive parents;- Name of child(ren) referred and date of referral (if applicable);- Name of ASP they are working with to adopt from Kyrgyzstan.- What stage of the adoption process the family is in and date - for example, "Dossier submitted in August 2008" or "Waiting for court date since April 2008" or "Waiting for referral since September 2008."
Joint Council respectfully requests this information for every family who has a dossier complied for Kyrgyzstan and has submitted it to the Kyrgyz Embassy.This information will be used to define the scope of the issues in Kyrgyzstan and will be shared with the U.S. Dept of State and the U.S. Embassy in Kyrgyzstan. Prospective adoptive parents are encouraged to request that their adoption service provider send their information directly to Joint Council.
Joint Council, through the efforts of our Kyrgyzstan Task Force, is composing a letter to be sent to the Prime Minister in Kyrgyzstan and the Ministry of Education. Details of this letter and other updates on the intercountry adoption crisis in Kyrgyzstan will be made available as new information becomes available.

This obviously does not bode well for us...as we are some of those in the process--dossier in country. I am emailing my agency to ensure we are submitted to the email address provided--and about this I am worried because our agency is NOT a member of the JCICS. Now, according to JCICS, neither is another agency that has WONDERFUL people (who thankfully and in humanitarian spirits send information to those of us OUTSIDE of their agency that keeps us going!) so I guess that may say something, but...our agency basically said that they were pursuing another path as well.

Let me be honest here. One of the main reasons I chose my agency was because the founders and many employees are of Soviet descent. Kyrgyzstan being a former Soviet republic, I thought people who not only knew the culture but may have actually LIVED similar culture might have an edge when it came to knowledge. I still cling to that. Taking another route? Great, if it makes a difference.

But gang, as I have always said: "The whole world can't be wrong."

And, when it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck and sounds like a duck-- safe money is on it being a duck. Us not finalizing an adoption through Kyrgyzstan is QUACKING to me loud and clear.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to attend to my fever. It's been a banner day.

Another funny show...

Okay, so as I am finishing up with chores today (and good grief, did I have a lot...still not done!) I took a few minutes to sit on the sofa and enjoy the fire...as I just moved the rug from in front of the coffee table to under the coffee table, I wanted to get the feel, you know? (This, on the recommendation of HGTV saying that "Floating Rugs" is a top 25 decorating blunder. Whew. Averted that crisis.)

Anyway, so I see a new show--The Principal's Office, on TruTV. It is HILARIOUS. At least this one was. The preface is that this dear AP is trying to be the friend of these two boys, since they are popular and leaders, in hopes that the boys will then take it to their high school masses that dirty dancing is wrong. Well, these boys are just smart-*sses, and as sad as I am to say it, they CRACKED me up. So, for your viewing pleasure, enjoy....note their mostly straight faces as they totally play with this guy, and ESPECIALLY note how they walk out of his office together. I dare you not to laugh when they dance and then show the principal that they could even stop and pose. Priceless. Sad state of the disrespect kids show adults, but still, I couldn't help but laugh.

Who Knew?

Okay...so I'm pretty sure at some point I've mentioned how annoying those stupid little word verification boxes are. Useful, helpful, protective...sure...all those. Still, ANNOYING for those of us who feel like idiots because we are bested by some dumb stuck-together letters that mostly don't make sense, and you can't figure out if it is an 'r', an 'h', an 'l' or a 'k' without really spending some quality time thinking about it.

In fact, as I dutifully type the letters in all the boxes of all those whom I read, I think to myself, "I'm glad I'm such an open book...naive, maybe, that I put myself out there, but enough of an open book and not worried about comments or info stealing or stuff like that because these boxes are annoying and I'd hate to have to have them on my blog."

Well, imagine my surprise at Maria's comment to my last post?

I HAVE ONE OF THOSE WORD VERIFICATION BOXES? Who knew?

So, now, friends, I guess I'm going to have to just say "Suck it up" if you don't like mine because you know darned good and well if I didn't even know I had one, I sure as heck am not going figure out how to get rid of it.

And please don't worry about emailing me and telling me how to get rid of it. I'd figure it out if I really cared, and obviously I don't. In fact, I now think it is funny. Still annoying (and sorry for that, friends) but funny.

I have to say, I loved the word 'natal' for Maria, though...half the time the words are written like some ancient Sanskrit and mean nothing but gobbledy-gook, but I am always interested when it is actually a word...and I too wonder if it 'means' anything. So, Maria...thanks for telling me. Here's hoping! (And laughing!)

