Freeze, time! Freeze!

I cannot believe my sweet little Luke is 17 weeks old! I still feel like he is just newly born and we are practically fresh out of the hospital. Time is moving way too quickly--I didn't even get a chance to post his 16 weeks update last week. He just can't be this big already!!!

Clothes don’t lie, though! It seems like I take a few outfits out of his wardrobe on a daily basis—outfits that don’t fit anymore and used to seem SO big to me!! Even his Easter outfit surprised me! I thought it was going to be too long for him and lo and behold, it fit just fine. In fact, with his fluffy cloth diaper bottom, it might have been called snug!

I went shopping for summer clothes for him last week and while I love shopping for all the sweet little things out there, I got so nostalgic and weepy right in the middle of the Carter’s store as I saw outfits that were teeny, tiny and wouldn’t come close to fitting him. I saw the “Little Brother” outfit I had bought for him before he was born…I bought the newborn size, and it was big! My little peanut needed preemie, and now he is pretty much exclusively in 3-6 months clothing. Some Gymboree things (they run big!) are still 0-3, but those 0-3 outfits are few and far between. Heck, in just a week of buying things last week, there are already two or three 3-6 month outfits that are iffy for fitting!

I feel like time is spinning out of control—I never seem to have enough of it. Enough to get things I want to get done done and enough of it to prolong Luke’s babyhood. Every single day, I am more and more aware of how I need to soak in every second I can because I blink and they are GONE!

Last week, he hit the 13 lbs. mark, barely. It put him in the 24th percentile. Yesterday I weighed him and he was 13 lbs., 11 oz. and this put him in the 29th percentile. I think he is going through a growth spurt, even though he's still on the low end of the charts. Considering it took him a while to get on the chart at all, I still am ok with that. I shudder to even think about where I am on a chart! Oh wait, I’m not. Guess the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, huh?

His first Easter had Grandma and cousin Andi visit, with Aunt Pretty, Uncle Puny and cousins Zach and Ryan visiting a bit right before. He enjoyed all the antics done to entertain him, and gave out lots and lots of smiles. He didn’t really do much for Easter this year, save ‘help’ Mommy make a bunny cake. In his Easter basket were books a few toys and things for the beach this summer in NC! We plan to have quite an enjoyable beach summer!

After Easter service, we went to Matthew’s grave and planted a few hyacinths. We’ve finally gotten the bench in; our precious L&D nurses gathered together for a nice bench and as Luke is older, John imagines that we might spend some nice sunny days there…eating lunch or reading books and just remembering how special Matthew is in our family. As much as I don’t like being ‘tied’ to a grave, I will miss quiet, reflective moments there while we are in Jacksonville. I am so grateful to those who have told me that they visit, or will visit while we are gone. The thought that his grave may go untended or unkempt breaks my heart. When I walk by graves like that, I always feel so terribly for the deceased—it’s as if their life doesn’t matter to someone any more and the thought that someone might think that of Matthew’s terrifies me.

That baby boy matters as much today as he did the day he was born and he will when I take my last breath.

I want him to matter to Luke, too.

Luke is such a smiley, smiley baby! He almost always wakes up with a smile, and he gives them pretty freely to just about anyone. He has special ones just for me, though, and they make me melt. Not only does he give this big, sweet grin; he gives this adorable little head tilt that kind of says, “Aww, shucks, mommy….you really think I’m that great?” Seriously, the kid is just too cute. He makes me laugh out loud sometimes when I feed him because every now and then, he’ll just stop and look up at me and grin. With a coy little smile and twinkling eyes—like he is just tickled to pieces over something. He also gives some of the funniest looks with his eyes—he bulges his eyes wide open as if to say, “WHAT?” and he is often furrowing his brows inquisitively as if he’s not quite sure of what the situation is and he wants to analyze it a tad bit more. He cracks me up with how sweet and huge his grins are and then seconds later how he can look so intensely and inquisitively!

