Thursday, May 28, 2009

Just a few questions (Clay Walker and) I had...

Yeah, so I realize hormones must be setting I am driving home, this is the Clay Walker (LOVE HIM!) song that pops up on my Ipod (which doesn't shuffle well as I just heard this song two days ago)... and the tears just didn't stop.

(Ray Scott/Phillip Moore/Adam Wheeler)
How in this world can we put a man on the moon,
And still have a need for a place like St Jude's?
And why is one man born,In a place where all they know is war?
An' a guy like me,Has always been free.

An' how can two people who built a lovin' home,
Try for years an' never have a child of their own?
When somewhere out there tonight,There's a baby no-one's holdin' tight:In need of love.
To me, that don't add up.

But I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans.
I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky.
So I don't mean to second guess you,
Or criticise what I don't understand.
These are just a few questions I have.

An' why did my cousin have to die in that crash?
A good kid, only seventeen, I still wonder 'bout that.
It seems unfair to me,
Some get the chance to chase their dreams,
An' some don't.
But what do I know?

I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans.
I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky.
So I don't mean to second guess you,
Or criticise what I don't understand.
These are just a few questions I have.

Why do I feel like you hear these prayers of mine.
When so many oughta be ahead of me in line?
When you look down on me,
Can you see the good through all the bad?
These just a few questions I have.

Some days (most, if I'm honest) I just don't get it. I don't. As I suspected, the lady that I hit is going to end up probably trying to sue me. Her daughter (the one NOT in a seatbelt) goes to my school and let me tell you, the place has been buzzing for the last two days about how I was not paying attention, on my cell phone, broke the girl's neck, yada yada...Of course NONE of that is true, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that they are trying to fabricate stories to make me look reckless...and the only point behind that can be to set up a great case for suing me. I doubt it is going to be doable, but just the hassle of it all is so not fun. HOW CAN PEOPLE BE THIS WAY?

I just finished reading The Shack, and am trying, trying, TRYING to get meaning from it...little bits and pieces here and there say something to me, but then I listen to a song that asks the very real and honest question of how can people try for years and have no children and yet there are children all over the world JUST WAITING for someone to love them and doesn't make sense and it is so frustrating.

But, as Clay also croons...I wasn't there when the oceans filled and stars were hung, and I certainly don't mean to criticize what I don't understand. And that's just it...I don't understand. So I question. And I cry.


  1. Wow what a song! Glad you are ok and praying the lady calms down and doesn't have grounds to sue you. Hopefully it will all fizzle out soon! Sorry you have to go through that!

  2. I am sure many of us have those types of questions but, I am sure there will be a time we will find out. In regards to the car/lady issue I do not think she has a case if her child was not wearing a seatbelt like the law states.That would be negligence on her part.I am sure this will simmer down in a week or two. Hang in there and take care of YOU and baby!

  3. So sorry to hear the other lady is trying to spread rumors and gear up for a case. It is so frustrating when people are dishonest and there's nothing you can do about it! I also have a list of questions I'm ready to ask when I finally get to meet the Big Guy :)

  4. Lori, sorry that this lady is trying to stir up trouble. I totaled a car many years ago and I was worried the lady I hit was going to sue (she was rubbing her neck dramatically at the scene of the accident). Thank God, she didn't, and I pray the same outcome for you. In response to the song & questions, I just read a great blog post along those lines: Oh, and please put down The Shack!! It has some terrible theology that will only confuse and frustrate you. I have read it and wasn't impressed.

  5. Hi Lori... after seeing many of the things that I have seen, I reached a point of overload one day.. I said to my pastor... "where is God in this ? " His response took me off guard ... he said that "the very fact that I could ask that question was proof that God was there ... there was a time not to long ago that no one asked that question...and God was still there, but he works through people like you and me and that is why you are there now and asking the question.... so now it is your responsibility to do something, but just remember God was there first, and he only brought you there to help him..."
    This congers up imiges in my mind of the old cartoon where there is the big tough Dog marching along and the week little chahoaha prancing along feeling strong because he was just in the right company.... Lori .. just continue to keep the right company, and we will let the Big Dog fight your battles....
    blessings John

  6. Atleast you are at the end of the school year... so the conversations about what did and/or didn't happen can't go on toooo much longer and things will settle down. Accidents DO happen so hang in there. You're certainly not the first to have something like this occur.

  7. As usual, John gets it on a whole different level, doesn't he? That Clay Walker song is the one that was out while we waited for Joshie to come home, and man did that one get me. Once we had him home and saw how terribly affected he had been by his abandonment, how deeply RAD was embedded, that song took on even greater meaning and I questioned God over and over again...and never had an answer until John's post I just read.

    And of course, he is right.

    Peace, Lori, and enjoy the CRV!!