Saturday, February 28, 2009

Patience may be a virtue, but it sure isn't mine...

I know, I know...that's my problem. I have little patience.

HOLD ON...I teach 2nd grade! SURELY you can grant that I have a little bit of patience, right? One must if she can spend an entire day with 18, albeit ADORABLE, 7 and 8-year olds at full steam and not pop each and every one of their sweet little heads off each day, right?

So..forgive me if I am impatient in other arenas...We got our agency's official update on Friday. As always, I sort of laugh at how it is not necessarily news to was a recap on several questions families have been asking. And basically, the same answer we all know...HOPEFULLY the matched families will be with their babies soon and those of us with dossiers there...well, we'll just hope that goes fast and then we will too. Either way, the answer to us is, "Please, exercise patience."

Then the really informative newsletter from the other agency came, and it basically said the same thing, with a little more assurance (in my opinion) because of the actual names of people and experience. Again, though, the same request..."Please, be patient."

THEN today we went for the checkup and I'm hoping to be DONE with these flipping the gal tells me before she starts that she doesn't think we will have to come in tomorrow because I probably won't be ready. WHAT? Ugh. Then she tells me that I need to be patient, because too fast is not a good thing. (Seriously, I'm wondering if she knows, REALLY knows what a pain in the abdomen this all is?) John again likens it to his slow basted ribs...and she remembered him from the other day when he threw that analogy out there...patience is what makes them good. Yeah. Well, EASY for them to say. I was hoping to trigger (take the shot of HCG so the follicles decide to drop and then go in to retrieve them in two days) today and she said "Well, that sounds good...but...." Anyway, after she did the ultrasound, she changed her mind a bit--she found 9 follicles that were measurable--the smallest 11.9 mm and the largest 16.7 mm (1.2 cm to 1.7 cm, basically....check out your pinky nail and imagine that size or so...) and told me she'd probably see me tomorrow am. Ha ha. Patience THAT. Seriously, she wasn't sure, had to wait until the doctor E2 level was 904 (apparently I like to triple things...dosages, blood levels...I went from 39 to 102 to 321 to 904) and I guess they are feeling it's going to be tomorrow or the next day. GOOD. Because friends, let me tell you, I am tired of these shots.

So, back to my patience issue...I am TIRED of it. "Have patience." "Be patient." Yada yada...

Here's my real deal. I HAVE been patient...for YEARS...waiting to be a mother. I pulled out my senior memory book the other day and "What will you be like in 5 years and 10 years" was filled out by my 18 year-old self. What did I think I would have been like? Married...mother of 2 or three...staying at home, raising and loving them, living in Northern Virginia with 2 dogs and a white picket fence. At 18...I wanted that within 10 years. Well, now nearly EIGHTEEN years later...I have the husband (wonderful) and the two dogs. Living in the DC metro area (that's what I call Maryland). I think I have shown patience.

Patience for the adoption? I've tried. And seriously, how many more ways can you tell 65 people you haven't met but SOOO feel for that you want them to hang in there because their patience will pay off? When you know yourself that patience, patience and more patience is easy to throw at people but hard to apply--especially when disappointment after disappointment occurs.

So...yeah, patience is a virtue. I work on mine daily, I do. I'm just running low on it for so many's to RESOLUTION.

Friday, February 27, 2009

You can't go wrong with the Wrights!

Friends...I've *borrowed* this from a blog, but it is all over many...and with good reason, because this is a noble cause.

I may never step foot in Kyrgyzstan...and the needs there will probably continue. Aren't we, as a human race, blessed to know that the Wright family will not only go back, but meet needs and continue to serve God in sacrifice of their own needs and desires? I think so... and if you do also, read on...

*Borrowed Excerpt*
Let's Get it Right for the Wright's!!
Dear Friends of the Wrights, We all know and understand the effectiveness of the work John, Julie and family have done in Kyrgyzstan – the country they love so much and have been called to. Let’s get them there ON THE GROUND full time! We can do this.This post is coming out with other blog posts all over the country – people who have blogs that know the Wrights. Let’s shock them with the provision of financial resources and letters/notes of encouragement to help them return to Kyrgyzstan. They want to go as full time missionaries – they just need our help to get them there.
We propose that we raise a minimum of the following:$20,000 to cover a year’s needs on the home front• Home expenses – the place to come back to

$30,000 to cover a year’s needs on the foreign front • Travel in and out of the country with family 2 x a year • Travel in the country to the different sites • Family expenses – including the educational needs of one daughter • Lodging and meals This is just $50,000. We can do this and we can do it quickly. Here is how. Go to JOHN’S Blog and hit the button that is for the Wrights….support. AND guess what – you can watch all that is done there on his will learn to live vicariously in a healthy way by reading and supporting the RIGHT cause. What an opportunity – Will you help? Let’s do it RIGHT FOR THE WRIGHTS!

