And the winner is...

A 2009 Honda CRV-EXL...

All things said, out of the worst case scenario of an accident, we made the best of it. I drove some bigger SUV/minivan deals and frankly, I felt too small. Yes, I sat high, but I was like a speck inside. This CRV fits me much better, has room for baby and two dogs, and has excellent safety and reliability ratings. PLUS we were shopping on the last day of the month (didn't plan that) and the dealer basically said, "We have 9 cars to sell. What do we have to do to sell you this car?" John said, "Good luck...we have a specific payment we want and I doubt you'll get that without giving us a 10 year loan, ha ha." (Which, we OF COURSE would not take)

Well, they worked some numbers out and told us to go to lunch and think about it. At lunch, we looked at the paperwork we'd researched and called the other dealer we had planned on visiting. The other dealer told us it was very aggressive, the first dealer was obviously trying to sell us a car, and it was going to be tough to beat it, but they could go a bit lower. So, we went back to the dealer, told them that we could go to this other dealer and get this price, but if they gave us X, we'd stay. The dealer did not know how the other dealer had offered to go a bit lower (when talking to the other dealer, I actually gave him a price that was LOWER than the one the original dealer offered to see what he could really do...seemed to work) but he said he'd figure out some numbers. Well, lo and behold, they could do it! (Which is good, actually, because the other dealer didn't have the color John wanted--the one we were driving was the one that John really wanted anyway!)

So, long story short, we got a brand new car with all the bells and whistles we wanted for what we originally were looking at with some used car prices. Very pleased, all in all, and for the first time in years, I actually feel like WE were the ones getting the good deal...not the dealer, not the builder, etc...not glad that the economy stinks, but FOR ONCE it worked in our favor.

After the whole-day ordeal, we were treated to dinner by my aunt and uncle, whom we assessed I hadn't seen in probably 4-5 years--FAR too long considering they only live about an hour and a half away. It was VERY nice to see them again, and we absolutely will be better about keeping in touch. One of the best parts was my uncle telling me that he could see more of my mom's side of the family traits on me as I get older. Talk about needing to hear you have an identity with which you can belong...because on the other side of the day was lovely (NOT) conversation in which all signs point to the severing of ties with my dad. His choice, not mine.

Thank you, Uncle Michael and Aunt Carol. You made my night and reminded me I DO have family.

Rockin' Father's Day Gift!

Ok, I try (or at one time, tried) to pride myself on being a good gift-giver. I really like getting someone a great gift and often like it better than getting gifts...so, when we heard the baby's heartbeat last week at Dr. Polko's, on her hand-held heart monitor, I thought, "That's cool...wonder how much those are?" Well, I looked online, researched and found one of two that kept rising to the top...the Hi Bebe 200 (the other was a Sonictrax) and it was $115 (free shipping) at Amazon.com. So, I used a gift card that some very sweet parents gave to me, threw in some $ I had been saving for a girlfriend's weekend in Myrtle Beach and voila...bought one for John for Father's Day.

As you well know, yesterday was pretty emotional for me because I was just about fed up with the injustices of the world, and frankly, was really worried something was wrong with baby. Even though her heart rate was fine at the hospital, I'd been a bit crampy and where I'd normally not worry, the accident makes me second-guess every little twinge. So, when miracle of all miracles, the monitor arrived on the front porch yesterday, I tore that baby open and went to town.

Unfortunately, all I could find was a heartbeat that was about 85-90 beats. Of course, I FREAK out...it was 172 the other day. I called the doctor, but they were closed. I Googled and saw HR needed to be 120-180...so, I panicked...John called to let me know he was on his way home (he was in an airport in Indianapolis) and I just broke down....

"John, (sob, sob)...I got you (sob) a Father's Day gift and I used it and I think (sob, sob, sob) the baby's not well."

"What did you get?"

"(Sobbbbbb) A fetal heart Doppler...and the baby's heartbeat is only 80-90...(soooooooooobbbbbbb)"

"Lori. That is probably your heartbeat."

"NOT DOWN THERE! I KNOW WHERE MY HEART IS! (SOOOOOOBBBB, SOOOOOBBBBB, SOOOOBBBB)"

"Lori. It's Doppler. You'll hear it. Really. Just rest, I'll do it when I get home. I'm sure it's fine."

