Those are the ones that hit me most. Not because no one really remembers them...honestly, I really don't expect anyone to. They are just super, super special to me.
But I always, always remember them. They hit me hard. They make me happy, but I also find myself so much more aching than I'd expect.
I expect I'll be sad on his birthday. Really, though, I haven't been. More wistful.
I expect I'll be sad on the day he died.
I expect I'll be a little sad on Mother's Day and Father's Day and Christmas and Easter. Those are pretty typical markers for most people.
But in Target? Walking up and down the aisles carrying Luke on my chest and seeing the "Pregnant" on the EPT test on aisle 11?
Buckets of tears.
(Which Luke laughs at because in the carrier, his face is SO.CLOSE to my face and he likes the way the tears feel.)
I just remember this day. Three years ago. I was so, so, so grateful and thrilled and IMMEDIATELY bought an EPT so I could FINALLY see the word I'd coveted for years... "PREGNANT."
We are beyond blessed with people who share their love for us and their remembrance of our precious little boy...many times on days I don't even think about. Today is not one of them. Even John didn't remember (and I am not upset about that...dates are not his forte, haha).
I remember, though.
March 19, 2009 was the day that changed my life forever. I was given the most amazing and precious and wonderful gift and I miss him.