Saturday, August 22, 2009

What is Elvis trying to tell me?

Again, feeling lonely without my baby daddy here. He's in Minnesota, getting ready to go an an awesome (by his standards, not mine!) trip with Uncle Brad. They will be dropped off in the middle-of-nowhere, Minnesota. They will be given a canoe, some food and some good luck. Then they will rough it for 5 days. Now, knowing John's penchant for treating his stomach well, I'm curious to see the true extent of 'rough it'....knowing him, it won't be that rough unless they don't catch stuff. In any event, in no way, shape or form does that sound appealing to me at all, so THANK YOU, Uncle Brad for being interested in this and taking one for the team. John can't wait until Matthew is old enough to do that. Hmm. I can. Last thing I can think of wanting is my two dearest loves in the middle of nowhere and something happen to them. John assures me he has some device that should life or limb be at risk, he can push a button and get help. Here's hoping they don't need that.

In any event, as loneliness often leads me to internet searches for who knows what, I decided to google my mom. It's been a while since she died, so there wasn't much in the first few pages and I wasn't up for going further. I did go to her old Xanga site, though, which is comfortingly still up. I went to August 22, 2002 (the last August post she had) to see what she was thinking. August 22 was a fairly benign post, but I kept reading and found her August 17 post to be interesting. Remember my August 16 post about missing my mom and Elvis? Well, her August 17, 2002 post was about Elvis too. Now, finding this a lovely coincidence at first, I then realized he passed on August 16, 1977, and the coincidence was more timing, but anyway...

This is what she had to say:
"If Elvis hadn't died....
I wouldn't be watching his stacked up movies on the movie channel. Blue Hawaii was the only one that really appealed to me, although I may have enjoyed Love Me Tender if I had seen it all the way through. I was small when the latter movie hit the screens, although, as I reflected today, I am only thirteen years younger than El, had he kept on living.
If Elvis hadn't died, he'd be alive. (DUH!) He'd be an aging faded, star. Maybe. I think newer generations will be spared the idolatry we of the Elvis generation have to tolerate. It's time to leave him alone. Wouldn't have said that a year ago, but I certainly now have my fill of hero worship. He left this world in an undesirable fashion but, despite the narcotics and quirks, he did it his way. That's important, when you can .... do it your way. I have no other news. I woke up with a sense of foreboding which I don't care to go on about and will probably head back to the sack for my . . . Elvis movies?

How funny. And, as much as I knew about my mom and her love of Elvis, I didn't know that Blue Hawaii was her favorite. There's nothing like learning things about your parents, even if they aren't here any more.

Sadly, while reading her couple of days worth of August posts, she commented about how she was feeling regarding her cancer and her chemo...."What makes me a more likely candidate for the five-year-survival rate? It's scary. Downright frightening. BUT, as hubby says, "We have to give it all we've got." So off I go to the research pages, leaving a few links that will encourage me, and others, to put every effort into conquering the beast. Should I lose, I hope that I will be remembered as highly as Diane whose tribute by notforprophet almost made me cry."

This made me mad--my dad telling her they have to give it all they've got and 7 years later he can't even be bothered to remember she lived and was his wife and my mother. It also made me sad that she was worried about how she'd be remembered. I remember her every day, and though I don't know how highly this Diane she speaks of is remembered, I can guarantee that my mom's memory is right up there as she would have wanted.


  1. How amazing that you can go back and read your Mother's words. Save them all for Mathew, he'll appreciate them someday.

    And as far as being dumped out of a plane (or was it a chopper? regardless...) they better aim for the Holiday Inn parking lot! Ugh. I'm with you! That DOES NOT sound like a good time!

    hee hee - word verf - WAYLESS
    as in wherever John is being dropped, is WAYLESS fun then the Holiday Inn.

  2. I think Matthew is trying to tell you he wants to be named Elvis....just kidding!

  3. Men process grief differently, more often than not they do exactly what your father has is not at all unusual. That doesn't mean he has forgotten her Lori, just that he has moved on. But oh, how it can hurt when we ourselves feel that the grief was not long enough or that someone has been forgotten.

    How I wish all of this was so different for you! Here's praying for peace about it...

  4. just a comment on John being probably in the BWCA or near the canadian border, I used to guide those kind of trips way back in single life pre kids. Hubs just got back a week ago. It was great and i loved it:) He'll be awesome when he can take Matthew someday for male bonding time:) You get to have Mommy time while they're gone:) even though you miss them like crazy!!
    also, when my mom died it was just 6 months later and my dad was hunting for a new wife, ugh, that was painful and boy was I mad to say the least, but i'm lucky that my dad doesn't expect us to treat his new wife who actually is very sweet like your Dad expects you too. I feel your pain!