Oh, friends...the temptation to go out and get a home pregnancy test and take it tonight is so strong right now I can practically feel the lines!
But, I'm not. I said I would wait this one out and I will. Tomorrow we will get up way earlier than any human should have to, drive the hike to Annapolis, give 5 minutes and my blood, then ANXIOUSLY wait for the call tomorrow afternoon that will either confirm my status or prove me otherwise....
In the meantime, I have vacillated between feeling like it will be positive to feeling like it will be negative. Would an HPT even work accurately right now? Should I have started a few days after the transfer so I could gauge whether the HCG was out of my system and then test every day until the beta? (NO! THAT WOULD DRIVE ME NUTS. EVEN *I* KNOW THAT!) Will I start or not? Does progesterone bring it on or stop it? Is this skirt tight because it's positive or because I'm a little flabby? Uggh...up to this point, I've been anxious, but right now, less than 24 hours away from knowing if RFBF made it (or at least one of them) I'm just a basket case.
I said I wouldn't cry if it was negative because I wasn't going to be surprised if it's negative. Well, that's a BFL (Big Fat Lie!) because I am crying right now just anticipating it.
John won't be home tomorrow and that will be good. If it is positive, I'll do quite a nice job of being exuberant even if I am by myself. If it is negative, really, I won't want to do anything but come home, update the Facebook status (priorities, you know) and crawl into bed with some tissues and some DVR Jon and Kate and be by myself.
I have to say, I am just completely overwhelmed with how alone in all of this I am NOT! I have SO many people pulling for me...for us...and I just feel so loved. Lord knows that people all over my school and neighborhood and everywhere in between have kept better track of all this than even several family members have. All day today, people kept telling me they would be thinking of me tomorrow. Let me tell you, it is TESTING time at our school...people are walking on eggshells, worried, anxious, DESPERATELY needing spring break...and yet, they are STILL thinking about me!
And lest I forget all my cyber-friends....well, I have just been inundated with well wishes and love and prayers.
My cup runneth over.
(And I'm not just talking about "The Girls")