Blessings, Lynn and Ruby from LAMb International

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I think I can, I think I can... our check up this morning was better than the other day...the tech found 8 measurable follicles (over 10 but less than 20..I think the biggest one --the bossy one--was 13.5) and saw about 6 more that still have some time. She said things were looking good. Then they called this afternoon with the blood results and my E2 was only 321. They didn't think that was low, but I do. Then I look all over the internet and throughout the numerous books I have and you see all sorts of opinion--E2 isn't as big a deal, it is. It doesn't indicate much, it does. It's supposed to be this, it's supposed to be that. You may have to cancel this cycle, you may not. I hate it.

So, I just have to trust my doctor's office when they say, "No, that's not too low. Just keep on the same dose and come back Saturday." Okay. How'd you know I love the shots so much?

I'm still thinking next week sometime will be retrieval and transfer. I'd like it to be Monday or Tuesday still, so that I could have the weekend to rest and let them get good and settled in their (I hope) home for the next 9 months...but, we'll have to see. I bet I go in Saturday and Sunday and maybe even Monday...maybe then they'll tell me to trigger.

As in trigger those little follicles to drop and get ready to be retrieved. Get ready, freddies...I'm getting tired of this regimen!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Tagged times a million!

In light of the fact that I am thinking this cycle may end up cancelled (and seriously, don't bother telling me not to fret over it. It's my party and I'll fret if I want to. ) I figured I would try and do some mindless little things that I have been tagged with, noted by, read and therefore by default been tagged, you get the drift. Actually, pretty much exactly what I need to take my mind off things.'s the first one. You put your name and the word 'needs' in quotes in the google search box and see what pops up. Here's what, according to Google, "Lori needs:"

1) Lori needs to vent. ('Aint that the truth. Actually, no I don't. I vent quite a bit more than I'd like to, sadly.)

2) Lori needs help. (Duh. In oh, sooooo many things....)

3) Lori needs a team. (NO...actually, one or two would be LOVELY. EIGHT is ridiculous. Next...)

4) Lori needs a life. (Yeah, seriously...I know I do. I've been telling John that for ages.)

5) Lori needs magic. (Oh, boy, do I ever....follicles that grow like magic. E2 numbers that magically quadruple every day!)

6) (Clearly) Lori needs a gelato machine. (Nah. I'd rather just go back to Italy. Living there would be quite wonderful.)

7) Lori needs friends. (Hey, I'm a stranger to no one, but I have to say, I really do have some wonderful ones as it is. Truly, I have friends I love and who love me...I'm rich!)

8) Lori needs to let herself off the hook. (Hmmmm....I'm going to give that one a probably. But knowing what one needs to do and doing it are two different things.)

9) Lori needs to quit. (Wow. This is a loaded need. Yes. That's all I'll say about that.)

10) Lori needs our well wishes. (How funny....this blog is always full of well mean anonymous person....I think I'm pretty rich in that arena as well!)

So...there you have it...Google's top 10 of my needs. Who needs Dr. Phil?

The other one is basically you erase my answers and put your own in--the caveat is that each answer has to start with the first letter of your name. You can also only use the word once. May be a bit more challenging...

1. What is your name? Lori
2. A four letter word: live
3. A boy's name: Luke (I LOVE this name!!!)
4. A girl's name: Lily
5. An occupation: Licensed vet technician
6. A color: lilac
7. Something you wear: long johns
8. Something you buy: lamps
9. A food: lentils
10. Something found in the bathroom: Lime Away.
11. A place: Laos
12. A reason for being late: lost your keys
13. Something you shout: Loser. (Usually only at John and in jest...)
14. A movie title: Legally Blonde
15. Something you drink: lemonade
16. A musical group: Little River Band
17. An animal: lion
18. A street name: Lee Blvd.
19. A type of car: Little red corvette (give me a break...I SO don't know cars!)
20. The title of a song: Last Dance
21. Something you'd rather not have: Lazy ovaries
22. A bug: Ladybug, of course.
23. Something scary: Losing John
24. Something beautiful: little ones
25. Something you want: little ones. (OKAY...I did use that twice. Sue me. Again, remember, it's MY party...)

Okay. I'm done.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Might as well be a coke addict...

Before you go freaking out about that title, just don't bother. That's EXACTLY what I feel like. I have more puncture marks in my veins, thighs and stomach than I can count, bruises in places I didn't even know could bruise, and am now on a regimen where I am injecting $600-$700 a night into my body. Sounds sort of like what I'd expect an addict to be feeling and doing.

