Thursday, June 24, 2010

Dear Lord,

Please forgive me for the angry words and thoughts I have had in my head this evening. Please take them away and help me to remember that only YOU know my heart and only YOU know my every thought. Please help me to honestly and truly forgive the person who felt the need to leave a very mean-spirited and judgmental comment to what I last wrote. Please help take away the biting, sarcastic words I want to throw back with lightning speed. Please, please, please, let these words simply disappear from my memory as I forgive the person who wrote them. Please help me remember that she truly cannot believe that I enjoy feeling depressed and want attention, and that though her saying so is cruel and unwarranted, you know the truth of my heart.

Lord, please bless “Anonymous” as she must have some intense hurts and issues that she felt the need to project to me. Please remind her, gently, that she has no idea what my relationship with John is like, nor has she EVER been in my shoes as I am the only one who walks them each day. Though she and I may share something similar in life experience, Lord I ask that you gently remind her that was she actually to walk in my shoes, she’d know just how cutting and undeserved her words were.

Lord, you know how grateful I am for the miracle of a new life you have again entrusted to me. I pray that I will never let the words of others prevent me from sharing my thoughts and my heart with my child.

And most importantly, Lord, if this is NOT a stranger…as I somehow suspect because I can’t imagine how she can say she can look into John’s face and see his hurt, or see that I am hurting him because I am all about me….I pray with every inch of my heart that if they have the courage to present themselves to me that I will immediately and sincerely embrace them in forgiveness.

This is not an easy prayer for me to make, Lord, and one I make in faith that you will take the hurt in my heart and use it for your glory in this person’s life.

Lord, thank you for the gifts of gentle people in my life...and thank you for helping me realize that if I DO radiate happiness, it is only through your grace and your mercy.

In your most Heavenly and Precious name I ask these things,

A gentle word turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. Proverbs 15:1

Love your neighbor as yourself. Luke 10:27


  1. Such a hard prayer to mean! I am proud of you sweet friend. You are the bigger, stronger, better person and I pray with you for this hurtful person. You are right, you are not their judge and one day they will have to answer for the ugliness in their heart! Sending you love tonight!

  2. Very well said Lori! You have the biggest heart I know and it breaks mine to know just a fraction of the hurt, loss, devistation and sadness you have been thru. Shame SHAME on Anonymous for the things they said. You keep on pushing ahead day by day taking care of yourself and Miss Miney (so Im biased)and Mr. John. Do not let this person get to your spirit. MUCH LOVE.

  3. Praying with you honey!! It's hard to forgive and embrace those who hurt us, but I know that you can with your gigantic heart!! Love you so very much and praying for you as you continue to heal and nurture your sweet baby that's growing away!!!

  4. How awesome! How is it that, with all you are going through and all you write (for no one else but yourself & your babies) we all still come out of reading it having learned something? You really are such a powerful tool of His. I WANTED to just shout in this persons face, take my punch and then pray later about it. I get a little protective over people I care about and jump to action, instead of focusing on what I know. That I can't do anything and only HE can ... and will. In his time. He knows your heart, your hurts, your relationships and your ability to use the gifts he blessed you with. You write beautifully, you love completely and forgive abundantly - even when those around you (me) wanna grab pitchforks and smoke anonymous out. I admire you so much and how you listen with such longing to what God is saying to you. I have a feeling your kids are gonna change the world. These words from their lives will be like a guidepost, always leading them in righteousness and total love. Blessed children ... that's all I can say.

  5. Lori--what a beautiful heart you have! Praying alongside you....

  6. Lori, I think that you are doing an incredible job. You are dealing with the loss of a child and carrying another. I have four children and compare them all from time to time. I think I am pretty normal whatever that is. If someone sees pain in John's face it is because he is also grieving the loss of a child, not because of you! This is a journey that you two are walking beautifully together. I will continue to pray for you because I think we need to lift each other up, but I will also (by your example) pray for anonymous. I pray that God would melt the ice from around her heart and enable her to show compassion for the plight of others and if she is also grieving the loss of a child that He would show her it is alright to acknowledge loss. Many prayers and hugs tonight!

  7. Just when I think what else can I gleam from you as a mother, you go and say this prayer and I lean so much more...My heart is full tonight!

