I know kids grow up.
I know this is the world in which we live.
And I know they had a choice and I'm grateful they chose life.
There's just something sort of depressing in being pregnant...at the same time as children you taught when they were 7 and 8 years old are ALSO pregnant. And are still children, essentially.
Not depressing for me being pregnant...I guess I wished more for them...not that there is any blessing greater than a child in one's life.
I just wished they'd not gotten there quite so soon.
And yes, it's sort of frustrating that I got here so, so, so, so many years later. Those young women were the same sweet little girls telling me, "Mrs. Ennis, I wish you were my mom! You'll be great when you have a baby."
And who would have dreamed they'd grow up and get pregnant and I'd STILL be missing the pitter patter of little feet?
Not me, that's who.
Oh Lori, I think of this often....at times I feel like I should not have waited for everything to be so "perfect" and maybe being younger would have been on my side...who knows...all I know is that you WILL have those pitter patter sounds soon enough..I mean i dont "know, know" but I do pray!!! I cant even bring myself to watch 16 and pregnant it just PISSES me off so much..!!
ReplyDeleteIt was hard for me too when I didn't get pregnant again and the clock kept ticking. Now that I'm an "older" mama of a 3 year old I will say that there are benefits to the age thing. I like to think that I'm more mature than when I was younger and maybe wiser. Every day,week, month & year you have had to wait will make you all that more appreciative of your children and a better Mommy. Can't wait to see you experience life with your new little one! I have former students with babies now too and yes it does make me feel old but there are alot of us older Moms out there. You'll find the when you look!
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more....I just try to push it to the back of my mind, as I can not change things.
ReplyDeleteHUGS and love, as you begin a new week :)
I get exactly what you mean....... My clock is ticking at a faster pace due to my Hashimoto's I have never had fertility problems and now they have hit me full force! My doc. said that they will run all the test that they would on a 35+ year old woman if I do get pregnant again.
ReplyDeleteI will tell you though we were older when we had our 3rd son and we have enjoyed him so much more than we did the first to. Age gives you maturity and wisdom which in return allows you to enjoy raising your children.
I am so excited for you to get this rainbow baby home in your arms. You are going to be the best mommy!!!
My very best friend had that same moniker attached to her name. She's 8 years older than I am. I'm not a "young" mom, even though I LOOK really young, but I have so appreciated her example and wisdom in my journey through motherhood. If she weren't the age she is I'm not sure she would have the maturity and joy that she does ... sometimes thr "youngins" are really lacking that, and I am so blessed to have her as a kind of guidepost. You have wanted this for so long and longed with all of your heart and you will be the mother that those girls look up to and connect with by your example. I pray they can see God's design in this. I pray that they can come to have such abundant love and longing like you have and know how blessed they are by the simplicity and ease of creation in their bodies, when it has been such a struggle for others. Love you! xoxo
ReplyDeletehi lori, you're in good company with us oldies! it must be hard working with young ones . everyone does things in life at their own pace, nothing is normal , there are no should be's in my books. we don't have menopause, therefore we are of breeding age, same as all the other women, some of whom are 20 years younger than me. i've lived a great life so far, haven't had to give anything up ( except the obvious...harvey) i am so happy to be where i am right now, sending you loads of love and grandma kisses lol xxx
ReplyDeleteI have often felt the same way with my career being what it is. After my first loss it was tough going back to work and being confronted by pregnant teens who needed me as their counselor.
ReplyDeleteIt is certainly hard to watch babies have babies. No doubt. But I made sure not to combine thinking of THEIR pregnancies with MY situation. Because they really are not at all related. And so much of what makes me upset when it comes to my history of IF and loss has to do with others seemingly being able to bring healthy babies into the world without any effort or anxieties. After awhile I just MADE MYSELF look at things as individual events. (eg: teen pregnancy = not good. your IF and loss of Matthew = tragic. But I don't add A+B to get an even more torturous C.)
I'm not trying to tell you how to feel. You own your feelings quite well :). Just thought I would tell you how I haven't crumbled under the pressure of counseling pregnant children in light of my own situation.
And I will have you know that I started a gmail account JUST FOR YOU!! :)
Its so hard not to feel that way when you see young people pregnant who you know are not ready to be the responsible parents that a child deserves & yet those of us who are trying so hard struggle. It is a puzzle in this world that I will never really understand.
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by my blog & your kind words. I'm sorry you know the pain of our loss all too well.
XOXO
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteSending lots of hugs your way. I am sorry you were feeling this way today. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I know I have not been around the blogging world recently but I want you to know I think of you often and keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDelete