Busy bees burn out fast!

Well...I have the best of intentions and worst of applications sometimes with the things I plan to do with my time. One thing was to get pictures of the beautiful little blanket my co-worker made for Emma on here. So, here they are...



I just can't say how generous she was and how thoughtful her thinking of us is.

Also, Emma's bedding came in! We visited mom's this weekend to help fix up after some remodeling and I took it to show her. Turns out a framed cross stitch work that mom did long ago and was in John's room will go perfectly with her bedding colors, and therefore will have a spot in the nursery. Here are pictures of both...the cross stitch doesn't show the colors as vividly as they are, but they do match rather nicely!




We also got news that our dossier had been given to the Kyrgyz embassy last Thursday and we should expect to wait another 30 days or so for it to be released! I'm very excited about that, and content with the pace things are moving and the direction they are going! Love it when plans come together.

So..now, busy at school, busy at home, busy everywhere. I am going to see OPOTB (Old Perverts on the Block) Thursday and look forward to hanging out with Nanci and hopefully walking down memory lane (and not into the gates of hell)!

I know, I know...

Can you say lockdown (without shaking)?

Well...first, go here...

Now...factor in that the bank is barely a mile, if that from my school. Add in that the place the robbers left the first car is at the end of the street from my school. Join that with the complete roadblocks of any road that leads to (or from) my school and put lock down words in quotes and you have my morning.

I will not lie. I was scared. When one hears words they know signify something of mal intent on the horizon, and realizes that it was not planned, one tends to worry about the sweet little 7-year olds in her care. Hypothetically speaking, of course. I have been part of a lock down before, in North Carolina, and that was scary, but somewhat removed. Hearing helicopters ON TOP OF YOU and knowing they are searching for someone (or someones)in your back yard, and you are not exactly sure of what is going on is very disconcerting. And let me tell you, anyone who underestimates the ability of kids to correctly assess the gravity of a situation is just plain wrong. My kids are SMART and asked SMART questions and had SMART responses. I was very proud of them, and once I found out (officially) that we were pretty much taking precautionary measures, I made sure to praise them! Observant little buggers, though! One parent, who very sweetly thanked me for taking care of her baby (my pleasure) told me that her son said he wasn't scared, but that he knew I was a little worried because my hand was shaking when I was trying to text John (to find out WHAT THE HECK WAS GOING ON!). A little worried. Bless his heart. The fact that once our doors were reopened and the kids acted as if they had not even been aware of a situation tells me that I did well, and so did my school, in a scary situation. Thank goodness that woman and her children are safe, and thank goodness those bad men decided to take their dough and GET AWAY! Leave the babies ALONE!

What am I in for?

Okay, friends...remember when I was SOOOOOO psyched to go see the New Kids On The Block concert with my dear friend Nanci???

Well...that psyched-ness has now given way to fear. Fear because I bought the CD, thinking it would be good to know some of the new songs and I am just so disappointed I can't even begin to tell you. (Okay, well, obviously that isn't true as I sit here and type about it, but I'm trying to express my state of mind!)

Songs like "Sexify My Love" and "Dirty Dancing"--which are pretty explicit in their innuendo, as well as "Lights, Camera, Action" (imagine making your own porno) and "Full Service" (where you don't even have to get out of your car) are truly terrifying me. NOT so much because I think they will play more of these new trash songs instead of the old, bubble-gum songs I want to hear, but more because this is the type of trash that girls all over this country (and now the world, as they have international concert dates) listen to and are swayed by and DON'T NEED TO HEAR. One song talks about how they are content with their girlfriend at home but there's this one "shorty" and, well...he can take a shower when he gets home so she won't know. WHAT THE HECK???? On what planet is it okay to propagate the idea that cheating on one's significant other is OK? Oh, wait, this one. More specifically, this country. And, sadly for Nanci (who loved Donnie) a majority of the songs (that one too) were written by him--or at least co-written. No wonder he's recently divorced. Maybe the plumbing wasn't working in his house the night he was dirty dancing.

I am so disheartened by all of this.

I hate to say it, but even if they DON'T play any of these songs at the concert, I will still probably have a hard time simply because I know what degrading and demeaning words they are standing behind. After listening to a lot of those songs, I feel like I need a shower myself.

So. Here's my plan. I am VERY excited to get to see Nanci again next week, and we will be sure to enjoy a nice dinner and wonderful conversation. THEN, at the concert, I know they will just take us down memory lane, probably play that Summertime song that is popular (and isn't THAT terrible, comparatively) and we will have a fun evening.

And then, I will have to pretty much leave the New Kids back on the block.
The chopping block, that is.

Random Acts

Well, what a great way to start my day! (And I was right, my weekend was WAY too short!)

A sweet, thoughtful and generously spirited woman works at my school. The kids all affectionately call her Mrs. K (which is good because I SO can't spell her last name!) and she is the pre-school para-professional. She is kind and always interested in others, and I know that she has SOOO much going on in her own life, but makes time for everyone else.

This morning, as I was signing in, she had a big box with a card on it. The card said "Emma J. Ennis" and I just couldn't believe what she was doing...she was giving me a present for my sweet baby girl--and we don't even KNOW where or who she is!! Inside the box was a beautiful blanket, hand-knitted with Italian nylon (very soft and durable) and decorated with knitted roses. I just couldn't do anything but cry, and remember that there are SO many wonderful people by whom I am surrounded! This woman has so many things going on in her own life, trust me, but still took the time to make something for my little girl...amazing. I was very easily and wonderfully reminded that God's love shines in so many ways and I'm so blessed to see it.

Now, of course being me, I left the flipping box at school this afternoon because I was in a hurry to go get my allergy shot, so I will post a picture of it tomorrow. I just can't say how deeply I was touched.