    Lord thank you for Lori. I know it was not easy for her to pray this prayer...Bless her even more as she show Marcy and grace to anonymous who appears to be to be in such a dark and hurting place. Lord you obviously lead anonymous to Lori's blog for a reason and I know it was not to add more pain to Lori, but I pray that it was so that in someway anonymous can find that healing that she so desperately need.
    Lord I ask that you dispatch your comforting and ministering angels to Lori as those were such hard and mean spirited words for her to read. But I know Lord that what the devil meant for her bad, what he meant to bring her down and still her joy, you God will turn it around for her good. Lord I am also reminded of your word given to me for Lori
    Isaiah 54:17
    No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD…
    Lord I also pray that you will have Marcy on anonymous for in her time of hurt Lord she hurts others.
    I pray all of this Lord in your wonderful name.


  8. It is always the anonymous ones, isn't it?

    No one can possibly imagine what turmoil you must be in, Lori. It HAS only been 7 months, and here you are blessed again with another pregnancy when you have yet to really have time to heal from the loss of Matthew. It is expected and understandable that you would have conflicting emotions, feelings of sorrow every step of the way that Matthew is not here.

    Anonymous points out that you and John are handling your grief differently, as if there is any reason to think you should experience it the same way. You two have been through the toughest loss any couple can face, and yet you are this new place, hand in hand walking into the uncertain future with great hope while grief still hangs heavy.

    Our blogs are similar in that they are our "working it out" place that just happens to have become public. It leaves you vulnerable because of your honesty, and yet your healing in many ways requires that honesty. None of us have to agree with what you are feeling or how you express it, for your experience is uniquely yours and we are merely voyeurs into your heart and mind which you so kindly are sharing with us.

    Ms. or Master Miney will read this one day and realize how very human you were, and yet see the strength of your love for them. When you write, as you have always done, never forget that it is for your family...and your truth doesn't have to be hidden from them. That includes the sorrow and pain, just as it includes the joy and happiness.

    Write on, my dear friend.

  9. Like someone mentioned earlier, you have a big heart, Lori. I pray God blesses you beyond measure for being willing to forgive this person instead of biting back. I'm so sorry an anon has attacked you :(

    Prayers & love

  10. Oh, Lori. What a beautiful prayer. You show yourself to be gracious once again. I was so angry for you when I read that comment from "anonymous", but you are just filled with grace and mercy. Praise the Lord for that. Just know that there are many of us out here who are thankful that you are letting us journey through this time with you, and are praying for you and your sweet family.

  11. Oh dear,
    What a coward to post annonymously. IF this person genuniely cared for you, as she professes to, she would just love you through the storm. There is nothing worse than someone telling you how to grieve!

    This woman and the ID lady are one in the same in my book! They haven't a clue.

    I would politely say to this well meaner with all the good advice, "back off"! Your advice WAS NEVER solicited here! Perhaps she needs a refresher course on the grieving process, as we are all unique and different in how we navigate this path.

    Take care of yourself dear friend. We are all lifting you up!


  12. Oh sweetie, I just went back and read that anonymous comment. I strongly believe that if anyone has anything to say they should have a profile or write their name and not hide behind their words. Everyone grieves differently and spouses have different ways of grieving. No two people are the same. I know many people who compare ultrasound pictures of their kids. So why is it we cannot? Because we have lost a child does not mean we lose that right. I am not sure why some people think the way they do, but anonymous obviously does not understand and has no idea who you are. You have such a caring and kind heart. You are a beautiful mother, wife, and a wonderful friend.

    Lots of love to you!! xo

  13. Lori,
    :) Thank you for being such a wonderful example to me.
    I am going through a similar situation, though the person who has lashed out of me is not anonymous. I know her oh to well.
    It hurts when someone who lashes out and hurts you has absolutely NO CLUE what you and your husband are feeling.
    You are handling this in an awesome way, and I admire you for that.
    You are an amazing mother, and don't let anyone tell you any different. It's okay for you to handle the loss of Matthew any way that you want...and no one can tell you ANY different. Ever.
    Just kill this chick with kindness, and call on all of your blog buddies if you need reinforcement!

    Love & Prayer Always,

  14. Lori, every time I read your blog, I learn from you. I have come across few other people who share so willingly with such heartfelt words. Your words are genuine and your feelings very real. NO ONE gets to judge you for that.

    I like Pastor Mark's comment on your last post about Job's blog. That would surely be something to read and a feeding ground for anonymous posters!

