Cycling!

I know I posted that we were in the middle of a cycle and it was very surreal because I wasn't really even obsessing a teensy bit.

That may have been an understatement.

I'm sort of on autopilot.

On one hand, I think, "This is a breeze.  Been there, done this...a couple of times.  This cycle has even BETTER blood work, BETTER optimism, etc... No need to worry."

I am walking around acting as if I'l be getting a phone call in about a month telling me a due date.

Which worries me because I fear that my lack of attention may be leading me to go about all of this a little less strictly than I should!

I started the lupron yesterday and as I got all of the stuff ready last night, I looked at the protocol to see how much I was to take.

20 units.

Ummm...crud.  My needles are all messed up.  Which ones go with which?  Is it 20 notches?  20 on this needle?  2 on that needle?

So, figured that out and then realized I was supposed to take it in the MORNING!

What?  I never took it in the morning with Matthew!

Nope, I didn't, as my nurse told me.  But this time, since I was over suppressed with the Lupron with Matthew's cycle, they want me to do it in the morning for monitoring purposes.

Shoot!

So, I had to take it in the afternoon today and then back on track tomorrow am.

Doggone it!  I know everyone (including me!) is glad that I'm too busy with life, and particularly with Luke, to be stressing over this cycle, but I have to be a little more obsessive, I think!!!

John and I talked about how after Matthew died, he and I switched extremes.  Like, I worry about hardly anything and he worries about pretty much everything.   I have to say, I get why people who don't worry about things much don't—there's a LOT more freedom to enjoy stuff!  Worrying about it, especially if it happens, just makes one twice as miserable.

But...when I do little dumb things like this because I am not even bothered by what has previously been so stressful...well...guess I have to work on being a little more diligent, huh?

My nurse said it was not a big deal at all, and I didn't think it would be, so again, one more instance where worrying about it (like John was last night!) wouldn't have helped one bit...hard to be more diligent in worrying (of all things, ha ha!) when even messing up wasn't a big deal!