In the meantime...found this and thought it funny:

Email to Blicky from the Google Word Verification Writer

Dear Blicky,
I've been cartym your blog for several muykjls now and I really find it to be quite monotenc. Your insights into the issue of kpoxdrk and eerobnj are truly unique. Thanks to you I really see bjdqirv in a completely different light. I am definitely going to yudrynk to it and I'm going to tell all my dfrewops to do the same!
As you might guess I myself am also a eerobnj writer. My career has taken an unexpected zufarc. People never seem to klopsh the words that I smwm. Some people see my capptcha talent and have tried to create a bijwurtz dictionary, but I'm sad that my work isn't more kploditsch. I always thought I had a way with mgatfflins.
I saw the picture of your sigwmb owner in real life. She is totally jhugiop. Do you think you could get me her tsayuip? Is she dgyrst? I hope not. What a podiebf of promatz!!
Posted by Blicky Kitty at 10:06 PM

Sorry if you are grossed out...

Seriously.

I am a TOTAL dog person. I love them. I'm pretty much an animal person in general, but I just LOVE dogs. I'm a dog person. Like cats, though allergic, but LOVE dogs. Have lots and lots of books about dogs...specifically flat-coated retrievers (like my beloved Random) and Golden Retrievers (like my babies). I watch dog shows. I read dog books. I research dog things on the Internet. Puppy mills make me sick. I want to SHOOT the people who are heartless enough to have them and maintain (ha ha, what a word) them.

So, when Natgeo showed the dogs version of their show "In the Womb" (remember, I'm a glutton for punishment and watch things that torture me because they remind me of what I DON'T have) I tuned in. Thinking there was not going to be too much I didn't know, imagine my surprise when I learned about the "Mating Tie" (and, funnily enough, they used Goldens to illustrate) and actually SAW it.

Friends...this may be gross. And, I'm probably a weirdo for laughing at it. But what I saw on that tv tonight made me nearly pee my pants laughing. Now, I know we have all seen the proverbial 'humping' that dogs do...to each other, our legs, inanimate objects, etc. For the most part, if this is not due to the desire to mate (like when a boy dog humps another boy dog) it is because that is how dogs show their dominance to another dog. "I can hump you, so you are mine." (sort of prison-like, huh?)

ANYWAY...like I said, we have all probably seen the 'humping' that dogs do. But, did you know that it doesn't end with the humping? After the humping starts, THEN the dogs end up where the, um, boy part, if you will, um, well, swells, and um, stays stuck in the um, girl's part, and well, um, they sort of are stuck. For sometimes up to AN HOUR. This is to give the um, sperm, um, more of a chance. AND (and this is the part that made me laugh) the positioning of the mating tie (the dogs are hind end to hind end) allows them to BOTH be on the lookout for predators. BONUS!

Now friends, I know you are probably going to think I am one sick puppy *get it, puppy?* but I just can't stop giggling over the picture...I just put myself in that girl dog's feet and think, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You just did the humpty dance with me, whether I wanted you to or NOT and NOW you are going to stick around, with your swollen self, AND make me keep watch with you in case someone YOU are worried about comes and bothers US? WHAT THE HECK GOOD ARE YOU, boy dog, OTHER THAN BEING A PAIN IN MY PATOOTIE. LITERALLY."

I know. Weird, the things I laugh at, but I am still laughing. Here's a picture to see what it looks like. I guess the adage about learning something new every day sure does still hold true.

And, did you know that a golden retriever mama will eat the placenta to trigger some chemical in her body to produce milk? Good GRIEF. Maybe THAT'S why I have not been able to be pregnant. I don't know that I have the stomach for it.

But, boy...those little puppies sure are CUTE!

Oh, dear Lord...as I sit here and type, the dogs' version just ended and the cats' version just started. Did you know that a male cat's, um, whichity-watchity, is BARBED? Yep, BARBED. It's to tear the girl cat's va-jay-jay...so that OVULATION is induced. Yep, to INDUCE OVULATION, the BARBED woo-hoo CUTS the girl cat's innards.

Who knew that I'd be THANKFUL for Follistim injections?

H@ppy For No Reason...

SO, the book that the doctor said I had to read came in. Yeah...I'll get right on that. Not.
(Though I will read it, I guess...)

In any event, how's this for hope? I had to go to the doctor yesterday AGAIN and talked about some of my medicines, what they are doing to my face (seriously, as if getting old is not bad enough on my eggs, apparently it is making up for the lost acne time it missed during puberty and loading me down now) and how to get Tricare to pay for the IVF drugs. She is wonderful, really. I'm very lucky for military care.

So, at the pharmacy, which is also the home of the exchange, I checked out the after Christmas sales while I waited for my prescriptions. And I bought a "My First Christmas" stocking. In PINK and BLUE.

You want hope, Dr. K? I got your hope.

Doh!

Seriously, folks?

"Oh, so that's a 'd'? Okay. Got it."

My question is this: "What is d(>_<)b supposed to be?" A face with ears?

Maybe I'm not as smart as I thought I was...

