Sundays are so bittersweet for me. I love that it is the Lord's day. I love that it is another day that John and I can just be together. I love that it is a day I DON'T have to go to school!
On the other hand, though...Sundays always seem to be like ticking time-bombs for me. Gotta get all the laundry done. Gotta clean the house up. Gotta do LESSON PLANS! Worse, countdown to Monday. Which means I am back at school and back in the day to day to cycle of waiting until the weekend so I have time to do the things I don't get done in the week. And all that equates to the fact that I seem to be just wishing my life away...I hate that.
John told me I have to stop worrying about things, especially the house. (Hey, John, how about tell me to grow while you're at it?) He wonders why I worry about things so far out. Well, here's why--in my mind, worrying now inspires me to do things to fix it now. Then I can stop worrying about it! (And, of course, move on to the next worry) Sadly, that's not how it works, though. What happens is that all the worry turns into more worry which just makes me sick to my stomach, and that's exactly what happened on Friday. I went home early, because I had stomach cramps so severe, my school nurse told me I needed to go to the doctor. Who, lucky for me, told me to go to the ER. And guess what? At the ER, I could help myself to all sorts of fun tests and exams, and enjoy a stomach CT to boot. Realizing that I suffer from IBS (though I haven't had too many problems in the last couple of years) I decided that I would do all I could on the home front before I subject myself to the ER. I know, I know...people die when they decide to go against doctor's orders. In this situation, though, I have a little bit experience of what stress can do to my stomach and truly felt that this was all a result of stress. And, I am thankful to say, it is. I feel better. Not completely back to normal, but WAY better. And I am glad that I held out on the ER, because some of those tests would have been uncomfortable in a normal situation, and would have probably been excruciating on Friday.
Which leads me back to today, Sunday. And that pit in my stomach that says it all starts over. John had to go to Ft. Worth for a few days, so it is just me and the dogs. We've all agreed...we will not stress, we will not stress, we will not stress. We won't.
Even if our agency sent out the weekly update on programs and completely left OUR program out of it. Nary a word. As if it doesn't even exist.
Don't get me started...