Un-Pregnant

Yeah.
So.

I know that a lot of people who read this know waaaaaaaay more about IVF than they ever wanted to, for whatever reasons, but in every IVF cycle, once the embryos have been transferred, there is the dreaded two week wait...waiting for two weeks until you take that all important blood test.  The beta!

Which is a measure of your HCG...anything over 5 is PREGNANT!  You usually take three tests...two days apart...to make sure the numbers are doubling.  If so, HOORAY! (And sometimes, even if not doubling, no big deal.)


Well, what do you think you get to do after you've gotten that fabulous blood test result (mine are always mega, mega high!), then lost the baby, then had a D&C?

Yep, you guessed it.  You get to go back for those blood draws to measure the HCG.

Only these times...you are looking for your levels to go down.

You are looking to see how UN-pregnant you are.

Let me just tell you, this just stinks.

My hcg two days after the D&C was 3869.  This was a huge initial drop, as two days before, it was probably well in the 30,000s.

A week later, it was 169.

Two days ago, it was 22.

My nurse said it's the fastest decline she's ever seen.  And a testament to how careful and thorough my doctor was when she did the procedure.

This doesn't surprise me.  That woman is an angel.  Literally.


If I was to take a pregnancy test, I still may test positive.  No, not hard to think about at all.

Actually, at this point, I probably wouldn't.  Which just hurts to think about too.

But necessary.  I need to test 5 or under (and will probably do so on Monday) because once I do, I will officially start the countdown to when I can do recurrent loss testing.

Not that I expect anything to come of it.  I don't.  Luke is perfect.  Matthew was perfect...it was the darned blood vessel that formed outside of his cord that WASN'T perfect.

My placental report came back and it was fine.  No infection, no abnormality...no nothing...

Oh, except that there was note of really good and thick endometrial lining and I could expect severe cramping and bleeding.  Apparently, that baby was hunkered in for the long haul.

Anyway, I don't (nor do any of my doctors) expect that anything will come with all of the testing to see if there's any reason I have more babies dead than alive.

BUT...it will give peace of mind for any future pregnancies.  Rule out as much as we can so I can breathe (ha ha, what a joke) a bit easier should we get pregnant again.

Which brings me to another piece of news.

We had two blastocysts frozen from this cycle.  They are the same exact grades as the two we transferred.  The two that both 'took' but we lost...but I'm focusing on that they implanted and grew, and I'm grateful for each second.

We are planning to transfer them in June.  June-ish, depending on a few things.

My HCG.  Another cycle.  When the testing can happen.  When/if we can transfer while waiting for results.  A few things like that.

Essentially, a lot just hangs in the balances while we wait for me to become un-pregnant.

I think it bears saying again.

This stinks.  And that's a total, total understatement.


Oh, and Luke's cool trick of late?  He was getting good at it before we lost the baby; now he's a pro and does it about 5 times a day.

He comes to me, lifts my shirt, pats my stomach and says, "Baby?  Baby?"

Yeah.  That totally stings.  Working toward being un-pregnant is a million, billion times harder than working to become pregnant.  Times a zillion.