We got into NoVA last night so I could head out to Rockville this morning for my Lupron Evaluation. All this was to check was my estrogen level, my progesterone level and make sure I have quiet ovaries, thin lining and no cysts.
Progesterone: less than .02
No cysts; nice thin lining. All systems go, and the sono tech said it must be nice to have such a lovely start to this cycle.
But as I was leaving, I snuck a look at the computer (Which is cleverly disguised in the name of HIPPA to protect patient information with a piece of paper taped over the screen. The piece of paper says, "Staff only. HIPPA protection.") I lifted the sheet of paper because I wanted to see what stuff she wrote in about me and maybe see what stuff has been written so far.
(And it IS my info, so I didn't feel like I was invading any privacy or anything.)
Lots of info. Cycle try number. Current doctor. Current nurse. Patient preferences for transfer doctors. Info from my saline sono last month.
And the info that never ceases to take my breath away each time I read it.
"11/09 Neonatal Death at Delivery."
I know. I lived it. I still live it. I will live with it every day.
But there's something about seeing it in writing like that...in something so official and so clinical...that just makes me instantly begin to sob.
Which I did, right there in the office.
Could be the drugs. Pretty powerful hormone stuff going on these days, obviously.
More just how deeply seeing his entire little life summed up in a four-word fragment still sears my heart.
I just don't know how I'll ever be able to see such a succint representation of his life without breaking into tears.
Guess that's what I get for sneaking a peak.
In other news...started the Bravelle and Menopur tonight and took the last dose of Lupron this morning. Starting me off a little higher from the bat so that I can get bigger/more mature follicles this time. So, I take 225 of Bravelle and 150 of Menopur. I don't remember it stinging as much as it did tonight.
There's a lot I don't remember about the last two cycles.
But there's more that I'll never forget.