Wednesday, January 16, 2013

One Day Down...

No, I don't plan to count down like that every day.  With our deployment quilt strips, I will, but I will drive myself nuts if I count out day by day by day...

But, seeing as today was our first day down, I thought for Luke to remember, I'd share how it went.

All week, I've been a mess.  Every time we did something together, in my head, I'd think, "This is the last...." and I'd start tearing up.  Especially the last two nights.  Because I had to take John to the appointed place (a decent drive) in the weeeeee hours of the morning, he was worried about how I'd drive home by myself.

Luke not interested in a family pic!
Trains with Daddy before his last bedtime...sure is a lot of construction going on in Sodor, huh?
Last Snuggle Baby with daddy after bath...



I was fine.  Really.  I teared up a bit when I left him, but honestly, as I said yesterday, my heart is hurting so.much.more for HIM and for what he is missing with Luke.  My missing him feels sort of secondary, if that makes sense.

Before he packed out...
Waiting to go on...without us.

I got home veeeerrrrry early this am, giving me just a few hours to sleep before Luke had to get up for school.  I didn't sleep much, and honestly, felt like the whole drop-off was a dream in a way.  I got up earlier than I had to, read my devotionals, checked FB and blog (so many sweet, sweet comments, thank you!) and was fine.

I dropped Luke (who was a bit cranky because he's really been into sleeping in these days) off at school  and headed right over to the car fix-it place.  (Yes, that's what I call it.  Well, really, I call it that place that Matt works.  Matt is our mechanic.)  I needed an oil change, and John told me to have Matt tell me how my tires look.
Our first morning without Daddy starts!

Guess what I'll be replacing next Tuesday?  Four tires.  Woohoo!

After, I had an already scheduled counseling session (convenient, no?) and it was fine.

I was fine.  No tears, not really even talking too much about the deployment...fine.

I picked Luke up from school—he had a great morning (as usual) and we came home for a nap.  For both of us!  It was great.

Except it wasn't.  I woke up and had that sick feeling in my stomach.

The "Yes, it's for real," feeling.

I needed to run a couple of errands, so Luke and I went out and as we were driving, I started crying.

Natalie Grant's "The Real Me" came on and that got me.  Not enough that Luke (who loves playing with his trains in the back seat!) even knew, but enough to catch me and remind me, "Crud.  This is gonna be a loooooooong year!"

"But you see the real me...Hiding in my skin, broken from within.
Unveil me completely...I'm loosening my grasp, There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me.

Wonderful, beautiful is what you see,
When you look at me, You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into a perfect tapestry..."

In my defense, it was fast.  Considering this morning I'd been doing great and really feeling like it was going to be flying by, the brief period of UGH this afternoon was very quickly replaced again with, "It'll be ok."

Luke and I ate dinner.  Well, mostly me, but he ate more than he often does and we made a little video for Daddy.  He started throwing a fit (I mean FIT) because I wouldn't let him watch Wonderpets while I did the dishes (such a two-year old!) We did bath (he calmed down!) and read our new book, The Story for Little Ones.  As he sat in my lap quietly listening and interested, I breathed.

It'll be ok.  It will.  I have things planned for the better part of the year, we'll do some R&R and then the holidays will make the time go by until he's home.

Right?

It will.

It will.


Luke loves to "Pay...pay...pay!" (Play...he is often saying, "Play? Toys? Playing!" and loves the parks and playgrounds!

John didn't know but I snuck in this wristband from Luke's birthday.  I wanted him to have a little something precious to both of us while there, and he was worried about losing anything so he wouldn't let me order or send him with anything.  He'll be surprised to get this when he gets there and unpacks...it barely fit over the top of Luke's wrist two years later!
My deployment nightstand books and magazines...some are not just deployment ones, they are ones I've been trying to get to but haven't had time.  Here's the perfect OPPORTUNITY, right?


Nothing at all to do with deployment, but I find it HILARIOUS that my TWO YEAR OLD is getting invites from his  urologist to attend an erectile dysfunction seminar.
Good grief.



4 comments:

  1. I always found that last week or so before Chris left to be so hard! I was ready to start getting it over with, already! You are on your way to getting it over with, much love headed your way. Let me know if you want a change of scenery, we'd love to see you in SC.

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  2. Lori, I have read and prayedl for years with you, as I too experienced infertility. After our miracle arrival via adoption our life was perfect. 5 years later my husband was diagnosed with leukemia...thankfully he held on for 7 years till our son was 12. God was so good to us... I sit tonight next to my grandson, who is also tow! Know you will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Please be careful with what you post....did you realize you included your address in this post?

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