Thursday, September 13, 2012

Hindsight Is More Than Just Twenty-Twenty....

Wow.  Pretty funny how hindsight can really give insight.

I am in the middle of another cycle.  I've kept it pretty quiet (though thanks to the privacy of FB, everyone can see anything I post to my Shady Grove page, so it's not that quiet, I guess!) and mostly because I feel like less expectation = less disappointment.  Not making a big deal and then being pleasantly surprised is what I am going for now...

Anyway, I head up to Virginia tomorrow morning and the retrieval should be in about a week or so.  If it goes well.

We are doing exactly what we did with Trey's cycle.  Actually, less suppression.  I got my call today and it wasn't great.  In fact, my nurse said, "Don't worry,'s looking just like Matthew's cycle."

It was meant to be reassuring because one look at the picture up above and it's obvious that Matthew's cycle was far beyond successful.

It was reassuring, even though it was not what we were hoping for.  My estrogen was only 58.  Matthew's at this point was 39.  Trey's at this point was over 200.

Funny thing is that since she said it was like Matthew's cycle, I went back through this blog and reread all those days.

I think it's hilarious that I was tired of shots then.  Oh, if I only knew...I also find it funny that I was worrying then about it being canceled and hear I am hearing the same things three years later.  Mostly, I think being able to see how it all worked out (relatively speaking) is what is giving me some confidence now, even with not so great results just yet.

Then, I was talking about how my eggs were not as young as pretty as they were a few years earlier.

Ha ha!  I STILL say that, only that they are even uglier now...and yet...I have more follicles now than I did three years ago!  Each cycle I do seems to show more antral follicles than Dr. Greenhouse said, "Your fertility gets better with age!"

Not easy to believe, but apparently somewhat true.

So, I'm not worried right now.  Knowing that we are doing what we did the last time we had wild success (again, relatively speaking) is giving me great peace in feeling like this is what it's supposed to be.


In other news, there's other news in our lives.  There's not much to be able to share right now, but just prayer for our family and family time would be lovely.


Luke is loving 'pre-school', though he has, in just three sessions, developed the fun tendency to be spiteful when told, "No," and throws whatever he has in his hand down in a mini-fit.  If he doesn't have anything, he looks around for the nearest thing to pick up and then throw down for mad effect.  He also BIT me yesterday!  For the first time in TWENTY MONTHS, he bit!  We were hugging and he was leaning into my shoulder just snuggling, and then, "OUCH!", he bit!

And giggled.

Much like the giggle he gave tonight when he was tossing food to Dixie, and I told him, "Nein, Nein," and took the food away.  He asked for it back, nicely, so I gave it and said, "We don't give food to doggies."

He looked at me sweetly, as he proceeded to very quickly sneak Dixie the bread, and then giggled hysterically.

Seriously.  How does one not laugh at that?????

I love that boy.  Adore him.  Cannot imagine my  life without him and am so thankful for the fun (and challenges) he gives me.  I also love that three years ago, in this post on February 25, I said that I LOVED the name Luke.

Long before I knew I would ever be pregnant.  Before I knew I'd be a mom to boys.  Before I even dared to dream that once we lost Matthew, we could still know what healing and restoration felt like in the sweet giggles of a little boy tossing food to dogs.

I loved the name Luke.  Still do...and the sweet little boy to whom I gave that name.

We drove up to Maryland last weekend and were able to visit Matthew's spot.  I love this picture....


  1. You were with me in my dream last night. I don't remember the dream, at all, other than talking in my kitchen ... but I woke up remembering that it was you I was with ... and I've had a lovely day ever since. Thank you! Thinking about you always. xo

  2. One of my son's middle name is Lucas. I love Luke and Lucas. I've always loved those names. Thinking of you and hoping for you during these next couple of weeks.

    Oh - and drink some cherry juice. Trust me, just drink some.

  3. I love the sun shining down on Luke in that picture!

  4. keeping you in my prayers dear friend <3

    what a beautiful photo!