(IVF--stop reading if you don't care...I don't really care to write about it either, if you want to know the truth...)
So, after Sunday's uneventful visit and instructions to stop the Lupron and up my dosage (by quite a bit) today's even LESS fun. The tech only saw two follicles that were close to measurable (one was 9.3 and the other was 8.5) and several other lazy pieces of junk (those are my terms, not hers) floating around the old ovaries. Then, I got my E2 results. 102. Yep. If you know how much that sucks on day 6, thanks for your sympathy. If you don't know how much it sucks, sucks BIG TIME. And it means that I get to increase AGAIN. AND now have more shots. AND get to spend hundreds of more dollars. YIPPEE!!! Can't you just feel my glee?

Yeah, I know. I'm sarcastic. I'm also apparently not great at making follicles any more. A few years ago, by this point in the regimen and on FAR less medicine, I had 16 follicles and 9 significantly measurable.

Friends, getting older just isn't fun. Worse, realizing that just-about-to-be-36 is 'getting older' REALLY isn't fun.

How's this card?

(Front cover...with one of those pouty little sad faces) Sorry you suck at making eggs.

(Inside...) At least you're tall and rich!

Oh, wait, no you're not.

Umm...I'm really sorry.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Work, ovaries, WORK!

Well, we had bloodwork and another ultrasound yesterday. Still 10 follicles, but nothing measurable. They actually tripled my bravelle and doubled my menopur and took me off the lupron because they thought it was doing too good a job of suppressing and not letting the stimulating drugs work. Well....I wish they'd have thought of that as I was taking the lupron in combination with $75 a vial (* 2 a night) medicines--I understand they are making sure I don't overstimulate, but I just feel like the last few days have been a waste and now I have to really put myself at risk because they upped me so much and took me off the lupron--and I may overstimulate. That's what has happened before. So, here's hoping that the ovaries work. Just right. I feel like Goldilocks. My E2 level was also pretty low, so again, I sort of teared up at the thought of this...things weren't working so well for us when my eggs were young and that they are older and uglier, I say, I am not putting a lot of faith in them.

So today I was pretty frustrated with my school librarian. She was talking to my class about how the term African American came to be (as it is Black History Month) and shared with me that students were sharing their 'heritages' and that we were all part American, part something else. One little girl shared she was Japanese American. Another's ancestors from Norway. She said she herself was Lithuanian/English but claims Lithuanian American because she's mostly Lithuanian. Then she asks me what my parent's ancestry is. I tell her Welsh/Scottish/English (that's my mom) and then she looks at me as if she is expecting more. "Is that all, she asks?" Well, would you like me to talk about my dad or the sperm donor, and isn't that fun in front of the kids?
So I just say, "Indian."
"Indian, Indian?" she asks?
"Yep. like Pakistan/India Indian."
"Oh, not like the Indians in Great Britain?"


THEN....she asks another little girl. This little girl is an adopted little girl who looks NOTHING like her parents. She was severely traumatized and abused as a younger girl (she's only 7 now) and as a result, is VERY quiet, introverted, reserved, fragile, you name it. And African American, though to me she looks as if she may have some Asian as well. Apparently to the librarian too, because she asks this little girl if there are any languages spoken at her house? The little girl says no, and then she pushes with, "Really? Not Cambodian or Laotian?"


For the first time, I actually saw what so many adoptive parents talk about with silly family tree projects and the pain it causes those kids and families. I've of course heard about it. But to see one of my little ones...just have no clue of what to sad.

In defense of my librarian...when I told her this little one's situation, she did her very best to make amends...and to let all know that the parents who take care of us and love us ARE our families and what family we belong to.

So much complication for little ones. As if their lives haven't been hard enough as they are...

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Looking pa nub... borrow from an old Saturday Night Live sketch...the Buckwheat skit, how's this card?

(Front cover--Big picture of an egg on the front, with lots of little sperm trying their darnedest to get in....) "Wookin' pa nub in all da wong paces?"

(Inside cover) "Screw it. You're going IVF instead! Best of luck!"

Okay, Rachel...waiting for that one to be Photoshopped too!!!!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Don't let the title fool you...

Yeah, don't let it. The title of the email I got this update from was something kin to "Kyrgyzstan issues eviction notice," but as a gal who has been married to a Marine for nearly 12 years, I can tell you friends that basically they are telling us to get the h*ll out of there. And fast. John's take on this? "Oh, we'll probably ask how much the Russians are giving them and we'll try to match that. It's a pretty key base." Oh super! I was wondering how this country was going to get itself into even MORE debt!!! Rock on in racing to beat the Russians! (Wow, for some reason I just had some 80's flashbacks!) For Pete's sake. In any event, we all knew this was coming...somehow it just helps hammer home the fact that I don't think we will be adopting a child from this country. Ever.

