I remember feeling sick to my stomach and not wanting to take the test because I was so scared it would be negative.
Karie standing beside me and saying, "I see something. It's turning."
Luke watching Praise Baby and "Shout To The Lord" came on. Exactly what I felt like doing.
Incredulous...
Disbelief that these sweet little embryos...
Let me know what this looked like for the third time in my life....
I remember. Even if no one else remembers this day as being just as significant as March 19 or May 14 to me, I remember. Those are the days I was given a gift that is beyond all treasure.
Some Mommies do amazing things in memory. Have releases. Throw parties. Start foundations. Write books.
Some Mommies block the memory. Say that their miscarriage wasn't 'as bad' as 'losing a baby'. Prefer to see the loss of their baby early in pregnancy as a painful part of a road that eventually brought them the living little one(s) they now hold and may not have, had their miscarried baby survived. Guard their hearts.
I get it.
The pain is real. It is hard. It hurts. We do whatever we have to do to make it through, and I certainly get it. No judgement. Just sorrow that anyone ever has to figure out how to navigate these days.
Days that no matter what, we remember.
No matter what we choose to do or how we choose to remember, we remember.
Mommies always remember.
Anytime I have to go to a new Dr. or to urgent care and they ask me the dreaded question of " have you every had any surgery" My heart aches and I always take a deep breath as not let the tears come up because I remember, I remember and having to say I had to have a DNC because we lost or baby stings every time. I remember when I look at my children that came after my lost, I remember and I wonder what if.
ReplyDeleteYes, we do remember...and when it comes to our friends who have also lost sweet babies, we remember with them too. Thinking of you and baby Trey today. <3
ReplyDeletei remember with you.... xoxoxoxxoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and your boys, praying for you.
ReplyDeleteAlways praying for you and your Matthew and your Trey. xo
ReplyDeleteRemembering Trey with you. So sad that Luke is a big brother and a little brother but will have to wait til Heaven to fully enjoy those relationships. It's just not fair.....Praying for you as you remember all your boys...
ReplyDelete