Well darn it all if my boy's not every bit as smart as I always swear he is. I Googled (again) and realized that indeed, you DO hear your heartbeat, and need to make sure you find the baby's, NOT YOURS. Duh. Perhaps that is why some medical practitioners prefer people not to have too much technology because they FREAK like me.

So...I Googled (AGAIN) for videos, filled my bladder a bit more, and 30 minutes later, found not only my heartbeat again (still 85-90) but baby's as well! The LCD rate display is not as great as I'd like but it was registering between 153-163 and I was JUST fine with that. WHEW!

So what does John (who called me a knucklehead) want to do the SECOND I come home? Look for baby's heartbeat. Which we heard, and measured to be between 159-168. So not only do we have some reassurance every now and then between doctor visits, I scored LEGENDARY on the Father's Day gift!

In other news, unfortunately, my car? Total loss. We'll be looking this weekend. Sigh.

Just a few questions (Clay Walker and) I had...

Yeah, so I realize hormones must be setting in...as I am driving home, this is the Clay Walker (LOVE HIM!) song that pops up on my Ipod (which doesn't shuffle well as I just heard this song two days ago)... and the tears just didn't stop.

(Ray Scott/Phillip Moore/Adam Wheeler)
How in this world can we put a man on the moon,
And still have a need for a place like St Jude's?
And why is one man born,In a place where all they know is war?
An' a guy like me,Has always been free.

An' how can two people who built a lovin' home,
Try for years an' never have a child of their own?
When somewhere out there tonight,There's a baby no-one's holdin' tight:In need of love.
To me, that don't add up.

But I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans.
I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky.
So I don't mean to second guess you,
Or criticise what I don't understand.
These are just a few questions I have.

An' why did my cousin have to die in that crash?
A good kid, only seventeen, I still wonder 'bout that.
It seems unfair to me,
Some get the chance to chase their dreams,
An' some don't.
But what do I know?

I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans.
I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky.
So I don't mean to second guess you,
Or criticise what I don't understand.
These are just a few questions I have.

Why do I feel like you hear these prayers of mine.
When so many oughta be ahead of me in line?
When you look down on me,
Can you see the good through all the bad?
These just a few questions I have.


Some days (most, if I'm honest) I just don't get it. I don't. As I suspected, the lady that I hit is going to end up probably trying to sue me. Her daughter (the one NOT in a seatbelt) goes to my school and let me tell you, the place has been buzzing for the last two days about how I was not paying attention, on my cell phone, broke the girl's neck, yada yada...Of course NONE of that is true, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that they are trying to fabricate stories to make me look reckless...and the only point behind that can be to set up a great case for suing me. I doubt it is going to be doable, but just the hassle of it all is so not fun. HOW CAN PEOPLE BE THIS WAY?

I just finished reading The Shack, and am trying, trying, TRYING to get meaning from it...little bits and pieces here and there say something to me, but then I listen to a song that asks the very real and honest question of how can people try for years and have no children and yet there are children all over the world JUST WAITING for someone to love them and NOTHING...it doesn't make sense and it is so frustrating.

But, as Clay also croons...I wasn't there when the oceans filled and stars were hung, and I certainly don't mean to criticize what I don't understand. And that's just it...I don't understand. So I question. And I cry.

Crash!

Okay, before ANYONE gets judgmental on me, think about the definition of the word 'accident': an unforeseen and unplanned event or circumstance. That is exactly what happened this morning.

I was driving to school, not running late, certainly not being careless, and came to a very bad intersection on a main road. People are constantly trying to make turns off this road to two smaller but still well-traveled roads, and it seems no one has any patience. The car in front of me stopped to make a right turn, and I of course stopped behind it. The car opposing me in oncoming traffic ALSO wanted to make a turn onto this road (though it was a left turn for that car and would cut me off) and started to do so, as I was driving. I swerved a little, as the car realized (I guess?) that I had the right-of-way, and literally glanced for 1 second in my rear-view window to see if the car cut off the car behind me. Well, in that instant, and it really was an instant, the car now in front of me had stopped to make a left turn onto the other road (these two turn-off roads are literally like a 100 feet apart, which is what makes it so dangerous) and I just didn't even see she was stopped until it was too late. John said I was paying attention, but to the wrong thing....which is easy to say, but in with drivers these days, you just don't know what people are going to do, and I admit I was focused on the car that about cut me off. I never anticipated or expected the car in front of me to stop--she had no blinker nor any brake lights, and I wonder if they were even operational.

