So, went for my baseline ultrasound this am. For IVF, this is essentially where they check to make sure your body is not going crazy, is being obedient to the drugs that were given (if any) to suppress your ovaries, see how many possible follicles we may be working with and get the "Good to Go" for starting the drugs to make those follicles produce lots of fabulous eggs. (Only 11 follicles, though, so already starting on mediocre at best!)
Theoretically, I was to start those stimulating drugs Friday. (Ironically, I'd have to take them at our dead child retreat.)
My nurse called today and told me that my estrogen was high and my lining was too thick. Probably because I had such OPTIMAL conditions for the frozen transfer. So, she told me to continue taking birth control today, tomorrow, and Thursday and check on Friday.
Super. Friday is when we were planning to be in Nashville.
So, my sweet, sweet nurse tells me that she really thinks it's important to go to the retreat, so she told me to gulp one that minute, tomorrow am and go in Thursday am for a check and pray it will be better.
Best case scenario is that it is. And the cycle gets pushed back about 4 days.
Worst case scenario is that it isn't. And the cycle gets pushed back even further.
Which really messes up a lot of plans I had for May.
And yet...as aggravated as I am, I am more heartbroken for a couple of women I have *met* in the last four months...sadly, because they also have lost babies.
Well, in the last week, two of those women who have been blessed with subsequent pregnancies have miscarried.
Friends--unless you've been here, you can't even imagine what the thought of a brother or sister to your child means. What hope the mere thought of him or her inspires. Not to replace the baby who died, ever, but to have some joy again at the thought of mothering another miracle.
Maybe seeing in a brother or sister what you sadly only now see in a picture.
And when that hope is given, in the form of a subsequent positive pregnancy test...and then lost in hearing, "I'm sorry, there's no heartbeat,"....I can only imagine the utter devastation that comes with that and I just am so sorry.
For their privacy, because honestly, I don't know if they want all sorts of people going by and commenting, I'll not say names.
But please, please, please....lift these women in your prayers! Lift them to God and beg Him for some peace and comfort for them.
Lift mothers who are pregnant with subsequent pregnancies and are holding their breath for an entire 9 months because they are terrified the same thing (or something else tragic) may happen.
Lift women who are going through all sorts of hell on earth as they are thankful for the miracles of medicine and technology and yet, putting their poor bodies (and hearts and minds) through such rigorous treatments for the simple little dream of mothering a child who lives.
Lift those who suffer....for there is so much of it and my heart just hurts. I don't know what else to do but to ask for prayers and bring my own to God.