And, I have to say this because it is driving me MAD. I HATE HATE HATE those stupid verification boxes when leaving comments for blogs. I have no idea what drunkard puts those things together, but I DON'T READ DRUNK SO WELL. PLEASE MAKE THEM A BIT EASIER TO READ!!

Ahh...I feel better.

When I am president, weekends will be longer!!

Okay, maybe a few adventures in my life may not allow me to run for president, but if I DID and if I WON, you can believe that weekends would be longer. It's just Friday evening and it already feels like the weekend is over--and only because I am just thinking of all we have going on! Hail and Farewell tonight, moving friends tomorrow, church, errands and clean-up Sunday...and let me stress clean-up could take days just by itself! I'm tired already!

I ordered Emma's bedding on the 8th and still haven't gotten it yet, so I'm going to have to contact them this weekend as well. It seems like it was a smaller company from which I ordered, so they may not even be open this weekend. I have to say, when putting myself through college, I did so in retail jobs. I HATED retail hours, but as a consumer, I always understood them. So, here's hoping this company does as well.

Off to start the chain of events that are my weekend...

We've been translated!!!

Dear John and Lori,

Today I finished printing the translations, copying and legalizing your dossier.

The dossier, plus 2 copies and the check for Carol are all in a box to be delivered on Thursday.

Carol will take your dossier to the US Dept of State next week – it takes several days as only a 15 docs per day can be hand delivered.

Then when she has them all authenticated she will do the copies of the authentications – then she be ready to submit your dossier to the Embassy.

Carol anticipates sometime next week.

I will let you know!

Have a great day!


The above is from our caseworker and was received about an hour ago!! Hooray! We were told about 2-3 weeks, and according to the timeline above, we've been waiting for 3 weeks and 5 days...not too bad! I'm VERY excited about the process...Ally said that it shouldn't be at the Embassy for more than a month, before it heads to Kyrgyzstan, so...that means that our little Emma docs may be in her country at the beginning of November!!! Wouldn't that be lovely? Here's praying for everyone who ends up touching this dossier and getting it to where it needs to be and doing what needs to be done!!

Didn't even have to beg!

Well, this weekend, we had to go 'to town' as it basically is called here in good old Southern Maryland, and we went to Waldorf...which is not really a town at all, but a little closer than Annapolis (my pick ANY day) and as we had a football game to get back for (and thank goodness we were able to watch the near loss...hmmm...) we (rather, John) didn't want to be out all day. Sooo... since we were going, I had a few things to look for, and since they were at the mall, which is where John wanted to go anyway, that was ok. Then we needed to go to Petco so we could get some filtering apparatus--whatever. I knew that Babies 'R' Us was in the same shopping center, though, so I asked if we could go there, just to show John what kind of furniture I was thinking about (and secretly to look for Maria's little Ellie's valance for her room...no luck, though)and John said, "Yes." No eye roll. No *sigh* "Yes." No "Hon, I didn't....(this is how he always tries to start of his admonishment, condescension, disagreement, whatever---"Hon," like that makes it better)"

Simply, "Yes." Rather, "Okay."

And when in Babies 'R' Us, I didn't immediately go to cribs, but car seats and strollers, and he followed AND even commented...of course the comments were, "Pink and BROWN? Yuck." (this was the Britax Marathon he was looking at)"You want WHITE furniture? What about the dark wood?" Or, his all time go-to remark, "Of COURSE you like that one...it's the most expensive," which is not really fair because I am truthfully pretty cheap, I just like the thought of the best that I can have for my baby and if it is a little more money, well...so we don't eat out next weekend.

In any event, the point is that he didn't put up a fight, he looked at things, gave some comments, which I will heartily file away under the "He won't know the difference/care/bother to complain about it anyway" category, and was almost a little bit interested. Emma will be one spectacularly lucky little girl, because doing all this NOW is a HUGE step for her daddy...I can only imagine what it will be like for John when she's with us. I might as well start buying all the "Daddy's Girl" gear I can now. Although, our spoiled little Dixie Belle already has a ton of that stuff anyway because she is SOOOO her daddy's dog. Guess she'll have to learn what it feels like to be second fiddle (and I third!) soon enough...since she was 5 pounds, 9 ounces at 6 weeks old, that's how I have felt! I'll be glad to show her the ropes!!

WOOOSH....

...is what my dear friend Natalie said she could literally feel as she read my post the other day, and I guess she is right. It was a frustrated rant (like I said, the rants and raves of my life) and I think dug at something deeper than worries I have for Emma. By something deeper, I mean insecurities and feelings I have about myself. Which is more than I feel like writing (or thinking) about right now.

So...on that note, no news on the adoption (other than it is still in translation) and I don't really expect much news these days.

Started choir again last night and I found out I have to commit to a vocal evaluation. Now, I see both sides of the choir coin--the worship choir leads and inspires and should obviously be an inspiring and leading group. It is a ministry. BUT, I also feel like those who want to make joyful noises (and yes, I can make some noise) should be able to without being told that due to their voice, choir isn't the ministry for them. I can't sing. I sing along. I am not bad when I have someone to listen to and mimic...in fact, I'm even ok. But by myself...umm...well, anyway...I figure I'll go and see. If I feel intimidated (moreso than I already am) I'll just obviously not do it. And then never show my face again.

Ha ha. Just kidding.

Sort of.

Why does blood have to be thicker?

Friends, let me preface this with telling you it is probably not of any interest to you, and definitely more laundry than I should air, but feel like just getting it off my chest. So, with that in mind, keep reading if you bother...

That being said, if anyone in my family reads this (though I doubt many family members do) take nothing personally. If you do, I am sorry.

