Dates...

...don't really mean too much. They do, but they don't. I've said that before.

John, bless his sweet heart, asked if I wanted him to be around on Monday. I asked him why he thought I'd want that. He said, "It's the day Matthew died." Well, I of course knew that, but wondered why he felt that day would be worse than any other. Honestly, if I *had* to pick a day that would be worst, I guess it would be his birthday. And truly, the days I prepare for are WAY easier than some days I don't.

Like today. When the word 'exsanguination' pretty much had me crying...all.day.long.

Poor Dr. Sweeney--he got an earful today. As always, he was just amazing in listening, reassuring and just sympathizing with us.

So, if we're mentioning dates....a year ago was my due date with Matthew. I just knew, knew, KNEW he'd be on time...just like his mama.

Yep, so not right about that.

Anyway...we had our weekly appointment for Luke today. We measure every two weeks, which is still probably a little close...sort of like watching brownies...there's way more way to tell accurately how much more cooked they are if you aren't watching them every 30 seconds. In any event, today was a growth scan and Luke was weighing in 4 lbs., 8 oz. He's already bigger than I was when I was born and he's 32 weeks while I was full-term. The measurements taken today gave his gestational age as 32w1d...which is exactly what I am. His head circumference was a bit smaller--31w6d, but that's his daddy for you. Some other measurements were right on, give or take, but the femur length was 2 weeks bigger! Looks like this mommy just grows long babies. Overall, he was in the 65th%tile!!!! Even the sono tech was sort of surprised and asked, "You passed your glucose test, right?"

Hmmmm....yes....yes, I did....but that was 6 weeks ago and gestational diabetes can come on at any time...especially toward the end of the pregnancy. So, we'll ask Dr. Shonekan about whether or not she thinks I might want to do another one just to be sure. Odds are, things are fine...but for him to continue to GROW in the percentile charts, while I STILL have only gained 17 pounds...well, like I said, she implied that it wouldn't hurt to see what my OB says and double check the glucose.

Dr. Sweeney said not to worry about the hiccups too much. He said it seemed like Luke was drinking up in there (knew he was a party animal) because his little tummy was full of amniotic fluid. But bless that man's heart...when I said, "I know, I'm just getting more anxious, I guess..." he said, "Well of course you are. How could you not?" When I asked how often we'd need to see him in the last two weeks or so before we delivered, he said, "Well, I guess we'll just have to get some beds here in the office for you guys, won't we?"

He gets it. He gets it because he sort of lived it too. Matthew dying shocked him as much as it shocked us...maybe even more because I ALWAYS feel like there's a small chance of something going horribly wrong and he, as a doctor with far more knowledge and experience, had NO DOUBT that things were fine with us.

So he gets that I'm getting more nervous because really...so is everyone else. And as he said, rightly so.

No pictures...he's cramped and his little hands (both of them) were right up there, as usual. I figured we would be coming close to the end of good pictures because of him being cramped and I guess we've moved into that territory. Not too much longer, and odds are he will be spine up to boot.

He looked beautiful, though....and I was thankful, thankful, thankful.

Here's what my little chubster is doing this week:

(For the record, Luke, daddy called you a cuckoo bird...apparently mama cuckoo birds will lay eggs in the nest of a smaller bird...the baby cuckoo bird will hatch, and grows REALLY fast...pushing the smaller mama bird's other babies our and making the smaller mama bird work hard to keep the big old cuckoo bird fed...I guess I should be glad he didn't liken me to the mama cuckoo bird who apparently prefers 'the system' take care of her babies...oh, your daddy is a funny, funny boy....)

Week Thirty Two: Reproductive development continues
You are 32 weeks pregnant. (fetal age 30 weeks) The baby is 17 inches (43cm) long and weighs 4 pounds (1.8 kilograms). The diameter of the head is almost 4 inches (10cm). Under the skin the fat layer is getting thicker. The toenails and fingernails are completely formed. In boys, the testicles will be descending from the groin down into his scrotum. During this time the baby sleeps most of the day. The uterus is getting to be a small space for the baby to move about, so you may have noticed a decrease in your baby's movements. The baby is still trying to move frequently but it just does not have enough room. The baby will turn its head from side to side and move its hands. As space in your uterus becomes more cramped, your baby's kicks and other movements may seem less forceful. You may want to check on your baby's movements from time to time and do a kick count. If your baby is a boy, his testicles are moving from their location near the kidneys through the groin on their way into the scrotum. If your baby is a girl, her clitoris is now relatively prominent. The baby will now weigh about 4 pounds (1.8 kg). Half of your weight gain now will go directly to baby. If you are carrying twins or more, their weight increase will be slower than singletons because of the lack of room in the uterus. Are you waddling? This is because the ligaments in your pelvis have softened, allowing your hips to spread in preparation for birth. If you find that the increased weight of your breasts is uncomfortable when sleeping try wearing a soft but supportive bra to bed.