In other news *IVF, that is* we (Ha ha--'we' my foot. Only one of us had the pleasure of the bloodwork and the woo-woo ultrasound and it WASN'T John!) had the Lupron evaluation yesterday. All was well. Blood levels good. One ovary has 4 follicle looking things and the other has 5. Sounds great, especially considering I started the actual follicle stimulating drugs last night and have always been a great responder to those drugs. My only worry is that those little follicle looking things don't grow up to be fruitless cysts in the next couple of days. More drugs tonight, and tomorrow night, then we go in first thing in the AM on Sunday and see what's been going on in there. If this is anything like the last time we were on these drugs, they will be wowed and amazed at my ability to make lots and lots of follicles. Odds are in the next week and a half, I will have finished the drugs, had the eggs retrieved and be on the way to transfer some embryos.

Where is Hallmark when you need them? I absolutely think that deserves some kind of sentiment:

"(Front Cover) On this, your special day.... (Inside) May all the eggs you put in one uterus be looking for the right womb. Hope it's yours."

Seriously. I think I have found a new career.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Missing Emma Jane...

Okay...though a few of you who follow my saga (dear sweet ones that you are!) regularly know I am in the middle of IVF (and really, really, REALLY hoping it works!), I started this blog (a little over a year ago--February 9, 2008) as I was embarking on an adoption. For the record, still am on that trip, for what it is worth.

I went out yesterday with a good friend, who is pregnant with twin boys! We saw a cute movie, had a great meal, shopped a know, just a nice afternoon. Somewhere between the drugs I am on, the absolutely ADORABLE baby things out there, the fact that one of my favorite baby stores, Right Start, is in Chapter 11 and realizing that I honestly, truly and wholeheartedly believed that by this point in my life, I would have had a little baby girl from Kyrgyzstan (or heck, at least a referral for one!), I lost it. I cried. I stood right there in front of the sweet little Sleep Sheep (a great deal at 30% off since they are in bankruptcy) and saw an adorable little organic onesie that said, "You are my sunshine," (a special little song for me and John) and cried. I cried for Emma. I thought of the room full of things that I have for a little girl named Emma that I will never know. (Even if an adoption comes through, we've decided to change her name, remember?) A big reason I decided to change her name (if we ever have a 'her') was because for whatever reason, the name Molly Jane kept screaming out to us...and John liked it a lot better. But another reason, I think, if I am honest, is that I just felt that it was not going to happen for us. And in that, I didn't want to keep missing Emma because I didn't (and still sadly don't) think she was ever going to be part of our life. I'm not really sure of how to explain it, but when I decided on a Molly in our life, I basically was saying goodbye to Emma.

And so, yesterday, standing there, I was mourning her. I missed her. I remembered the several things John and I have picked up over the course of the year in hopes of sharing them with her. Mostly, I missed what could be...and in my mind, what SHOULD be. (Of course, in my mind, when I run the world, SO much will be different!) It was not fun, friends, not fun.

But worse, it made me think of the 60+, many of whom I have come to know and pray for, who have been grieving so much more for their they have truly met, bonded and are in love with living, breathing children just waiting to be brought home. I thought about how much my heart hurt missing the idea of Emma Jane, while others I know of have such a deeper sense of loss right that their children are STILL in limbo, and now it looks like they may be for at least ANOTHER month. If you are reading this, you probably read several others who are in this situation and know that JCICS is involved, UNICEF (don't get me started) is involved, the State Department is involved, shoot--Russia is practically involved! You know the situation is dire. I pray for your hearts to be led as God does to be active in what you feel can make a difference. I pray that the projects in play to impress upon those whose hearts need to be touched will be successful and fruitful. I pray that the hearts of those who are hurting so much as they miss their orphanage-bound children are given a calm that allows them to know all thinks work through God.

And I pray that the path we are on to build our family, though I may not be afforded understanding, is one that in the end, gives me peace.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Today's post is sponsored by the letter 'P'

Well, as I'm a big fun of the always entertaining Maria, I read her list of 'B' loves...and told her I was game for being assigned a letter... so.... here goes!:

Here are the rules…If you want to play, leave a comment on this post letting me know, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things (after doing it, I realized I ended up with 11, but oh well!) you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on!