I've said that my conception was not one of the best circumstances. My mom was in love with, and ditched by, the sperm donor. She met and married my dad when I was a baby, and the rest has been history.

My mom died five years ago. My dad met a very nice woman a little later and remarried. I am very happy that he's happy. I know he loves her and she makes him happy, and though my parents didn't always have the shining example of a loving marriage I hope to have for Emma (gotta keep working on that one J ) I know my mom would want him happy and I am glad he is. His new wife is a nice woman, and I have always liked her and been glad she makes my dad happy. She has two daughters, who were near adult when they married, and they are just that to me...my dad's wife's daughters. Perhaps if I had lost my mom when I was a child and he remarried and we became a blended family, they may be more. That was not the case, though, and as a 30 year old, losing her mom, I did not feel that my dad's marriage automatically meant I now had to be part of a new family. I was fine with what I had, and more, fine with the fact that my dad had a wife with kids and if he wanted to be a 'dad' to them, well, all the power to him, but that did not mean that I, at 32, needed to assume big sister role to his new wife's children. Nor did I want to. I don't think that makes me a bad person, it simply means that I had a childhood family, I was an adult, and though I would certainly consider his wife and kids familial, I did not all of a sudden gain a new family. Here's the problem...he, in his quest to be a good man (and he is) and to prove that loving his wife means loving everything about her (a quality that also endeared him greatly to my mom) basically told my siblings and me this: "This is your step-mother, these are your step-sisters, like it or not, we're family." Well, nothing creates an us vs. them mentality like that, let me tell you...well, actually, receiving the first Christmas card from "The Mullins Family"--a family I previously thought I was part of--sort of put a divided stance in there...though not intentional, I know.

So...after several conversations that in truth, I wish I was never a part of, the bottom line boiled down to me as this: My dad married my mom and I was part of the package. He loved her, so he learned to (and I know still does) love me. Same thing now for his wife and her daughters. He loves her, so he loves them...which, in his mind, puts the step-daughters he met a couple years ago and ME, the daughter he RAISED, on equal footing. Neither share his blood, came to him as a package deal, but he loves us and we are his daughters.

Now, this is the point where in my mind (and out loud sometimes) I scream, "ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?" "YOU RAISED ME. You put bandaids on my cuts and taught me to ride a bike and swim and took me to the spelling bee and rubbed my legs when they hurt (though you lied about them being growing pains because I SO did not grow!) and WALKED ME DOWN THE FREAKING AISLE!!!!!) HOW ON EARTH CAN YOUR NEW WIFE'S DAUGHTERS BE PUT ON THE SAME PLATFORM AS ME? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME MORE--PERIOD."

Please don't think me unfair in my yelling at my dad (because of course, I can't) but understand that this cuts through my heart like a knife. What makes me special to him? If new 'daughters' (GROWN, remember) come along and have the same place in his heart, well...


I share all this because earlier today we had a conversation in which he expressed his disappointment that I didn't send a graduation gift/card/acknowledgement to one of his 'step-daughters' earlier in the year and it hurt both him and his wife. For that, I am sorry, but in truth, this 'step-sister' is an adult, does not send ME cards or emails or express any interest in me (which is fine with me because again, I am an ADULT and have siblings and am content with and feel that just as she is my dad's wife's daughter, I am her mom's husband's daughter and that still just makes us familial, not necessarily family) and I don't really feel that terrible. So, his comparison? And I quote...
"Lori, and this is purely hypothetical, you are adopting a daughter, right?" (Why he needs to distinguish that I am adopting escapes me, basically, I am just preparing to have a baby, but whatever...)
"Yes."
"Well, what if something like that happened and I didn't send a card or acknowledge?"
"I'd cut you out of my (and her) life so fast your head would spin because there would be NO REASON to do that to your GRANDCHILD and BLOOD OR NO BLOOD, that is what she is."
"This step-daughter, on the other hand, is someone that until 3 years ago I didn't know existed and forgive me if I don't feel quite the same attachment."

And that was that.

Again, let me reiterate that my dad is a wonderful man and was a wonderful father and I lacked for nothing. But, I'm putting it out there now.

I will NEVER let Emma feel that she is anything but meant to be my child from the second she was conceived REGARDLESS of her blood, or how she came to me. If ANYONE I know feels the need to differentiate her in ANY way because she is adopted, they will NEVER see her, nor me again. It will be as if they never existed. And anyone who knows me knows that when I mean business, I MEAN business.

Of course she will know she is adopted, but she will know that mainly because I need to let her know that she was MEANT to be with me, and if it meant that I had to adopt her to get her, well, that's what happened. And anyone who has issues with any of that can...well...nice knowing you.

Forgive the bitterness. My goal in life will be that Emma never feels this pain. Ever.

How warm will they be this winter?

Friends, I am heartbroken.

John Wright's site had a guest post. David and Jane said that the Kyrgyz government was going to cut electricity down to 8 hours a day this winter. They want everyone to convert to coal. PROBLEM: Coal is expensive. And getting more expensive by the day. PROBLEM: Those who don't (or can't) convert to coal suffer. Simple. John said that the orphanage in Tokmok will probably get everyone together at night so they stay warmer. How much that hurts my heart! What if my little Emma is there this winter? What if she is born (or is already?) and has to spend her time waiting until mommy and daddy are allowed to bring her home in the freezing cold, huddled, hoping that her caretakers (themselves probably just as cold) can figure a way out to keep them all warm enough to SURVIVE, much less be comfortable?

I can't write anymore. Please pray for the hearts of the government officials making those decisions to realize what they are doing.

Gustavitis

Okay, I realize that I in no way, shape or form have any justification to being annoyed by Hurricane Gustav, in light of the horrible things that storm is bringing to so many along the Gulf Coast, but....I am a little on the annoyed side. Of course that could be because I am SOOOOO tired, so I am going to claim that as my defense of the following. I'll call it Gustavitis.