Who gave my cervix voting rights?

Okay...let me preface this post by saying if you are a boy, you probably will squirm at some of the lingo and should stop reading now. Unless you are my husband John. Then you should totally read.

So, today was the HSG--as preliminary work-up for the IVF. I won't lie...I wasn't looking forward to it, as I have already had a few of these and know from experience that they are about as much fun as filling cavities. Actually, filling cavities isn't that bad--at least at the dentist you have a tv. I had to drive 2 hours (by myself as John had to go back to Yuma for God-knows-how-long) to get there and once there, that lovin' feeling came back. Ha ha. Luckily for me, the endocrinologist and the tech were jolly and that's always a good thing when you are about to show them your goods. After "Hi, how are you today?" (Ummm...you're about to play hide-n-go seek with my innards--I'm FABULOUS, and thanks so much for asking) the next step she took was to begin rooting around inside with all sorts of little wiry tubes, shots of dyes and other assorted lovelies. For which, I am well prepared, mind you.

Then, after a few minutes (which seem like ETERNITY), "Hmmm..."

"Hmmm WHAT?"

"Oh, nothing, it's just your cervix isn't cooperating..." (And then she whispers a few things in doctor jargon to the tech) "But don't worry, we have lots of different catheters."

Oh, goody. I was worried we were going to just stick to the one and call it a day.

And, who gave my cervix the right to be uncooperative? John has always made jokes about me having "one heckuva gatekeeper" and apparently, my bossy little cervix wanted to get some game time too.

Long story short, finally the whatever worked and the dye went through everywhere it was supposed to and all looked great. And, according to the doctor, "You did really well, actually." ACTUALLY? What is that supposed to mean? Is that actually considering it wasn't as easy as you thought it would be or actually considering I was a little (okay, A LOT. LOT) tense when I walked in or actually considering I was by myself and being an awfully good sport about this all? (I believe the last one, by the way.) Actually, I don't really care. It's done. Again.

But, for the record, the next time any man gives ANY HINT about the pressure that goes with 'being put on the spot' for 'his' portion of the fertility work-ups/treatments, I think I may drop kick him.

And I think my cervix would vote in agreement.

What I DIDN'T Get for Christmas...

Imagine how saddened I was when I logged on to Etsy this morning and realized that the beloved gift I had been coveting for myself was SOLD OUT! Who knew? That's what always happens to the good stuff, though...I should have bought them when I saw them, but I was just hoping...hoping...hoping against all hope that FINALLY John might listen to me and catch my subtle hints on gifts I'd like...alas, they were not to be.

So, dear and beautiful earrings, I'll fondly bid you an 'adieu' from the web and know we'll always have the Etsy picture to remind us of what we could have been together...

Description
These are made of real recycled taxidermy squirrel feet.You can choose between a pair of earrings or a necklace. *see pictures to decide*Please conversation with me to tell me which one you want after you make your purchase.They have been professionally freeze dried. Measure about 2" from tip to cap.FREE SHIPPING IN UNITED STATES AND WORLDWIDE!!!

*For the record* John WAS listening here and there because I got the Multiple Blessings (Jon and Kate's) book and was completely surprised! Maybe next year for the earrings...

Seriously? Maybe they can give ME a call first?

Okay...my goal is to continue blogging because I like having something remind me of things (and as age continues to creep and steal my memories, I need the reminding!) and it is sort of therapeutic. So, even if there is no riveting adoption news or fascinating IVF news (other than I have to go for ANOTHER stupid HSG on Monday and I soooooo love those), I think a good filler will just to find something funny and maybe make someone else laugh in the process. Here's today's:

Seriously...I'm thinking I have been going about this whole 'building the family thing' the wrong way. I just need to make friends with good old Joe and tell him the next time somebody gives him a call about one of those 'pesky diaper wearin' nuisances,' he needs to give me a call and I'll see what I can do about it.

As an added bonus, I now know to whom I should turn for those darned chimney caps. Man, they have totally been keeping me up late!!

Here's to a New Year...

I am not a huge fan of resolutions. I'd like to think that if I am aware of something I should do in my life, I'll be responsible enough to do it. Unfortunately, that's what I'd LIKE to think. What I KNOW is that I am not as disciplined as I want to be and resolutions typically end up as guilt-makers for me. So, I just don't care to make them. Instead, I prefer goals--as the word goal gives the indication that one will work toward it, and if successful, FABULOUS. If not, well, it's not the end of the world. Maybe I'll just make some goals for myself.

I should say that after my last post, it should be known that I am *fine* with laughing. In fact, if you laughed, even a little, you got it. If you know me, you know much of *me* is tongue-in-cheek, and though I mean what I say, even when frustrated I'd rather laugh. Granted, it's sarcastic laughing, but to me, that's better than crying. And, that's just who I am and what my coping skills do.

