Walk To Remember....

Boy, do those words mean so many different things.

I love Nicholas Sparks. I can't read any of his books any more because I cry at enough just in my daily life, much less by purposely adding something, but still...love him.

The first book of his I came to know was A Walk To Remember. I actually heard it as an audiobook, in 2002. John's dad was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2000 and my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2002. Dad's cancer had been treated fairly successfully for 2 years and then we learned that it had metastasized and he had to have another surgery. This was right on the heels of my mom's diagnosis...and John being gone for what seemed like the millionth military exercise. I was living in Jacksonville, NC and my mom and dad were in Savannah and John's mom and dad were in Northern Virginia. I was smack in the middle--about 6 hours north of one set of parents and 6 hours south of the other. I essentially spent the weekends either going north or south, depending on whether or not John was home and/or who seemed to be doing the worst. I went up to help out after dad's surgery (though I'm not sure I helped that much) and got A Walk To Remember to listen to on the drive up (every Cracker Barrel between Fairfax and Savannah on 95 was like a second home to me!).

I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried. And cried some more.

Oh, and I CRIED.

Anyway.....

As October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month (yes, along with many other worthy causes month), walks and remembrance ceremonies have taken place all over the world all month. Last Friday was a special night where people all over the world lit a candle at 7 pm in whatever time zone they were in to remember all the babies gone too soon.

Tonight John and I will walk in a different Walk To Remember...one locally, as we remember our sweet Matthew and the little ones of so, so many others we have come to know and love and miss.

Some days, I just cannot believe how much my heart just misses my sweet boy. How so much love and joy and hope for his brother can coexist with that heartache.

Some days, I just cannot believe how many miracles I've had in my life.