I am annoyed that AirTran cancelled all flights out of Pensacola for today, leaving me with the option of getting out late last night on the "We're sorry, we won't be flying tomorrow, maybe this will help you out a bit?" flight, laying over in Atlanta and getting home today OR leaving on Tuesday. I got home earlier today, so you know what option I chose. I'll just let you imagine how much fun it was and how tired I am.

I am REALLY annoyed that people who TOTALLY know the rules for carry-on luggage, yet feel that the rule doesn't apply to THEM and that their 'little' bit extra doesn't make a difference. IT DOES! When we have to spend 18 hours trying to shove carry-ons that OBVIOUSLY won't fit in the overhead luggage (and then 18 more hours checking in the stuff that didn't fit--go figure) I really am perturbed at our (and I include me in this, so don't freak out) ideas as a culture that we are entitled to things simply because we ARE and rules be darned...

I am annoyed that I feel so tied to my job that I couldn't enjoy the extra day that Airtran originally tried to throw at me since they cancelled flights today and I missed more time with some of the most important people in my life. Why can't I follow my own mantra that I try to tell everyone I live by--"I work to live, not live to work." It's almost like God said,"Hey, Lori, hang out another day! You LOVE these people and they are good for your soul. I'll take care of the arrangements for you," and my response was, "Thanks, God, but since you are probably too busy to write the sub lesson plans, I'm going to have to take a raincheck on this one." How ungrateful I can be.

I am annoyed (but secretly love) that my husband thinks that I am like Kate on Jon and Kate Plus 8 just because I am particular and like order, clean clothes and things to work the way they should. As I always say, for a man who TOTALLY runs on a his own hidden agenda and gets a kick out of being "the rational one" when that is a TOTAL act, he doesn't have much room to talk. Ask John about his analgous theory of how marriages are like cars...then tell me that I don't have to do something to give my life some structure and assurance!

I am annoyed that though I love not checking email or blogs for a few days, I TOTALLY feel computer withdrawal. I do NOT want to live my life in front of a computer, yet I just checked email/blogs/groups and realize how much I missed in just 2 days. Ugghh...

BUT...I'm NOT annoyed at:

FIVE families got some much needed news and movement in their cases to bring their babies home.

I had a WONDERFUL time in Pensacola...I didn't remember how much I loved and missed it until I was there...much less how much I love and miss our gang. How blessed we are with friends we know couldn't be more family if we shared the same blood.

Prison Break starts tonight. I know that if Wentworth Miller met me, he might fall in love. Of course, John says the same for him and Jessica Alba, and who am I to shatter that dream? I think odds are more in my favor since she just had a baby and seems pretty attached.

Finding the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer. I have already devoured the first book and will start the 2nd after Prison Break (boy, my life stinks, doesn't it...)

And mostly, I am so NOT annoyed at how, despite all my Gustavitis rants, I am so blessed. I have a great husband, great house, great kids I get to work with every day, great dogs, great friends, great family members and a FABULOUSLY put together dossier (if I say so myself) that's being translated and will bring my little Emma home.

So, I guess Gustav inspired annoyances really have purpose.

Ducky Dots and Fingerprints

Well, I can't believe it, but John and I actually agreed on a nursery set. There are TOO many to choose from. Period. And I am the type of gal that will continue to look (and torture myself) for a better/cuter deal even though I have already bought something and can't do anything about it. So, I had decided that I was going to just find something and decide. And look no more. Last night, while perusing the TOO many sets out there, I came to a site that had lots of little thumbnails. Unbeknownst to me, John was paying attention to what I clicked on and sort of gave me opinions--a grunt here, a raised eyebrow there. When I finally just asked him what he liked, I got the expected response--"How about fish? Or aquarium stuff?" After reminding him we were having a GIRL (I knew he was uninvolved in lots of the paperwork, but still... :) he told me he didn't really like the paisley, the flowers, the taffeta...you know, all the stuff I LOVE! So...knowing I was going to pick what I wanted ANYWAY, I clicked on a couple more. When one came up, all of a sudden he says, "I like that one." WHAT???? DONE! Because what preceded, "I like that," was me saying (mostly to myself) "Oh, isn't that sweet?" and the two of us coming close to liking the same things? Well, call the president! (Or not, as he has a few other issues to attend to these days) So...here's what Emma's room will look like:


John will put chair rail under the border, and crown moulding and wainscoting as well. We (again, the royal 'we') decided to get a convertible crib in white anyway, so it works out perfectly! SOOOOOO loving Ducky Dots!

As far as fingerprints....I heard this song on the way to work this morning and thought of all the babies out there waiting for their mommies. I also thought of all the mommies waiting for their babies...and was reminded that God has been with Emma (and so many others) from her start...and when I finally get to see her, I will be honored and blessed to see the fingerprints of God...
I can see the fingerprints of God
When I look at you
I can see the fingerprints of God
And I know it's true
You're a masterpiece
That all creation quietly applauds
And you're covered with the fingerprints of God

Never has there been and never again
Will there be another you
Fashioned by God's hand
And perfectly planned
To be just who you are
And what He's been creating
Since the first beat of your heart
Is a living breathing priceless work of art and...

Just look at you
You're a wonder in the making
Oh, and God's not through, no
In fact, He's just getting started...

The Latest and Greatest...

From our caseworker on Friday:

Your dossier was received this week by Adoption ARK.

WOOHOO!

8/22 a copy of your dossier was sent to the translator. This process will take between 2-3 weeks.


Once your dossier has been translated I will process the translations and have them legalized.

Then I will organize them with the original documents and copies for submission to the Embassy.

