The article I wrote for this month's Still Standing Magazine was somewhat difficult for me to write.
Not so much because I was having a hard time with what I am feeling, because I am very sure about my feelings.
More because I am not fond of the venom that back them.
I've been really, really angry.
Angry with the ridiculous notion that we should not be attempting any more cycles because we already have more than we've ever dreamed we could with Luke.
While that is true, we wanted a big family from the beginning.
Whether or not any died.
Whether or not we had to go through hell on earth to get there.
Whether or not we finally were able to experience the bliss that comes with raising a little one.
We wanted a big family.
So, so many women I know feel as I do—as if we should just be grateful for the fact that we finally know what a living little boy or girl feels like in our arms, and that wanting more is outrageously greedy on our part.
We are BEYOND grateful. No words describe the gratitude.
But I'm still a woman who dreamed of 4 children and two dogs and big family gatherings and oodles of grandchildren to "ooh" and "ahhhh" over one day.
I'm no different than any other woman who has dreamed of those very things...
Except I've had a lot more heartache in the process than some have.
I don't think it's unreasonable to just want to be treated as 'that' normal mother.
In fact, after what we've gone through, I think it's pretty reasonable to HOPE those things for me.
Not everyone does. For me, and for many others.