I was actually not doing too bad this morning at church. Honestly, I just tried to focus on the fact that this is a remembrance of the day Christ was resurrected and defeated death. This is the day I remember because it means that one day, I'll see my loved ones again.
This is the day that promises I'll be able to tell my sweet son that I love him and to hear him tell me that he knows...he knew every second he was with me.
So, I was pretty proud of myself. Until about the last 5 minutes of the service. When we sang "Because He Lives," which is usually one of my favorite Easter Hymns. I still have been hacking away with this bronchitis-like whatever, so not necessarily a great voice rang out, but my heart was in the singing.
Until the second verse of "Because He Lives."
"How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives.
But greater still the calm assurance,
This child can face uncertain days because He lives."
I lost it. Right there, again, in the pew. I just started bawling. So much so that after that song was done and my pastor told us all to greet our neighbors, he came out from the pulpit to hug me and tell me he was sorry and he knew it was hard and he was always praying for me.
Friends, if you don't have a pastor who will do that for you in the middle (okay, end) of Easter service (one of the typical big two for a pastor, if you know what I mean), then you need to find one. Tomorrow.
I have sung that song countless times, and being Baptist, I'm sure I've sung all three verses during invitations quite a few times in my 37 years. And yet, even through years of infertility and worry about an adoption not happening, I never cried like that. I don't even think I made any association.
But today, oh....today. I did. Big time. And after my pastor came and hugged me and then went back up to the pulpit, he asked us to sing the last verse again.
And I did. I did because I am so, so thankful I will see my little boy again.
Because He lives.
I also have to say thank you to an amazing woman who I realize is having a hard time missing one of her precious children, yet so compassionate in her grieving that she thought of my little boy. Actually, she thought of a LOT of little boys and girls, and I am so amazed at the depths of mothers' hearts. Michelle, thank you so much for such a joyous little gift for me and my sweet boy. I am so humbled and appreciative.
Ahhh, I love that song! :-) So glad that you had a blessed time at church today! God bless.....
ReplyDeleteYeah I cried at church today too. Amazing grace got me. I've sang Because he lives hundreds of times growing up and haven't since losing Gracie I don't remember the verse you wrote about but I would have sobbed singing it now, just reading It brought tears down my cheeks. Big hugs to you. Happy Easter Mathew!
ReplyDeleteBless your pastor for his sensitivity. You are right--find one like that now. I love that song also--big one in the Catholic church. I'm glad your time today was special and blessed.
ReplyDeleteI think you should be proud of yourself for the WHOLE service. Losing it over "Because He Lives" because it holds that precious promise is not a bad thing.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about you, John, and Matthew extra today.
Another beautiful post that made me have tears with you. It only takes one thing to make me break down also. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful to have a pastor who cares for you so much! You have such a way with words, Lori, to communicate your feelings so clearly. We are here with you.
ReplyDeleteThought of you yesterday, and all the other moms I know who are missing their babies on Easter. The message of Easter this year has been especially powerful for me, I'm sure you probably felt the same. I am rejoicing with you in the hope we have in Jesus to see our sweet babies once again. Hugs, Lauren
ReplyDeleteLori, you have been on my heart so much this past week and I frequently found myself called to stop and pray for you specifically on Saturday and again yesterday. Encouraged to read that God carried you through most of the service and so BLESSED to read of your wonderful pastor who stepped down to hug you when those tears of brokenness and rejoicing collided. Adorable picture of Matthew's Easter egg too! {{{hug}}}
ReplyDeleteLori - i could hug your pastor right back -- for giving you the hug i wish i could to you... you are surrounded in thought and prayer -- and he will lift you up to higher mountains -- soon.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't have a pastor like that then find one. Tomorrow. I agree :)
ReplyDeleteI suppose I miss that spiritual connection the most. My family church, also a Baptist Church, had a wonderful minister for years. Sadly he retired and Easter service has not been the same.
Kudo's to you for going to church on what I deem to be one of the most difficult days. I sat this one out, as I couldn't bear thoughts and sights of children who are Christian's age. I applaud your efforts Lori, as I know it was more than difficult.
I do love that song and love what it promises :) And, I am grateful for the Angels on Earth that continue to surround you...your pastor knows your pain and how thoughtful of him to reach out to you in that moment.
Much love and prayers to you for a new week. Continuing to lift you up.
xoxo
Lori - It is OK to cry and I glad you have someone (many) there to give you a hug when you need it. XO, J
ReplyDeleteLori,
ReplyDeleteCompletely off topic, but you'll understand...
I honestly thought about you when I wrote my post today... it was kinda hard to write with you in mind.. but knowing that, even you have plans. I pray it didn't hurt you.
And yes, I take requests - especially from you. Stay tuned for a special picture in your honor.... just gotta get one of them cooperating :)
Love you with the love of the Lord!!!
Mark is one of the best isn't he?! Always thinking and praying!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a cute little egg for your sweet boy!
ReplyDelete((hugs)) to you my friend.