This process can take 1-2 weeks.


Then I will send the dossier to Carol Fredericks in Washington DC . She will take your dossier to the US State Department for authentication.

I assume this is someone with a courier service...

Depending on how many documents she has that day – it can take between 3-5 business days to complete that process.

When she gets your documents back she will make the necessary copies of the authentications and attach them to the copies of your dossier.

God love her because making the copies was a big, fat PAIN!

Then Carol will take your dossier to the Kyrgyz Embassy and submit it.

The Embassy has not indicated how long they will take to process dossiers. In the past it has been between 1 week and a 1 month. If your dossier is not released after 1 month we will personally call the Embassy and inquire as to its status.

Here's hoping the Kyrgyz community candle vigil last night makes a difference! I was in!

I cannot tell you (okay, probably anyone interested in reading this totally knows!) how wonderful it feels to have that dossier OUT OF MY HANDS! I have an appointment with my new doctor tomorrow to introduce myself and my needs, as well as have a physical. Hopefully, this will help with the new medical certification I know I will need, as mine expires November 12. So, it just seems that I will now just be on updating document watch, which is a lot easier than the whole shabang! Unless you are John, and then it's all a breeze. (Ha ha, just kidding! Sorta.)

I had to go camping this weekend because I felt I owed him since I get to go to Pensacola on Friday for a long weekend with dear friends. It would be wonderful if we could go together, but my ticket is already an arm and a leg (or a nursery bedding set) so we feel pretty guilty about spending. The girls try to get together at least once a year, and this year, it was Pensacola! Maybe next year we'll have to think about a weekend that's NOT a holiday, though prices didn't seem to change much for other weekends either, so... Anyway--I am not a camper. I don't like it. I'm allergic to every flipping thing out there. I HATE porta-potties. I get such little sleep as it is, I hate a planned bad night of sleep (and really, how can sleeping in the woods in a tent be anything but?) I'm all about doing a wilderness-y thing during the day, but I don't see why a nice little trip to the local hotel (and shower, bed, food, tv, air conditioning, etc.) at the end of the day can't be part of the plan. In any event, John and I have been married for over 11 years, and this was the first time we camped, so...I guess I'm not doing too bad since I married Paul Bunyan, and he lives for that! When Emma comes, we'll camp. We'll just camp a little bit more girly. Like in an RV. Or in the living room. Coffee table tents, anyone?

Lifesong

Wow...as tired as I am, knowing that my dossier is on the way to CA and will be there by 10:30 tomorrow (Monica, I know you are laughing at the probable lack of necessity for that to be the case :) has put me in a great mood. It has even given me extra energy, because I must say, working like I have for the recent back-to-school and subsequent first-day-of-school (today)extravaganzas, I am tired. The dossier took so much time last night...matching certifications, collating, verifying, falling off desks (the bruises are AWFUL!) writing big checks and watching John stand clueless in it all...I didn't get to bed until very late and got up very early, but I was fine today! I seem to have (so far) a lovely class and as my motto for this school year is, "I like everyone, and everyone likes me, so this is going to be a SUPER fabulous year!" I have no worries about the next 179 days of school. Yes, we start counting to the last day on the first day...teacher sanity saver!

Yesterday, as I was driving to school, I was listening to a song on XM's The Message. I am a lover of pretty much ALL music, and my program buttons are very varied and full! The song was called LifeSong, and I loved the message--to let my life be something pleasing to God and an example to others. Church usually gives me messages that speak directly to me and very much so lately in the last few weeks. Hearing that song yesterday was a nice way to reinforce my desire to show not only how I have been blessed, but how thankful I am for all the blessings. Keep reminding me of this desire, as my propensity for ranting is quite strong and I need to continually keep myself in check!

I *met* another blogger friend who is putting together a cookbook as a fundraiser for their adoption. I love this idea and am submitting recipes. She is looking for more, as well as a little story/blurb to go with it and if you are interested, she'd love for you to click here! I know that there are things like this that have been done, and contributed to, but I can't see how there are ever enough fabulous recipes and people to go with them! In any event, Emma will be a little part of her book and I'd love to see others I've *met* be so as well. Jengish told me that a dish there is sheep's eye balls, and was described as the second grossest thing in the world, according to the Travel Channel. I TOTALLY want him to submit that recipe!!

Speaking of Jengish, he said I could post his story about a man he saw. It really touched my heart, and I really found his analogous observation as so insightful for a young man. I'll end with it, but talk about someone's lifesong being a glory to God...Jengish is walking the walk in his efforts to help and love all of God's children. From Jengish:
One time I was riding in a bus, and this gnarly looking man walked in.
He didn't look clean. His hat was made by someone that seemed like didn't really know how to make hats, and he was wearing a dirty tank top that bared his gross hairy shoulders. And oh by the way, he was huge. He was one of those guys you never want to mess with. He looked like a criminal that could ring somebody's neck and go drink a cup of tea afterwards.

But then I saw he had a cutest little girl sitting in his huge arm.
She was resting her head on his shoulders, and she didn't really care that his shoulders were gross and hairy. For her it was her daddy's shoulders. And she knew that even if the whole world was falling apart her daddy would protect her. And when you looked at her dad you could tell that he will easily give his life for her.

All of a sudden from looking like a criminal, he changed and now he looked like a... Father.

Our Father is the same way, He died for us and He loves us so much that it's hard to imagine.

I didn't have my camera with me and I still regret that I didn't take it with me. But I still do remember that guy and his daughter. A pure love. Amazing.

Amazing indeed.

I know you are out there, Emma!

DOSSIER DONE! DOSSIER DONE! DOSSIER DONE!

Yes, I know what I said about caps...these are caps of happiness!!

