I was actually not doing too bad this morning at church. Honestly, I just tried to focus on the fact that this is a remembrance of the day Christ was resurrected and defeated death. This is the day I remember because it means that one day, I'll see my loved ones again.
This is the day that promises I'll be able to tell my sweet son that I love him and to hear him tell me that he knows...he knew every second he was with me.
So, I was pretty proud of myself. Until about the last 5 minutes of the service. When we sang "Because He Lives," which is usually one of my favorite Easter Hymns. I still have been hacking away with this bronchitis-like whatever, so not necessarily a great voice rang out, but my heart was in the singing.
Until the second verse of "Because He Lives."
"How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives.
But greater still the calm assurance,
This child can face uncertain days because He lives."
I lost it. Right there, again, in the pew. I just started bawling. So much so that after that song was done and my pastor told us all to greet our neighbors, he came out from the pulpit to hug me and tell me he was sorry and he knew it was hard and he was always praying for me.
Friends, if you don't have a pastor who will do that for you in the middle (okay, end) of Easter service (one of the typical big two for a pastor, if you know what I mean), then you need to find one. Tomorrow.
I have sung that song countless times, and being Baptist, I'm sure I've sung all three verses during invitations quite a few times in my 37 years. And yet, even through years of infertility and worry about an adoption not happening, I never cried like that. I don't even think I made any association.
But today, oh....today. I did. Big time. And after my pastor came and hugged me and then went back up to the pulpit, he asked us to sing the last verse again.
And I did. I did because I am so, so thankful I will see my little boy again.
Because He lives.
I also have to say thank you to an amazing woman who I realize is having a hard time missing one of her precious children, yet so compassionate in her grieving that she thought of my little boy. Actually, she thought of a LOT of little boys and girls, and I am so amazed at the depths of mothers' hearts. Michelle, thank you so much for such a joyous little gift for me and my sweet boy. I am so humbled and appreciative.