It Wasn’t You…
It wasn’t you who finally made it come true—
It wasn’t you who gave me the first taste of kicks and wiggles and squirms; bulging belly and backaches and entrance into the coveted Mommy Club.
It wasn’t you I spent hours and hours researching every little thing for…deciding on each item bought so specifically and purposefully.
I didn’t read all of those books for you.
I didn’t see you in that crib…on that changing pad…in that chair…in that room.
It wasn’t you I spent years and years dreaming for.
It won’t be you who enjoys me as a “New Mommy” because I am not.
I am seasoned in a way that many others can’t imagine.
I was your brother’s mother first, and though he is not on this earth, I still parent him.
I love him.
I dream of him.
I miss him.
I grieve him.
So your mommy will not be the same as I would for him.
Because it wasn’t you.
But make no mistake: It IS you.
It is you who gives me hope.
It is you who makes me smile again.
It is you who I now include in my dreams and cherish the thought of every one.
It is you who holds a place in my heart that no other ever will.
It is you I’d again give my life for and it is you who will know me in a way that no other would.
You will know the mommy I’ve become.
The mommy who is so honored to have two sons and so humbled by their presence in my life, no matter how brief it was, has been or will be.
It is you who will know the mommy capable of the deepest sorrows and the greatest joys existing within, and it is you who will grow knowing that in all things, there is a season.
It is you who epitomizes the power of God’s restoration and healing, and it is you that reminds me again and again that He was and is and always will be faithful.
It wasn’t you who first showed me that, but it is you who perpetually maintains the concept.
You will never be him and he will never be you and I am blessed, for I have known and loved you both.
No, it wasn’t you…but it never had to be.
You are both cherished.