Thursday, March 29, 2012
Twenty-Eight Months Of Twenty-Eights...
How can it be?
Grateful beyond words for the blessing of my sweet Matthew.
Grateful for his daddy's strength 28 months ago.
Don't think I could have done it...held him as he took his last breath and then gave him back to the nurses.
Feel guilty he had to do it alone, but honestly... Just thinking about it haunts me.
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xo
ReplyDeleteAw sweet girl. Your circumstance could not allow you that experience, and you are blessed that John was able to be with Matthew and love him while God reached out to take Matthew's hand.
ReplyDeleteI understand that haunting feeling.
Zac's last breath was in my arms, on my chest, skin to skin. I feel blessed to have had that time, yet...haunted. That isn't what a parent is supposed to experience. They are supposed to experience the first cry, the first nursing, the first swaddle and diaper change.
You couldn't have done anything different in that moment...but I completely get what you are feeling.
Matthew was with his daddy. He wasn't alone. Yes, you were not given those final moments...and I am so sorry for that. But Matthew was in the arms of his loving earthly daddy until his heavenly daddy took over and took him home.
Because of my csection with the boys I was not able to be with Brett as he met with the funeral home, picked out our sons casket and flowers and progams. And that haunts me...yet I don't know if I could have handled that either.
I understand feeling haunted.
I wish we didn't.
I wish I could just be there to give you a great big hug and tell you...Matthew knew and KNOWS how very much his mommy loves him.
And you WILL hold him in your arms, but this time for eternity, never to be parted again!
Much love, hugs and prayers to you my sweet, precious friend!!!!!!
Kisses to Matthew!
speechless.... just sending a hug.
ReplyDeleteUh. Sad. I hate it for you. Love you.
ReplyDelete((hugs))
ReplyDelete