He is slowly but surely reaching for more things, and is very capable in grasping them—and then bringing them directly to his mouth! Most everything tries to go to his mouth, including his fists still. He had a breakthrough on Good Friday, though—he opened his fist enough to find his THUMB! He isn’t consistent in sucking it, but then again, he’s not all that consistent in sucking on his paci, either…I have a feeling that he will be more of a thumb/finger sucker as he realizes more how easily accessible it is! Still hating tummy time, but we do it regularly. About the only time he fusses is tummy time or when he’s tired. Often, it’s because he is TIRED of TUMMY TIME! I know it's too early to get an idea of him being left- or right-handed, but he NEVER reaches for anything with his right hand and ALWAYS reaches with his left. Seriously, I have yet to see him put his right hand out for anything. If I put something within his right hand's reach, he'll clasp it and bring it to his mouth, but he definitely favors reaching with his left!

I decided to wait until 6 months to introduce solids. I got some really thoughtful and thought-provoking advice and looked more into why I should wait until 6 months rather than begin at 4. There’s lots out there that really gives good reasoning for an exclusively breast fed baby to not have solids introduced until 6 months, and I’m inclined to agree with it. The caveats are often for babies with reflux or weight issues, and while those were my main reasons for starting cereal and fruits soon, the medicine helps his reflux and I am ok with his weight. No, he’s not a big baby, but he’s more than ample (just look at the chub!) for his frame and I’d rather get all the benefit of exclusively nursing for 6 months that I can. So…won’t get to use my awesome baby-food maker for a bit longer, but all in all, I feel really good about that decision.

Sleep is still not consistent, though we’ve had several rays of hope! One night, he went for 8 straight hours without me having to get up to feed him! The next night, he went 7. The next night, he went 6. See where that was going? That’s the inconsistency…but at least I am learning more about his ability and needs during the night. We had to get back into routine after family visiting for Easter and taking a little road trip with Daddy to Philadelphia overnight and for the last few nights, he's gone for 7-9 hours from feed to feed. I am glad to see some (hopefully) patterning coming out, but I of course am still not getting that sleep! I wake up every so often looking at the monitor to make sure he's still ok, or for the last few hours of his sleep stretch, I am uncomfortable while my body works out his feeding schedule and demands. The average baby his age sleeps between 14-15 hours and he sleeps on average 12-13 hours...I may try to start him to bed a bit earlier to see if we can squeeze a bit more sleep in, but last night, he wasn't all that thrilled with the prospect. So, he may just not be ready to go to bed earlier and we'll just play things by ear. He doesn't give me very many cues for when he's hungry or wet or even uncomfortable, but he sure does let me know when he's tired, so I'm grateful for that.

We had the follow-up appointment with the dermatologist. His cradle crap seems to be doing ok--getting a slight bit better in some places, but worse in others, I thought. She definitely now thinks there is some eczema in addition to the seborrhea, so we will probably be seeing the allergist in the next year or two if things don't clear up a bit on their own. Dermatologists and allergists differ in their theories of allergies and eczema--Allergists tend to feel that allergens cause and aggravate the eczema while dermatologists don't necessarily feel that way but definitely feel that eczema and allergies often exist co morbidly. Either way, he's hit the allergy jackpot with our family, so I wouldn't be surprised with either. I'd try some elimination of foods, but honestly, I have to really work to put dairy IN my diet, and when I eliminate, I don't notice much difference in his skin. The treatment is the same, regardless, and she told us that even though he can't really reach and scratch because of his coordination, it is probably still uncomfortable for him (it's like baby psoriasis and sometimes will even bleed!) so we need to treat him. I always worry about over-treating, but his dermatologist is a mom who is pregnant with another child, and calls Luke her favorite patient. And she's smart--so I don't have any doubt that she looks out for Luke. As always, grateful for the wonderful and compassionate care we have in our medical providers!

Here are some pics from this week and last:

Cousin Zach is so sweet with him!

Luke's first Easter Bunny cake! (Daddy couldn't find the string licorice for me, so we improvised a hare. Get it? Hare?!)

Officially found and am using my thumb!

Cousin Ryan does all sorts of stuff to amuse me!

Mommy is home alone a lot of hours.

Luke had several Easter outfits! He was wearing something new from Maundy Thursday to two outfits on Easter Sunday!

"Hmm...what should we do today???? Loving this warm weather!"

Yep, that's a muffin top. Boy's got some chub!

SnuggleBaby time after bath!

Yes, Mommy commandeers my playmat to hang with me!

Little brothers ARE Awesome!

I don't know where she comes up with these clothes!!!!

She seems to have fun, though, so I guess I'll indulge her!!!!!