Still A Boy!

I got some very nice and supportive comments about the Teacher Club. Thank you. I want to be clear, though. I have absolutely, positively NO regrets about not teaching anymore. I have wanted to be a SAHM since I was a little girl. College and work were just those things I'd have to do until I got that chance (and found Prince Charming to help me out with that...lucky, John, huh? Yes, I realize how 'archaic' some might find that. I don't. I think raising children rivals any job in the 'real' world and is as highly underpaid (in monetary value) as tons of other selfless jobs--think teacher, social worker, fireperson, police officer, military personnel, etc. I feel really, really bad that John doesn't have the luxuries of gardening, computering, organizing, coupon clipping and baby-growing that I do and I am grateful that he allows me those gifts.).

I think more than anything, I was feeling like I had traded teaching for raising Matthew and was thrilled to do so. I was EXCITED to trade that identity!!! I felt like it was FINALLY my turn!

And so, with no Matthew to raise and no classroom to go back to...that old 'purposeless' feeling set in. The guilt that goes with, "Really, I *could* go back to work...throw money in the bank, keep me busy, be part of new little ones' lives..." fights the reality of work being the last place on the planet I want to be. It feels quite a bit selfish.

But Luke is definitely my priority. I miss feeling like I have the camaraderie I've enjoyed for the last several, several years, but I wouldn't trade the intimacy I get to have with Luke on a daily basis for anything in this world. I was just feeling wistful...thinking of how it should have been.

And knowing there are no shoulds.

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So--19 weeks! Twenty weeks *officially* marks the half-way point for a pregnancy, as 40 weeks is the going rate for gestation.

Knowing we are delivering at 38 means that today, we are half-way! I've been counting up-to thus far....now I feel like I'm mid-way through a deployment (yes, the military permeates analogies whether I want it to or not) and am counting the days down.

I love that feeling.

Luke is definitely different in his movement patterns than Matthew was. Yesterday, I hardly felt Luke at all for most of the day (listened to him with the doppler twice several hours apart) and was a teeny bit worried. True to his Ennis-hood (not that Matthew wasn't, I just think he took a bit more after his mommy in some things), Luke likes his food. Every time I eat anything, I feel him going to town. As yesterday was Sunday and I treat myself to a teeny bit of coffee on Sunday mornings, I figured after Captain Crunch and coffee, he'd be wiggly all through church. Not so much. He did move some, so once I started feeling that, I felt better, but then for most of the day, nada. I ate...and ate some more...and ate some more. Finally, around 5ish, I started feeling him more and felt a lot better. It kept up and then by the time we went to bed (around 10ish), he was non-stop. I fell asleep around 11 or so and yep, he was still up.

Apparently my Luke thinks the night time is the right time.

Oh boy!

I've picked up about two or so pounds this week. I'm about 102 consistently, though the scale hit 103.2 Friday when we went up to Baltimore for Restaurant Week and had YUMMY dinners with cousin Andi and a friend. So, all in all, that's about a 2-3 pound total weight gain. At this point with Matthew, I weighed about the same, but the weight gain was 5-6 pounds since I started a little bit lower. There's still plenty of time to gain weight!

I'm mostly in maternity clothes, but I can strangely fit into some pre-pregnancy dresses--I find this strange since my body shape and weight distribution really changed after Matthew was born. Even when I got back to pre-pregnancy weight, I just couldn't wear a lot of things because my body was different. I wore two dresses this week that were not maternity and really not worn much even before when I wasn't pregnant and John said they both made great maternity dresses.

Which leads me to wonder what they looked like on me on the occasions I did wear them before?

I pretty much wear dresses as much as I can because honestly, my scar pain and irritation is getting worse and worse. The keloiding is getting thicker and having things hug my waistline is just uncomfortable.

Sleeping a bit better these days, mainly because I think I am burning up a lot of energy getting a lot of my 'projects' that have been neglected for these last months out of the way. My counselor and I talked about making sure I kept my OCD under control but honestly, I'm taking advantage of it these days.

I've been pushing back as I feel little Luke kicks, just for interaction with him, and the other night, I pushed back and felt his little body!!! I remember that feeling the first time with Matthew (in the shower, he kicked and I pushed back and think I got his shoulder!) and it freaked me out at first!! This time, with Luke, I knew exactly what it was and LOVED it! Wonder if I surprised him?

Dr. Shonekan this week, so no pictures. I'm bringing them fudge (thanks, Terri!) and then a week from now, Dr. Sweeney and more pictures.

Keep growing, Luke...you're getting big! So is Mommy! Even though I weigh about the same, give or take a pound, I am looking MUCH bigger now than I was at this time with Matthew! I'm also carrying Luke much higher--Matthew was always low! I have no idea of how to put pictures side by side, but here are two for comparison:

Mommy and Matthew 18w5d

(This was Matthew's first boat ride!)

Mommy and Luke 18w4d

Week Nineteen: Genitals recognizable

You are 19 weeks pregnant. (fetal age 17 weeks) Fetus is around 6.5 inches (17cm) and 9 ounces (250gm). Your placenta continues to grow and nourish the baby. Features of your baby's heart, should be visible during an ultrasound. Your baby's genitals are distinct and recognizable. Scalp hair has sprouted and continues to grow. If baby is female the uterus starts to develop, the vagina, uterus, and fallopian tubes are in place. Females have a limited supply of eggs in their lifetime. At this point your daughter will have 6 million eggs. This amount decreases to approximately one million by birth. If it's a boy, the genitals are distinct and recognizable. Even if the sex looks obvious, ultrasound operators have been known to make mistakes. Baby's legs are reaching their relative size and with the increase muscle development occurring as well, you will start feeling much more than tiny flutter kicks soon. If you have not felt movement yet, you will soon. Your baby will increase its weight by more than 15 times between now and delivery. Your baby's size is around 6.5 inches (17cm) and 9 ounces (250gm).