Tuesday, February 19, 2008

70 more days to wake up

Well, friends, I am sad to say that today was not a great school day. The disrespect I endured today, in addition to the complete and total disobedience by several children, simply firms up my decision. Education is not the place for me. A dear, dear friend once told me that sometimes we have to do what God wants us to do and that doesn't always turn out to be something we like to do. I have for a long time felt that I was doing what God wanted--I know that I have been a life-impacting person in the lives of many children and their parents--and am profoundly honored to have been given that opportunity. That being said, I do not--nay, cannot believe that this is what God wants me to do--wake up dreading every school day. Go through the day wondering when it will be over. Feeling absolutely terrible for those sweet, kind and bright children who are losing precious education because some of their classmates think NOTHING of being disruptive, disrespectful and disobedient. Wishing I had gone into some other line of work, and feeling like some of the decisions I have made regarding my occupation were not necessarily the best decisions. Being a miserable, grumpy person to be around. What kind of example for God am I living when I dread every day? Rather, every school day. I'm spent, I'm tired and I'm disappointed that I just don't have the drive or fortitude to suck it up and continue. At this point, I am waiting for the call that says our baby is ready for us to pick her up. I hate wishing my life away, but at this juncture, it's better than the alternative....waking up and feeling this way--over and over and over. Our joke is that we live the life of Groundhog Day, that movie with Bill Murray. That's what it's like these days. Different days, SAME crap. I can't imagine what it's going to be like when the weather gets warmer. God help me...

1 comment:

  1. Lori I have felt the defeat you described. I hope the following verse helps you.

    So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
    Isaiah 41:10