Monday, July 7, 2008

We're back!

Okie dokie...back at consistent internet access. Who knew how much I would miss a computer? In all honesty, though, I must say I didn't miss it that much; it's sort of a nice feeling knowing that you just don't have access to a computer, so why stress over checking email, responding, checking blogs, commenting, checking bank accounts, get the picture. Throw in the fact that there were SO many things that have happened, and so many things I have seen in the last two weeks, I can't even begin to log them all, so I am not even going to bother trying. I can say that the cruise was very nice, way too much food, nice service, but still salesman-like in trying to get you to purchase the cruise excursions. Bad part was that when you did, if you got wait listed (as we did in Corfu) you were up a creek, and while John, Lance and Zach, my nephew were diving in what they thought was probably one of the most beautiful places they'd seen, we saw --well, not so much. I did get lots of trinkets, too many to count, but overall, we were pretty good about spending. Nothing like a hefty adoption fee coming up to convince me to reign it in!

Split, Croatia was pretty neat, also. We got some nice art, saw all sorts of markets and trinkets and really were amazed at how up and coming that country was, in light of where it was 10 years or so ago. Amazing when you see resilience of all these people--stairs and hills like I've never seen all over Europe and all you see are these little old ladies and men hoofing it--what other choice is there?

Athens was neat, but the city itself? Eh. Venice? I loved Venice. It was our last day and I had never seen Venice. Let me just tell you, it was a shiny/sparkly stuff lover's DREAM! Lots of shiny and sparkly glass EVERYWHERE! I got little baubles and ornaments, saw gondolas and neat alleys, enjoyed some great pizza and music, a wonderful cappuccino and an all-around great time. It was a little hectic for the rest of the family, to be nice about it, but I loved it and enjoyed nearly every second (didn't love the part where my sister-in-law's glass light globe broke, felt bad for her because I had been there and done that in Cinque Terra with a great casserole dish that fell, broke, and got re bought--John calls it my "1 for the price of 2" bargain) of the whole day.

We got back last night, and have been doing laundry, cleaning, etc. John and I were going to be travelling on our own a bit, but in truth, I think he's tired, and frankly, I'm okay with just hanging out.

We got our happy Friday email from our caseworker and this last one caused me a bit of concern--it reminded us that our agency did not give referrals, gave information on children the govt. thought matched our dossier, and our main goal was to Aid and Rescue a Kid. My issue with this, and before you read into it or think less of me, bear with me. I am a teacher. I love and adore children. I am a bleeding heart. I give to the gypsies and to the homeless every chance I get. I foster stray animals, think of and treat my nieces and nephews as if they were my very own children, have mothered, nurtured and cherished approximately 300 children in the last 10 years, and totally am ok with Aiding and Rescuing Children. But let me be clear, my intent--my primary goal--is to be a mother to my own child. To watch my baby grow and learn and love and find wonder in the world. I want to share desserts and shopping and watch her daddy spoil her rotten because she is his little girl. I want to be a mother and I want a child to call me mommy. IF in achieving that goal, I am able to Aid and Rescue a Kid, I am happy to do so. In truth, knowing how many people want to adopt these precious children, and knowing the hell they go through to do so, I doubt that if I did not adopt a child, there would not be someone who would leap at the chance to do so. So...when my agency puts out the feelers telling its clients that our main goal is to rescue children, I have to question why? This message was also accompanied with some sort of dialogue about realizing that there could be problems with the children and that our goal is not the perfect baby, but to rescue children. I understand that there is NO perfect baby, but I sure do think there is a perfect baby for me, and I was under the assumption that my small fortune being paid to my agency was for the facilitation of that arrangement. So....

Okay...rambling...glad to be back and see how others are doing....Home next Tuesday! Where has 3 weeks gone?


  1. Oh I'm SO glad to have you back to the connected world even if you're not really HOME yet. I have missed you! I feel like I'm doing this adoption thing alone here. haha! I'm going to email you right now with a longer message.
    Take care,

  2. Hey Lori! Glad to hear you're having a good time so far. I wish I could convince Paul that we need to take a tour of Europe, but he's still pretty wary of international travel. :) Praying for your continued safety until you return home. Love & miss you!

  3. Lori,
    Absolutely. Our agency should NOT have said the whole primary goal Aid and Rescue a Kid deal. People who go into adoption with that as their primary goal end up becoming bitter. THE primary goal should be being a parent, not being an altruist. Parents deal with poop and tantrums and snotty kisses, maybe not loving every minute, but definitely cherishing them all. Altruists do a lot of "charity work" through their money and service donations, but at the end of the day or week or whatever, go home to their "own lives" putting them in parenting roles of the minute by minute, day to day sacrificial giving posture causes major problems for them. AA should NOT be looking for folks who are are right my dear. Sorry for the soapbox but I just HAD to so say that I agree with you!!! Oh and yes, I loved Venice too...such a city of romance and intrigue!!!! Glad you've had so much fun there!

  4. Lori,
    Just fed my boys lunch and had to come back and comment more, cause I just kept thinking about what you were told.....two more thoughts - 1) YES, absolutely, it is our AGENCY'S job to Aid and Rescue Children....that's what they do - it's a 9-5 job or 8-8 or whatever for them, and they do it well...fine for that to be a part of their name, mission statement, etc....they can be altruistic and SHOULD be to help children find good homes and parents find children but 2) That should not be OUR mission, both for the reasons I wrote about in my last comment AND so that we can BEST parent our kids. If we were to have biological kids, it is a GIVEN that, at the hospital soon after their birth, we are told about any physical etc. problems they we can get them the care they need. SURE we might get thrown a loop if 6 months down the line we discover our child has cystic fibrosis, 15 years down the line they are diagnosed bipolar or something like that, and we love our kid and help them as much as possible when those things come up, but, to the best of their ability, hospital staff always tell us what they know about the child at birth so we can parent them well and get them the care they need. It should be the same for adoption - to the extent it can be done (i.e. sometimes a lot just isn't known, because of birthmom reluctance, poor health care facitilities, etc.). There is ABSOLUTELY no crime in that, is actually a GOOD thing that we are in touch with ourselves enough to know what we can handle/feel we want (i.e. requesting a healthy child).....that is what EVERY parent prays for when they are pregnant, are we supposed to be more "pious" than them? If God calls any of us to parent a special needs child - awesome, and I KNOW He does do that sometimes, but we should NOT be penalized, put down, etc. if we are not called to that or if we hope and pray that our child is healthy. Can you tell I'm steamed about your worker's email!!!??? Feel free to use any of my thoughts, etc. if you decide to write or talk to her about hers, but I understand if you are trying to put it behind you and promise to stay quiet from here on out about it, unless, of course, you want to write to me more about it:). I feel better now, thanks!