Yesterday was what I thought would be our last specialist appointment with Dr. Sweeney. I was hoping for Matthew to be at least 5 lbs, which would still be small, but not under the 10th %tile, and that's what I was looking for. Well, you are 4 lbs., 13 oz, which puts you a *hair* under the 10th %tile...and made mommy cry like a baby right there. The poor sonographer didn't know what to do and kept saying, "You're little, it's ok...let's see what Dr. Sweeney says!" but it really didn't matter at that point because all I was thinking was IUGR and "My poor little peanut."
Dr. Sweeney, bless his heart, tried to make me feel better and said he would NOT diagnose Matthew as IUGR, but more SGA (small for gestational age) and considering I was little, little when I was born, have nieces and nephews who were little (though both of my sister's kids WERE IUGR), he was completely fine, just little. He told me the measurements for IUGR babies typically were disproportionate, and Matthew is proportionate--small--but proportionate. Then he said something that just made my day: "We'll just keep an eye on him every week until he's born just to make you feel better, but he's fine!" WOO HOO!! I wasn't even trying and I scored a weekly sonogram until he's born. That made me feel soooooooooooooooooooooo much better.
So, of course I feel terrible. John keeps telling me that to assign 'blame' for a little baby is ridiculous, but let's be real--I'm not assigning it--everyone else is! Every time someone tells me, "Well, Lori, you're little...what do you expect?" I hear, "If you were normal size, he'd be normal too," because that is essentially what it is. Now of course, I realize that there is NOTHING I can do about being bigger (Lord knows I have been trying for YEARS!) but no one wants to hear that their baby is at the bottom of a growth chart for no other reason but there is no room for it to grow. Who's fault is that? Um, yeah, that would be mine.
I'm over the initial disappointment about the visit, though, because IUGR sites/info all say that genetically small mothers who deliver genetically small babies are NOT the typical IUGR--and one can't change genetics. He has had a very healthy pregnancy, lots of good brain and growth food and choices (not just Lucky Charms, mom!!), more than adequate health care and attention and NO exposure to anything that would remotely hurt him. He's just little. And most IUGR and SGA babies end up catching up to average growth charts, so...it will be fine. Besides, in a few ounces or so (couple of days, even!) he should be at least 5 pounds and growth charts today are different because we as a society are bigger people; 30 some-odd years ago and he'd be just normal. I just hate that he's uncomfortable or scrunched or restricted because of me.
In other very fascinating news, he is HEAD DOWN! Spine up, too. I'm telling you, the acupuncture DID it. I would not ever have believed it myself, but I actually experienced it and KNOW that he had been breech and very cozy in the same position for about 29 weeks and ALL OF A SUDDEN, the DAY I get acupuncture done to specifically target him to turn for birth, he goes CRAZY and a few days later, is ready! Coincidence? Maybe, but awfully strong. I knew something had changed...for the last few days I told John that after sitting for a bit, it felt like someone had kneed me in the groin and HURT. Well, now we know that Mr. Matthew is head down and working with gravity and if I think *this* hurts, well....like I told John--find that anesthesiologist. Find him or her FAST and bribe them anyway he has to so that the pain is as little as possible! In fact, my birth plan?
- Get the baby out, as safely and quickly as possible, with as LITTLE PAIN to me.
- Emphasis on the LITTLE PAIN TO ME part.
As you can see, I'm pretty flexible.
After our appointment, we drove a bit further out and found a clinic giving the H1N1 vaccine. I am sooooooo glad that Jenny told me about this clinic--it was actually a very easy and mostly fast process--in and out within an hour and about 45 minutes of that was line waiting. We were pretty much at the beginning, and the weather wasn't bad and the process was pretty organized. I've debated for months, but really feel this was just a better idea than the alternative.
Since I had spent the better part of the afternoon crying and had to get a shot, John was very valiant and let me go use a Children's Place coupon I had as a pick-me-up, even though I readily admit, the baby needs NO clothes!! They had some of the cutest little outfits and some great deals. Here is a picture of the little splurge (it really wasn't bad, especially with the coupon!) outfit I got for him. Won't he be adorable in it?
If you're interested, I have a coupon code for them as well.
To sum up...the goal now for the next four weeks is to be off my feet as much as possible so Matthew doesn't bear down any more and wiggle his way out any sooner than he HAS to. If he grows in the next few weeks like he did in the last 4, he will be a little over 6 pounds, and that is JUST fine with me. If he goes early, well....he'll just be in good company with his cousins.
And what a blessing that my biggest worries are that he only has one kidney (TOTALLY manageable) and he's a little bit smaller right now. I'll stop complaining now.