So, in the spirit of laughter, I'll see if I can do a brief review of 2008--and find the humor. I KNOW it was there...

• You learn something new every day. In trying to figure out how to put bullets in this post, I just learned about the difference between writing in Edit HTML vice Compose mode. NOW I can no longer be envious of those blogs that have different colors, indentations, bullets and so forth. Now, this may not be funny to you, but it is hilarious to me, as I have always thought myself fairly technologically savvy and something this easy stumped me.
• January was fairly uneventful, but the month that we decided NOT to do IVF because we would prefer to go with a "sure thing" and adopt. Seriously, if that's not funny--adoption being the "sure thing," I don't know what is.
• February was when we decided on Kyrgyzstan and our agency. Kyrgyzstan because it would be fast, dossiers were relatively easy, and babies were young and healthy. Are you still laughing at the 'fast' part? Because I sure am...
• March was the month I officially became AMA, or as doctors affectionately term it, Advanced Maternal Age. Seriously? If I am so darned maternally advanced, why do I keep getting ZITS? Riddle me that...
• We also officially decided on a girl in March...KGB (Kyrgyzstan Girl Baby) to be exact. Which, in hindsight, is pretty funny because to tell you the truth, I never, ever saw myself as a mom to a little girl. You know how people have dreams about things? Well, I have too...but every dream, every one, has been with me and my little boy. BOY. Matthew, to be precise. Interesting, huh?
• April and May were pretty optimistic months...don't believe me? Go back and look...I used words such as, "This is real. No more lonely Christmases or childless Easter Egg hunts." So see, I am NOT a stranger to hope. May was also when we were mulling names...Claire Grace, Caroline Jane, Gracie Jane, Emma Grace...and guess what? If we get a referral tomorrow, I don't think any of those names (NOPE, not even EMMA GRACE) would be used after all. I've changed my mind. Sue me.
• June....June, June, June...what a packed month! Let me just say that I died laughing yesterday as John and I were at our local WaWa gas station (not *my* WaWa, though) and heard on the overhead something to the tune of this, "(Imagine a very cheery and chirpy voice) Hi! I'm your friendly WaWa gas pump. Let me just give you a few pointers to remember! First, don't leave the engine running while getting gas, it's dangerous. Be sure to stay with your car while gas is being pumped. Don't forget to put the pump back before you drive away, and don't forget the gas cap. Thanks!" I used to wonder what kind of dolts were stupid enough to warrant those kinds of 'reminders' and then remembered-- DOLTS LIKE ME! Yep, June was the month I drove away with the gas pump and became friends (not really) of HAZMAT. AND we got our home study done. AND we went to EUROPE for a month and LOVED EVERY SECOND! AND life was just grand.
• The summer was full of fun stuff--between fighting with Lufthansa over my underwear being delivered to buying pottery just to break it, cry, and re-buy it, to laughing at John and my brother-in-law and nephews in Speedos...the whole trip to Europe was just wonderful (save when my sister-in-law had to put their old dog Max down due to inoperable tumors that were killing him) and SO needed. Getting back to reality came when we got home and I finished up dossier stuff that had changed (AGAIN) while we were in Europe. Still hopeful, friends, still hopeful...dossier made it to AA, nursery set was chosen, and we were on our way.
• In September, I met up with my dear, dear Pensacola Girls (in Pensacola, no less) in time to nearly be stranded by Hurricane Gustav. Yeah, well...when you fly TOWARD the hurricane, that's sort of what happens. The fun we had was worth every second of the aggravation, though!
• October is when we OFFICIALLY made it to Bishkek (lot of good that is doing us right now) and I OFFICIALLY lost the darned timeline I had been keeping because I was trying to dress the old blog up. Again, funny, because that is SO my life.
• November and December have now sort of come together as the bottom of the "Being in Bishkek" high, seeing as though these last few months have not brought about the best news. My hope is that for anyone trying to bring their babies home or MEET and bring their babies home, this will be the year. Not too much to laugh about, but hopefully soon...

Whew. I am tired. I had to sort of go back through the blog to remember some things, and truthfully, rereading certain posts just made me cry. Don't get me wrong, lots made me smile and laugh (especially pictures of my dogs with Easter bunny ears or different *friends* bringing home their babies) but I'm not going to lie. This has been a tough year. I have a feeling, whatever ends up happening in 2009, it's going to be another tough one. Whether it is the anxiety and work that goes with an international adoption, the worry about financing a domestic adoption and/or in vitro procedures, the worry about the toll IVF is going to take on my body (and my heart) or anything else that is bound to pop up (as it always does), it looks like 2009 has the makings of being a tough one.

So, my goals? Just one. Get through each day, the best I can, and try to honor God as I do it. I think everything else will fall into place.