  15. Dear Lord,

    Please let the fleas of 1000 camels infest the nether regions of this pathetic, anon meanie.

    Thank you.

    (Lori, you're just a MUCH nicer person than I am.)

  16. Lori - Way to take the high road. You are a good, kind person with a huge heart, and I am sorry someone's careless words hurt you. If you find out who it is, I say we have a seventh grade style slumber party (you can bake the brownies, I'll bring the Molly Ringwald DVDs), and TP her house. I think that's fair.

    Much love to you, my friend. You are dealing with the hand you have been dealt in life with grace, courage, and honesty. Matthew and Miney are lucky to have you as their mom.

    XO, J

  17. Oh sweet sweet friend, you are a MUCH bigger person than I!!! My words would have been filled with rage and hurt and a HUGE bite-back...yet you have taken the high ground, and God has shone through you.

    I am FLABERGASTED that ANYONE would EVER have such heartless nerve to be so CARELESS, SENSELESS AND SELFISH with their words!!! My head is spinning!
    To Anon...SHAME ON YOU for being so hurtful to someone so precious to so many of us!!

    Lori, you are a mother who lost her son not even a year ago. Yes, you have been blessed greatly with precious little one on board...but that doesn't take away the grief of a hurting mother's heart.

    Those of us with hearts understand where your feelings came from in your last post. Those of us who love and care about you understand.
    As for John...your husband knows you well, far better than "anon"...and he is walking his own path of thanksgiving and sorrow. You are both walking through it hand in hand. And we all pray for you both daily!

    Loss is dirty, it's grimy, it's mucky. But with love from true friends and family, and from our God...we make it through another day...with a smile for our new blessings, but always with a tear for our losses.

    Lord, thank you for Lori and her tender heart. When under such hurting attack from a "stranger"...she has reached out to you and is asking this "stranger" be healed in her own obvious hurts that have caused such careless remarks.
    So in that, we stand beside Lori, and we offer prayers to this person as well. That healing will come to her own heart, and that words from here on will be written with anothers feelings in mind. Not their own agenda.
    Bless Lori, John and little bean dear Lord. We pray protection and love over each of them. Bless Lori daily with your grace and your strength to carry her through. And let her know how loved she is by so many who have never even met her!

    Much love my dear friend!

    Heather (heathershope - HP)

  18. Dear Lori .

    Im sorry people are anonymously telling you how you should grieve.
    It hurts and knocks your selfconfidence.
    Dont let it get to you and Im happy to see that you are able to forgive . Its wonderful that you are able to do that.
    I want to tell you that I admire your opennes and ability to express your emotions in writing .
    For me its healing to read your posts , sometimes when I feel down and dont have words to express my feelings reading you helps me as I can relate to you even if my grief and my journey is different .
    Dont hesistate to continue to express your feelings as you do help other people
    doing so.
    You do the right thing when you forgive and move on .Keep focus on your healing and your little precious baby.
    Love Angie

  19. My dear friend, you are the most gracious Godly woman I have had the pleasure of knowing. Don't change a thing, this is your blog, your place to work things out in writing. This is for you and your family alone...and the rest of us have the honor of "peeking through the window". Pull the shade on the snarky creeps, and refuse the annonymous commennts!

  20. Oh Lori, I'm so sorry you had to deal with such an insensitive comment given to you by a coward hiding behind anonymity.

    Just reading this post tells me what a big heart you have. If it were me I'm not sure I would have handled it as well as you did.

    I can't imagine the loss you have experienced. But I don't think you are selfish or any of the other things that coward accused you of being.

    Thank you for stopping by my blog and congrats on being pregnant again.

    Happy ICLW

  21. I must say I have more than a few angry words for the person that would leave you a comment like that. If she really has lost a child of her own then she should know that your grief IS about you. Because it is YOURS. But you never ever forget that your husband has his own grief. It is something you've shared on many occasions. AND you do it in the most beautiful way. Your letter to the baby post brought me to tears. The way you speak about him shows how much your heart hurts for him. You always mention how much he loves his son and how much he misses him. If this person has really been following your blog then she should know this.
    She should be ashamed of herself for laying this all on you. Especially saying you enjoy being depressed.. what an ignorant thing to say! You would much rather be a sleep deprived, burp up covered, diaper changing zombie holding your sweet baby in your arms. And I absolutely cannot wait to read the posts when Miney turns you into one! =)

