Sunday, January 22, 2012

Day 8 Strikes Again! this morning  I admit, I was a tad anxious to see what the ultrasound would look like.  Wouldn't you know it?  Lining was up to 8 (from 4.5 Friday) and had the highly coveted 'triple-stripe' pattern going on.  The sono tech was measuring away and I walked out of there feeling much better!  When I left, I believed I had 2 or 3 that were 13 mm and maybe another 4-5 that were between 8-12mm, with 10 mm being the point at which they typically consider a follicle 'measurable.'

So when I got the call this afternoon, I was a bit surprised.

I had 11 measurable.  From ONE two days ago to ELEVEN now.  Several were 12-13 mm.  My estrogen was also a great deal higher.  A great spiked from 512 on Friday to 1252 today!  The nurse said, "Slow down there, tiger."

She's funny.  This IS slower, remember?  This is what they thought they'd see at day 6, ha ha!

But true to my form.  They decreased my medicine because there truly was that growth explosion my nurse predicted and want it to just slow a hair.  I'm going in tomorrow and every day until trigger from this point on now because follicles can grow 2-3 mm overnight!  The tentative trigger date before we started stimming was Wednesday, which would mean retrieval Friday.  Two days ago, Jackie said I might just be a day or two later.

I don't think that will be the case now.

Very interested to see what tomorrow brings.

I have to again say, though, that I am feeling super optimistic.  Maybe it's because this is following the same pattern that happened with Matthew and Luke, so it's somewhat familiar with success.

Maybe because now that we have a few under our belt, I feel less anxious about what is coming and I really and truly trust every.single.thing my doctor and nurse say and they are all sunshine and roses.

Maybe it's just because I know that if I don't get a positive in a few weeks, I'll be sad, but I won't be devastated.

I have Luke.

That desperation for success is not as intense and raw as it was after Matthew died.  I know it seems funny to think that I really wasn't desperate before Matthew, but I wasn't.

I was hopeful, but I really did not think IVF was going to work for me the first time, so I kind of took things with a grain of salt. Heck, 10 years of infertility treatments producing nothing will do that to a gal.

After Matthew, though, I knew what pregnancy was like.  I knew what a beautiful little boy who was a mix of his daddy and mommy looked like and felt like and I was desperate, desperate, desperate to hold just a tiny piece of that again...and fast.

Not to replace Matthew.  Unimaginable.  Just to taste again because everything about Matthew was delicious.  He was so good to his mama.  He was fun to dance with and sing to.  He was playful with Daddy.  He, like his brother, loved to have books read to him.  He made March to November the best time of my entire life and there is such joy in remembering those glorious and happy days.

I was desperate for more of that.  Another chance at that.

And Luke has brought it.  In such a monumental and enormous way!

Of course I'd like more!

But if it doesn't happen, trust me when I say that he will make that medicine in the form of a phone call go down so, so much easier.

So grateful for that little ham.  He is a riot, let me tell you.  He has this new game where he sticks his finger in his nose (just holds it there!) and then I pull it away and say, "Get that finger out of your nose!" and he just giggles and giggles and giggles to do it over and over.  I have a video, but will have to figure out how to get it on here from my phone.

Have I mentioned how I can't wait for him to grow up and show me how to use stuff???


  1. This made me cry a little bit. I hope the rest of this cycle is spectacular! (ICLW #103)

  2. Not only that, but grow up and compare every girl to his Mama ... weed out the not so great ones, until he finds just the right one :)

  3. i never knew follicles could make me SO HAPPY!!!

  4. Thanks for your comment on my blog. Your logic makes a lot of sense. I just read your story of Matthew's birth, and was crying too hard to go on to your husband's version. I am so glad to hear that having Luke has tamed some of the rawness of that feeling. I wish you the best of luck in this cycle, too.

  5. WHOOT!!!!!!!!!!! I kinda wanna run around screaming and doing the happy dance for you!

  6. My daughter Jessica is 32 weeks pregnant with TWIN boys...we have been through this infertility treatment for SEVEN years...Please dear GOD let this be our time! I AM SO HAPPY for you, and if it is God's will, it will be done! Please go to her blog at
    It is truly wonderful!!!
    Lori, I feel like a know you like a true my thoughts and prayers...

    MK Hucko

  7. WOOHOOOOO!!!!!! SO thrilled for you mamma! And giggling at his finger up the nose game!!!!