First call was from Dr. K. Of 16 eggs retrieved, they were able to ICSI 9. Of the 9, 5 fertilized. Of the 5, 1 was abnormal fertilization and arrested.
Which leaves 4. Of 16. So...when he called with that, of course he tried to keep looking at the up side. The old, "It only takes one" speech. I hate that speech.
We discussed that there's obviously some egg issue that we haven't been able to hone in on yet. (Um, really? Have I not been saying that, even with Matthew's cycle??) He also said that if we have to do this again, we'll change a few things.
I'm thinking we'll be doing this again. Super.
So, we'll know more tomorrow and if they haven't arrested and are able to be transferred on Thursday, we'll be there.
My nurse also called to give a little more reassurance. She said that of the 4, the lab didn't note anything about the egg quality, and had there been an issue, they would have. The egg quality of those 4 little embryos, that is. Again, we'll know more tomorrow.
Then Dave from the cemetery called. Matthew's headstone is in and has been placed at his grave.
It's a stay in my pajamas and bed day.
It's all so hard honey, I think we had five out of twelve fertilize by ICSI and by transfer day we had two left, which as you know has given me Autumn currently. I'm praying for however many you want to transfer, to make it to Thursday. Hang in there embies, for Mommy!!!! Hang in there Lori!!! Lifting you up!!! Stay in those PJs if you want!!!! Love, Nan xxx
ReplyDeletePS...visit Matthew when you are ready. We are all here for you xxx
ReplyDeleteI have been away and was able to catch up on your past posts last night/now. I have so much I can comment on the previous topic-- much I have had to come to terms with but that warrants an email later on=).
ReplyDeleteLori, I am praying for you and your precious eggs. Take care of yourself today, stay in pj's, be gentle on yourself. (I'd say gorge on chocolate, but I know you are not a fan=). Thinking of you and lots of hugs!!!
Oh Lori, I remember all too well "that" phone call from our lab in our 1st IVF round. Of 13 fertilized eggs we only ended up with one "excellent" embie and one so-so, but good enough to transfer. I was devastated to be faced with that reality!
ReplyDeleteI also remember when Zac's grave plaque marker came in. Although I was relieved to have his site now "marked" instead of just a number and a make-shift marker I made myself...I still couldn't believe that this was the only place I'd ever see my sons name written.
Yet, with each visit...seeing his precious name...brings tears, yet smiles now too. I'm no where near being "healed" and "all better"...and every day my breath is stolen by the sadness I feel without him in my arms and growing up beside his twin brother...but it's amazing how much visiting his grave and decorating it at special occassions, and fussing over tidying up around it has actually become "helpful" to me. I feel like I can still care for my son in some twisted way.
My heart is with you dear friend. I pray for these precious little embies growing, and pray that these four will carry on with fighting spirit. And I am praying for your heart too.
Hugs always, Heather (heathershope - HP)
Oh Lori. I am so sorry that more didn't survive. I understand how you feel about having only 4 embies left...we had 14 eggs, only 4 eggs were considered mature, 6 fertilized with ICSI, and only 4 embies survived to transfer day. I was pretty upset and the nurse kept saying, "It takes only one," but I agree...it's not that comforting. I am praying for all four to grow healthy and strong, and for a smooth transfer, and I am praying for your sweet, tender heart today!
ReplyDeleteLori -- why is it in life that several things tend to come together at once? stay in those PJs, drink some yummy tea, and do all you need to do... in my thoughts... that the week ends better than it started...
ReplyDelete(((Lori)))
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry but happy you got Matthew's headstone. I know how glad I was that Madelyn's grave was marked, but also how final it feels, seeing it there. Praying God will strengthen you as you go see it for the first time.
And praying for your 4 embies! Don't give up yet! You just never know! And besides, since you're thinking it's not going to work, it probably will. Did you tell me that was your trick?
I can't wait to see how these little embies grow over the next few days. I can't remember if you are doing a 3 or 5 day transfer this time. I must email you!
((HUGS)) Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you didn't get more embryos. Remember that I only had 5... and of those five, two arrested. I was also pretty upset about our "low" number of embryos. Our three were great quality though, and all of them made babies. I am praying you will have the same results! Grow embies grow!!
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you Lori. My sister went through IVF and it was a very emotional time for her. Take your PJ day and don't feel guilty. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
ReplyDeletepraying for you!!! <3 its awesome that Matthew's headstone is in though! i know it's hard... but i love having that special place to go. i've been to lillys headstone many times in the last few months that it's been there...
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs Lori.
ReplyDeleteSorry more did not survive. It is so hard. I am thinking of you and hoping for a great phone call tomorrow! Lots of love!!
ReplyDeleteThe call from Dave took my breath away... literally. Wow! That must have been a very difficult phone call today. It is all part of the process, I know... but it shouldn't be the process a mother is going through with her son. I can't imagine.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying your eggs will be strong and something MIRACULOUS will happen on Thursday!
Thinking of you and sending hugs your way.
ReplyDeleteLori,
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of you today. Tomorrow. Every Day.
Bridget
aww hon, that's so hard (the stone coming in) it's like you want the stone there so bad, but ugh. i hated how it felt to see it when Peyton's came in. Even more permanent, if that is possible. I am keeping you in my prayers that all four of those little embies are perfect for transfer. I totally understand your desire to stay in your pajamas, some days you just have to.
ReplyDeletePeace
xx
What an incredibly difficult day and I think jammie time is warranted. Know that I am praying for you sweet friend.
ReplyDeleteAs for Matthew's monument being ready...oh honey, that is so hard. I remember when my best friend's monument was set, my broken heart broke again when I saw it. May God be with you and John in the hours and days ahead.
I love you sweet friend.
xoxo