Anyway, I had to go to the hospital...burns on my hands from the sulfur in the airbags and to check to see if baby was ok. The doctor was SO not reassuring, "If we don't hear the heartbeat, that doesn't necessarily mean anything because you are still early." Uh, yes it does. I've seen this baby since she looked like tiny bubbles. I've heard her heartbeat several times, last Tuesday most recently. He was a fruitcake. No worries, though, because they found it very easily and it was 172, no signs of distress.

I have a bad, bad feeling that this is going to turn into a case where my insurance gets scammed by the lady who thinks she hit pay dirt. The hysterics were very dramatic, and her daughter in the back seat wasn't wearing a seatbelt so she got flung into the back of their passenger seat and popped her mouth. Don't ask why, I just have that feeling that this won't be settled too quickly.

And my car? Well, I just got the news that it will cost about twice what Blue Book will value it to fix. So my guess is that USAA will want it totalled. Which will break my heart because I think that I still have years left with that car...

So yeah, this day pretty much sucks.

Someone call 911...

...because let me tell you, I've been ROBBED!

I should start by saying that I readily admit that though I am not a Trekkie, I do like Star Trek, did like it when it was actually a television series, have seen the movies, can recite the "Space, the final frontier" opening, and can even (on good days) make the Spock hand salutation. So, since today was a freebie day for John and me, we decided that we'd go see a movie. There were several out there we'd like to see--A Night At the Museum, Terminator, Star Trek. So, decided on the 4:10 showing of Star Trek.

The movie theater around here STINKS. It is a travesty. It is also a testament to how local this county is because we were SUPPOSED to get a fabulous new theater a few years ago, but the city council member/St. Mary's Founding Fathers descendant/owner of the crappiest movie theater EVER put a stop to that really fast by making some deal with the developer to give them the land at a better deal if the developer DID NOT build a new theater and instead built a BJs. (Which is nothing compared to Costco, but what can you do?) Seriously, this theater is awful.

The carpet still smells like 1970 and the seats may be circa 1981. The price of the movie tickets is highway robbery, but worse than that, the concession stand is selling popcorn and soda like along the scales of some coke dealer. It's ridiculous. The theater we were in was small and stinky and the screen was too small for most every preview. The movie started about 15 minutes late (hey, when you're the only dog in town, why perform on time?), and the bathroom? I fear I may have to start some antibiotic courses on Monday based on the amount of germs with which I probably came in contact.

It'd be one thing if the movie theater even came CLOSE to supporting the ridiculously outrageous price of a ticket, but this place is just a sin against man and has made me so mad. I'm writing a letter to that manager (like he or she will care) and letting them know that I will NOT be back. Ever. Annapolis may be an hour and 15 minutes away, but worth every penny. I don't know how families can take their kids to every latest and greatest movie that comes out because John and I dropped $25 on just the tickets and a dumb little kiddie combo for some popcorn and a drink. A normal family of four would have to really save up just to go to the flipping movies! So, I hope Molly (or Matthew) enjoyed it because that may be the last movie she (or he) goes to in a long time. It would cost less for John to finish the basement with his projection room and buy the movies as they come out!

As for the movie? Loved it. I think they did a great job of finding actors who really captured their future selves' attitudes and personalities. Plus, it was a good storyline. Okay, maybe I'm a little Trekkie.

Shut the front door!!!

Get out of town...check this out from Lianna's adorable site:

And the Winner is...
Congratulations Lori!!!! You are the winner of the Cambridge Backsack!!!
Here are your random numbers:149Timestamp: 2009-05-24 14:04:47 UTC
Lori's story was so cute and I am SO glad she is the lucky winner. She recently purchased a similar bag and took it to Disney. After only being able to use it for THREE days, someone stole her bag. God has a way of opening doors when another one closes, doesn't He?
Again, congratulations Lori...send me pics of you using the bag and I'll post about it!!!

Friends, that Lori is ME! Yep...remember the post I had a couple of days ago about her cute site, her giveaways, her IVF trials and my entry to her latest and greatest for the cute Vera bag? Well, darn it all if I didn't win and seriously, that is THE EXACT print that I coveted in my sister-in-law's bag last summer! I cannot believe there are people who still think that life is just a bunch of random coincidences. How scared they must live their lives, never knowing that there IS a plan...not always revealed in times we want, but plans for us nonetheless.