My letter is 'P' --

People! Yes, that's right, I love people! (Even you, mean anonymous blogger who wrote another mean, loser email to me! I'm thinking you just don't have enough love in your life (or a real life to attend to) and so, I feel really bad for you and just LOVE YOU TO DEATH!) Anyway, I am, what you call, a 'People Person' and always have been. Maybe because I love to talk, and people are required for conversation. Well, not really, but the wall is not as much fun to talk to as PEOPLE are!

Purses! I won't lie, as I get older, matching my purses is not as big a deal to me as it used to be, but I do love cute purses--especially with matching shoes. I'm a cheapskate, so I won't pay much for them, but REALLY love getting them as gifts since I won't dish the bucks out!

Presents! I really am one of those people who loves giving presents as much as I love getting them! Maybe even more. I just truly enjoy finding that perfect thing for someone I care about and then watching them really enjoy it. In the spirit of honesty, I like getting them too, though I am hard to buy for, I know. I like to be surprised, but hate to be surprised with good intention but bad poor dear husband knows this! In any event, presents are a great joy in my life!

Purpose! I am a purposeful person. I like to have a plan, and I like to have drive. Some call it high-strung. Potato, Po*tah*to. Either way, I like knowing I was put here on this planet for a reason, and I daily ask for guidance and help from God in filling my purpose.

Plans! Falling right in line with loving a purpose, I love a good plan! Heck, I'm okay with a bad plan. I just NEED a plan. I worry about things not because I like to worry (I don't) and not because I am a pessimist (I'm not) but because if I worry about EVERYTHING--worst-case scenario included--I can PLAN for it. And then, I don't worry as much. Sensible or not, it is who I am.

Prayer! I find great comfort in knowing that I can pray to my Lord any time, any where, for any reason--PERIOD. Prayer to me is like talking to a wonderful Friend--safe, comforting, understanding...just a nice warm blanket that I can wrap around myself. Even when I pray in desperation, and sadly, the human in me does that a lot, I am safe.

Pictures! Pictures and photographs are so beloved to me. They are memories never forgotten and they are precious. One of the things I love best about my hallway upstairs is all the old family pictures of John and me on the walls. I love taking pictures, and would really like to be a photojournalist. I think it would be very cool.

Principle! I'm very principled. Period. I believe right is right and wrong is wrong and that it is my job to make sure that justice prevails. I'm very firm in my beliefs, and am not easily swayed. Being this stubborn is often hard for me because I also try my hardest to not judge others. I truly believe we are not to judge, lest we be judged, but make no mistake. I will not 'ram' my beliefs or principles down your throat, but I'll be darned if you try to insinuate mine are any less worthy because they are 'churchy' or religiously-based. I believe in fair play for opposing sides, and I believe in the end....well, we'll all know without a doubt what the truth is.

Puppies! Oh, am I a sucker for the puppies! And the kitties. And the bunnies. And the baby goats even. Heck, anything baby is just about the best thing EVER, but I really do love the pups! I am a dog lover (bet you couldn't tell) and just can't think of too many things that are cuter than a sweet little wrinkly puppy giving you those little licks with that puppy breath. Pure bliss.

Of course, they then grow up into the prissy, persnickety little Diva that my Dixie Belle is, but still...she was so darned cute as a puppy!

Parents! (And Grand-parents!) I love my parents. I tear up as I type this because I miss my mom so much. My mom and I were very similar in a lot of things, so sadly, lots of conflict! But lots and lots of love too. My mom is the reason behind my love of purpose, prayer, pictures, people...(NOT a planner, though!) mom chose life when she chose to have me, and for that, I'm eternally grateful. My dad was a man, who chose me as well. He loved my mom, so he loved me. He took me to the Spelling Bee, taught me to love Beef with Broccoli and walked me down the aisle. Lord knows if nothing else, my dad tries to be the best dad he knows how to be, and I am blessed. My grandmothers (didn't have grandfathers, really) so loved me. My Grandmother Gosnell acted as if the world revolved around me (I totally dug that!) and I know it was because she just loved me and thought I could do anything. My Grandmother Mullins, especially as I became an adult, was so thankful for my continued contact with her when other cousins didn't have so much...she may have had her reservations about my mom and dad when I was a baby, but I know she loved me and thought of me as her own flesh and blood. She even told people I got my hair, skin and eyes from her!

Best of all, I got more parents! John's dad was a wonderful man, and again, I tear up as I think of him. He was kind, generous, intelligent, and just an incredible man. I always felt like he was pretty pleased with the gal his son brought home, and loved him so much. One of the (few) benefits of being stationed here at Pax River is how close we are to 'home' in Northern Virginia. It is very comforting to know that John's mom is so close by and always welcomes us 'home' with open arms. Being in the military, home sort of loses meaning, but whether it's because she still (after 16 years!) makes sure 'our' bathroom is clean when we get there, or because she makes us wonderful home-cooked meals or just because she lets us bring our dogs and doesn't grimace once (to US, at least!) about it--home is home because mom always makes it so for us. She's also generous and thoughtful and I'm so lucky to call her mom.