The marriage certificates were here when I got home and let me tell you, what a PAIN IN THE BUTT (caps of aggravation) to put all the copies together, after stapling all the little certifications on top of the notarizations and then putting the authentications on top of that! For my added fun and amusement, two different people certified the notarized copies, so I got to play "guess the certifier" when matching up the documents and the copy of the certification for our FOUR copies. That's Maryland for ya, though--gotta see what we can milk -- oh, wait, how about a step after the notary to say the notary is valid and before the authentication which will tell us the certification is valid? That'll be $36 bucks, please...and $110. And about $115 in copies. And don't forget the fun of falling off the desk!! (Okay, not Maryland's fault--purely mine--no, JOHN'S--because he has not finished the other bookshelf in our office and the printer is on top of the desk and not on a shelf. This poses big problems for me as the desk is a good foot taller than I am, so I have to climb in the rolling chair (YES, I KNOW that's not smart...) to climb on the desk to climb on the shelf that has the printer...that's easy. Getting down, not so much. I digress. And, no, nothing is broken, but thanks for caring...(that means you, John!)

Anyway, I am now exhausted but so happy to be sending that darned thing off! Even better, and more significant to me, when I woke up this morning (at 4:50 am, thank you very much) I was trying to rouse myself out of bed...and as I looked out the window, I got a feeling that I have not yet had--I felt like she was cooking somewhere! Up until this morning, I truthfully didn't think she was much more than a sparkle in someone's eye, but this morning, goosebumps and all, I just felt it. She is in somebody's tummy, growing and forming and I can't wait. So, Emma (still not decided on Emma Jane or Emma Grace something, but for sure Emma) know that mommy has finished the first big hurdle...it wasn't fun, I won't lie, but I don't mind. It is what I has to do to get you here, so...done!

Notes to self:

1) DO NOT PREDICT TIMEFRAMES

2) DO NOT PLAN ON SENDING SOMETHING ON A CERTAIN DATE

3) SPEND THE 4 HOURS TO DRIVE YOURSELF OVER TO VIRGINIA AND GET YOUR CERTIFICATES AUTHENTICATED

4) STOP TYPING IN CAPS--PEOPLE MIGHT GET THE WRONG IDEA THAT YOU ARE SOME ANGRY, OUTRAGEOUS RAVER

5) Stop pretending you are not an angry, outrageous raver


Seriously...I am not angry, more emphatic. Every time I seem to set a time frame, it DOES NOT HAPPEN. Sooooo...if I make no more time frames, I will not be disappointed! I checked today--Virginia got my certificates on Monday. The Fed EX return package still must sit in Virginia, as it is not on the track site yet. In essence, when I called them two Thursdays ago and they told me that they were authenticating things that were received 2-3 days prior, I figured that since I had to have a few things done this last week here in Maryland, nothing would be ready until Wednesday/Thursday anyway, and by then, I should have the marriage certs. The sweet little girl in the authentication office said that sounded about right, and if she were me, she'd just send them overnight. Thanks for the tip. If authentication in Virginia is anything like it is in Maryland, it would have taken me four hours and 30 seconds to do--with four hours of that being drive time! I find it hard to believe that my beloved home state could be slower than Maryland, but then again...though Maryland is not necessarily a pro-adoptive state, it sure does get paperwork and fingerprints processed FAST! (Remember, I give credit where credit is due)

I am now not predicting, just hoping and praying that they will head out on Monday and I will get them on Tuesday and by Wednesday (which also happens to be the first day students come back) my dossier will be on its way to sunny CA...ah, the disappointments of a control freak! Don't think I don't realize that it is MY fault I feel disappointment--if I just waited for things to happen as they happen, I wouldn't be disappointed when they didn't happen when I want them to happen.

I will wait. Patiently. In the mean time, I have found www.blurb.com and can't wait to turn the blog into a book for the end of the year (thanks, Maria!) I have also decided to start something--whether it is another blog or not, I am not sure, but in any event and in whatever media, I will be writing letters to Emma every day. Starting tomorrow, as John is upstairs throwing shoes at the floor (his subtle way of telling me it is time to go to sleep!) I think of all the things I wish I knew about my mom--things you just don't even realize you want to know until she's gone and you can't ask--and want to make sure Emma knows them all. I would also like to let her know how very dearly she is loved, thought of and missed--all before she is probably even conceived. For the most part, though, I figured if I did daily letters to her, it would help ease the wait time--because it might be like I'm not waiting for her since I am actually talking to her--in a manner of speaking. Or typing. Whatever...

6) Be thankful I have brilliant ideas to keep me busy, ha ha

7) Be thankful God created me to be so darned humble

8) Be thankful God likes a sense of humor (for real--how else can I justify the rational behind the gas pump drive off? He obviously needed a good laugh that day!)

9) Be thankful that at the end of all this...your sweet little baby girl will be home, with her mommy, daddy and puppies

10) Be okay with ending your notes to self at number nine, and don't force number 10 just so you have a nice, well-rounded number with which to end. It is just superfluous.

Come on, Virginia!

Okay--let me just say that I am so excited to be about to send this dossier in right now, I could burst! Yesterday was a GREAT day! I had all my dossier documents certified and copied and headed toward Bethany to see our social worker and pick up the home study with the proper cover page and attachments. She is SO great, it was wonderful to see her and I was psyched! (I just passed right on by the WaWa gas station where my little mishap the last time I picked up the home study happened--no eye contact this morning!) After I picked it all up, I copied the home study docs, had them certified and headed a few doors down to the secretary of state. Let me just say now that yesterday was a GORGEOUS day and Annapolis is a VERY cute little city. Life was good! I went in, got all my lovelies authenticated and walked out a very happy woman! Lo and behold, what should be there but a sweet little baby shop. It was a sign. Emma needed something to mark this day. This shop had the cutest little everythings and I was just in love. The woman was very kind, very interested in hearing about the process and helped me pick out the perfect "authentication day" present: a sweet, soft little "lovie" to take to Emma and leave with her while we wait for her. I named her Dixie the Dalmatian, because even though our Dixie is obviously a Golden Retriever, little Emma will have her own little Dixie there in Kyrgyz and one here waiting for her!