Anyway, here's a picture of the cute bag, and I'm psyched about it. Hope you all have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend, and as always and forever, THANK YOU to any and every person that has ever served or serves or will serve their country so my freedoms and rights are protected (hubby included!). Your sacrifice is valiant and the honor and courage with which you offer your life is humbling. God be with anyone who has lost a loved one due to their loved one's service...your sacrifices are as humbling as well, and we are grateful for the dedication and service your loved one showed.

Is this not the cutest bag?

You can make a difference...

You know, there are some really insensitive clods out there who tell me that it is a GOOD thing that Kyrgyzstan froze up because had we been given a referral, we probably would be 'stuck' just like 'those other people' and would never have tried IVF. And, though maybe those people are right in their assumptions we would NOT have done IVF, and I am thankful to God that we are pregnant, that does NOT erase the fact that 'those other people' are people I have come to know and love...included in daily prayers and thoughts. More than that, those children, who just sit and wait--grow up institutionalized more and more each day--for them, Kyrgyzstan freezing up is AWFUL, HORRIBLE and TERRIBLE. How on earth could I EVER rejoice in that fact, regardless of what path it may or may not have pushed me to take? Seriously.

So, that said, I am happy to announce that there are some lights of hope for the families and children in waiting, and something you can do to maybe make those lights shine a bit brighter. This is copied from many different parents' sites...and just a few minutes of your time could make all the difference in getting your Congresspeople to help represent not only constituents of their states but children of this planet. Take a minute, read this, and join this call to action. Please.


Dear Friends and Families,

As noted in Joint Council's President & CEO's communication yesterday Joint Council has worked closely with the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute (CCAI) to secure a 15 minute meeting with Congressional Staffers and the six families traveling to Washington D.C. to represent the group. The meeting will occur just before the Kyrgyz delegation meets with Congressional staffers. In order to ensure that as many Congressional Offices are in attendance at the two meetings Joint Council is initiating a Call to Action requesting the 65 families contact their Senators and Congressmen. Joint Council requests that all families contact their U.S. Senators and Congress persons on Tuesday, May 26th. The purpose of your call is to request they attend the meetings on Friday, May 29th. Please note that Friday, May 29th is during a Congressional Recess.On Tuesday, May 26th we request that you do the following:
1) Call both of your U.S. Senators and your representatives in the U.S. House of Representatives:You can find your Senators' phone numbers and email address at www.senate.govYou can find your Representatives' phone numbers and email address at http://www.house.gov/
2) Include the following in your calls and emails:"As constituents, I/we urge the Senator/Congressperson to attend the meeting with Kyrgyz officials hosted by Senator Landrieu and the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute on Friday, May 29th."If they have not heard about the meeting, ask them to contact the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute at (202) 544-8500 or Joint Council at (703) 535-8045.
3) Send an email to everyone you called:The email is important, but the phone call should be placed first.Additionally, feel free to forward this request to your friends and family, asking them to contact their Senators and Congress persons requesting they attend the meeting.
Thank you!
Rebecca Harris Government Relations and Communications Manager

Childrens' lives literally are in limbo and this meeting can make all the difference.

A bit of this...

Let me tell you...so much on my mind. This may be long (or I may get sick of rambling and stop) and for that I apologize in advance. So, forgive the ADHD going on here....

First, Mom to 2 Anglels (who has THE CUTEST SHIRTS!) had a post about a Vera give-away on her site. I went to the site, Be Thou a Knight and not only loved the site, absolutely and positively identified with Lianna. Go there and you'll see why. Anyway, the cutest bag (which would replace the one some inconsiderate JERKS stole at DISNEY) is offered as a give away as part of a program to help build her IVF fund. I read a bit of her blog and saddened to see that she had gotten posts similar to some I've seen here (and immediately deleted) that trashed her for trying IVF, being selfish, etc. I don't know why people haven't figured out that if you don't like what you are reading, STOP READING. I guess it's just more fun to belittle and defame; hurt and hurl hate just because your life is miserable. Well, kudos to her for continuing her quest to be a mom, no matter WHAT path she chooses, and I totally entered the contest. Yes, I'd LOVE the bag, but I know every bit helps...we don't have much, but hey...if I don't eat at Taco Bell this weekend, and instead win a Vera bag? Yeah, worth it.

