Friday, January 15, 2010

Compassion Makes The World Go 'Round....

Today was a day I was and was not looking forward to--my post-partum checkup. I remember thinking about how that would be--taking a newborn to the appointment, finishing up nearly a year of relationships formed throughout the pregnancy...I never dreamt it would be like it was. I seem to say that a lot, don't I?

I wanted to have this day come because if I get my OB's clearance, then that goes to Shady Grove next week for my appointment with Dr. Kipersztock.

I dreaded this day coming because I knew it meant I'd be in the same place that had so many memories--memories that now choke me up.

When I got there, as always, the staff was wonderful. They asked if I wanted to just go straight back to a room because Dr. Polko was running behind. They were considerate of how sitting in the waiting room may be. I decided to tough it out--after all, it's Matthew I miss, and he wasn't there. I DID miss seeing Matthew's picture on the boards, and teared up a bit over that, but went back to my cool new super phone and really didn't even realize an hour had passed. Thank God.

In the exam room, I pulled my hankie out, just hearing Dr. Polko's voice in the room next door. I looked in the magazine rack and saw a couple of magazines. And that's when I lost it...because there was also a child's Dr. Seuss book...yep, it was One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish.

My little Red Fish...I cried for him. Cried and cried and cried. I don't think I even cried for me, but for him...who he would have grown to be and what his life would have been like. I called Mom, and she cried too. What I wouldn't give to have my little Red Fish with me...

Dr. Polko was, as per expected, amazing. She cried with me, smiled for me and most importantly, loved on my picture of Matthew. I showed her how big his feet were and we laughed. I told her not seeing Matthew on the board broke my heart. Of course, I didn't think that they put pictures of babies who only lived a few hours up there. IMMEDIATELY, she said, "Honey, just give me a picture....he's one of our babies." Let me tell you how compassion truly makes the world a better place. I gave her my favorite picture of him, the one at the top of this blog where he looks like a perfect angel. She honestly made my day.

The exam was fine. She doesn't think the residual upper-abdomen pain is anything but abdominal muscles still strained and told me to still just be easy if need be when it hurt. Everything else was great, and I was given the clearance for all prior activities--Dyson, here I come! I told her we were going back to Shady Grove next week and would try for a brother or sister. She hugged me again and told me that she saw no reason for that not happening.

Then, she did something that made my heart swell and break at the same time. She gave me Matthew's baby spoon--a little silver spoon given to the moms who deliver there. Again, she said, "He's one of our babies," and we both cried.

Nothing takes the heartache away, but don't doubt friends that compassion surely helps soften it. I am very blessed with so much compassion from so many people.


  1. After wiping my eyes and giving several big sighs, I have to give prayers of praise for the compassion shown to you as well as prayers for strength to help you through these times.

    Today's word verification: saine. Hmm...

  2. I am so so happy that you have such a wonderful doctor. And that Matthew's picture will hang with the others. He truly is beautiful.

  3. So glad that today turned out for you like it did. I am so glad that you have people full of compassion to care for you and who hold you and Matthew so dear to them. And it is a blessing that you are cleared to start the process for another child.

    Always in my prayers.

  4. Reading this just made me cry. I'm so glad people are still compassionate in the world. You certainly need and deserve it. Your doctor sounds phenominal. Hugs and love -- still.

    Word verification: ventifi. I will need to vent if I hear someone is being ugly to you!!

  5. Lori, I am glad to hear such warm stories of compassion. Your Dr. sounds wonderful.

    Sending you big hugs as you begin the process of giving Matthew a brother or sister.

  6. I am so very happy that your appointment went the way it was supposed to go (medically.) And that you were able to bear it emotionally. I can't even imagine how hard it was to get out of the car at the office and go through those doors. You are now just one step closer to bringing Matthew a brother and/or sister. Please don't have two. ;)

    Word verification: unthli
    it is unthli that someone would consider being anything but nice and sweet to you. Of course Matthew's picture belongs on that wall. It is simply preposterous that it be otherwise.

  7. What a beautiful post, and what a beautiful office you go to -- and now all the moms and families going through there will see your Matthew and smile at your gorgeous angel!! Will be thinking of you as you head to Shady Grove....

  8. This picture of Matthew is popular, it's hanging in many homes(this is why I took several)..LOL..

    I love your doctor too and I've not met her.
    Hearing Matthew's pic is up on the wall is very moving'good' news, ..Tear wiping here.
    Everything is a green as in GO,GO GO!! Yeah, Shady Grove here she comes and watch out!!
    I do-not know if I should cheer or cry? I'm doing both..:-)
    I love you!.

  9. Oh, I'm so happy they put his picture up there for you. That's so wonderful. I would have bawled my eyes out I think! Your doctor sounds absolutely amazing.

  10. God bless Dr. Polko. And God bless you, Lori!

  11. Dr. Polko is really amazing. I will never go to anyone else. I can't wait to see Matthew's picture next time I am there. Love you and thinking of you.