Who am I kidding? I will be honest.
It just may ruffle feathers. I'm sorry in advance. Especially because there are many dear, dear, dear people who have said these things to me, or to others, with the best of intentions and though I know that...I literally cringe inside every time I hear them.
"Don't be upset when God answers 'No,'....it just means He has something better in store for you."
"Unanswered prayers lead to bigger blessings."
"God needed that baby back."
"God needed another angel."
"Everything happens for a reason."
I just have a really, really hard time with statements like that.
I don't always disagree. There have been lots of times that I begged God for something and it didn't happen, and later, I was able to see that had it happen, I'd have missed out on something spectacular. I am totally able to see God's providence in that.
But telling me that God answering my pleas to let Matthew live with, "No," was because He had a bigger blessing in store????? I realize that the intention is in the right place, but that cuts me to the core.
Luke is such a gift. An amazing, precious, healing blessing that I am beyond grateful for.
But he is in no way a bigger blessing than Matthew was. Nor was Matthew a bigger blessing in my life than Luke is. Or that this new, sweet little one inside is.
Children are NOT replaceable. To expect that one can replace the other is quite a bit of responsibility on that poor little one, not to mention an insult to a mother's heart...a mother who wants, loves and cherishes EACH of her children.
I don't believe for a second that God "needed" Matthew for anything. The God in which I believe does not NEED a single.solitary.thing. And I don't believe for a second that Luke was sent to us as a consolation prize. I believe that God loves and values and adores each of my boys individually, uniquely, and wholly for who He created them to be...and for however long He allows them to live. Telling me that God needed Matthew back just doesn't fit with my theology, and further, makes me question why He'd even send him to me in the first place.
I also don't believe that He needed 'another angel.' I know many moms, and even many theologies believe that their lost babies are now angels in Heaven. Let me be clear...I have no doubt that each and every single little soul that leaves this earth too soon goes directly to Heaven. Period. I just don't believe they go as an angel. I think angels absolutely exist...and are created by God for specific purposes. Just as my son was. But they are different. In any event, regardless of that belief, it still goes back to God 'needing' a creature more there than here. And I just don't buy it.
My point in all of this is that I know people just want to say the right thing. I know they want to give an explanation that soothes the heart and allows some peace.
The reality is that truly, there is only ONE who could do that. No one else can compare. And telling me that Matthew dying led to a bigger blessing just belittles Matthew's life and puts a really heavy burden on Luke's...like he's responsible for making us happy after Matthew died.
He DOES make us happy and I don't know how I'd have survived without the hope of him in our lives.
But if you aren't able, with 100% certainty, to extend those statements with the actual reasoning, then maybe just hold back on making the statement. I used to make the very same statements....especially the everything happens for a reason one.
And I DO believe that everything happens for a reason.
I just don't have any way of knowing that reason, and there's no use in me telling someone that if I can't go all the way.
It just seems empty now. Even the best and most loving intentions cannot begin to fill.