Dear Precious Little One....

Mommy's been busy. I'll tell you more about it later, when I have more energy and time, but I could not let this day end without letting you know what an amazing daddy you have. I used to tell Matthew all the time, and honestly, once Matthew could hear our voices, I have no doubt that he (literally) leaped for joy when he heard your daddy read to him. He'd bounce and kick and a few times, he'd even kick right at daddy's ear or mouth (if he talked really close to my tummy) and it would just make daddy giggle.

Your daddy was very, very excited about your brother coming into our world and I'm only half joking when I say that if he could have carried Matthew, he would have.

You should know that your daddy already loves you very much and is so, so hopeful to meet you and hold you and raise you. If you are a girl, he wants you to have a destination wedding. If you are a boy, he wants you to find a girl who wants to have a destination wedding.

That's how far he's planning for you. Heck, he's even planning how things will be when you have a little boy or girl of your own.

Your daddy is desperate for you to come home, and so am I. Every morning, the first thing I do is thank God for a new day and beg Him to keep you safe and alive. Before I go to sleep, the last thing I do is thank God for another day and beg Him to keep you safe and alive.

So does your daddy.

Your daddy will do whatever he can possibly do to make sure you never suffer or hurt. He will cheer you on in your every endeavor and he will read to you and tickle you and teach you how to fish and how to talk mommy into more ice cream. He will be your biggest champion and he will also be your softest touch when you want something.

He would give his life for you.

And if it is within his power, you will never be alone at your weakest. He will hold you in his arms until your dying breath, if he can and the situation arises. He's already shown the strength of his love for his children with your brother, and you are no less precious and loved in his eyes.

You are his new hope and you are his prayer for restored joy answered.

You are a very, very lucky little boy or girl to have a man as wonderful as daddy to be your daddy, and though today was a very hard day because we missed your brother, we are so grateful that on a special day like Father's Day, you were with us and give us hope for new days.

Your daddy loves you more than you can possibly imagine, and so do I. I can't wait to see you tomorrow.

Much Love,
Mommy

Rockin' Father's Day Gift!

Ok, I try (or at one time, tried) to pride myself on being a good gift-giver. I really like getting someone a great gift and often like it better than getting gifts...so, when we heard the baby's heartbeat last week at Dr. Polko's, on her hand-held heart monitor, I thought, "That's cool...wonder how much those are?" Well, I looked online, researched and found one of two that kept rising to the top...the Hi Bebe 200 (the other was a Sonictrax) and it was $115 (free shipping) at Amazon.com. So, I used a gift card that some very sweet parents gave to me, threw in some $ I had been saving for a girlfriend's weekend in Myrtle Beach and voila...bought one for John for Father's Day.

As you well know, yesterday was pretty emotional for me because I was just about fed up with the injustices of the world, and frankly, was really worried something was wrong with baby. Even though her heart rate was fine at the hospital, I'd been a bit crampy and where I'd normally not worry, the accident makes me second-guess every little twinge. So, when miracle of all miracles, the monitor arrived on the front porch yesterday, I tore that baby open and went to town.

Unfortunately, all I could find was a heartbeat that was about 85-90 beats. Of course, I FREAK out...it was 172 the other day. I called the doctor, but they were closed. I Googled and saw HR needed to be 120-180...so, I panicked...John called to let me know he was on his way home (he was in an airport in Indianapolis) and I just broke down....

"John, (sob, sob)...I got you (sob) a Father's Day gift and I used it and I think (sob, sob, sob) the baby's not well."

"What did you get?"

"(Sobbbbbb) A fetal heart Doppler...and the baby's heartbeat is only 80-90...(soooooooooobbbbbbb)"

"Lori. That is probably your heartbeat."

"NOT DOWN THERE! I KNOW WHERE MY HEART IS! (SOOOOOOBBBB, SOOOOOBBBBB, SOOOOBBBB)"

"Lori. It's Doppler. You'll hear it. Really. Just rest, I'll do it when I get home. I'm sure it's fine."

Well darn it all if my boy's not every bit as smart as I always swear he is. I Googled (again) and realized that indeed, you DO hear your heartbeat, and need to make sure you find the baby's, NOT YOURS. Duh. Perhaps that is why some medical practitioners prefer people not to have too much technology because they FREAK like me.

So...I Googled (AGAIN) for videos, filled my bladder a bit more, and 30 minutes later, found not only my heartbeat again (still 85-90) but baby's as well! The LCD rate display is not as great as I'd like but it was registering between 153-163 and I was JUST fine with that. WHEW!

So what does John (who called me a knucklehead) want to do the SECOND I come home? Look for baby's heartbeat. Which we heard, and measured to be between 159-168. So not only do we have some reassurance every now and then between doctor visits, I scored LEGENDARY on the Father's Day gift!

In other news, unfortunately, my car? Total loss. We'll be looking this weekend. Sigh.