Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Secrets....

I am a GREAT secret keeper.  Seriously.

You can tell me something that you want to be kept secret, and it really will go NOWHERE.  Not even when you out yourself...I'll play dumb.

I have a few secrets too.  Some will go with me to the grave.  Some get shared every now and then down the road when I feel like they are no longer "secret-worthy" because really, I think keeping some secrets can make one sick, and I try not to have many.

I also try to be pretty transparent when writing on this blog because I'd like Luke to know it's ok to feel what one feels, but also because I realize other people read and have been very kind in sending me thanks for being 'real' and 'honest.'

I was planning on keeping a secret, though.  This morning, I got a phone call from Dr. K, with a report and his recommendations.  It made me nervous, but I trust him, especially since he is UBER conservative with me.

I know lots of people were watching FB for updates as to what we are doing, and so I made the post that we were transferring the two little engines that were still chugging along.

And we did.

We also transferred a third.  Three embryos.


I wasn't going to tell anyone that.  Dr. K recommended it, based on my age, history, the fact that the third was rescued, this is our last cycle etc...he, who has always said, "No more than two, no more than two," now said three.  The lab concurred.  The transferring doctor concurred.  No one feels like this is overly aggressive.

I don't either.

But I wasn't going to say anything publicly because frankly, people can be mean.  They can (and are) be very, very, very kind.  Very supportive.  Very encouraging.

They can also be very, very mean and judgmental and honestly, I didn't want to hear anything should there be any multiples and/or any issues.

I can see it now..."You brought this on yourself..."

That's not how I feel, but I can certainly see people throwing that at me.  So, in the interest of not hearing, "I told you so," down the road, I was just going to keep it very closely to a few that we transferred three.

I feel good about it.  I prayed for clear and purposed decisions and there was exactly that.  I am not feeling like multiples will be an issue, and I will not have the, "What if..." regrets.

This is the "No Regrets" cycle, and I feel really peaceful about it.  Would have liked less stress to get here, but this is just what I was praying for.

October 10 we find out.  A long time, but when looking at days left with John, I will not even think about wishing them away.  For now, we have time together and I was able to welcome some little embryos back 'home'.

Here they are....The two in each corner are the original little engines that could...and the one in the middle is quite a fighter.



The three pictures from my three 3-Day transfers...Matthew's in the middle and Luke is on the right.  Have NO clue how they compare, but hearing they look great is good enough for me.

28 comments:

  1. I think this is a beautiful secret! Everything crossed and prayers sent! <3

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  2. Aw, they are wonderful, you are wonderful and I wish so much for you.

    xxx

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  3. Wonderful! So glad you felt a clear answer!

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  4. Smiling big at them all!!! You go, Momma!!!!! I admire you so much! Hugs from California!!!

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  5. Awesome Lori....

    You are an inspiration...

    Come on little embys... Get sticky and grow good!!!

    XXX

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  6. I think it's amazing that you can have pictures of your babies at this stage when other people will never get that ... I wonder what my babies looked like at this point in development? :) Of course, I guess when you think about the way people get these pictures is to go through all that you go through, it really would seem extra unfair if every ol' person got to see their babies this way. Anywho, this is AMAZING! I'm just all balled up with excitement and hope that you have such great people working with you guys ... that they truly take everything into consideration and want you to be safe, healthy and parents of more children. I'm so thrilled that it went well and that you guys felt good about your choice! Yay for peace and guidance! Yay for time with John before he has to go (although it stinks that he has to leave) ... and all my love for perfect news in October. xoxoxoxo

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  7. I think I write too much. Sorry ... can't help myself.

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  8. :). So happy for you Lori! I will keep praying my friend.....

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  9. Thank you a million times for having the courage to share this with those of us who pray for you and read your blog. All that matters is that you are following what is God's direction for you and your family. Those that love you will love you and support you...and those than can't...well we will continue to love and pray for them too. Praying these babies with hope and love. I am hoping your days with your husband are blessed. Please konw that those of us who don't serve appreciate his service and sacrifice on our behalf. We thank him, we thank him for our freedom.

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  10. Yay!! Three is awesome! I was pleasantly surprised to hear three of your little ones made it to transfer. They are back where they belong! I'm SO happy for you and praying for great results. <3

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  11. Those are 3 beautiful little engines :) keep chugging little ones!!

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  12. I love secrets. This one was a great surprise. Ive been thinking about you I've even shared your story because as you know I think you are an inspiration. I pray sticky baby dust for you. Hopefully Dr S can have both of us back soon. We start our journey at least the conversation for a FET October 17. I'm happy for you! Grow little ones grow all the way till June or so!

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  13. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((xoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxo)))))))))))))))))))))))) go little engines :)

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  14. I am SO happy for you all!! What beautiful embabies!!! They look similar to Lukes :)))

    Omg!! I swear in the last few days I have felt SUCH happiness from all these rainbows growing!!!

    I'm a good secret keeper too, probably why so many people tell me stuff LOL. But I suck at keeping my own secrets! I'm so glad u didn't hold back. This is no ones business but you, john, n luke ( and all of us who LOVE you!)

    Grow babies GROW!!!

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  15. This is wonderful, what a blessing and many more prayers for you.

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  16. So happy for you = ) Embies are beautiful. Many positive thoughts to you and your embies!!

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  17. Excited for you. Praying that you'll have a beautiful baby from any of the little engines that could!

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  18. You do know that you write my all time favorite blog, right? Because if I could ever have the talent for writing what I feel....it would sound like you.

    I love your spirit. I love your outlook. I love your attitude.

    And I love your secrets.

    You go girl. You prayed and got your answer so "let them eat cake"!

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  19. lol - ok; this gives me chills because after I read your last post I was really close to sending you an email to tell you to transfer 3! I know most people will tell you to pray and to ask and to hope. I will be the odd ball and tell you to get indignant! There is a time to laugh, a time to cry, a time to be born....and there is a time to plant your hands on your hips and your feet up in the stirrups and say, "Ok - listen up you little blastocysts! I'm not playing around this time! You are going to sit your little asses in my uterus and I don't want to hear another word about it for 9 months!" I was going to tell you now is the time to be bold! Go get um! And....don't forget to drink the cherry juice I told you about. :)

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  20. AWE-SOME! So excited for you.. and for all three of them!!!!!

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  21. I love this secret!

    You and these 3 embies will be in my prayers!!!

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  22. i've been following your blog for a very long time and haven't commented, but i read everything you write.
    all i want to say is i wish you all well. you've been honest, raw and real with your emotions and despite the debate of whether Luke is enough or not, I seriously hope you are blessed with another, if not more in the future.

    God bless,
    Sherry from California

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  23. Praying....thanks for sharing the secret...helps focus the prayers!!!

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  25. I think this is wonderful - 'no regrets'. What a wonderful outlook. Wishing you all the best this cycle.
    ~Annalee
    www.happinessatthecore.com

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  26. Happy belated ICLW! Your embies are gorgeous! Best of luck to you!

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