Next, on to my beef with Kodak. And Kodak, don't go getting crazy on me. I'm still a customer, I still root for the home team and won't even consider Fuji. I'm just frustrated with your Lab. And website. And service. But other than that, I'm great. Last week I got an email that said if I didn't order $19.99 worth of products, all 4 gig of my pictures stored for the last few years would be gone. Not all that fond of the change in service, but no biggie...I truly do think Kodak has the best quality out there and prefer it to Fuji. I'll use the service, I have lots before. So, I ordered two mini books, some prints and a card. Amy, if you are reading this, one of the books was for your birthday and now won't even come close to getting there on time, so sorry. Blame Kodak. Anyway, today I get an email that says the books were cancelled. No explanation, just due to service terms. I called Kodak and a lovely young gentleman named Ignacius tells me that the lab cancelled the books for "Unexplained Reasons" and I need to recreate and resubmit. (Apparently it is the day for incompetence. See Mala for more...) I told him that was unacceptable; I needed more than unexplained reasons. After much more wait, he tells me that the lab said there was a brand name in one of the images and they cancelled it. WHAT? So stand in front of a Gap store naked and you can't print that picture because you can see the GAP sign? The poor guy was obviously getting some line from the lab, but said that was Kodak's policy--they don't print images with brand names or logos in them. WHATEVER. Supervisor, please.

I told the supervisor that I wanted an explanation and NOT that there was a brand name issue because I was looking at a KODAK printed book that had picture on top of picture of my family from last summer with brand names ALL OVER THE PLACE. He puts me on hold forever and then says, "Only one book didn't ship. The one that didn't print didn't print because there was an image error uploading." So where the HECK did that first guy's story come from? For clarification, Kodak WILL print a picture of me naked standing in front of GAP because there is NO policy about brand names or logos, just copyright for the pictures. Sounds reasonable, right?
(For the record, actually, Kodak will NOT print a picture of me naked standing in front of GAP because NO SUCH PICTURE opportunity will exist!)
Long story short--after an hour--I still have to create the other book and resubmit. Uh-huh...I'll get right on that. For the record, there is NO LOVE LOST with Kodak. I still will use them, still find them better than most photo companies (even with the price because of the quality) and all is well. Just AGGRAVATING.

And not a good day for it. My uncle passed away, suddenly, last night. Now, it should be stated that though my mom's family (my dad's for that matter) is pretty large, it is safe to say that there's a lot of ... disconnect, for lack of a better word. I have oodles and oodles of cousins that I couldn't name if you gave me Hawaii as the prize for it, and am not really that close to my numerous aunts and uncles. Or, I guess as close as I'd like to be. In any event, close or not, there were a couple of brothers that I know my mom felt particularly close to and with whom they shared some rough days as children. This uncle was one of those brothers. I actually was just really reconnecting with him after a bit with Facebook, and my cousin was going to go visit him in two weeks with his new granddaughter. It's just sad, and makes me think of my mom as well. So, rest in peace, Uncle Dewitt.

Last, we saw the famous Dr. Polko yesterday. Around these parts, she is THE OB-GYN. We liked her. In truth, she was pretty laid back (not like me) and different than Dr. Davis (notes, white board, type A, the works) but just as fabulous. SO far, I cannot imagine us being anywhere else. Even though they were running late (an HOUR!) it was worth it. Dr. Polko gave me a prescription for PT 2-3 times a week because of the pelvic/sciatic pain. She said she totally knew it hurt and wanted to help. Loved that. She looked at pictures of baby from last week, and said they were adorable. Loved that. She told me she was fine with my caloric intake (though I think I need to up it a bit, but not too bad) and that all the labs looked fine. Loved that. She listened to baby with the fetal heart monitor and said she was "Wiggly" and "Ornery" (she kept moving all over the place every time Dr. Polko got a heartbeat. VERY MUCH my and John's child!) Loved that! Best of all, she said I could have a C-section if I wanted to! LOVED THAT! She told me I'd pay now or I'd pay later, but either way, I'd pay. I'm fine with that, and think I'm going to take the route that will let me pay as I IMMEDIATELY sit down after birth. I'll be glad to pay as I tinkle or poo with no pain or stitches tear. On that note, I'll pay as I poop IN PRIVATE instead of spread eagle for all to see on the table. Yep...Operation Air-Lift Baby M will now commence.