After a lovely day in Annapolis, I stopped to buy some things for my classroom (today is my last day of freedom!) and then headed home. I got home very much later than I anticipated, as we were having some dear friends of ours over for dinner. We used to live next door to them in New River, and they are now up here and I am over the moon about it! I showed Rachel the house and then the baby things and realized that I have some of the cutest little things for her and I can't wait for her to use them. I know not knowing her size, season (heck even if she has been conceived yet!) makes the clothes issue sketchy, but I just had to post a couple of my favorites--and the best part? These are hand-me-downs! YEP! I have been very blessed by the great friends (with SUPER taste) who have given me their little girls' hand me downs/ unuseds and I am very thankful! I love the smocking in this one:



I ABSOLUTELY love this little Gymboree outfit--It's the onesie, the cute little pants, the sweater and the hat and they all look as if they have never been worn!




This little girl is going to need some heavy duty Paparazzi to catch all her stylin!

Speaking of photos...Jengish

is a fabulous photographer and I really am touched and told a story by the pictures he takes. He mentioned that he was saving up for a camera lens, but that they were very expensive. I emailed him and asked him what kind of camera he had and then realized that he may have a camera that I actually have a fairly decent lens for! I told him to research it, and see if it worked, and if it did, it was his! He said it would! The thing about this lens is that we have had a great camera and pretty nice lens for about 10 years now...but for about 7 or 8, we have had that camera and lens sitting in our closet because we joined the age of digital and it didn't fit. How awesome did I feel being able to say that not only do I have a lens that may work, but I have felt pretty guilty about having it and never using it (the depths to which my life is blessed never ceases to amaze me)and could give it to a most deserving young man with stories to tell? So...the point is, please check out his website and his pictures. Look at the faces of these people. See what he says about them. He told me a story about someone he saw on a bus, and it was such a beautiful story and analogy of God's love, I just cried when I read it. I asked for permission to post it and if he okays it, I will. I know my heart is indelibly attached to Kyrgyzstan, so I am very honored to be able to help his ministry and give some Christian encouragement. If you would like to as well, he could certainly use it.

Okay..enough of my soap box. I have to go get some blood work for my physical next week (with the NEW doctor, as it is pretty obvious that I will be redoing my medical certificates in September, thought I'd get the jump start!) and then on to school. Tomorrow is our first official day back. I have made up my mind. This is going to be a great year. Period.

Oh...and the title of the post? All I'm waiting on to fed ex the dossier is our marriage certificates from Virginia. Seeing as it is my good old home state, I have no doubt they will expedite for little old me. Ha ha!

Staples, I love you, but....

Okay, I am getting pretty tired of Staples. Cool as they are and all...Friday I couldn't get to the clerk of court to certify anything but figured I'd copy everything. Glad I did, although, I realized AFTER I had copied 6 copies of everything that a couple of John's med things were wrong. In fact, I think I wrote about that. So, anyway, he got the last two things we needed fixed this morning and I picked them up, went to the doctor (my allergist, who God love him, said he'd fill out any medical certificate I needed as I was paying his mortgage and it was the least he could do...he's a riot!), got retested for my allergies--which I was NOT expecting, but well overdue, and then had to get blood work done for my allergist because he's looking into my immunodeficiency issues. THAT took forever, but I finally headed to our county seat to get everything certified. On the way, my nurse, or at least the poor gal stuck with me because my official doctor is some random chick just assigned to me because my other doctor left, called me and told me she could get me in to see the new doc for my well-woman and to talk to her about the adoption in two weeks. Which is WAY better than a month. So, small progress there, I guess, but as I said, my allergist is pretty much my main man and hero, so the new doctor may just have the pleasure of referrals and annuals, lucky girl! I digress...

So, I get ALL the documents certified, which totally throws off my 'packages' as my agency puts it, because they have to put their certification over every notarized stamp and some of the packages have those notary stamps in weird places. PLUS, they don't staple any of it. If I want a package stapled, I staple it, but they still put the certification ONLY over the notary stamp. Which is hilarious because that is NOT how they did it in Anne Arundel county--THEY had to staple anything I needed together as a package. Ah, Maryland. Anyway, I wait for a while, dish my moolah out, and zoom to my new boyfriend--copier number 3 at Staples. I copy all the certifications and then realize that two things were NOT certified and one was stapled to the wrong thing. UGH. So I drive BACK--racing against time now as the clerk of court is about to close. Thankfully, I got there in the nick of time, and all is well (I hope) and I am off tomorrow to pick up the home study and then to authenticate EVERYTHING...as soon as the marriage certs come (should be Thursday/Friday at the latest) then look out, Adoption Ark, because HERE IT COMES! I'm so ready to be done with this...My favorite part of the afternoon? Realizing I had to drive ALL THE WAY back to Leonardtown and HOPE I could get there in time, calling John to tell him, and having him tell me (after he didn't even hear a word I had said) "Lori, I'll call you back. I'm dealing with my own issues right now."

OH! Because bringing his child to this country is N O T one of his issues?

Because doing the work that seems like it has been another full-time job just so HE can build her a freaking rocking horse and look like flipping Santa Claus to her while I probably handle the giardia that I just know she is (poor baby) bound to have doesn't warrant the ISSUE scale for him?

Oh, that boy of mine. Sure is a good thing he is cute.

