Sunday, May 13, 2012

His Name Was Trey...


Tuesday will be 5 weeks since I had the D&C.  Just over 5 weeks ago, I was carrying another sweet baby boy.


My gut told me girl.

But he was a little boy.  A little boy with normal chromosomes.

Perfect.  Healthy.  Great lining (so thick it was noted in my placental report).

And gone.

My sweet, sweet, sweet friend and doctor let me know this evening.  I know a lot of people think that was really crappy timing.  I understand that and think their concern for me is so precious.

I think this information is an amazing gift, though. I have been praying, praying, praying for some certainty.  I mean, yes, I had my 'gut' feeling, but people can always refute 'gut' feelings.

Not give them merit because maybe they are just what our hearts want to believe.

No refuting the science of DNA analysis, though.

A perfect little boy with normal chromosomes.

Normal chromosomes.  A lot to digest for me right now, but for another time.

For tonight, I am grateful to be given such amazing information.  To go to sleep saying the names of all three of my boys.

Before we lost him, John and I were having a really hard time coming up with boy names.  We sort of felt like we'd 'used' all the 'good' boy names (that we could both agree on, ha ha!).  We had a little girl's name.

But were having a hard time with boy.  I had several.  John kept negging them.  He really only offered one.  Alexander Jay.  I like Alexander, thought Alex and Luke sounded nice together, but Jay wasn't screaming at me and Alexander means Defender or Protector of Men.  This mama was not thrilled with the thought of my boy having such a responsibility before he was even born.

So, I told John he needed to come up with some more.  One afternoon, I took a nap while Luke napped and John looked into baby names.  When I woke up, he had a few (some were really interesting, I have to say) but the one he liked best was Trey.  He said, "It means three.  Third."

I laughed.  Really?  John Matthew—a gift from a gracious God.  Samuel Luke—God heard and brought us light.

Trey?  Hey kid!  We've run out of boy names, so since you are third, you get Trey.  Ha ha.

We joked about that a lot.

And appropriate right now????  What name will cement his place in our family and our hearts MORE than one that tells exactly who he was?  THIRD.  Real, perfect and precious...our THIRD child.  THIRD boy.

Third in birth order, but equal in placement of our hearts.

And, like his brothers, he will go by his middle name.  His name will be Alexander Trey, and he will be called Trey.

His name, with Matthew's, will be spoken.  His existence was real and does not get erased because he died before he was able to be born.

He was a healthy, perfect little boy and he was a miracle and he will always be known as our third child.

As a teacher, whenever moms came in at Open Houses or events like that and I found out the child I was teaching was one of their THREE sons, I always joked about how strong that mom must be!  How busy that house must be!  How there must be a very, very special place in Heaven for the mom of three boys!!!

Guess what?  There sure is.

And two very loved little boys are holding mine for me.


  1. Oh My Goodness... I could just run over to NC and give you a great big hug and thank you for writing this! It is so special to read, as your friend and as a mom of 3 boys too. I love the very special place in heaven for a mom with 3 boys! You are so very right Lori, and Trey & Matthew are certainly going to be there with open arms to meet you again one day! How precious to have this answered prayer! Much love to you! xoxo!

  2. Beautiful Lori! Simply beautiful! I know how important it is for all your boys' names to be spoken. Probably the same way I want mine to be be known. Michael would have been 14, Jeremy would have been 5, and Jacob would have been 4 months old. My heart goes out to you, dear friend. <3

  3. Love Love the name & those two precious boys Matthew & Trey just waiting to see you in Heaven. {{{ <3 }}}

  4. Oh bitter-sweet. I am so glad that you were blessed to know with certainty the gender of your sweet baby...yet it still hurts.
    It's always like a huge missing piece of my identity not having the certainty of the gender of our first twins. We had asked if we would know, yet we were never given a report or answer. And not knowing has always felt like such a gap in my heart, in my life.

    I love his name. And yes, his name will be spoken with both Matthew and Luke's. Sweet, precious loved you are!

  5. I lost my cousin Trey in a MVA a few years ago. He had 3 little boys. I love that name Lori. I am so glad you found out the gender of your third baby.

  6. What a perfect name! My heart hurts and smiles with yours, as I know too how precious it is having some answer. How sad it is not knowing why. How nice it is to have a name, but how gut-wrenching it is to not have him. Hugs and love from me to you! I got some cute expressions tonight that I know you'll appreciate from my girl, I'll share with you! Love you so much and again wish I could hug your neck from afar!!!

  7. I often think and wonder about the lives of three miscarriages that I had- two before and one after Cullen's death. I am so touched by Trey's name and his forever precious place in your heart. All of my children- those in my arms and those who soar above me are forever pieces of me. Thank you so much for sharing this..
    love and light my friend...

  8. Thinking of you...very often.

  9. I'm so sorry. I have only just read about Trey.

    big hugs


  10. A beautiful name for your baby boy ♥

  11. I like it. Alexander Trey Ennis. Appropriate and sweet. I like it.

    <3 Trey <3

  12. how precious! a boy named trey :) my hearts leaps for joy! guts come and go and they are wonderful but to actually have an answer is perfect . xoxoxoxo

  13. Thinking of you, as now you have answers...but knowing he had perfect chromosomes, that is a hard one to come to terms with. My heart aches for you, as this adds salt to an already gaping wound. Lifting you in prayer sweet friend.


    And yes, Alexander Trey is a beautiful name. So happy you named him.

  14. What a beautifully appropriate name. And you are right, there is a very special place in Heaven for women like you Lori. Sending you so much love!

  15. Trey is a beautiful name! I wish he didn't have to leave so soon. :(

  16. I love his name.

    My gut isn't trustworthy either. With Ciaran, I knew. Boy. With the second I was sure. Girl. (But I miscarried naturally so I will never know). And then Toby. Girl. Huh? Nope, apparently I was way wrong, and so now I don't know what my second baby was (is.). I wish I knew. I'm glad you know and that your precious boy is named x

  17. I love this. I'm a momma to three boys, too, and my second son is holding a place for me right next to yours in heaven. I bet Duncan and Matthew and Trey are friends....