Okay. Seriously, enough rambling. If you read this, please continue to keep the families of Kyrgyz (and all adoptive parents and children everywhere) in your prayers. Please pray for my uncle's family and their heartache. Pray for Lianna and her IVF success, as well as the success of all those who desperately wish to become pregnant. Pray for the poor puppies and kitties (and all the stray animals of the world) because that darned commercial KILLS me. Pray for people all over the world who are persecuted for their beliefs and their desire to help the hurt. Pray for the hurt and suffering. Heck...just pray. I'm thinking there's lots of us who could use it.

How cute is he?

Seriously, I know I've been going ga-ga, goo-goo over how cute my boy has been lately, but it keeps getting better! So, I'm going to gush again...but I'll need to, because in my mind I've been composing my thoughts on the whole Jon & Kate saga and frankly, if I hear or see one more person accuse that woman of being a b*tch or shrew or naggard as if ANY OF THOSE qualities entitle a spouse to cheat, I'll scream. But more on that when I post that.

For now, my boy...

So, in making my little FB rounds, I see John's awesome cousin sent John a message about being poked. This intrigued me, in that John is hardly ever on FB, so that he was was sort of unique, and I also wanted to see what they were talking about because in this same message, his cousin mentioned a term that we all researched a few years ago together, and well...WOW. It was one of those who knew? And truthfully, it was NASTY when we found out about it, so unless you are dying to know, I'll refrain from naming the term. ANYWAY...this all prompted me to go to John's page and see what it was all about...not much on that front, but I did see several little status updates that John has been making over the past couple of months...

March 26--he tells his old girlfriend (another story for another day, trust me) about the "babies' and she responds delightfully. (This is not necessarily indicative of his cuteness, but considering 12 years ago he caught up with her in a letter that detailed his whole life, BUT failed to mention to her THREE WEEKS before his wedding that he was getting married, telling her this is a big step for him.)

April 5--John Michael Ennis saw one healthy heartbeat on Friday from his unborn child. (Awwwwwww....)

April 24--John Michael Ennis is wondering how anyone gets through 40 weeks of pregnancy. he is a nervous wreck anytime Lori has a pain. (Hence turning himself into a walking Wikipedia on pregnancy so he could explain it all!)

Isn't he cute? My favorite is him wondering how anyone gets through 40 weeks of pregnancy because HE is a nervous wreck! Yeah, try CARRYING THE BABY and wondering how the heck it's getting out of there at the end of the 40 weeks!!!!

Last night he told me he's pretty sure it's a girl too because he saw what the doctor saw. Whatever! He saw what I saw which honestly was not all that easy to interpret. Well, for me at least. Dr. John, OB-GYN? Yeah, not only did he see baby girl's girly bits, he then went on to draw me a little illustration of what it looked like. He is a NUT!

Indifference

You know, I just have to say that I get so fed up with indifference these days. (ALERT--THIS MAY BE THE HORMONES TALKING, SO DON'T TAKE PERSONALLY)

John had his colonoscopy today. Keep in mind that his dad DIED from colon cancer at a very young age after a very valiant fight against it. So, when I get called in to get the results as he's finishing getting dressed, the nurse says, "It went perfect. (Should have said perfectLY but I'm getting better at correcting others' grammar in my head only.)" Anyway, she then, after telling me it was perfect, says, "We found two polyps, but they're small so no big deal." Yes, it is a big deal. He's 36 and that's not all that common and even more concerning considering his family history. So, I mention this to her and she tells me, "Oh, we even see polyps in 20 year olds these days."

"Yeah, is *that* normal either?"

"Uh, well..." Um-hmm. Didn't think so. Then I asked if they were removed for biopsy. She then tells me, "Oh, yes," like she was glad I asked because she'd forgotten to tell me that part.

Okay, so then I start reading the instructions while she goes and gets John and I see that he has to limit travel. He's a pilot, and travels often. I asked her how specific this limited travel needed to be and she says, "Do you just want to talk to the doctor? You seem to have a lot of questions." Now, don't get me wrong, she didn't say this in a mean or sarcastic way, but almost surprised, as if I the concept of a person having questions was foreign.

