Tuesday will be 5 weeks since I had the D&C. Just over 5 weeks ago, I was carrying another sweet baby boy.
A boy. ONE MORE REASON I HATE MY GUT.
My gut told me girl.
But he was a little boy. A little boy with normal chromosomes.
Perfect. Healthy. Great lining (so thick it was noted in my placental report).
My sweet, sweet, sweet friend and doctor let me know this evening. I know a lot of people think that was really crappy timing. I understand that and think their concern for me is so precious.
I think this information is an amazing gift, though. I have been praying, praying, praying for some certainty. I mean, yes, I had my 'gut' feeling, but people can always refute 'gut' feelings.
Not give them merit because maybe they are just what our hearts want to believe.
No refuting the science of DNA analysis, though.
A perfect little boy with normal chromosomes.
Normal chromosomes. A lot to digest for me right now, but for another time.
For tonight, I am grateful to be given such amazing information. To go to sleep saying the names of all three of my boys.
Before we lost him, John and I were having a really hard time coming up with boy names. We sort of felt like we'd 'used' all the 'good' boy names (that we could both agree on, ha ha!). We had a little girl's name.
But were having a hard time with boy. I had several. John kept negging them. He really only offered one. Alexander Jay. I like Alexander, thought Alex and Luke sounded nice together, but Jay wasn't screaming at me and Alexander means Defender or Protector of Men. This mama was not thrilled with the thought of my boy having such a responsibility before he was even born.
So, I told John he needed to come up with some more. One afternoon, I took a nap while Luke napped and John looked into baby names. When I woke up, he had a few (some were really interesting, I have to say) but the one he liked best was Trey. He said, "It means three. Third."
I laughed. Really? John Matthew—a gift from a gracious God. Samuel Luke—God heard and brought us light.
Trey? Hey kid! We've run out of boy names, so since you are third, you get Trey. Ha ha.
We joked about that a lot.
And yet....how appropriate right now???? What name will cement his place in our family and our hearts MORE than one that tells exactly who he was? THIRD. Real, perfect and precious...our THIRD child. THIRD boy.
Third in birth order, but equal in placement of our hearts.
And, like his brothers, he will go by his middle name. His name will be Alexander Trey, and he will be called Trey.
His name, with Matthew's, will be spoken. His existence was real and does not get erased because he died before he was able to be born.
He was a healthy, perfect little boy and he was a miracle and he will always be known as our third child.
As a teacher, whenever moms came in at Open Houses or events like that and I found out the child I was teaching was one of their THREE sons, I always joked about how strong that mom must be! How busy that house must be! How there must be a very, very special place in Heaven for the mom of three boys!!!
Guess what? There sure is.
And two very loved little boys are holding mine for me.