Thursday, January 1, 2009

Here's to a New Year...

I am not a huge fan of resolutions. I'd like to think that if I am aware of something I should do in my life, I'll be responsible enough to do it. Unfortunately, that's what I'd LIKE to think. What I KNOW is that I am not as disciplined as I want to be and resolutions typically end up as guilt-makers for me. So, I just don't care to make them. Instead, I prefer goals--as the word goal gives the indication that one will work toward it, and if successful, FABULOUS. If not, well, it's not the end of the world. Maybe I'll just make some goals for myself.

I should say that after my last post, it should be known that I am *fine* with laughing. In fact, if you laughed, even a little, you got it. If you know me, you know much of *me* is tongue-in-cheek, and though I mean what I say, even when frustrated I'd rather laugh. Granted, it's sarcastic laughing, but to me, that's better than crying. And, that's just who I am and what my coping skills do.

So, in the spirit of laughter, I'll see if I can do a brief review of 2008--and find the humor. I KNOW it was there...
  • You learn something new every day. In trying to figure out how to put bullets in this post, I just learned about the difference between writing in Edit HTML vice Compose mode. NOW I can no longer be envious of those blogs that have different colors, indentations, bullets and so forth. Now, this may not be funny to you, but it is hilarious to me, as I have always thought myself fairly technologically savvy and something this easy stumped me.
  • January was fairly uneventful, but the month that we decided NOT to do IVF because we would prefer to go with a "sure thing" and adopt. Seriously, if that's not funny--adoption being the "sure thing," I don't know what is.
  • February was when we decided on Kyrgyzstan and our agency. Kyrgyzstan because it would be fast, dossiers were relatively easy, and babies were young and healthy. Are you still laughing at the 'fast' part? Because I sure am...
  • March was the month I officially became AMA, or as doctors affectionately term it, Advanced Maternal Age. Seriously? If I am so darned maternally advanced, why do I keep getting ZITS? Riddle me that...
  • We also officially decided on a girl in March...KGB (Kyrgyzstan Girl Baby) to be exact. Which, in hindsight, is pretty funny because to tell you the truth, I never, ever saw myself as a mom to a little girl. You know how people have dreams about things? Well, I have too...but every dream, every one, has been with me and my little boy. BOY. Matthew, to be precise. Interesting, huh?
  • April and May were pretty optimistic months...don't believe me? Go back and look...I used words such as, "This is real. No more lonely Christmases or childless Easter Egg hunts." So see, I am NOT a stranger to hope. May was also when we were mulling names...Claire Grace, Caroline Jane, Gracie Jane, Emma Grace...and guess what? If we get a referral tomorrow, I don't think any of those names (NOPE, not even EMMA GRACE) would be used after all. I've changed my mind. Sue me.
  • June....June, June, June...what a packed month! Let me just say that I died laughing yesterday as John and I were at our local WaWa gas station (not *my* WaWa, though) and heard on the overhead something to the tune of this, "(Imagine a very cheery and chirpy voice) Hi! I'm your friendly WaWa gas pump. Let me just give you a few pointers to remember! First, don't leave the engine running while getting gas, it's dangerous. Be sure to stay with your car while gas is being pumped. Don't forget to put the pump back before you drive away, and don't forget the gas cap. Thanks!" I used to wonder what kind of dolts were stupid enough to warrant those kinds of 'reminders' and then remembered-- DOLTS LIKE ME! Yep, June was the month I drove away with the gas pump and became friends (not really) of HAZMAT. AND we got our home study done. AND we went to EUROPE for a month and LOVED EVERY SECOND! AND life was just grand.
  • The summer was full of fun stuff--between fighting with Lufthansa over my underwear being delivered to buying pottery just to break it, cry, and re-buy it, to laughing at John and my brother-in-law and nephews in Speedos...the whole trip to Europe was just wonderful (save when my sister-in-law had to put their old dog Max down due to inoperable tumors that were killing him) and SO needed. Getting back to reality came when we got home and I finished up dossier stuff that had changed (AGAIN) while we were in Europe. Still hopeful, friends, still hopeful...dossier made it to AA, nursery set was chosen, and we were on our way.
  • In September, I met up with my dear, dear Pensacola Girls (in Pensacola, no less) in time to nearly be stranded by Hurricane Gustav. Yeah, well...when you fly TOWARD the hurricane, that's sort of what happens. The fun we had was worth every second of the aggravation, though!
  • October is when we OFFICIALLY made it to Bishkek (lot of good that is doing us right now) and I OFFICIALLY lost the darned timeline I had been keeping because I was trying to dress the old blog up. Again, funny, because that is SO my life.
  • November and December have now sort of come together as the bottom of the "Being in Bishkek" high, seeing as though these last few months have not brought about the best news. My hope is that for anyone trying to bring their babies home or MEET and bring their babies home, this will be the year. Not too much to laugh about, but hopefully soon...

Whew. I am tired. I had to sort of go back through the blog to remember some things, and truthfully, rereading certain posts just made me cry. Don't get me wrong, lots made me smile and laugh (especially pictures of my dogs with Easter bunny ears or different *friends* bringing home their babies) but I'm not going to lie. This has been a tough year. I have a feeling, whatever ends up happening in 2009, it's going to be another tough one. Whether it is the anxiety and work that goes with an international adoption, the worry about financing a domestic adoption and/or in vitro procedures, the worry about the toll IVF is going to take on my body (and my heart) or anything else that is bound to pop up (as it always does), it looks like 2009 has the makings of being a tough one.

So, my goals? Just one. Get through each day, the best I can, and try to honor God as I do it. I think everything else will fall into place.

1 comment:

  1. I just had to tell you the post about your gas pump adventure still makes me laugh!! I am glad you can laugh about it too.Hope this year brings you your greatest wish of motherhood!!