You know, people told me to be on the lookout for the words.
I even thought to myself, as people sweetly emailed or texted or called me to tell me, 'Just wanted to give you the heads up....you'll see some ugly language in your records,' "Well, I probably won't see anything like that and even if I do, whatever."
Yeah, not so much. It's not a, "Whatever," kind of thing.
On Saturday, I got the explanation of benefits for the D&C.
That sucker cost $4634. Good night.
More, Tricare paid it all. Tricare is pretty cheap, by most standards. If they paid it all, that's saying something.
Can I tell you how super fun it is to get an explanation of benefits like that?
Then, putting it in the pile of papers for medical expenses this year, I glanced at my paperwork from Dr. P's the other day. That appointment was to talk about all the recurrent loss testing that Dr. K wanted, as well as what Dr. Sweeney and I talked about and get Dr. P's weigh-in. As he wrote up the lab slip, he kept telling me that testing for all of this stuff was pretty much overkill, in his opinion....that to test for all these issues because Matthew died and because I miscarried Trey was kin to a situation where someone was killed from a gunshot wound, but was tested for cancer during the autopsy.
Totally tragic, but totally unrelated. He then went on, though, to say that he understood why Dr. K and Dr. Sweeney were interested in testing—for some peace of mind for me about this upcoming transfer—and he agreed. That said, however, in order for it to be covered and me not be responsible for thousands of dollars' worth of testing, he needed to diagnose it 'appropriately.' "You are not what I would consider recurrent loss, by any means, Lori, but you've been through a lot of sh*t and you've sadly earned the right to have this testing. I'm sorry for how I have to code it...recurrent loss."
I told him I understood, that it was ok, and I walked out of there not even looking at my slip.
Until right after I looked at my EOB for the D&C.
Infertility Diagnosis Code 629.9— "Habitual Aborter w/out Current Pregnancy".
ONE--I am NOT an aborter. I don't care what the definition is, my baby DIED.
I did not abort him.
I sure as heck did not want to do the D&C, but regardless...I am not an aborter.
TWO—There are many things about which I am habitual—I am an habitual tooth brusher. I am an habitual laundress. I habitually attend church and military spouse meetings.
I am NOT an habitual aborter.
Seriously, Medical Profession—you need to take some time and come up with different language.
If you pledge to First, Do No Harm, then you must know how much those words and that language harm my fragile heart and mind.
Really, really, really stings. Like vinegar on a gaping wound right in the center of me.
Please, for the love of God, come up with something else.
*****Amendment****Janiece, you are SOOOO right. It IS the insurance industry. Totally. My doctors are ALL amazing. Poor Dr. P kept apologizing for having to classify me as Recurrent Loss. I guess now I know what that meant...specifically an Habitual Aborter without a current pregnancy, as if I didn't know I wasn't currently pregnant anymore. Thank you for reminding me—it IS insurance. It's not the doctors and I really, really apologize for saying it was.
My transfer for the two remaining blasts is on target for a week from today. My lining check this morning was fabulous—11.3. The shots stink, but they are shots, for Pete's sake, so they are not a fun day at the beach. All in all, another great process for a Frozen Embryo Transfer.
I'd be 24 weeks this week.
Viable. Trey would be viable.
Instead, I'm transferring again. The inequity and the surreality of it all is overwhelming enough.
The ugly language is just such insult to injury.
Precious friends are with me. We've had such a great time. I am thankful beyond thankful for the hearts that touch mine so deeply. Here's a picture of my Little Love Bug from this week. That boy is pure joy.
Nothing but joy. (And yes, check out the hair!!!! He has some wild hair like his mama and his Great Grandma Gosnell and I LOVE it!)