Friday, October 22, 2010

Walk To Remember....

Boy, do those words mean so many different things.

I love Nicholas Sparks. I can't read any of his books any more because I cry at enough just in my daily life, much less by purposely adding something, but him.

The first book of his I came to know was A Walk To Remember. I actually heard it as an audiobook, in 2002. John's dad was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2000 and my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2002. Dad's cancer had been treated fairly successfully for 2 years and then we learned that it had metastasized and he had to have another surgery. This was right on the heels of my mom's diagnosis...and John being gone for what seemed like the millionth military exercise. I was living in Jacksonville, NC and my mom and dad were in Savannah and John's mom and dad were in Northern Virginia. I was smack in the middle--about 6 hours north of one set of parents and 6 hours south of the other. I essentially spent the weekends either going north or south, depending on whether or not John was home and/or who seemed to be doing the worst. I went up to help out after dad's surgery (though I'm not sure I helped that much) and got A Walk To Remember to listen to on the drive up (every Cracker Barrel between Fairfax and Savannah on 95 was like a second home to me!).

I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried. And cried some more.

Oh, and I CRIED.


As October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month (yes, along with many other worthy causes month), walks and remembrance ceremonies have taken place all over the world all month. Last Friday was a special night where people all over the world lit a candle at 7 pm in whatever time zone they were in to remember all the babies gone too soon.

Tonight John and I will walk in a different Walk To locally, as we remember our sweet Matthew and the little ones of so, so many others we have come to know and love and miss.

Some days, I just cannot believe how much my heart just misses my sweet boy. How so much love and joy and hope for his brother can coexist with that heartache.

Some days, I just cannot believe how many miracles I've had in my life.


  1. Aw. Beautiful. Clif, myself and a bunch of my family members are participating in a walk to remember tomorrow morning. :)

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  3. (((Lori)))
    Thinking of you guys as you do this walk.
    I am so glad that Brett, Evan and I went to the walk just a few hours from our city. What a special time it turned out to be, and it made me feel closer to Brett.
    I hated the reason for being a part of such an event, yet felt so blessed to have found out about it and to have been a part of it!
    It was a special time to share Zac and to see ALL the names of our children written on the memory tree.

    I understand the mix of emotions as you do this walk missing Matthew so much, yet with the joy of Luke bouncing around inside.
    I understand living with that joy and sorrow intertwined on a daily basis.

    Your picture is absolutely precious.

    Hugs to you all,
    Heather (heathershope - HP)

  4. I love how you have just enough candle light on little Matthew's face. He's so beautiful Lori.

  5. Pictures of your boy get me every time. I'm so sad that these are the types of "Matthew-centric" things that you and John will participate in. You should be attending things like soccer (or football? baseball?) games and school recitals. I'm thankful that you'll get those with Luke, though, and that events like the Walk will help him grow up to understand how much his brother is loved and missed. I hope yesterday was a success (raising money and bringing people together) and that it didn't bother your pregnancy aches and pains much.

  6. Beautiful words...
    Our walk is this Saturday. October has been a busy month, so full of emotions....

  7. I know that you would walk a million miles for Matthew ... there's nothing like the love of a parent (as taught to us by our Father). He is the most beautiful boy I've ever seen and I know his brother will be too.

  8. What a beautiful picture. He is truly angelic.