For the record, he did call back and apologize for that comment. Whether it was out of true remorse, or the fear and realization that he was going to TOTALLY hear it when he got home, I know not. In any event, as a result, I told him her name was Emma and that's that. Last night, or the night before, can't remember, we came up with names he likes: Hannah, Sofia, Caroline, Abigail. Nice names. But like I said, I've just been thinking she's Emma. He has been pretty adamant about not preferring Emma Jane. Well, guess what that little comment cemented in the baby book? Yep! Emma Jane she is.

Or will be.

Why do I jinx myself? (Be warned...this is long, but important!)

Ha ha...I looked at the last post--Progress! I'm telling you (and you, and you and and you also) that it seems like I take a step forward and then move back three. I was *supposed* to go to our county clerk today and certify all the documents I now have so that on Monday I could pick up the homestudy and authenticate everything...sending the dossier off that afternoon. Well...as I am putting together all the papers, I realize that I am missing a cover sheet to go with our Immigration approval....and John's notary is out of the office. Sooo...can't do that until Monday--which puts me out of pickup on Monday am. That's ok..when I went to Staples to copy everything (AGAIN, mind you!) turns out that the date for John's medical is the 7th of Aug, but some things were notarized for the 6th--which is obviously inaccurate. Have to do those over on Monday as well. Pickup for the home study and authentication will now be Tuesday. Marriage cert authenticated should be here by Friday at the latest, and my *cross fingers* new target to get this flipping dossier OUT OF MY HOUSE is Friday. Of course, our Happy Friday message says we now don't need a couple of things, which saves money, but UGGHHHH...I just copied all that cr*p and it's getting authenticated (hopefully as we speak in good old Virginia!) and I seem to flush money down the drain like it is going out of style. (John, if you read this, NO COMMENTING, do you hear me?)

On the money note, I want to bring up something that may be of interest--if for no other reason but to be humanitarian. John Wright wrote about this young man on one of his blogposts. His name is Jengish, and he is Kyrgyz. He was called to do God's work, and has travelled as a missionary, though he is now home in Bishkek and serving as a minister to the homeless in Kyrgyzstan. I don't know about any of you (okay, I do!) but I know that every time I read John's blog, or saw the wondrous pictures of the things his family did in Kyrgyzstan, I certainly teared up and was touched by the love and generosity shown to people by complete strangers. John was looking for people to support Jengish as he is in Bishkek, working with the homeless, while also helping his family and I knew that God called me to help this young man. The whole adoption path has been very interesting, to say the least, in how we even ended up in Kyrgyzstan (a country I previously was not aware of, and, like many others of us in our blessed American lives, could probably only connect with Kazakhstan, one of the "stan brothers" or "one of those former Soviet countries") looking for our baby girl, but as I have always been a believer in the existence of a plan far bigger than me, I know Kyrgyzstan didn't just come to us by chance. While I have every hope and prayer that we were led to this country because this is where our daughter will be born, I also know that sometimes the things we believe the most don't ever end up being that way, and there was another reason we just don't see because we are so fixated on "our" plan. Don't get me wrong or misread--I do NOT think we were led to Kyrgyzstan NOT for our daughter but to help this country's homeless, but I do think in the process of forging our family, opportunities to help do God's work even when we are worlds away present themselves, and I am honored to be able to be called to participate. I was touched so much by the work the Wright family did, and could easily justify donating to help their cause as not only Biblical, but supporting the country our daughter was to be born in. Helping Jengish on a regular basis now falls in both of those categories, as well as continuing to honor the country that is helping me become a mommy. So...getting to the point...if any one reading this is interested in helping this young man, I know he would surely appreciate it and use the money wisely. Realizing that we are going to be eating mac and cheese for a while as we pay for this adoption, I know that the money I spend at Starbucks, Chic-Fil-A and yes, even my beloved CD Cafe will be used not only for the glory of God, but for the country my baby girl will be born in. It's the least I can do...these are words that Jengish sent to me earlier today and they were stirring. If you can and want to support his ministry, I will certainly let you know how...okay, enough rambling...here are his words:

Yes, of course there are cases when you do everything nothing happens but still it's worth a try. It's a human life, and by pulling the person off the streets you are actually saving someone's life.

There are people I have taken to the rehab center and man, they have changed so much. There is no better reward than to hear an ex alcoholic, and an ex addict and ex homeless person to pray and thank God... Thank God for giving them a second chance and giving them a new life. That's just something absolutely beautiful. I can keep doing this even if it's hard sometimes, just to be able to see the transformation in people's lives.

A person that has no home, no hope changes into a person that has this huge joy and is filled with God's presence and love. You can see it in their eyes first of all. Even before they gain some wait, even before their health gets back to normal, you can see it. The change that happens inside. You can see it in their eyes. It's amazing what God can do in a very short time.

So yea, on my part I commit to love the homeless and do everything I can to help them to get out of this miserable life. And I commit to preach the Gospel and tell them how much God wants them and loves them.

Progress!

Banner day on the paperwork front! Today my FedEx friends delivered our FBI clearance and my UPS friends delivered our marriage licenses! The wait now remains with an updated homestudy package, John's medical clearance, certification and authentication and COPIES--I'd normally say very doable in my goal time frame of this time next week but as that typically seems to jinx me, I'll refrain. I did see a blurb on the yahoo group that said their agency told them a year wait once the paperwork was in. Here's hoping that is agency specific...and this time next year little girl will be here. Again, I'll refrain from time framing, though, as it just gets me in trouble. In the meantime, I'll just continue to trudge along and watch others bring their babies home. There are a couple of families that just got back, I think and the pictures they have posted are PRECIOUS! I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait until I am in pictures like that with our sweetheart.