Pensacola! Oh, the beach in Pensacola is absolutely beautiful! I've been to the West Coast and seen the Pacific, I've been to Italy, I've been to Greece, I've been to Croatia, I've been to the Bahamas, I've been to Hawaii....all lovely, I give you. But I have to say that my favorite beach of the whole world is Pensacola...and mostly because that beach's town was home for us for a few years and home for so many wonderful memories for us! Now granted, we were newly married, with John in flight school, so it was tough at times, but we had such a network of wonderful friends! You always hear about how you make friends in the military that stay with you forever, right? Well--for us, Pensacola did not disappoint! Pensacola didn't just provide a wonderful town, wonderful beach, wonderful church and wonderful fun, but FAMILY that we treasure to this very day. Pensacola is my dream retirement place.

WOW! I thought P was hard! Then, I got on a roll and now I've thought of so many more! I love pansies, popcorn, princess crowns, pink frilly dresses, polka-dots, pajamas, penguins, peace, plump pillows, playing cards and board games, popsicles, potato-chips, pickles, pilates, price mark-downs and passports...oh, and to think I was dreading P!

If you are interested in a letter (if you are still reading this incredibly long post) just say so!!!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


Okay, just know now that this is a RANT. I'm frustrated.

Let me be brief:

1) Crazy people in the workplace are not ok. Crazy people you HAVE NO CHOICE but to deal with, well...that's just miserable. Crazy people in the workplace who get away with being crazy makes ME miserable.

2) I really think that Yuma, Arizona is just a military base disguising a bottomless pit that husbands fall into and from which they NEVER COME HOME. Or it seems like it.

3) The hell one has to go through to simply to get what they are entitled to through their insurance is criminal. I was actually told today, by a well-known pharmacy company, that I was the one who expressed urgency and I could either have my medicine by the time I needed it OR wait until they were ready to process my insurance so I would only have to pay my $9.00 co-payment (instead of the $524 full price). UMMMM NO! How about this? How about I get my medicine ON TIME at the price I am supposed to pay. PERIOD. I swear, if ONE MORE PERSON tells me how lucky I am that we get *free* health care, you may just see me on CNN as the newest woman gone plum crazy. Free, huh? Really? So, where's my husband right now as I have to do all this stuff? Where has he been for the last few months? That's right--EARNING my *free* health care. And protecting your rights while he's at it.

PLEASE, I beg you, if you are reading this and offended, STOP READING. I do NOT have the time for your little emails telling me what a whiner I am. (I thought that email did not bother me, but obviously it did, so whoever you are, Anonymous, bravo. Thanks for your two cents. Feel better now? Good. Now, get the heck off my blog.)

4) Standardized testing sucks and anyone who says that it is necessary to measure achievement needs to actually LOOK at a standardized test given to a second grader and tell me what it is measuring. What they know? NOPE. How to take a test. Why on earth is the option NH (as in "not here") given to 7 year-olds on a test? Just ask the freaking question and let them give the answer. Oh, and hey, why don't we make this fun testing last for TWO WEEKS? Then we can not just assess their knowledge, we can assess their endurance too. PLEASE.

Okay. I'm done. This was not brief after all and I could still keep going. So, I'll stop because in light of this all, my sister's lupus has flared up, she has been diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma and is being treated, and she took her daughter, my niece, to UNC's Pediatric Hospital tonight for an extended stay. What room do I have to complain?

And seriously, Anonymous, DON'T bother badgering me again. I'm not forcing you to read this and if all you have to do is read blogs and reply in a mean and negative fashion, you are such a loser.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Just catching up...

Many of you were interested in where I got the story about the moratorium in Kyrgyzstan...well, it came in an email to me from one of the agencies. Not MY agency, mind you...but one I wish I was with and is very reputable! I tried to click on the link that was attached to it and symbols that made absolutely no sense to me came up, so...if you are still interested, here it is...

I have no doubt that as follow-up info comes, this wonderful agency and adoption worker will let people know. Thank goodness. My translation skills STINK.

