I still barely breathe.
I can hardly swallow.
I feel like I have been punched in the stomach.
My eyes sting.
My heart is broken.
I miss Matthew. I miss Matthew.
He should be in a cute little Christmas outfit or a snowsuit. I should be hanging his stocking. I should be ALL happy when I see others' baby pictures...not just mostly happy.
My life is forever changed. Everything for the rest of my life will be bittersweet. I have lost a piece of me and I'll never get it back.
I am not the same. I never will be.
I saw on a website a saying that I liked, though....like the butterfly, I have the strength and hope to believe. In time, I'll emerge from my cocoon--transformed.
I'm already transformed...now I just pray to be the person that God is asking me to be.
Matthew---your mommy loves you so much. I'd give anything in the world to have you and hold you. I'm clinging to the hope in seeing you again one day. I'll never let you go then.