While we waited for the doctor, we also saw on the paper he had diverticulosis. Were they going to tell us about that? What that was? What to do (if anything)? Finally, in walks the doctor. This is the same doctor who told John (after it was already approved, by the way) that insurance probably wouldn't pay for his colonoscopy because he was only 36 and they don't usually do them until after 40. Well, that's not what the American Cancer Society suggests, and obviously TriCare (the infamous military health care system) is down with the protocol because they approved it. This doctor walks in, introduces himself very quickly, then says, "Two polyps. Small. No big deal."
I asked him about whether it was common for someone as young as John to have polyps and he said they'd taken them out and were going to biopsy them to see whether "this was a waste of time" or "we needed to worry." What doctor do you know will tell you a possibly life-saving screening may have been a waste of time? Whether these polyps are something or not, the bottom line is that they were there, could have turned into something, and now will not. In no realm of thinking do I see that as a waste of time.

I know I am not relaying his whole "Aren't you the little hypochondriacs" attitude as strongly as it was, but it really ticked me off. We act condescending to people being proactive with their health? Moreover, John is a daddy now and the LAST thing I want to have happen is Molly (or Matthew) lose their daddy. Don't belittle us because we worry and care.

And now, as I type, I am watching an ASPCA commercial and these sad, sad, SAD puppies and kitties are just looking at me with such soulful eyes. How can people be so indifferent to suffering in this world? It's all over the place, and yet, we seem to just walk on by, ignore and be glad it isn't "US" who are hurting and suffering.

I just don't know how some people can just live their little indifferent lives, completely unaware of how to them something is nothing, but to others, nothing could be everything.

I'm done ranting. I realize I made little sense. Like I said, hormones talking I am sure. But in any event, as much as my heart hurts sometimes to see all the hurting in the world, I am so thankful to God that He gave me compassion for others. I can't imagine living life in ignorance.

Results

I got a call from the genetic counselor we saw last week when we had our first trimester screening. Our nuchal translucency test was great--the skin fold measurement was 1 mm...which is perfect, as the sono tech said! They also figured in that measurement with my age and some blood taken for a determinant of our chances for Trisomy 18 or Down's. Based solely on my age, the chances for Molly to have Trisomy 18 were 1/500. Figure in my blood and the baby's skin fold measurement and they went down to 1/580. The results for Down's were a little different. Based solely on my age, the chances for Molly to have Down's were 1/140. Figure in my blood and the skin fold measurement and they went down to 1/170--which is good--both numbers went down. The thing with the Down's assessment is that the odds the lab looks for to base whether an amnio is done are 1/220. Apparently I have a little lower level of some hormone PAPP-A that sometimes indicates a greater risk of Down's. I had a great-aunt with Down's, but other than that, there's no family history. I'm not the least bit worried about this because overall, the chances for Molly to have Down's went DOWN and based on that 1/170, there's still a 99% chance that she will be perfectly healthy. Good enough for me. The counselor said that at the next ultrasound on July 2, they will be able to more closely look at anatomy and look for physical characteristics that may indicate any chromosomal abnormalities. IF at that point, things look strange, we can opt for an amnio should we chose. I can tell you now, we will choose not.

If we have a child with Down's Syndrome, that's what will be. Why risk the amnio if it won't change our decision about anything?

Besides, I highly, highly, HIGHLY doubt that will happen, and the counselor seemed to be of the same opinion.

On another 'results' note--I am not sure exactly since we are sort of out of the Kyrgyz loop, but based on friends' postings and statuses...things don't look good and nothing is looking like it will happen until at least after September or October....My heart is breaking for all these families. Whether you know of them or not, whether you follow them or not--they are separated from their children and their hearts are heavy. If you will, when you read this, will you remember them in your prayers? Remember their children far from home. Pray for their peace and pray for the decision makers in Kyrgyzstan to keep the children at the forefront of decisions.

Happy Mommies Make Healthy Babies...

...that's probably one of my favorite things ever to come out my husband's mouth! I love that he thinks that and I love that he voices it! And, obviously I am pretty happy because after our high-risk screening today, I am reassured that M is healthy and happy....though not when I kept moving my belly to make M move!

I am simply amazed at technology, but more amazed at the miracle that life is. Watching that baby move around, kick little legs, stretch...un-flipping-believable. We were there for the nuchal (sometimes spelled neuchal) translucency test, which basically, based on the amount of fluid in the fold of skin behind baby's neck, predicts risks for chromosomal abnormalities. The sonographer said the skin looked "Perfect." I also had some blood taken for some more testing, but in truth, we really were more interested in seeing baby because results of these tests would not really influence us to make any decisions about continuing or not continuing pregnancy. I tell my kids, "You get what you get..." and the same goes for us. So essentially, screen all you want, but I was there for the pictures!