In other news (IVF stuff, so if you don't care, no worries if you want to move on to the next blog!), I start the Lupron on Thursday. I have to say that my primary care nurse is absolutely WONDERFUL. I'm basically with the military's version of welfare medicine, aka Tricare Prime. Now, before you go firing off the emails about how lucky I am that I get *free* medical care through the military, just don't bother. My medical care is NOT *free*. It is paid for through the brave and dedicated work of every military member that has or will be. It is part of my husband's paycheck for being on call 24 hours a day to protect you and your rights. And, MY tax-dollars pay for it. So, forgive me if I expect it to be even halfway close to government-subsidized health care programs. Through Prime, I have little-to-no choice in doctor, appointment access, specialized care, you name it. The pay-off for that is the co-share cost, which is minimal. If I wanted to have more choice and access, I do have the option of going Standard, but will probably pay more in co-pays and other services. So, anyway, I'm with Prime. And, I can honestly say in 12 years of being a military spouse, I have had average to above average care about 90% of the time. Not too terrible, if you ask me. Lately, though, I have had exceptional care with my primary care staff, specifically my nurse. You see, the program we are enrolled in is through Shady Grove and is called Shared-Risk. Basically, you plunk down $20-$27K and have 6 tries (fresh) at pregnancy through IVF. If, at any time, you decide you don't want to do it, you quit and get your money back. The ONLY way they collect their fee is if you end up with a live birth. Not pregnancy, but LIVE BIRTH. If you are successful the 1st time, you've paid them a TON of money extra, but at that point, who cares? That's your risk (and your new baby!) in the contract. If you are successful the 2nd time, you have paid about what you would pay regularly for 2 IVF cycles and it's about break even for the clinic...maybe they make a small portion. Any time after that, well...they are basically losing money on you. So, their agreement to accept you into their program basically says that they are pretty confident they will be successful the 1st or 2nd time, or else, they wouldn't really take you. They lose money and they have to report all those numbers to the Society of Assisted Reproductive Technology, and they don't want to have anything but stellar statistics.

So...that's the program we are in. This program includes mostly everything. Save pre-screening and diagnostics (which the military partially covered and we out-of-pocketed the rest-OUCH!) and medicine. Ahhhh...the MEDICINE. The drugs needed for each cycle are going to cost about $3200. Does my insurance cover any of that, you ask? Well, funny story. Between the unbelievable diligent work on the part of my primary care nurse on base and my IVF nurse at Shady Grove, they got some stuff covered. After all, Tricare Prime DOES have pharmacy benefits like any other insurance program. What didn't they get covered? Just the most expensive drugs...the gonadotropins, otherwise known as the follicle stimulation drugs. Why?

Well, Congress, in its infinite wisdom, has declared that those drugs ARE covered if you are NOT using them with assisted reproductive technology (i.e...up your chances when you do the Hokie Pokie naughty-style). If you do this, there is NO monitoring, and one could VERY easily overstimulate and be very sick (or even DIE!) as a result. These are pretty strong drugs, and they work very quickly. It is just NOT healthy or safe to be making yourself produce boatloads of more eggs than you usually do just to up your pregnancy chances and NOT be monitored while doing so. But, put yourself in a program to do the SAME thing but be safe and monitored, and Congress (who is in charge of our plan) says nothing doing. Now, let's be clear...if John had "issues", shall we say, you better believe that Vi*gra WOULD be covered. So, sleep safely knowing that drugs to help infertility, a medical condition that affects over 7.3 million women, will NOT be covered with taxpayer dollars but no man will have to suffer the humiliation of not being able to put on the party hat, so to speak, because that IS covered. Ridiculous.

Anyway, the purpose of this rant was to really proclaim how very blessed I am with the people who are in charge of my care. They have truly gone above and beyond the call of duty, even for exceptional service, and I just can't say enough about them. And to say that I am thankful for what IS covered through our pharmacy benefits, because every bit helps. AND to say that I, as a taxpayer, find Congressional policy hypocritical, ridiculous and insulting. Then again, it IS Congress of whom I'm speaking, so....

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Small Business Rescue Update...

This from Jenny's site as an update for the CPSIA....

  • Thank you for your continued support to Save Small Business from the CPSIA. It has been an active week. A stay of enforcement was issued by the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) on Friday, January 30th. Although it has stayed enforcement of many provisions of the law, the CPSC has made it clear that they lack authority to fully correct the CPSIA. Urge Congress to provide the CPSC with guidance that will protect toymakers, thrift resellers, publishers, and clothing manufacturers from the unintended consequences of the CPSIA. A technical amendment, the CPSIA Regulatory Relief Bill, will be introduced on the Senate floor soon. It is important that we gain Senate support for this necessary legislation. Here's what you can do:Call your Senator (switchboard: 202-224-3121). Identify yourself as a constituent and ask to speak with the Senator or the staff assistant who follows Commerce issues. Ask him/her to co-sponsor the CPSIA Regulatory Relief Legislation, and tell them if they have questions about the legislation they can contact Tom Jones in Senator DeMint’s DC office at 202-224-6121. Tom’s email address is Ask them to vote for the CPSIA Regulatory Relief legislation when it comes to the Senate floor, possibly as an amendment to the stimulus package as has been rumored. Get five friends to do steps 1-4. We need to show strong support of this amendment in order to get the Senate to pass it. To read the specifics of the amendment, go to: have also made strides in our intiative at We are in the final stages of teaming with a non profit agency and going forward with our national campaign to save small businesses. There is a new petition that you can sign and send a letter to Congress. To see the petition, go to: Our blog posts have also begun. View these at: .Thank you again for your support. Our grassroots campaign would never have gotten as far as it has without the support of people like

