Grateful...

I'm very grateful for a lot of things. I am keenly aware as I read other blogs or watch tv or read books or just listen to people that I am very blessed and the most devastating thing in my life could be (hard to believe, but true) so much worse.

I'm grateful that I have John. His work is crazy-demanding and he has a million things he is responsible for and he will still make me Oreo Blizzards (no DQ near us!) when I ask.

I'm not sleeping well still, and my back is starting to take on that familiar ache in the very same places it did with Matthew, and yet--as I sit on the couch with the laptop and a blanket, the sun is just peeking through the window on my left and is giving me glorious little glimpses of shadow and brilliance at the same time. Sort of how my life feels many days...brilliantly lit but always shadowed. I used to sit just like this with Matthew as I got closer to his delivery because I couldn't sleep then and I'd dream of how nice and quiet it'd be in these early hours with just him born and me loving every second.

I'm grateful that I'm reminded of those sweet moments, even for just the few minutes the sun stays in this position.

I'm so glad I have amazing, amazing people taking care of me. Seriously, the baked goods I bring to the doctors show nowhere NEAR enough of my gratitude! I know so many others have to fight for good care and advocate for just basic reassurances and the people taking care of me worry if I sneeze the wrong way. I am so thankful for the care Luke and I receive and even more thankful that I have no regrets about the care Matthew and I received.

I'm glad that Matthew's birthday has not been forgotten one single time in the last 8 months. Beautiful flowers have been arriving on the 28ths and remind me that family is certainly not just dictated by blood.

I'm extremely happy that for the most part, people do not hurt my feelings in things they say or do.

For the most part.

Realistically, what more could I ask? Even *I* don't know what will sometimes hurt my feelings until it's happened.

I love feeling little, teeny, tiny Luke kicks.

I love self-seeding flowers. Vincas make me happy.

I love that butterflies seem to be all over my garden this year. Verbena makes them happy!

I'm so happy to find sour skittles. Or when sour skittles find me!!!

I adore smiling babies.

I cannot BELIEVE some surprises! (I won one of the Angels at A Baby Named Nathan! I never win anything, except for things that have a pool of 1:5200 or something like that...)

I'm getting excited about what I'd like to do for Luke's nursery. I love this baby. I want his room to be perfect and special for him. I am the one who will have to come to how to do that while I go through the process of Matthew's room becoming Luke's. He will not suffer for it.

I love saying, "My boys." I love their names and I love the character and strength and purpose behind them.

I'm so glad I don't have any qualms about rambling.

A bit ago, I heard Casting Crowns' If We've Ever Needed You, and adored it. Loved it. Took it to my own heart. If I've ever needed God, it is NOW. It has been in the last 8 months and 11 days.
I love that that song has been playing in my car at least 3 times a trip and I wake up at 3:13 in the morning and it's running through my head.

I'm grateful for God's redemption and restoration.

I admit that seeing Halloween candy out in the stores right now makes my heart leap.

I've been to so many beautiful places in the world.

The cruise is soon!

I know what miracles look like. They have dimpled chins and big feet.