Patience may be a virtue, but it sure isn't mine...

I know, I know...that's my problem. I have little patience.

HOLD ON...I teach 2nd grade! SURELY you can grant that I have a little bit of patience, right? One must if she can spend an entire day with 18, albeit ADORABLE, 7 and 8-year olds at full steam and not pop each and every one of their sweet little heads off each day, right?

So..forgive me if I am impatient in other arenas...We got our agency's official update on Friday. As always, I sort of laugh at how it is not necessarily news to me...it was a recap on several questions families have been asking. And basically, the same answer we all know...HOPEFULLY the matched families will be with their babies soon and those of us with dossiers there...well, we'll just hope that goes fast and then we will too. Either way, the answer to us is, "Please, exercise patience."

Then the really informative newsletter from the other agency came, and it basically said the same thing, with a little more assurance (in my opinion) because of the actual names of people and experience. Again, though, the same request..."Please, be patient."

THEN today we went for the checkup and I'm hoping to be DONE with these flipping shots...so the gal tells me before she starts that she doesn't think we will have to come in tomorrow because I probably won't be ready. WHAT? Ugh. Then she tells me that I need to be patient, because too fast is not a good thing. (Seriously, I'm wondering if she knows, REALLY knows what a pain in the abdomen this all is?) John again likens it to his slow basted ribs...and she remembered him from the other day when he threw that analogy out there...patience is what makes them good. Yeah. Well, EASY for them to say. I was hoping to trigger (take the shot of HCG so the follicles decide to drop and then go in to retrieve them in two days) today and she said "Well, that sounds good...but...." Anyway, after she did the ultrasound, she changed her mind a bit--she found 9 follicles that were measurable--the smallest 11.9 mm and the largest 16.7 mm (1.2 cm to 1.7 cm, basically....check out your pinky nail and imagine that size or so...) and told me she'd probably see me tomorrow am. Ha ha. Patience THAT. Seriously, she wasn't sure, had to wait until the doctor reviewed...my E2 level was 904 (apparently I like to triple things...dosages, blood levels...I went from 39 to 102 to 321 to 904) and I guess they are feeling it's going to be tomorrow or the next day. GOOD. Because friends, let me tell you, I am tired of these shots.

So, back to my patience issue...I am TIRED of it. "Have patience." "Be patient." Yada yada...

Here's my real deal. I HAVE been patient...for YEARS...waiting to be a mother. I pulled out my senior memory book the other day and "What will you be like in 5 years and 10 years" was filled out by my 18 year-old self. What did I think I would have been like? Married...mother of 2 or three...staying at home, raising and loving them, living in Northern Virginia with 2 dogs and a white picket fence. At 18...I wanted that within 10 years. Well, now nearly EIGHTEEN years later...I have the husband (wonderful) and the two dogs. Living in the DC metro area (that's what I call Maryland). I think I have shown patience.

Patience for the adoption? I've tried. And seriously, how many more ways can you tell 65 people you haven't met but SOOO feel for that you want them to hang in there because their patience will pay off? When you know yourself that patience, patience and more patience is easy to throw at people but hard to apply--especially when disappointment after disappointment occurs.

So...yeah, patience is a virtue. I work on mine daily, I do. I'm just running low on it for so many reasons...here's to RESOLUTION.