Just thought I'd keep you many have emailed me about not even knowing. I didn't really either, until Jenny...

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Does moratorium mean dead or just sound like it?

According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, it just sounds like it. Official definition? 1b. waiting period set by authority. 2. a suspension of activity

So, based on the following article from the Kyrgyzstan press, the moratorium on adoption is not death. Just a suspension of activity. Which, we have all been privy to already, so nothing new, right? this point, I am going to risk hearing all sorts of what-for and just say it. I so desperately want each and every parent that has a referral for their child to have their child. Period. Even if it doesn't mean that I have mine. A very wise and modest person that I was lucky enough to meet through blogging was kind enough to tell me to give them a call if I needed to have an ear. I did. And in that call, she helped me come to the conclusion that I haven't yet put in writing or even really said...I just don't think Kyrgyzstan is going to be the country from which we adopt. My gut's been telling me this for a while, and though it hasn't been easy to accept that, I think I am at peace with the situation. I would, of course, wish it to be completely different. Heck, I read all the blogging friends' sites and see the most BEAUTIFUL children can hardly breathe missing the pig tails I don't think will ever get to see.

But, I just don't think it was meant to be. I have thought for many months now that maybe God brought Kyrgyzstan (a country previously not even known to exist in my sad little geographical world) into my scope because it was a place that I could do some of God's work through others. Well, John Wright, Jengish, David and Jayne...and many others certainly have given me the opportunity to have my eyes opened. I cannot tell you how good I have felt being even a small part of such large mission projects that have happened in the last year. I even feel selfish because every time I see a post with pictures of people taking part in something we may have sponsored, I just feel FANTASTIC, and that just doesn't seem right somehow!

So...we still are sticking with Kyrgyz as far as not dropping out of the program goes...I just don't think it is going to happen. I've said from the beginning of this blog that my ultimate goal is to be a mom. I thought it was through adoption. (I still remember sitting in A & W with John and him telling me he'd rather adopt because it was a sure thing. HA HA!)

It still may be. I'm just not so sure...

  • The Committee for Migration, Labor, Social Policy and Healthcare of the Kyrgyz Parliament, with support from UNICEF, organized the conference devoted to the discussion of "revision of adoption legislation and procedures" which was held from January 30 through February 2 of 2009in Issyk-Kul region. The conference was attended by the members of the Parliament, representatives of the Office of the Government, director ofthe children protection department of the state agency for physical culture and sport, youth affairs and children protection, UNICEF representatives in Kyrgyzstan and others. UNICEF international consultant Erve Boechat was invited from Switzerland to participate inthe discussion of this matter. Parliament member G. Derbisheva reported that this matter requires careful approach and efforts to improve legislation in this field. Last year, the Parliament formed a parliamentary commission to consider the issues of national and international adoption. The commission has not completed its work yet. While it continues to work on the improvement of the legislative framework, the Committee for Migration,Labor, Social Policy and Healthcare submitted to the President an initiative to announce a moratorium on the national and international adoption, reported the parliament member.At the conference, the international consultant made the following presentations:* Problems of inter-country adoption in Kyrgyzstan * International experience and tendencies and main context of international adoption in the world * Evaluation of legal regulation, procedures and practices of adoption and others.A UNICEF specialist particularly stressed the Hague Convention adopted in 1993 and effected in 1995. Today, this Convention is signed by 76countries of the world. It covers children protection and regulates cooperation in international adoption, said E. Boechat. He further informed in his presentations that in Kyrgyzstan 11 charity organizations deal with international adoption and that more than 200children have been adopted by foreigners in the last two years. This issue stirred up a stormy discussion among the parliament members.In particular, the parliament members emphasized that the state must pay top priority attention to this matter and generally to children protection. The legislators insisted that international adoption must be used as a final resort only and demanded to toughen the practice of international adoption. In the opinion of certain parliament members,the handicapped children and disabled people whose treatments is costly may be allowed to be adopted by foreigners. It is expected that this issue will be discussed again at the forthcoming Round Table.