Monday, May 21, 2012

Women's Rights...

We went home this weekend for a few different things.  The main thing was for the Marine Corps Aviation Association's awards dinner and celebration of 100 years of Marine Aviation.  Seriously cool.  How many people get to have dinner with men or women who hold Medals of Honor?  Or meet and revisit with heroes of every war or situation since World War II?

Grandma watched Luke and we had a lovely night at The Gaylord in DC.  There was a super fun after-ceremony party, and John kept coming to me telling me we had to leave.  There were tons of people still left, so I didn't understand why he was being such a party pooper, and then he said, "Hon, it's after 2."

As in 2:00 AM.

I did not believe my body could still do that.

It sure was fun.

We had some things we were to do on Monday, so we spent Sunday taking Luke to the zoo.  He had a blast and I had a blast watching him.  His little personality is really, really starting to come through.

And I am in TROUBLE!

He is so flipping cute.  But...has his mommy and daddy's stubborn will; daddy's daredevil mentality and mommy's "You're not the boss of me!" philosophy.

So, cute as he is, he sure is starting to test his boundaries, but he KNOWS it.  Gives a sly little grin and then watches for our reactions.


On our drive home, we went through a little NC town.  We passed by a small church, not sure of the denomination, and I read its marquis.

"The greatest right a woman has is to be a mother."

I don't know how I feel about that sentiment.

Well, yes, I guess I do.

I do not believe that it is a woman's right to be a mother.

It's my right to pursue life, liberty and happiness.

It's my right to vote, believe and worship as I choose and freely express myself.

But it is my honor and my privilege and my greatest blessing to be a mother.

As I drove by that sign, I thought how much it must have hurt some women as they walked in, seeing that sign, on Mother's Day—as they may have been in the throes of infertility or child loss grief.

How demeaning that is to women who for whatever reason BUT their choices are not mothers.

How there are some mothers I am aware of that I want to literally SLAP SILLY because in my opinion, they sure as heck don't 'deserve' to mother the children they do...but that's not my call.

Saying that the greatest right a woman has is to be a mother just really rubs my skin raw.

If it was only that easy....

"Hey!  I invoke my right of motherhood!  Bring on the baby!"

Yeah, right.

That statement implies that we get to choose whether or not we get to be mothers.  While that is often true, to the extent that we choose whether to attempt or accept motherhood or is all, all too much more often that we don't.

More often, I think we beg God to allow us to finally see two pink lines...get the phone call saying our HCG was off the charts...let us bring the baby home...let us keep the baby...

Let us be mothers.

It's a permissive issue...motherhood.  Not something we are automatically granted by our citizenship or our existence.  Something that we are allowed...or not.  However it is our families are created and built, it's certainly not something we just click our heels together for and get.

(Well, most people.)

Now, don't get me started on why some are allowed it and others aren't.  Please.  I have no answers and won't even attempt them.  Still asking lots of questions myself, thanks.  Just have come to the conclusion that it's not mine to reason.

Just like it's not my right to be a mother.

Because's a miracle I do not take for granted.


  1. SO TRUE. It is a blessing to be a mother not a right. The keys to it belong with G-d and we so often can't understand His ways in our limited human view of the world. My heart aches for all who have not been blessed and for those who suffered on the journey. HUGS to you as you find your way on the new road....

  2. Beautifully written and so true.
    When I was struggling with years of IF and mc's, I avoided church on mother's day like the plague and because the minister at my church at the time, spent most of the sermon trashing abortion, IVF,and praising those who chose life for their babies etc.. (needless to say I left that church).
    Even after I became a mom via adoption, I still was scarred by all of that, so I avoided church that day too, but a friend of mine at the new church said how amazing this minister was and how he asked everyone that while they celebrated their mothers, to remember this day for all women in your life, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, friends, remember the women who have touched your life and guided you and to remember those struggling to become mothers and for us to pray for them to have that priviledge. Amen to that, that is what I know my God would say!

  3. You explain this very well...wish I could just 'bring on the baby', if only, sigh. Love to you all xoxoxo ... Ps Luke is too cute :)

  4. Stopping by from ICLW...
    Your little boy is darling! Glad that he had fun at the zoo...that is one of our favorite places to visit, too.

  5. So very true. I won't lie whenever I see or hear statements like that sign I totally break down, make me feel like I am less of a woman because I am not a mother despite my best efforts.

    Thank you for standing up for us still in the trenches.

  6. Totally LOVE this! It is not a right, but a gift and a blessing!

  7. SOOOO with you on this one! After 20 years of pediatric nursing I saw more girls/women than I ever thought possible that had no "right" being Mothers and I worked beside some girls/women who had the biggest hearts and souls for children, who couldn't, for various reasons, have babies of their own, but CERTAINLY had earned the "right" to be a Mother in my eyes!!! As I watched these beautiful women struggle through the path of IF I learned so much about the true spirit of what it means to be a "Mother"...when I miscarried my second baby I got so much support from so many women I worked with who said "I had a mc too...". I learned early on not to ask a newly married, or even NOT newly married co-worker "When you gonna have a baby?" or "Aren't you pregnant YET?" Often times those questions, though laughed off at the time, are just painful reminders of what isn't working in her own or her husband's body. Lori, I have learned so much more about how to be compassionate and sensitive to a Mother struggling through IF and a Mother who has lost a child, by reading your blog and "listening" to the honesty with which you tell your journey. I don't by any means think God caused your loss so you could teach others, but I do believe He is using you now to comfort and teach others the truth of IF and loss. It is important for others to be reminded that even though we are smiling and going about our everyday lives, not a day goes by that we don't think about the children who have already gone to be with the Lord.