We got to hear the heartbeat for the first time! 171 beats a minute! Amazing. We saw baby wiggle and worm around, and we even got some 3D pictures. In the one I am going to post, I swear, baby has my chin and pout! Which actually is my mom's chin and pout, so I have to say it is one of my favorite pictures.

The biggest news? Well, even though it is early (12 weeks tomorrow) and she told me not to go shopping because it was not as definite as later, the sonographer told me she thought "It's a GIRL!" Of course you know that I have been dead-sure that we were going to meet Matthew in November, but then the doctor (totally awesome, by the way!) came in and moved baby around too. He said, "Well, I think Mari's (the sonographer) right. I think it's a girl! But it's still early...so don't go shopping!"

SO, there we have it. Two medical professionals thinking we are going to be meeting Miss Molly. And I have to tell you, I'm just tickled pink. Literally! Don't get me wrong, I'm still banking on showing everyone and saying, "I told you, he was going to be a boy!" but I would also love it if they were right! I think Daddy's wrapping his head around the idea also, because he's already told Dixie that she wasn't going to be his "only girl"...which means that I'd end up 3rd on the totem pole, but I'm okay with that!

Now, without further ado, here's M...cute, huh?

"Stretch...why are you bothering me?"

(Baby's arms are up top over head and legs stretched out)

"I see you! Let me outta here!"

(Baby is looking right at us with hands on either side)

"I'm trying to sleep here...and I'm pouting about it!"

(The little chin and mouth right under the left fist look just like my chin and me pouting!)

Baby 'M'....

Well, that's what I've decided to call Baby. Either way, boy or girl, 'M' will stand for Molly (Jane) or 'M' will stand for Matthew (as in John Matthew). I have to say, I'm dying to know which one, but as this is only 11 weeks (today!) we will have to wait for about 7-9 more weeks...if M cooperates. Being his daddy's child, he'll probably hide and keep his agenda secret. Then again, being his mommy's child, he may bare all to make sure I am good and ready right down to the last detail. (Yes, I realize that was a little dig at John's penchant for secret agendas, but seriously, if the shoe fits....)

I imagine it was the hormones, but I have to say that this morning, as I had my head flipped upside down and was drying my hair (that's what curly girls have to do to get volume, you know...don't know what I'm going to do when my tummy's too big to do that!), I was just overcome with love for this baby. I started crying. Seriously. I was just consumed with love and worry and fear and apprehension and an unbelievable urge to protect this little baby...I could hardly finish drying my hair. Heck, it was so strong that I almost stopped and came down to blog really quickly just to remember how strong this feeling was. (John being gone and me having to take care of the dogs didn't leave much spare time to do that, though.)

So...I'm doing it now. Little M, you are loved, loved, loved, loved and loved some more. I already can't imagine my life without you.

Too funny

Okay, not that I believe ONE BIT in these predictions (save the Chinese predictor that predicts I am going to have a boy, and I only believe that one because *I* think I am having a boy!) but I keep seeing these little birth predictions all over the different sites I read about baby stuff. So...out of curiosity, I figured I'd see what my prediction was.

TOTALLY proof they are CRAZY!

The day you deliver, outside will be hot. **Ummm, unless I am pretty early, no way. Baby's due on November 24th...and in Maryland, it is COLD then!** Your baby will arrive in the middle of the afternoon. **Maybe...but there's an awful lot of wiggle room there.** After a labor lasting approximately 40 hours, **WHAT?!?!?!** your child, a girl, **Nope, told you, a boy, I know!** will be born. Your baby will weigh about 15 pounds, 15 ounces, **HOLY CRAP!! 40 hours labor my arse. Any baby over 8 pounds is being air-lifted, PERIOD. Refer to previous posts on MY size. That's over a 10th of MY OWN BODY WEIGHT!** and will be 19,19-1/2 inches long. This child will have medium brown eyes and curly brown hair. **Now, I DO have brown eyes and curly brown hair, so there's possibility there, but the little boy I have always dreamed I parented was a little boy with brown eyes and curly BLONDE hair...and I doubt his daddy will be okay with a dye job.**

Too funny.