I Do Not Love This...

...but oh, how I am thankful to God for it every single day.

That he lives.

That he grows.

That he learns and laughs and loves and turns into this amazing and hilarious little character right.in.front.of.my.very.eyes.

It's my daily prayer—that he turns into an outstanding young man of God who lives a long, long, long time.

Far longer than his Mama or Daddy because I don't think our hearts could take something happening to him also.

Tomorrow is his last day of 'school'.

In reality, it's a Parents Morning Out program he goes to two mornings a week and has since September.  I didn't want him to go, initially, and I was ready to yank him out the second he gave any indication he didn't absolutely love it.

Well, that indication never came.  He loves it.  Loves his teachers, loves playing and doing art projects and just being part of a group of kids.

Sigh.

I'm so glad he loves it.  Has loved it.  I am grateful he's had care that far exceeded any expectations I had for basically what I considered glorified babysitting.  It has been so, so much more and he's enjoyed it so much.  He will miss it this summer, that is for sure.

And I miss these days.  I miss the days I know that are already gone before they are here.

I want him to grow.
I want him to learn.
I want him to be independent and take initiative and be proud of himself when he goes potty like a big boy.

But he's not a big boy.
He's my baby.
The only one I get to hold and hug and carry in my arms.

And I can barely type without crying thinking of how bittersweet it is that I have to take him to his very last first 'pre-school' class tomorrow.

How when I was pregnant with him, I begged, begged, begged God for these days...days that would let me see what he was like past several hours born on earth.

Now, I can't even get his diapers together to sell (which, btw, are going for FABULOUS prices—yahoo, cloth diapers!) because I am not ready to admit that my baby doesn't really need diapers anymore.

No, I do not love this turning into a little boy and leaving babyhood behind one.single.bit...but man, oh, man...I am so grateful.

And I guess I'm not being truly honest when I say not one.single.bit because he is turning into such a hilarious little boy!  He is such a character.  He has these favorite Hulk sunglasses with green lenses.  The kid wears them everywhere.  All the time.  Inside and out.  People look at him and laugh and he just swaggers on like he's got this own internal drummer giving a beat only he can hear. Love.

He is saying "No!" quite a bit more, and while it gets a little frustrating, it still is SO not 'terrible' as the twos can be.  He is mellow and easy and (mostly) compliant but at the same time, fun and silly and pushing his little envelopes with me.  He knows he is doing it, too, because as he does, he looks at me with this little look on his face that you can just tell is about to break out in huge giggles if I just even break in the slightest.

And I do.  Often.  Because he.cracks.me.up.

I adore him.

Just adore him.

Grateful doesn't even come close to expressing it, but I am.