  22. Lori, not too sure what to say...I just want to give you a big hug. What a hurtful message to read. Trying to push those angry thoughts aside and giving them to God (not sure what word I'm looking for)...Good for you. Sending hopes for a nice weekend, and I hope the dish you made earlier this week turned out nicely! Love and hugs :)

  23. Lori, While I have not read what Anonymous wrote to you it really does not matter. I praise God for using you in a mighty way. I gain something from your blog everytime I read it. It takes a kind hearted strong woman of God to be able to not only forgive but ask God to forgive this indiviual who has a hard place in their heart. Some people genuinely beleive that they are being helpful when they say certain things, when in fact they are just sowing seeds of discourse in your spirit. I thank God for a discerning spirit to use these words to your benefit and give praise and honor to the one who deserves it to lead you in the right direction. While it is ok to be angry I admire who you are turning that anger into a positive response.
    Father God, thank you for individuals like Lorrie who have faith in you Lord God. Please continue to give her a spirit of love and a sound mind. Enable her to take the negative thoughts and actions of others and turn them to pure gold for her well being. Continue to protect the hearts of Lori and Bill as they remember their sweet Matthew while holding on to Miney. Lord touch Lori's spirit that you enable her to have less worry and stress as she protects and nourishes her rainbow. Allow your thoughts to be her thoughts, your ways to be hers. I pray these things in your sons name.

  24. I too have been the subject of a hurtful, anonymous blog comment. As much as it hurts, it helps to see how many people truly love you and are there for you, by name, during such a difficult time. Take comfort in that, and know that you are loved and supported by many.

  25. Ditto what Cindy LaJoy said. She always has the BEST advice. I wish I were her. :-) Seriously, though. You and I know that Anonymous is hurting -- in some way, and sometimes that comes out of us in a way that's not so pretty. It's so much easier, as people, to retaliate in a mean-spirited way, BUT, as Christians, we are called to reflect the face of Christ and to do as He would. Just like you did. We are called to pray for our enemies. And while what Anonymous said certainly must have hurt, knowing that the spirit in which she offered it was in pain, praying for her is so much more important. God is using you as an instrument. I'm sure, honestly, that anonymous, in some way, wanted to help and thought that pointing out what she thought was the appropriate way for you to act/live/grieve/be was a way to "shake you out of it". But we all must walk the path that God lays before us -- whether it's paved with a smooth, pain free surface, or riddled with rocks, stones and glass. And we EACH must find our own path through the journey that God chose for us. Our job as Christians, I think, is to be SUPPORTIVE of one another (exhortation), no matter how hard that job is. I hope you will be able to just let these words go and free them from your mind and not dwell on them. Don't let Satan use them to make you feel worse. You are making your way, with God and John, the best way you can -- and you are doing FABULOUSLY!!

  26. I'm trying to give Anonymous the benefit of the doubt that her intentions were good and she cares enough to think a twisted version of "tough love" would help. However...hurtful, unsolicited advice is NOT appropriate as an anonymous blog comment. She made your difficult day worse - and turned a source of support into one of criticism. If she does know you and John, as it comes across, she should've sought an opportunity to voice concerns in a constructive, gentle way as someone who has walked a similar road. Or maybe just kept her mouth zipped. Instead you're left wondering who it is and when you might be face-to-face - but not know it when you are. Or maybe you actually don't know each other ("stranger"?), which makes it more confusing. What an unfair position to put you in.

    This blog belongs to you and your family, and it's your place to say whatever you're not writing for an audience and shouldn't censor yourself. You're gracious to continue to share as it has taken on a life of its own you probably never imagined - so many people have been touched. Anonymous may have made real-life observations, but whether that's the case or not, her perception of your situation is clearly not well-informed nor accurate. I hope she "mans up" to have a dialogue with you so the air is cleared. And good for you for taking the high road: harder in the short-term, but better in the long run. Sending extra prayers your way and hoping that this incident doesn't affect how you approach your blog (other than no longer allowing anonymous comments...).

  27. Many hugs and prayers


  28. Hi Lori,

    I just wanted to say that I think you handled yourself very well and that you in no way deserved a comment like that. I find it really hard to believe that a mother who has gone through a loss of a child would speak ill to a fellow grieving parent.
    All I can say is that I pray this person finds peace and that whatever is hurting her heals.

    Many hugs to you